DH embarrassed by my outfit for bbq

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Is DH from another country? Some countries don't do neon yellow.

[Anonymous]

After the BBQ, he could ask OP to give him some honey love

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From the OPs description, I can’t tell what the exact details were that caused him to leave without her.

It is clear that he told her the outfit looked bad. While not perfect behavior, I think many of us agree that stuff like this gets said in marriages without it rising to the level of abuse.

Then OP says that she refused to change. Which we all agree is her right.

But then she says that DH went to the party without her. Not clear what happened here. Did he say that he was absolutely not letting her come with them unless she changed? Which is a problem. Or did she pull a hissy fit about his previous (not perfect but not egregious) comment and refuse to come. Which is not abuse by the DH but immaturity of OP.

On the stuffing face comment, I can’t tell if DH was telling Op to stop stuffing her own face, or if it was about stuffing the DCs face. I think the latter because DC was the one mumbling that they couldn’t understand?

Long story: I think OPs narrative has gaps that make all this sound more like tit for tat immaturity than a one sided abuser. I’m not even necessarily seeing abuse from the DH (eg if he just told her the outfit looks bad but she refused to come - no abuse there).

My husband has never criticized my clothes. Ever. What the hell kind of guy does that? If a man does happen to have a sense for women's fashion, he should at least understand that his wife knows better what she feels comfortable in. Which means he should zip it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After the BBQ, he could ask OP to give him some honey love

She could respond by stinging him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just to clarify for those saying I looked ridiculous and like Big Bird, below is a link to the actual shirt, and I wore it with blue denim jeans, NOT anything black.

https://poshmark.com/listing/NWT-Jcrew-Cotton-Off-The-Shoulder-Top-F2059-Shirt-Blouse-61996a67bcdb2f044ca41ebb?utm_source=gdm&utm_campaign=9886005321&campaign_id=9886005321&ad_partner=google&gskid=pla-1187535741595&gcid=431634791276&ggid=103371076954&gdid=c&g_network=g&enable_guest_buy_flow=true&gclid=CjwKCAjwquWVBhBrEiwAt1KmwobhcGqGiw9ZD7MhMiLF_sRhiMDK-bSDxdPxH0Krh6o7HCWqyOAMCBoCthEQAvD_BwE

It’s a perfectly lovely top. Your husband is an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone wants to attend a BBQ with Big Bird.

THIS

Then they are free to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP was a mature adult, she would have kept her outfit on and gone to the BBQ. Instead she sounds just as petulant and childish as her husband.

That said, I am #teamOP in this argument. I just think she could have handled it better.

The husband told her he'd go without her unless she changed. How would her going to the bbq have panned out?

At best, he'd say nothing while she got in the car, and they'd both be tense and grumpy the whole time. Not fun. At worst, he'd dig in his heels and start have a blow up fight in front of the kids about a damn shirt. He sounds like the kind of guy who would put up a fight. Maybe she made the right choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After the BBQ, he could ask OP to give him some honey love

She could respond by stinging him.

Or suck his nectar.

[Anonymous]

I think OP’s clothing looks great. Love the bright color. Not nearly as bee-like as my wife’s black and bright yellow striped shirt which makes me cringe a bit. Like a normal human being I just let her wear it without making it a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It looks more like mustard, but I can see why he asked you to change.

It is a cute top!!
And that is irrelevant!!! He was controlling and abusive. She could have actually decided to go as Big Bird and he wouldn't be any righter about what he did.

[Anonymous]

She should have gone and picked up another man to bring home.

[Anonymous]

I think the top is cute. My husband would love it if I wore an off the shoulder top.

[Anonymous]

Don't divorce yet OP.

I don't know your circumstances but what you've written seems to indicate that your marriage won't be life-long. No shame, many aren't.
Start saving all the money you can and invest in yourself professionally.
And start some therapy, for yourself first and then couples (if you think this won't tip him off that you are considering separating.)

This will give you options if/when things become too much to bear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't divorce yet OP.

I don't know your circumstances but what you've written seems to indicate that your marriage won't be life-long. No shame, many aren't.
Start saving all the money you can and invest in yourself professionally.
And start some therapy, for yourself first and then couples (if you think this won't tip him off that you are considering separating.)

This will give you options if/when things become too much to bear.

This is good advice. And definitely see a therapist. If your DH is consistently treating you poorly you need to stay grounded in this reality and not get swept up believing you are bad/wrong/ugly/stupid or whatever else he might be telling you.