DH embarrassed by my outfit for bbq

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It looks more like mustard, but I can see why he asked you to change.

Oh, no.

How many times has your husband "asked you to change" your clothes?

And you're fine with that?

You're being controlled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a narcissist. Be careful.

Yes this^^^

[Anonymous]

Update , op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I came downstairs ready to go to a friend’s bbq with DH and our two DC. When DH saw me he flipped out. I was wearing a yellow JCREW off the shoulder top and jeans. He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”. He asked me to change and I said no. He said he would go without me then, which he did (and took the kids).

He called me several times during the bbq and I didn’t answer. I think he feels bad now. I left the house so I wasn’t home when he got back. What would you do?

Whoa what the eff. Nothing and this is acceptable. You looked nice and instead of being proud to be seen with you in public he puts you down, attempts to humiliate you by your CHILD wtf example is that trying to set. Then when you don't give in to his bullying, he ...WHAT?? Tells you you can't go?? When you're his PARTNER not his child? What? Get out yesterday.
You say you think he feels bad. He doesn't. He's mad he didn't get his way bc it'd not in a person like this' constitution to have empathy. You just gotta get out.

[Anonymous]

I would make sure I have downloaded all bank statements, pay stubs, lined up somewhere else to move myself and my child and the next time he's out for a day, I would get friends in to help me pack up and leave. Until then I would play along with everything for my own safety. This is glaringly going to turn into physical abuse if it hasn't already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often is he controlling and putative to you like this?

Op: we have a 2yr old and the other night he said something at dinner and DH couldn’t hear him and I couldn’t either, so DH snapped at me to “stop stuffing my face”. Stuff like that is happening more often now.

He sounds totally unhinged. Has he always been like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone wants to attend a BBQ with Big Bird.

Wow.

OP's husband flipped out ... "When DH saw me he flipped out" ... right there. That is NOT gentle ribbing about her outfit. His comment about her outfit was him "flipping out" and was no "we care about you" comment.
OP's husband mocked her by calling her an insect "He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”" and encouraged her sons to agree with him. Civilized people don't mock other people and we don't encourage others to mock other people. That is bullying.
OP's husband left without her basically saying he didn't want to be seen with somebody who made clothing choices that he didn't agree with.


Anybody telling her to compromise - NO. You don't compromise when you are being bullied and controlled for no good reason.
To those of you who suggest she was immature for not picking up the phone, I disagree, it sounds as if she was enforcing good boundaries and not talking to the person who was bullying her until she was ready. I think this was a mature decision.
To those of you who suggest she should have still gone to the party, that's a red herring and irrellevant. If she'd wanted to and had the money and access to an uber she could have. But maybe she didn't want to be seen with a contrilling bully, maybe she didn't want to risk a scene, maybe she just wanted to not be in public after that.


There is NO excuse for what her DH did. No reason to blame OP for anything. You are projecting.

+1 I can't believe the lengths some posters will go to in order to make this OP's fault.

So it's her fault for putting on a yellow shirt? FFS

[Anonymous]

I just hope that the OP can get herself and her children out safely.

None of this is acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Any news OP? Hope you're OK.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes, I am getting out. This has all escalated.

He has followed me around the house screaming at me and calling me the "c" word in front of the kids when he's angry, among other terrible names. The other day I came downstairs and he turned to the kids and said, "mom looks good, for once! Hahaha". He said if I tried to leave he can't wait to see me "out on the street".

So yeah, I'm done and have already consulted a lawyer and am making plans.

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP. You don't deserve any of this.

Keep us posted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be thankful I have a husband that's honest and tells me I look ridiculous instead of letting me leave the house looking that way. Going without you wasn't the best choice but you also could have just changed and moved on.

You have the mindset of s in someone who has been subject to chronic abuse. You aren’t a child. Sooner or later all little girls need to grow up and become independent adults capable of taking care of themselves. It might be scary but time to grow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, I am getting out. This has all escalated.

He has followed me around the house screaming at me and calling me the "c" word in front of the kids when he's angry, among other terrible names. The other day I came downstairs and he turned to the kids and said, "mom looks good, for once! Hahaha". He said if I tried to leave he can't wait to see me "out on the street".

So yeah, I'm done and have already consulted a lawyer and am making plans.

Thank goodness! Wishing you the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like an ass. There’s no way I’d stay married to someone who talked to me that way or treated me that way (I’m referring both to him leaving you because he didn’t like your outfit and telling you to stop stuffing your face) and I absolutely would not want my kids to grow up around that and think it’s ok.

If your friend told you her husband talked to her that way, what would you say? What would your parents say if they knew he treated you that way?

This OP. If not for yourself, please realize how damaging it is to model this for your kids. You are teaching them that it is okay to let someone treat you this way and that it is okay to treat someone this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, I am getting out. This has all escalated.

He has followed me around the house screaming at me and calling me the "c" word in front of the kids when he's angry, among other terrible names. The other day I came downstairs and he turned to the kids and said, "mom looks good, for once! Hahaha". He said if I tried to leave he can't wait to see me "out on the street".

So yeah, I'm done and have already consulted a lawyer and am making plans.

Good luck, OP. Sending you good thoughts and prayers.

A dear friend had to get out of a similar relationship. It was a pretty rocky two years going through the divorce and custody process, but she's now so much happier and healthier. Be prepared for a lot of heartache over the next year or two, but keep your eye on the prize - a life where you are loved and respected for who you are.