Millennials feel 'abandoned' by parents not available to help raise grandkids: 'Too busy'

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think it’s clear that the whole notion that families should move to different edges of the country and fend for themselves doesn’t work. This isn’t really evident until you have kids . . . I moved from DC to a smaller town where people tend to have local family (and where I have family). It’s better to have grandma than a babysitter, but it’s also nice to be close enough to help when grandma has medical issues. No amount of hiring/outsourcing can replace the ease/comfort of family.

Totally agree with you. Where I grew up wasn't really a small town but the educational opportunities were either gigantic monolith state schools where years in you most likely wouldn't get into the major of your choice or school so small no one even in state has ever heard of them. I also didn't get into the one really good school somewhat nearby.

I agree that the real issue isn't Boomer grandparents but the lack of support in general for families with two working parents. As a Gen X, many things have changed since I was a kid, including more families with two working parents, workloads that are inconsistent and intrude into what should be non-working hours, longer commutes, and inconsistent school calendars with many random days off and hours that don't align with work hours, etc. The typical DCUM response to parents who complain about how difficult it is to manage their jobs and parenting responsibilities is to say, "You should not have had kids you can't afford," as if anyone who lacks the ability to employ a household staff should be childfree. In truth, outsourcing household and childcare responsibilities presents an additional burden. There has to be a better way because the expectation that each family can make it without outside help is unrealistic.

The fact that you think millennials invented dual income families, jobs with long hours and after hour responsibilities, long commutes, and school calendars/hours that don't align with office hours is why people make fun of millennials. I don't know where you grew up, but, my boomer parents in a UMC community in a major metro area dealt with all of this, without any family support. Most of my friend's parents were the same. I don't think boomers are perfect, but, this idea that they had everything easy and now it is so much harder is simply not true. I'm genx born in 1973. I have so much more flexibility than either of my parents did (for most of their career).

I'm the PP, and I'm a Gen X older than you are. My experience was very different from yours, perhaps because I grew up in a very middle-class community where most mothers stayed home or worked part-time, had extended family nearby, and most people had jobs close by where they lived.

So who took care of you when you were young?

Daycare or a babysitter (depended on age). Then we were latch key kids. I let myself in starting in 3rd grade.

Me too!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I live in a multi-gen household and I have inbuilt childcare. DH and I, also pay for a part-time nanny so that my ILs do not get tired or are tied down. The fact that my ILs keep an eye on the nanny and other domestic staff (cleaners, part-time cook, yard maintenance) means that I can continue with having a life, my career, time with my kids and vacations.

My suggestion would be to live in a multi-gen family and you will have help for childcare, eldercare, pet care, plant care, home maintenance, socialization and running of the household and life.

I am sure that is completely unacceptable to the self-centered American millennials.

Lady you are talking about domestic staff. Kindly STFU. You have oodles of funds to have a multi-gen household function for all parties.

Ooodles of funds happen because of "Pooled Resources", you brain-dead crybaby! And that not only saves everyone money, but we are able to have a good standard of living for a fraction of cost.

My ILs and us are jointly maintaining only one household. They are the alloparents for my kids. We can easily put money towards outsourcing so that all of us can live a better and comfortable lifestyle because of this lifestyle choice.
Let me share a secret with you, this is how generational wealth is created.

You guys are unhappy and poor and will remain so! You expect your boomer parents to help you? It will never happen in a million years because all of you have normalized the dysfunction of your own family life and culture. You are not even open to copy what works for others because self-centeredness is in your fiber. Further, you all lack the EQ and intelligence to make a multi-gen family a viable solution for you. Heck, how many of you will have even your marriage survive in the next 10 years?

Your living situation is ideal. We have some three generation households in our family and financially you pretty much cut your household expenses in half.

A lot of very bitter posters here so I don’t think it would work out for them. My neighborhood has a lot of first generation immigrant Asian families. Usually it’s the grandmother, parents and children. The grandmother provides household care and childcare. The parents work and the children go to school. The parents are able to focus on their careers knowing their children are taken care of. To me that’s ideal.

I am in a loving, functional family and yet still this would not be the ideal for me at all. I like the dynamic of seeing the grandparents on my own time table and being fully responsible for my own kids. Yes, it’s expensive, but with family help comes family obligations and demands - not all of which I would agree with.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m a boomer and my husband and I both worked full time and never had any parent support except right after giving birth. We didn’t live near either set of parents, though one set was an hour away, and we didn’t expect them to play an active role in raising our kids. My grandparents didn’t play an active role in raising us. Feeling abandoned by parents not being available is such a cop out in terms of owning your life. You got married, had kids and now you need to own it.

We are owning it because grandparents are of zero help.

Good lord. You are supposed to "own" it regardless. What the F is wrong with you?!?!

[Anonymous]

What? I think the people who expect their parents to raise grandchildren are sad. Raise your own children and let the grandparents participate as they want to. You made the kids, they're your responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

Are you for real? You shouldn't have had kids then.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

That’s really bizarre. You made choices to have children and keep a demanding job. And you’re annoyed at retired parents who spent 30 or 40 years working jobs, taking care of children and are now taking vacations?

+1. The sense of entitlement is beyond me.

From our perspective, it is the grandparents who are entitled and making demands of us.

What demands are they making of you?

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To have grandkids, to see the grandkids on holidays, to host them at our house, to FaceTime with them, to send them pictures and give them updates. But they can’t lift a finger. We just don’t have the time for that anymore. It just creates more work for us.

You should never had kids. You are unfit for the job.

Not at all. We just see the priorities of our grandparents clearly.

They have done their job to raise kids (i.e., you and your siblings). Now, STFU and do YOUR job and raise your own damn kids! You sound terribly entitled.

[Anonymous]

My boomer parents live a plane ride away, but they will keep the kids for a week in the summer or a long weekend if DH and I want to do a no kid vacation, with the understanding that it's grandparents' house, grandparents rules (which means way more screen time and junk food than they are allowed at home).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And barely Gen Exer Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, I don’t remember very many kids with grandparents helping out. I remember latch key kids instead. It certainly wasn’t the norm in either of my parent’s extended families.

I'm a Gen Xer as well. I visited with one set of grandparents who lived about 90 minutes away for weekends sometimes and they would come to our house and the other set I saw sporadically, but I don't know any of my friends' grandparents from growing up and I don't think any of them lived in the area.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

That’s really bizarre. You made choices to have children and keep a demanding job. And you’re annoyed at retired parents who spent 30 or 40 years working jobs, taking care of children and are now taking vacations?

+1. The sense of entitlement is beyond me.

From our perspective, it is the grandparents who are entitled and making demands of us.

What demands are they making of you?

.

To have grandkids, to see the grandkids on holidays, to host them at our house, to FaceTime with them, to send them pictures and give them updates. But they can’t lift a finger. We just don’t have the time for that anymore. It just creates more work for us.

You should never had kids. You are unfit for the job.

Not at all. We just see the priorities of our grandparents clearly.

They have done their job to raise kids (i.e., you and your siblings). Now, STFU and do YOUR job and raise your own damn kids! You sound terribly entitled.

You sound like a caricature of a lazy boomer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

So you're annoyed that your parents raised their kids and are enjoying their lives??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

That’s really bizarre. You made choices to have children and keep a demanding job. And you’re annoyed at retired parents who spent 30 or 40 years working jobs, taking care of children and are now taking vacations?

+1. The sense of entitlement is beyond me.

From our perspective, it is the grandparents who are entitled and making demands of us.

What demands are they making of you?

.

To have grandkids, to see the grandkids on holidays, to host them at our house, to FaceTime with them, to send them pictures and give them updates. But they can’t lift a finger. We just don’t have the time for that anymore. It just creates more work for us.

You should never had kids. You are unfit for the job.

Not at all. We just see the priorities of our grandparents clearly.

They have done their job to raise kids (i.e., you and your siblings). Now, STFU and do YOUR job and raise your own damn kids! You sound terribly entitled.

But what if they had their own parents regularly watch you as a child? And now they say that they can't do the same for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

So you're annoyed that your parents raised their kids and are enjoying their lives??

They are free to not make us a priority and it will be reciprocated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

That’s really bizarre. You made choices to have children and keep a demanding job. And you’re annoyed at retired parents who spent 30 or 40 years working jobs, taking care of children and are now taking vacations?

+1. The sense of entitlement is beyond me.

From our perspective, it is the grandparents who are entitled and making demands of us.

What demands are they making of you?

.

To have grandkids, to see the grandkids on holidays, to host them at our house, to FaceTime with them, to send them pictures and give them updates. But they can’t lift a finger. We just don’t have the time for that anymore. It just creates more work for us.

You should never had kids. You are unfit for the job.

Not at all. We just see the priorities of our grandparents clearly.

They have done their job to raise kids (i.e., you and your siblings). Now, STFU and do YOUR job and raise your own damn kids! You sound terribly entitled.

But what if they had their own parents regularly watch you as a child? And now they say that they can't do the same for you?

Is that what you expect? Following that logic, if they cared for their parents until they passed, are you willing to do that? Somehow I doubt that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

So you're annoyed that your parents raised their kids and are enjoying their lives??

They are free to not make us a priority and it will be reciprocated.

Wow. You seem fun.

[Anonymous]

Boomers; Selfish people who raised selfish kids.