He doesn’t want to see me after I disclosed health results

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel so dumb and ashamed and feel like maybe I shouldn’t have disclosed (OP).

I’m the one who said you shouldn’t have. And I’m a guy.

Don’t feel dumb and ashamed. I have also had to learn all sorts of lessons about communicating, over sharing, etc. less is almost always more. It’s just like strategic communications for companies or politics, there’s a time and a way to say everything and it’s hard to learn those skills, especially in relationships. It’s not about lying or transparency, it’s about boundaries and managing the situation.

But that said, his reaction was telling. I think you are going to land in a good spot after all of this.

If the relationship was so fragile that it breaks over this, it was going to be something eventually.

I know it sucks to be in the moment, but from the outside looking in, it seems less bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so dumb and ashamed and feel like maybe I shouldn’t have disclosed (OP).

I’m the one who said you shouldn’t have. And I’m a guy.

Don’t feel dumb and ashamed. I have also had to learn all sorts of lessons about communicating, over sharing, etc. less is almost always more. It’s just like strategic communications for companies or politics, there’s a time and a way to say everything and it’s hard to learn those skills, especially in relationships. It’s not about lying or transparency, it’s about boundaries and managing the situation.

But that said, his reaction was telling. I think you are going to land in a good spot after all of this.

If the relationship was so fragile that it breaks over this, it was going to be something eventually.

I know it sucks to be in the moment, but from the outside looking in, it seems less bad.

You think his reaction was telling in what way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so dumb and ashamed and feel like maybe I shouldn’t have disclosed (OP).

I’m the one who said you shouldn’t have. And I’m a guy.

Don’t feel dumb and ashamed. I have also had to learn all sorts of lessons about communicating, over sharing, etc. less is almost always more. It’s just like strategic communications for companies or politics, there’s a time and a way to say everything and it’s hard to learn those skills, especially in relationships. It’s not about lying or transparency, it’s about boundaries and managing the situation.

But that said, his reaction was telling. I think you are going to land in a good spot after all of this.

If the relationship was so fragile that it breaks over this, it was going to be something eventually.

I know it sucks to be in the moment, but from the outside looking in, it seems less bad.

You think his reaction was telling in what way?

dp. Another poster shared how her dh, then bf, took similar news. He was supportive, kind and loving. Ops dude was scared, suspicious and freaked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel so dumb and ashamed and feel like maybe I shouldn’t have disclosed (OP).

You did what you thought was right. To not tell would've gone against your character and you would likely feel guilt. He didn't respond well, which sucks, but your integrity is intact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel so dumb and ashamed and feel like maybe I shouldn’t have disclosed (OP).

OP, you absolutely did the right thing by disclosing.

[Anonymous]

Op here: sorry, I should’ve asked what PP meant by this:

I think you are going to land in a good spot after all of this.

[Anonymous]

Don't be ashamed, OP, but good for you for being honest, even if it wasn't necessary, and for realizing that his behavior is a red flag. In the past when I was dating I disclosed HPV to partners and no one was ever bothered by it, including the man that later became my husband. I'm now divorced and have not disclosed, but I haven't had any symptoms or abnormal paps (I had a high risk strain) for over 20 years, so I'm guessing that my body cleared it or it's dormant. I don't feel bad. I'm fairly certain that some of the men, if not most, that I've been intimate with after divorce have been carriers, but that's a risk I'm willing to take. I don't take risks with others STIs, I do insist on tests for those, but honestly, even STIs (aside from herpes, which usually isn't included in panels), can be treated and shouldn't be a dealbreaker imo.

You have no reason to be ashamed. Would you judge another woman who found out she had HPV? I think not. So treat yourself as you would a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here—he is older

K
He’s a putz. Dump him.

Why is he a putz?

DP he sounds dumb. Imagine being over 45 and being so ignorant about a common virus.

Yeah he’s also an RN which surprised me even more that he had such little knowledge about this stuff.

Ugh, the pandemic was plummeted my respect for the intelligence and education of nurses. i saw so many post super stupid things about covid. Anti vax, anti mask, misinformation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so dumb and ashamed and feel like maybe I shouldn’t have disclosed (OP).

You did what you thought was right. To not tell would've gone against your character and you would likely feel guilt. He didn't respond well, which sucks, but your integrity is intact.

This is true, I knew I couldn’t go without sharing the information. His response really threw me, unfortunately, and all I feel is bad now between the rejection and the shame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have no reason to be ashamed. Would you judge another woman who found out she had HPV? I think not. So treat yourself as you would a friend.

No, I would never judge anyone. I am glad to hear from others who’ve had this experience and I wish we all shared more to help remove the stigma.

I know I’m better off but my guy would still want me if I didn’t have this and that’s what keeps getting stuck in my head.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why people are so harsh regarding the guy. I think he handled it respectfully. He isn’t knowledgeable about it and wants to make sure he makes a decision on how to proceed properly. And have some grace OP, he is a nurse, not a doctor.

[Anonymous]

Is there any chance you were given wrong information?

I don’t understand why Planned Parenthood would test you for a low risk strain (which according to other posters is not the norm), tell you verbally you have a low risk strain, not test to find out which strain it is (I think someone previously said they could have determined the # if they already went through the trouble of testing for low risk), but then post nothing about it in your portal records? Shouldn’t your complete medical records have been posted for you?

It’s not like you had warts and they tested you to be 100% sure that’s what they were. You have zero symptoms, it’s low risk, unusual to test for, and yet they are not documenting that for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why people are so harsh regarding the guy. I think he handled it respectfully. He isn’t knowledgeable about it and wants to make sure he makes a decision on how to proceed properly. And have some grace OP, he is a nurse, not a doctor.

OP here—that’s fine if he needs time but he won’t even see me at all, which is really hurtful to me.

I’m just surprised that he didn’t know about HPV (he initially confused it with HSV), didn’t expect expert level ha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here—we’ve been seeing each other several months. The screening was part of a routine PAP and STI screen. My PAP was normal, no cellular changes due to the positive low-risk strain of HPV. I read that this can indicate a very recent infection or a years-long old and dormant one.

I was told it was my choice whether to disclose and I decided to tell him because I would want a partner to tell me.

He doesn’t deserve you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why people are so harsh regarding the guy. I think he handled it respectfully. He isn’t knowledgeable about it and wants to make sure he makes a decision on how to proceed properly. And have some grace OP, he is a nurse, not a doctor.

OP here—that’s fine if he needs time but he won’t even see me at all, which is really hurtful to me.

I’m just surprised that he didn’t know about HPV (he initially confused it with HSV), didn’t expect expert level ha.

ugh OP. how old are you? this guy has bad values, low information, and isn’t that into you. you dodged a bullet.