The helicopter parents won - a look back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why high schools spend so much money on sports played by less than few percent of students. Wouldn't it be better to use that money for free math tutoring and better guidance counselors?

One has nothing to do with the other and most kids who are good at sports and arts do it in and out of school. You aren’t getting better guidance counselors. Bringing back the tutoring would be great but there are lots of tutoring programs and teachers available at lunch for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever happened to just letting kids be kids. All of these high level classes and activities, the sheer amount of activities really. When do kids just have time to have fun anymore, for free time or to in person, organically play/hang out with friends? People are saying kids are missing out by not being pushed harder, but they're really missing out by being pushed so hard.

If you're pushing you're failing your kid. Just show your kid the opportunities, but don't push them. They'll walk through the door if they want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted once about my friend who was pushing her daughters to play travel when her kids didn’t even want to go to rec. The parents themselves are not very athletic but wanted their kids to be athletes. Kids got cut from travel teams in elementary. You can push all you want but if your kid doesn’t like it or want to do it, s/he will not excel.

But it takes both. If the super talented kid doesn't have a ride to the tournament or practice, he's not going to get far.

This is true. I posted above that my kid likes basketball. It isn’t like in the movies where some kid just plays street ball and becomes some NBA player. Maybe this can happen somewhere with some 7 ft talented basketball kid who somehow manages to train himself.

From what I see, the talented players often have a parent or parents who were athletes themselves. They may have been high school, college or pro but the parents were some type of athlete. These kids start early. They may do some switching of sports but they all play sports from young ages. By the time they are 10-12, they are already on competitive teams whether it is basketball, soccer, tennis, baseball or lacrosse. The days of just walking on a team in high school are gone.

To use Simone Biles as an example (because my daughter is into gymnastics) her family was deep in debt before the Olympics, behind on their gym fees. A lot of families can't or won't take a second mortgage to let their kids fulfill their fantasies. It's not just raw talent. It's very much pay to play.

Absolutely. I just posted above that my kid plays tennis. He is athletic but we have spent thousands and thousands of dollars on tennis. I know tennis is an expensive sport.

My friend has a daughter who is really good at gymnastics. I know they have to travel often for tournaments. Even without the training and gym costs, just the time and money to travel to these meets and tournaments will cost you thousands. You need parents with the time, money and dedication to do this.

I recently saw that tiger woods’ parents had to take a second mortgage to support his golf playing. It sure paid off.

It’s about priorities. We live in a lesser house and don’t travel to afford all the activities.

But can you say your kid is living up to their full potential?

It depends on your priorities. For one thing, yes, for another, sports we do it for exercise not competition so it’s worth it for the life long health benefits. I doubt they’d do it in college. Not everything is to be a superstar or professional later on but just because they enjoy it. Better that than video games. I am pushing mine not to focus on any of it later in college but they love their instrument so they may minor or dual major. I get joy out of seeing my kids get joy in doing what they love.

Ok, but just say you don't really care about outcomes. But if you care about outcomes, OP is right. These kids don't just fall into it. They have the drive, resources, and parents pushing them. You can just take a back seat on all of this if you want and nobody would stop you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is giving me anxiety, my kids are in elementary. So are you saying that we should invest in math tutors?

Unless you can do it yourself YES

DH and I both majored in STEM and are very strong in math. My kids always did well in math in elementary. We never did math tutoring for them. When my oldest took Algebra in 7th grade, he struggled. He had a B and just couldn’t get an A. He lacked math foundation despite always getting good grades in math. Granted he just came out of covid. We got him a math tutor and he pulled his grade up to an A.

Now my second kid is in 7th grade and also getting Bs in Algebra. I think there was a learning gap between elementary and algebra. We got him a math tutor and now he is getting A pluses on his tests.

We have a third child in elementary. She is also doing well in math. We are considering putting her in some sort of math problem so she gets strong math fundamentals.

I thinj there is a problem with how math is taught in elementary. I went to a school meeting recently and my 7 year old does most math on the computer. I asked the teacher about paper and she said they do small group math centers. My friend has a 9 year old daughter who was also getting good grades in math. Recently she had a bad assessment and upon doing some more digging, my friend was really upset to learn that her daughter does not have basic math fundamentals. They play math games at school. Parents don’t see paper quizzes. Our school has a no homework policy. It is a real problem.

My kid started 7th grade at age 11 so there was no way I would let him take algebra. His math teacher said that her own kids will take algebra in eighth grade because of brain development and the way they understand abstract concepts (less important for algebra but for the higher courses). My son is getting an a in pre-algebra honors and that's just fine by us. He of course plays three instruments and does a travel sport

We are in FCPS and it seems the normal track for an AAP student is algebra in 7th grade. You need high grades, advanced pass on SOL and a high score on the IAAT (96th percentile I think). I didn’t push my kids to be in algebra. That was what the teacher recommended and what the vast majority of their AAP peers were doing. These same kids are the ones who load up on AP classes in high school.

AP classes these days aren't even difficult. Much of the content has been dumbed down, and the College Board has also added many "easy" APs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ve been accused of being a “laid back snow plow parent” and “checking out on my kids” the trolling on this site is ponderous.

My post is part lament and part warning. I thought that we were active parents with well adjusted kids that were doing pretty well. Particularly in early elementary school I thought the parents pushing their kids into ever higher math groups and scheming to get their 2nd graders into the most competitive travel team were slightly unhinged. But now looking at the results I think I was wrong.

The facts are these.

1. Up through middle school I had good and happy kids they did well in schools and standardized tests and participated in rec sports every season. We sat with them while they did thier homework, went to thier games met with their teachers and even coached a few of their teams.


2. In high school- They did well academically and took a few APs. But they were not among the most advanced kids. My eldest never made the highschool baseball team and my youngest seeing his brother ‘s struggles switched to lacrosse. Both participated in varsity sports (cross country, track and lacrosse for our youngest)

3. Both were accepted to good but not elite colleges. Whereas many of the kids we started with are going to elite school and/or recruited athletes.

4. I’m not unhappy with their experience or results but In retrospect I think if we had pushed more in elementary school we would’ve gotten better results. I think they would have certainly played highschool baseball if we had taken it more seriously.

As I wrote before - when they were smaller we didn’t want hectic nights and weekends so we didn’t prioritize travel sports. The kids were happy and doing well in school so we thought there was no need to push them into more advanced classes.

I understand that we are very fortunate that our kids are happy healthy and going to good schools but looking back we missed opportunities. Would pushing have substantially changed the outcome- I don’t know. But the cost for that pushing would not have been that much more than we were already doing.

This is nuts. Why do you think if you pushed baseball they'd have made the high school baseball team? Did they actually have enough talent to make the team? Did they have the desire to go to baseball practices regularly? If not, I doubt they would have made the team no matter how hard you pushed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ve been accused of being a “laid back snow plow parent” and “checking out on my kids” the trolling on this site is ponderous.

My post is part lament and part warning. I thought that we were active parents with well adjusted kids that were doing pretty well. Particularly in early elementary school I thought the parents pushing their kids into ever higher math groups and scheming to get their 2nd graders into the most competitive travel team were slightly unhinged. But now looking at the results I think I was wrong.

The facts are these.

1. Up through middle school I had good and happy kids they did well in schools and standardized tests and participated in rec sports every season. We sat with them while they did thier homework, went to thier games met with their teachers and even coached a few of their teams.


2. In high school- They did well academically and took a few APs. But they were not among the most advanced kids. My eldest never made the highschool baseball team and my youngest seeing his brother ‘s struggles switched to lacrosse. Both participated in varsity sports (cross country, track and lacrosse for our youngest)

3. Both were accepted to good but not elite colleges. Whereas many of the kids we started with are going to elite school and/or recruited athletes.

4. I’m not unhappy with their experience or results but In retrospect I think if we had pushed more in elementary school we would’ve gotten better results. I think they would have certainly played highschool baseball if we had taken it more seriously.

As I wrote before - when they were smaller we didn’t want hectic nights and weekends so we didn’t prioritize travel sports. The kids were happy and doing well in school so we thought there was no need to push them into more advanced classes.

I understand that we are very fortunate that our kids are happy healthy and going to good schools but looking back we missed opportunities. Would pushing have substantially changed the outcome- I don’t know. But the cost for that pushing would not have been that much more than we were already doing.

This is nuts. Why do you think if you pushed baseball they'd have made the high school baseball team? Did they actually have enough talent to make the team? Did they have the desire to go to baseball practices regularly? If not, I doubt they would have made the team no matter how hard you pushed.

How many people leave all the decisions to their kids? Don't want the vaccines? Eat vegetables? Go to bed on time? Kids don't really know what's best and by the time they wake up they will be too far behind to catch up. Even the greats will say there were times they wanted to quit, not practice, sleep in, but the ones who persevere credit their parents for their sacrifices and believing in them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ve been accused of being a “laid back snow plow parent” and “checking out on my kids” the trolling on this site is ponderous.

My post is part lament and part warning. I thought that we were active parents with well adjusted kids that were doing pretty well. Particularly in early elementary school I thought the parents pushing their kids into ever higher math groups and scheming to get their 2nd graders into the most competitive travel team were slightly unhinged. But now looking at the results I think I was wrong.

The facts are these.

1. Up through middle school I had good and happy kids they did well in schools and standardized tests and participated in rec sports every season. We sat with them while they did thier homework, went to thier games met with their teachers and even coached a few of their teams.


2. In high school- They did well academically and took a few APs. But they were not among the most advanced kids. My eldest never made the highschool baseball team and my youngest seeing his brother ‘s struggles switched to lacrosse. Both participated in varsity sports (cross country, track and lacrosse for our youngest)

3. Both were accepted to good but not elite colleges. Whereas many of the kids we started with are going to elite school and/or recruited athletes.

4. I’m not unhappy with their experience or results but In retrospect I think if we had pushed more in elementary school we would’ve gotten better results. I think they would have certainly played highschool baseball if we had taken it more seriously.

As I wrote before - when they were smaller we didn’t want hectic nights and weekends so we didn’t prioritize travel sports. The kids were happy and doing well in school so we thought there was no need to push them into more advanced classes.

I understand that we are very fortunate that our kids are happy healthy and going to good schools but looking back we missed opportunities. Would pushing have substantially changed the outcome- I don’t know. But the cost for that pushing would not have been that much more than we were already doing.

This is nuts. Why do you think if you pushed baseball they'd have made the high school baseball team? Did they actually have enough talent to make the team? Did they have the desire to go to baseball practices regularly? If not, I doubt they would have made the team no matter how hard you pushed.

How many people leave all the decisions to their kids? Don't want the vaccines? Eat vegetables? Go to bed on time? Kids don't really know what's best and by the time they wake up they will be too far behind to catch up. Even the greats will say there were times they wanted to quit, not practice, sleep in, but the ones who persevere credit their parents for their sacrifices and believing in them.

We're not talking about a need though. Kids don't need to participate in sports or extracurriculars. This is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable experience. It's up to them whether they participate or not

[Anonymous]

How do they win if I wasn't playing the game?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ve been accused of being a “laid back snow plow parent” and “checking out on my kids” the trolling on this site is ponderous.

My post is part lament and part warning. I thought that we were active parents with well adjusted kids that were doing pretty well. Particularly in early elementary school I thought the parents pushing their kids into ever higher math groups and scheming to get their 2nd graders into the most competitive travel team were slightly unhinged. But now looking at the results I think I was wrong.

The facts are these.

1. Up through middle school I had good and happy kids they did well in schools and standardized tests and participated in rec sports every season. We sat with them while they did thier homework, went to thier games met with their teachers and even coached a few of their teams.


2. In high school- They did well academically and took a few APs. But they were not among the most advanced kids. My eldest never made the highschool baseball team and my youngest seeing his brother ‘s struggles switched to lacrosse. Both participated in varsity sports (cross country, track and lacrosse for our youngest)

3. Both were accepted to good but not elite colleges. Whereas many of the kids we started with are going to elite school and/or recruited athletes.

4. I’m not unhappy with their experience or results but In retrospect I think if we had pushed more in elementary school we would’ve gotten better results. I think they would have certainly played highschool baseball if we had taken it more seriously.

As I wrote before - when they were smaller we didn’t want hectic nights and weekends so we didn’t prioritize travel sports. The kids were happy and doing well in school so we thought there was no need to push them into more advanced classes.

I understand that we are very fortunate that our kids are happy healthy and going to good schools but looking back we missed opportunities. Would pushing have substantially changed the outcome- I don’t know. But the cost for that pushing would not have been that much more than we were already doing.

This is nuts. Why do you think if you pushed baseball they'd have made the high school baseball team? Did they actually have enough talent to make the team? Did they have the desire to go to baseball practices regularly? If not, I doubt they would have made the team no matter how hard you pushed.

How many people leave all the decisions to their kids? Don't want the vaccines? Eat vegetables? Go to bed on time? Kids don't really know what's best and by the time they wake up they will be too far behind to catch up. Even the greats will say there were times they wanted to quit, not practice, sleep in, but the ones who persevere credit their parents for their sacrifices and believing in them.

We're not talking about a need though. Kids don't need to participate in sports or extracurriculars. This is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable experience. It's up to them whether they participate or not

That's one parenting philosophy. There are others. But the world needs ditch diggers, so you're welcome to parent in the way that works for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ve been accused of being a “laid back snow plow parent” and “checking out on my kids” the trolling on this site is ponderous.

My post is part lament and part warning. I thought that we were active parents with well adjusted kids that were doing pretty well. Particularly in early elementary school I thought the parents pushing their kids into ever higher math groups and scheming to get their 2nd graders into the most competitive travel team were slightly unhinged. But now looking at the results I think I was wrong.

The facts are these.

1. Up through middle school I had good and happy kids they did well in schools and standardized tests and participated in rec sports every season. We sat with them while they did thier homework, went to thier games met with their teachers and even coached a few of their teams.


2. In high school- They did well academically and took a few APs. But they were not among the most advanced kids. My eldest never made the highschool baseball team and my youngest seeing his brother ‘s struggles switched to lacrosse. Both participated in varsity sports (cross country, track and lacrosse for our youngest)

3. Both were accepted to good but not elite colleges. Whereas many of the kids we started with are going to elite school and/or recruited athletes.

4. I’m not unhappy with their experience or results but In retrospect I think if we had pushed more in elementary school we would’ve gotten better results. I think they would have certainly played highschool baseball if we had taken it more seriously.

As I wrote before - when they were smaller we didn’t want hectic nights and weekends so we didn’t prioritize travel sports. The kids were happy and doing well in school so we thought there was no need to push them into more advanced classes.

I understand that we are very fortunate that our kids are happy healthy and going to good schools but looking back we missed opportunities. Would pushing have substantially changed the outcome- I don’t know. But the cost for that pushing would not have been that much more than we were already doing.

This is nuts. Why do you think if you pushed baseball they'd have made the high school baseball team? Did they actually have enough talent to make the team? Did they have the desire to go to baseball practices regularly? If not, I doubt they would have made the team no matter how hard you pushed.

How many people leave all the decisions to their kids? Don't want the vaccines? Eat vegetables? Go to bed on time? Kids don't really know what's best and by the time they wake up they will be too far behind to catch up. Even the greats will say there were times they wanted to quit, not practice, sleep in, but the ones who persevere credit their parents for their sacrifices and believing in them.

We're not talking about a need though. Kids don't need to participate in sports or extracurriculars. This is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable experience. It's up to them whether they participate or not

That's one parenting philosophy. There are others. But the world needs ditch diggers, so you're welcome to parent in the way that works for you.

I really hate the negativity on the kids who don't do all of these activities, it's pretty ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I made my kid take piano lessons starting at age six. She has some natural ability/talent, but has never had a lot of interest, and as the years went by pushback grew (I bribed her with tv time in exchange for practice time ). I told her she had to keep taking lessons until she started high school/9th grade. My thinking was I wanted her to have the tools/foundation so that if she wanted to play in a band or whatever in high school, she could (my brother was in a band in high school and had an absolute blast - I was so envious!). She is in 9th grade now, and took the fall semester off from the piano - but recently (in January) requested to/restarted lessons - she decided she wants to play in one of the school bands next year - my long game paid off - wowee! Same with travel soccer - her interest has waxed and waned - but we made her stick with it (reassessing every year) - she made the high school varsity team in 9th grade and played a ton and had an absolute blast. I guess I offer these examples in support of OP's post/topic, though I also agree with what some of the PPs have said - the kid has to have some talent/internal motivation to go along with the parental support/push (as a parent you can't make it happen if the kid doesn't have at least a modicum of interest and ability).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ve been accused of being a “laid back snow plow parent” and “checking out on my kids” the trolling on this site is ponderous.

My post is part lament and part warning. I thought that we were active parents with well adjusted kids that were doing pretty well. Particularly in early elementary school I thought the parents pushing their kids into ever higher math groups and scheming to get their 2nd graders into the most competitive travel team were slightly unhinged. But now looking at the results I think I was wrong.

The facts are these.

1. Up through middle school I had good and happy kids they did well in schools and standardized tests and participated in rec sports every season. We sat with them while they did thier homework, went to thier games met with their teachers and even coached a few of their teams.


2. In high school- They did well academically and took a few APs. But they were not among the most advanced kids. My eldest never made the highschool baseball team and my youngest seeing his brother ‘s struggles switched to lacrosse. Both participated in varsity sports (cross country, track and lacrosse for our youngest)

3. Both were accepted to good but not elite colleges. Whereas many of the kids we started with are going to elite school and/or recruited athletes.

4. I’m not unhappy with their experience or results but In retrospect I think if we had pushed more in elementary school we would’ve gotten better results. I think they would have certainly played highschool baseball if we had taken it more seriously.

As I wrote before - when they were smaller we didn’t want hectic nights and weekends so we didn’t prioritize travel sports. The kids were happy and doing well in school so we thought there was no need to push them into more advanced classes.

I understand that we are very fortunate that our kids are happy healthy and going to good schools but looking back we missed opportunities. Would pushing have substantially changed the outcome- I don’t know. But the cost for that pushing would not have been that much more than we were already doing.

This is nuts. Why do you think if you pushed baseball they'd have made the high school baseball team? Did they actually have enough talent to make the team? Did they have the desire to go to baseball practices regularly? If not, I doubt they would have made the team no matter how hard you pushed.

How many people leave all the decisions to their kids? Don't want the vaccines? Eat vegetables? Go to bed on time? Kids don't really know what's best and by the time they wake up they will be too far behind to catch up. Even the greats will say there were times they wanted to quit, not practice, sleep in, but the ones who persevere credit their parents for their sacrifices and believing in them.

We're not talking about a need though. Kids don't need to participate in sports or extracurriculars. This is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable experience. It's up to them whether they participate or not

That's one parenting philosophy. There are others. But the world needs ditch diggers, so you're welcome to parent in the way that works for you.

I really hate the negativity on the kids who don't do all of these activities, it's pretty ridiculous.

They don’t have to, but why hate on people who go all out? I know people who hold their kids back because family dinner every night is top priority. Sometimes the kids want more but their parents refuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ve been accused of being a “laid back snow plow parent” and “checking out on my kids” the trolling on this site is ponderous.

My post is part lament and part warning. I thought that we were active parents with well adjusted kids that were doing pretty well. Particularly in early elementary school I thought the parents pushing their kids into ever higher math groups and scheming to get their 2nd graders into the most competitive travel team were slightly unhinged. But now looking at the results I think I was wrong.

The facts are these.

1. Up through middle school I had good and happy kids they did well in schools and standardized tests and participated in rec sports every season. We sat with them while they did thier homework, went to thier games met with their teachers and even coached a few of their teams.


2. In high school- They did well academically and took a few APs. But they were not among the most advanced kids. My eldest never made the highschool baseball team and my youngest seeing his brother ‘s struggles switched to lacrosse. Both participated in varsity sports (cross country, track and lacrosse for our youngest)

3. Both were accepted to good but not elite colleges. Whereas many of the kids we started with are going to elite school and/or recruited athletes.

4. I’m not unhappy with their experience or results but In retrospect I think if we had pushed more in elementary school we would’ve gotten better results. I think they would have certainly played highschool baseball if we had taken it more seriously.

As I wrote before - when they were smaller we didn’t want hectic nights and weekends so we didn’t prioritize travel sports. The kids were happy and doing well in school so we thought there was no need to push them into more advanced classes.

I understand that we are very fortunate that our kids are happy healthy and going to good schools but looking back we missed opportunities. Would pushing have substantially changed the outcome- I don’t know. But the cost for that pushing would not have been that much more than we were already doing.

This is nuts. Why do you think if you pushed baseball they'd have made the high school baseball team? Did they actually have enough talent to make the team? Did they have the desire to go to baseball practices regularly? If not, I doubt they would have made the team no matter how hard you pushed.

How many people leave all the decisions to their kids? Don't want the vaccines? Eat vegetables? Go to bed on time? Kids don't really know what's best and by the time they wake up they will be too far behind to catch up. Even the greats will say there were times they wanted to quit, not practice, sleep in, but the ones who persevere credit their parents for their sacrifices and believing in them.

We're not talking about a need though. Kids don't need to participate in sports or extracurriculars. This is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable experience. It's up to them whether they participate or not

That's one parenting philosophy. There are others. But the world needs ditch diggers, so you're welcome to parent in the way that works for you.

I really hate the negativity on the kids who don't do all of these activities, it's pretty ridiculous.

They don’t have to, but why hate on people who go all out? I know people who hold their kids back because family dinner every night is top priority. Sometimes the kids want more but their parents refuse.

I never said hold them back, just not force them. I'd let my kids do activities if they want to, and I'd take their activity preferences into consideration, but i wouldn't let them literally choose anything that they want. Things like finances and time are a bigger consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ve been accused of being a “laid back snow plow parent” and “checking out on my kids” the trolling on this site is ponderous.

My post is part lament and part warning. I thought that we were active parents with well adjusted kids that were doing pretty well. Particularly in early elementary school I thought the parents pushing their kids into ever higher math groups and scheming to get their 2nd graders into the most competitive travel team were slightly unhinged. But now looking at the results I think I was wrong.

The facts are these.

1. Up through middle school I had good and happy kids they did well in schools and standardized tests and participated in rec sports every season. We sat with them while they did thier homework, went to thier games met with their teachers and even coached a few of their teams.


2. In high school- They did well academically and took a few APs. But they were not among the most advanced kids. My eldest never made the highschool baseball team and my youngest seeing his brother ‘s struggles switched to lacrosse. Both participated in varsity sports (cross country, track and lacrosse for our youngest)

3. Both were accepted to good but not elite colleges. Whereas many of the kids we started with are going to elite school and/or recruited athletes.

4. I’m not unhappy with their experience or results but In retrospect I think if we had pushed more in elementary school we would’ve gotten better results. I think they would have certainly played highschool baseball if we had taken it more seriously.

As I wrote before - when they were smaller we didn’t want hectic nights and weekends so we didn’t prioritize travel sports. The kids were happy and doing well in school so we thought there was no need to push them into more advanced classes.

I understand that we are very fortunate that our kids are happy healthy and going to good schools but looking back we missed opportunities. Would pushing have substantially changed the outcome- I don’t know. But the cost for that pushing would not have been that much more than we were already doing.

They could have shined in the varsity sport. Why only baseball?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sending my youngest to college next year. He got into a good school early addmission and all of my kids did well. But as I look back on this parenting experience it occurs to me that the kids with the fanaticaly involved parents did the best - academically and athletically.

When the kids were in early elementary school, I remember shaking my head as my fellow parents talked about advanced math tutoring for their kindergartener or plotting to get their second grader on the most competitive travel team. At the time it seemed so silly to chart out the life of a kid who still needed naps. However, looking at those kids now - those are the kids who are going on to play sports at top colleges.

My takeaway is that even if you are a committed free range parent - your kid is in a competitive environment competing for scarce opportunities to go to top schools and play for competitive school teams.

I’m not unhappy about how my kids turned out or their experience in high School. But I don’t think I realized the the decision not to push advanced math in grade school meant a diminished opportunity to go to Tech or UMD. I definitely didn’t realize that only doing town baseball (and not travel) meant that they wouldn’t make the highschool team.

It not like my kids were slouches. They played on at least one rec team every season. Swim team in the summer and got good grades and scores on standardized tests.

But I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve pushed harder our results would’ve been much better.

Yes to the bold. If any of this matters to parents, and the children have the capacity and capability (the latter are super important, critical), there needs to be a plan. If the children do not have the capacity and capability, they no amount of pushing would advance them. They key I think is knowing your kid and understanding their potential, and then lining up the opportunities accordingly.

Yes x1000

Know your kid. By middle school, their wants, desires and strengths start to surface more clearly. Run with what they show strength and interest in.