You walk into an OB office and sit next to a couple crying...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:It's not enough that they get attention by crying in the waiting room, but they need all the additional attention by posting this on DCUM.
Your public cry for attention didn't work, and now you are mad.

What happened to you sucks, but demanding all this public sympathy isn't goi f to change your situation.

I was crying for the baby I very much wanted and was dead in my belly. My husband was crying. He's not an emotional person. This isn't some kind of cry for attention, I was in actual pain.

Tempted to start a drinking game where we drink every time OP uses the words "baby" and "dead" in the same sentence. The desperate need for attention is ridiculous.

-- someone who has lost multiple pregnancies and never threw those words around for attention

but do you have a miitary husband?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Did you literally show up at the doctors office crying hysterically after you miscarried? That is crazy. 70 percent of pregnancies miscarry. Sorry it didn’t work out the first time for you. Was a bummer each time for me too. But I didn’t go around making public disturbances.

I've been miscarrying for 3 years and in no way is miscarrying in the second trimester something normal, but thanks for your assumptions. Regardless of my losses, I would treat anyone with a miscarriage with compassion, but I'm not a monster.

Then you presumably understood the risks. Why were you so unprepared?

They assured me IVF wouod solve everything. It didn't. So I was also crying about my doctor betraying me and the 30K I lost.

Your doctor didn't betray you??

Life lesson: be kind and sensitive to others, particularly those going through a hard time. She's grieving. Give her some space

Give her some space? Given this attention-seeking thread that is the last thing this me-me-me-me OP wants.

[Anonymous]

I for sure had no idea what the people around me were doing when I was devastated after a miscarriage. She probably either assumed you were too upset and lost in your grief to notice what she was knitting or didn't think you would know what exactly she was making. Most people don't look around at other people in waiting rooms.

Also, OP, it's hard to feel bad for someone who was bawling at the doctor's office and so triggered by baby clothes one minute, but the next minute is non-stop defensively posting on a website very much known for its lack of empathy.

[Anonymous]

Op, when this is me and it has been me, I try to pull myself together and not rain on other’s parades. Pregnant women have enough going on. I get it, I still hate seeing pregnant women and babies and families of 3+ kids at any age but I can only play the cards I’m dealt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you literally show up at the doctors office crying hysterically after you miscarried? That is crazy. 70 percent of pregnancies miscarry. Sorry it didn’t work out the first time for you. Was a bummer each time for me too. But I didn’t go around making public disturbances.

I've been miscarrying for 3 years and in no way is miscarrying in the second trimester something normal, but thanks for your assumptions. Regardless of my losses, I would treat anyone with a miscarriage with compassion, but I'm not a monster.

Then you presumably understood the risks. Why were you so unprepared?

They assured me IVF wouod solve everything. It didn't. So I was also crying about my doctor betraying me and the 30K I lost.

You're probably a troll, but if not, this was for the best.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm really sorry for your loss. What you are going through is so unfair, and I really wish you healing and peace.

That said, I also don't think they did anything wrong, and if anything were trying to distract themselves from their nerves for their own appointment. I always get anxiety before my OB appointments and need to bring something to distract myself so this honestly could have been me - except crochet or embroidery instead of knitting.

Even if this were the case, there were plenty of other seats. If the person starts crying harder, how about moving somewhere else? Literally we were the only 3 people in the office. And this person sat right next to us.

Jesus. Serious main character syndrome right here. Wherever they were on the waiting room, I’m sure you could see them. What does it matter where they sit?

This waiting room has 2 areas, so no, if they were in the other area I would not be able to see them knit if they needed to knit for whatever reason.

Is the office in Bethesda by any chance?

[Anonymous]

Oh man sad thread. Sorry, OP. But it might make you feel better to know I can see myself doing this not out of any malicious intent but just awkwardness. I would be worried that if I moved seats or stopped knitting you’d feel like you were making me uncomfortable and needed to hide your grief. I can see how this woman was just trying to stay put, act natural, and give you privacy to try to give you space and show you she accepts your behavior. I can see you didn’t see it that way, but I hope this alternate perspective helps you feel less upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...and decide to whip out a knitting set and knit baby clothing in front of them.

Are people really this daft? Do they think people crying at an OB office are just there so they can watch you knit something for a baby they no longer have?

So? How are they supposed to know why you're crying? What next, a pregnant woman should not sit next to you?

[Anonymous]

OP I’m sorry this happened to you.

I didn’t have an OB appointment recently so I’m confident it wasn’t me, but I always knit in the waiting room. My OB recommended it to me because I have very high risk pregnancies and like many patients I get anxious before exams.

If I had noticed you crying I would have been doing my best to ignore you so as not to trigger *my own* anxiety. Not because I was insensitive to your pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

This, OP. I worked in the waiting room during my three pregnancies and one miscarriage and post mc (I had multiple follow ups). I actually don’t remember what anyone else was doing during any visits because I was pretty focused on either my work or how I was feeling in the case of the mc.

I’m really, really sorry. It’s devastating to lose a baby. I don’t think this person was trying to hurt you. The only weird thing to me is sitting right next to you. I would next sit right next to a crying couple unless there were no other seats available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a couple crying in an OB's office doesn't care whether or not someone else in the waiting room is knitting.

I did, yes, and started crying harder because it was triggering.

I’m sorry for your loss OP.

But the knitting wasn’t about you nor does whether or not someone else is expecting a baby have any impact on whether or not you are still pregnant or able to get pregnant. This took me a long time to internalize myself.
In fact, when I finally did accept that, I was able to stop viewing every other sign of expectant celebration of life as an affront to my infertility. And then I started to appreciate that these people around me are only trying to joyfully embrace the exact thing that I was desiring for myself. Begrudging them the opportunity to express that joy and anticipation and celebration—even in small ways like knitting baby booties—was not going to make my pain of loss lessen or make my hurt at the elusiveness of motherhood any less acute.

Sometimes it helps to have somewhere to put your anger in those moments…and for you, it was knitting-lady.
But accepting that her situation has nothing to do with yours will really help in your healing. I promise you this.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry for your loss.

As others have said, everyone is in their own zone in the waiting room, and none of us know what the others have gone or are going through, so as long as that person was keeping to herselfshe wasn’t doing anything insensitive. For all you know, the person was knitting because of stress from prior miscarriages (been there) or because they don’t have a partner to go through the experience with or because they have cancer and are trying to be “in” the moment of their pregnancy (been there) or 50 other explanations.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

Why assume anyone crying in the OB office is crying because of a dead baby or infertility?

Going on with their knitting is the least nosy thing they could do.

What else is there to cry about at an OB office with a partner there? Cancer? Either way, it's not good news if someone is crying in a medical office.

I'm really surprised the OB's office is so insensitive as to leave a couple crying in their waiting room. Usually they will get you in a private area asap.

Yeah, Im not understanding why they were sent back to the waiting room when they weren't done. This is the office's fault for double and triple booking patients and turning their office into a conveyor belt of appointments.

Came in for a test and confirmation they say hcg is present then send you out to wait for a sonogram tech or something like that and I don’t go for first trimester miscarriages anymore a lot i of f wasted money when they generally self resolve

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of anger at the situation and also jealousy. All of it is very understandable, but this person was not trying to hurt you and could not have known what was going on. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was DEVESTATED, my husband, a military officer was crying. We lost our baby. It was dead in my body.

OMG would you please stop saying "dead baby" and "dead in my body"? You are incredibly self involved and literally using a dead child to get sympathy on the internet.

Clearly it wouldn't even occur to you that your language and posts could be triggering for others even as you are going on and on about how awful it was for you to get triggered. You need to go get some sympathy from an appropriate place, not here.

DP: Stop scolding this poor women for expressing her grief in a perfectly natural way. No one need participate in a thread and you already know what this one is about.

OP I have no idea why people are being so hard on you today. Usually this is a more supportive area.

+1. It’s appropriate to say “dead baby” and “dead in my body” because it’s the truth. No need to sugarcoat it.

+1 "Dead baby" and "dead in my body" are accurate and therefore normal to write.

To some people, the term "passed away" is far more offensive than "dead."

[Anonymous]

Are you sure they were making baby clothes? I knit for myself - and only sometimes make baby blankets - but none of you who don’t knit would likely know what I was making just by looking.

And I also knit in doctors offices, waiting rooms, airplanes, the car when DH drives…it helps me pass the time.