Millennials feel 'abandoned' by parents not available to help raise grandkids: 'Too busy'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

That’s really bizarre. You made choices to have children and keep a demanding job. And you’re annoyed at retired parents who spent 30 or 40 years working jobs, taking care of children and are now taking vacations?

+1. The sense of entitlement is beyond me.

From our perspective, it is the grandparents who are entitled and making demands of us.

What demands are they making of you?

.

To have grandkids, to see the grandkids on holidays, to host them at our house, to FaceTime with them, to send them pictures and give them updates. But they can’t lift a finger. We just don’t have the time for that anymore. It just creates more work for us.

You should not have children, not visit them during holidays or host them, not FaceTime with them, not send them pictures and updates - just to SPITE THEM. It will show them.

In fact, you should adopt around 4 rescue pitfalls instead of having kids. It will be lovely!! You are right. Get a vasectomy/tubal ligation and then don't have children. That will show them!!

We are not dramatic but we also just don’t have time for their nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL used her boomer parents as full time, free child care. She hasn't watched her grandkids even for 1 night.

You managed to bash both boomers AND in laws in a two sentences! Well done. It must be miserable being you.

[Anonymous]

My boomer parents are great for about half the year when they live nearby. They will babysit frequently, take my kids with them just to do errands, arrange sleepovers at their house along with many other things. They will take care of all four kids for one or two nights but not for longer than that and I get it since they are in their 70’s. I’ve always had a great relationship with my parents and I think that really positive relationship has played a big role in their involvement. If you have had a bad relationship with your parents why would you expect them to bend over for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You have to be a little flexible and not treat your parents like employees. I definitely see some millennials who would rather pay someone they can micromanage than let their parents have some leeway. My approach is to set out some basic safety standards (careers, sleeping on back, etc.). But otherwise let it go.

Touche.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do grandparents owe their children and grandchildren anything? Yes, it would be great if they could help out but some of your are downright entitled. You think your parents still owe you their time and effort? How messed up is that?

Why do we owe you Social security or medicare?

The average boomer never paid enough into those systems, which is why they're going broke.

That’s not how it works.

For decades Boomers vehementy opposed paying more taxes to shore up SS or medicare. Instead they always pushed for expanding yet abother benefit for themselves. So they're getting way more out of those systems than they ever paid in. Now Millennials are left holding the bag with all this national debt while Boomers basically have the gov pay for their viagra and pleasure cruises.

Yea. Boomers are sooo annoying. We millennials love paying more taxes.

Idiot.

[Anonymous]

I’m a boomer and my husband and I both worked full time and never had any parent support except right after giving birth. We didn’t live near either set of parents, though one set was an hour away, and we didn’t expect them to play an active role in raising our kids. My grandparents didn’t play an active role in raising us. Feeling abandoned by parents not being available is such a cop out in terms of owning your life. You got married, had kids and now you need to own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This just so does not resonate for me. All the boomer grandparents I know would loose to spend more time with their grandkids. My neighbor has offered. to watch her granddaughter as many days as possible but the mom thinks it’s better for the child to have consistency in childcare (which is fine). I know lots of millennials who want to limit the grandparents time or really control how/when etc. My sister who is a boomer flies to her kids houses all the time to help out if one parent is traveling or they want to take a kid free vacation.
I do wonder if people are making it really hard for their parents to care for the kids by putting a ton of restrictions on it. My grandmother watched me almost daily. Did she do it the way my mom would have wanted? Probably not. I are a LOT of pudding and she let me watch some questionable TV. But it was fine. You have to be a little flexible and not treat your parents like employees. I definitely see some millennials who would rather pay someone they can micromanage than let their parents have some leeway. My approach is to set out some basic safety standards (careers, sleeping on back, etc.). But otherwise let it go.

This!! Barely boomer here, 59. We work f-t still but do watch and spend time with our grandchildren often. We live close, enjoy them and want to create memories. Daughter is SAHM w/ a PHD, which is FINE but stop complaining about money. When we have the kids, there are so many rules. We can't have the news on, any programs we watch together have to be previously approved, they don't like them around some family members for stupid reasons, have to approve our friends who come by (it seems by comments made by the kids). The older ones read ingredients on everything we feed them. I do cook very healthy and mostly have adjusted but it IS A LOT and we get tattled on. We are made to feel like the children sometimes and it's ridiculous but it's still, "We need a break" and they get help. Let us be the grandparents. Let us keep them alive like we did you. UGH!!

Amen, sister. Amen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a multi-gen household and I have inbuilt childcare. DH and I, also pay for a part-time nanny so that my ILs do not get tired or are tied down. The fact that my ILs keep an eye on the nanny and other domestic staff (cleaners, part-time cook, yard maintenance) means that I can continue with having a life, my career, time with my kids and vacations.

My suggestion would be to live in a multi-gen family and you will have help for childcare, eldercare, pet care, plant care, home maintenance, socialization and running of the household and life.

I am sure that is completely unacceptable to the self-centered American millennials.

Lady you are talking about domestic staff. Kindly STFU. You have oodles of funds to have a multi-gen household function for all parties.

Ooodles of funds happen because of "Pooled Resources", you brain-dead crybaby! And that not only saves everyone money, but we are able to have a good standard of living for a fraction of cost.

My ILs and us are jointly maintaining only one household. They are the alloparents for my kids. We can easily put money towards outsourcing so that all of us can live a better and comfortable lifestyle because of this lifestyle choice.
Let me share a secret with you, this is how generational wealth is created.

You guys are unhappy and poor and will remain so! You expect your boomer parents to help you? It will never happen in a million years because all of you have normalized the dysfunction of your own family life and culture. You are not even open to copy what works for others because self-centeredness is in your fiber. Further, you all lack the EQ and intelligence to make a multi-gen family a viable solution for you. Heck, how many of you will have even your marriage survive in the next 10 years?

My immigrant parents tell me that many of their friends who are in this situation are feeling abused by their kids and the amount of work they demanding the grandparents do to take care of the household while they are out working.

Wow! Then the non-immigrant boomer parents are extremely smart in not helping their children with anything, no?

I mean this whole thread is about how the Boomer parents are not engaging with their parasitic entitled children in the first place. I hope more future grandparents read this thread and cut off their waste of space kids. They should go on vacations and enjoy their lives. Their children are unable to take care of their own kids so there should be no expectation that they will look after them in their old age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a boomer and my husband and I both worked full time and never had any parent support except right after giving birth. We didn’t live near either set of parents, though one set was an hour away, and we didn’t expect them to play an active role in raising our kids. My grandparents didn’t play an active role in raising us. Feeling abandoned by parents not being available is such a cop out in terms of owning your life. You got married, had kids and now you need to own it.

We are owning it because grandparents are of zero help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This just so does not resonate for me. All the boomer grandparents I know would loose to spend more time with their grandkids. My neighbor has offered. to watch her granddaughter as many days as possible but the mom thinks it’s better for the child to have consistency in childcare (which is fine). I know lots of millennials who want to limit the grandparents time or really control how/when etc. My sister who is a boomer flies to her kids houses all the time to help out if one parent is traveling or they want to take a kid free vacation.
I do wonder if people are making it really hard for their parents to care for the kids by putting a ton of restrictions on it. My grandmother watched me almost daily. Did she do it the way my mom would have wanted? Probably not. I are a LOT of pudding and she let me watch some questionable TV. But it was fine. You have to be a little flexible and not treat your parents like employees. I definitely see some millennials who would rather pay someone they can micromanage than let their parents have some leeway. My approach is to set out some basic safety standards (careers, sleeping on back, etc.). But otherwise let it go.

This!! Barely boomer here, 59. We work f-t still but do watch and spend time with our grandchildren often. We live close, enjoy them and want to create memories. Daughter is SAHM w/ a PHD, which is FINE but stop complaining about money. When we have the kids, there are so many rules. We can't have the news on, any programs we watch together have to be previously approved, they don't like them around some family members for stupid reasons, have to approve our friends who come by (it seems by comments made by the kids). The older ones read ingredients on everything we feed them. I do cook very healthy and mostly have adjusted but it IS A LOT and we get tattled on. We are made to feel like the children sometimes and it's ridiculous but it's still, "We need a break" and they get help. Let us be the grandparents. Let us keep them alive like we did you. UGH!!

Wow. That’s one obnoxious woman probably raising obnoxious kids. I don’t know if I could do it. My mother came to my house and I left. She’s their grandmother not my employee. Did your daughter forget that you raised her and did a good job? It’s not harmful to have different rules for grandparents. It’s healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a multi-gen household and I have inbuilt childcare. DH and I, also pay for a part-time nanny so that my ILs do not get tired or are tied down. The fact that my ILs keep an eye on the nanny and other domestic staff (cleaners, part-time cook, yard maintenance) means that I can continue with having a life, my career, time with my kids and vacations.

My suggestion would be to live in a multi-gen family and you will have help for childcare, eldercare, pet care, plant care, home maintenance, socialization and running of the household and life.

I am sure that is completely unacceptable to the self-centered American millennials.

Lady you are talking about domestic staff. Kindly STFU. You have oodles of funds to have a multi-gen household function for all parties.

Ooodles of funds happen because of "Pooled Resources", you brain-dead crybaby! And that not only saves everyone money, but we are able to have a good standard of living for a fraction of cost.

My ILs and us are jointly maintaining only one household. They are the alloparents for my kids. We can easily put money towards outsourcing so that all of us can live a better and comfortable lifestyle because of this lifestyle choice.
Let me share a secret with you, this is how generational wealth is created.

You guys are unhappy and poor and will remain so! You expect your boomer parents to help you? It will never happen in a million years because all of you have normalized the dysfunction of your own family life and culture. You are not even open to copy what works for others because self-centeredness is in your fiber. Further, you all lack the EQ and intelligence to make a multi-gen family a viable solution for you. Heck, how many of you will have even your marriage survive in the next 10 years?

Your living situation is ideal. We have some three generation households in our family and financially you pretty much cut your household expenses in half.

A lot of very bitter posters here so I don’t think it would work out for them. My neighborhood has a lot of first generation immigrant Asian families. Usually it’s the grandmother, parents and children. The grandmother provides household care and childcare. The parents work and the children go to school. The parents are able to focus on their careers knowing their children are taken care of. To me that’s ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a multi-gen household and I have inbuilt childcare. DH and I, also pay for a part-time nanny so that my ILs do not get tired or are tied down. The fact that my ILs keep an eye on the nanny and other domestic staff (cleaners, part-time cook, yard maintenance) means that I can continue with having a life, my career, time with my kids and vacations.

My suggestion would be to live in a multi-gen family and you will have help for childcare, eldercare, pet care, plant care, home maintenance, socialization and running of the household and life.

I am sure that is completely unacceptable to the self-centered American millennials.

Lady you are talking about domestic staff. Kindly STFU. You have oodles of funds to have a multi-gen household function for all parties.

Ooodles of funds happen because of "Pooled Resources", you brain-dead crybaby! And that not only saves everyone money, but we are able to have a good standard of living for a fraction of cost.

My ILs and us are jointly maintaining only one household. They are the alloparents for my kids. We can easily put money towards outsourcing so that all of us can live a better and comfortable lifestyle because of this lifestyle choice.
Let me share a secret with you, this is how generational wealth is created.

You guys are unhappy and poor and will remain so! You expect your boomer parents to help you? It will never happen in a million years because all of you have normalized the dysfunction of your own family life and culture. You are not even open to copy what works for others because self-centeredness is in your fiber. Further, you all lack the EQ and intelligence to make a multi-gen family a viable solution for you. Heck, how many of you will have even your marriage survive in the next 10 years?

Your living situation is ideal. We have some three generation households in our family and financially you pretty much cut your household expenses in half.

A lot of very bitter posters here so I don’t think it would work out for them. My neighborhood has a lot of first generation immigrant Asian families. Usually it’s the grandmother, parents and children. The grandmother provides household care and childcare. The parents work and the children go to school. The parents are able to focus on their careers knowing their children are taken care of. To me that’s ideal.

These situations dont work when the "grandmother" role is a full-time employed person. Your ideal situation also wont work for your children and grandchildren unless "grandmother" doesnt work I will let you in on a little secret that I see happening in households where the mother/father is 2nd or 3rd generation- it no longer works because the women have JOBS. Both the older woman and younger woman.

You are also talking about families with only one child I presume? What about a family that has 4 children- 2 boys and 2 girls. Who gets the lucky free labor of the elderly? Who gets to share living expenses? Only one or do you pay for half of each household?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

That’s really bizarre. You made choices to have children and keep a demanding job. And you’re annoyed at retired parents who spent 30 or 40 years working jobs, taking care of children and are now taking vacations?

+1. The sense of entitlement is beyond me.

From our perspective, it is the grandparents who are entitled and making demands of us.

What demands are they making of you?

.

To have grandkids, to see the grandkids on holidays, to host them at our house, to FaceTime with them, to send them pictures and give them updates. But they can’t lift a finger. We just don’t have the time for that anymore. It just creates more work for us.

NP. Hmm. In my opinion, forming the grandparent-grandchild bond is for the child, not for you as a parent. I would do the work so my child would experience this relationship with a generation of family members that frankly won’t be here forever.

Im a young Gen X. I loved my grandparents dearly, but they lived several states away. They were not involved in taking care of me in any way - my parents worked two jobs and when I was young, used daycare and hired a neighbor to watch me after school. We drove to see my grandparents in the summers and on holidays, and I loved them for who they were, not what they did for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

That’s really bizarre. You made choices to have children and keep a demanding job. And you’re annoyed at retired parents who spent 30 or 40 years working jobs, taking care of children and are now taking vacations?

+1. The sense of entitlement is beyond me.

From our perspective, it is the grandparents who are entitled and making demands of us.

What demands are they making of you?

.

To have grandkids, to see the grandkids on holidays, to host them at our house, to FaceTime with them, to send them pictures and give them updates. But they can’t lift a finger. We just don’t have the time for that anymore. It just creates more work for us.

I am sure you didn’t have kids because they “demanded” it of you, come on now.

[Anonymous]

Not my immigrant experience (here 30 years now) My parents are younger still work but take the kids for weekend over nights. If i need help with school pickup due to work travel they also are my first call. Many of their friends watch their own grandkids multiple times a week as the parents do a lot of work travel.