DH embarrassed by my outfit for bbq

[Anonymous]

I came downstairs ready to go to a friend’s bbq with DH and our two DC. When DH saw me he flipped out. I was wearing a yellow JCREW off the shoulder top and jeans. He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”. He asked me to change and I said no. He said he would go without me then, which he did (and took the kids).

He called me several times during the bbq and I didn’t answer. I think he feels bad now. I left the house so I wasn’t home when he got back. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

How often is he controlling and putative to you like this?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a narcissist. Be careful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a narcissist. Be careful.

Op: actually I’ve started to suspect that based on other things. What about this scenario makes you think that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often is he controlling and putative to you like this?

Op: we have a 2yr old and the other night he said something at dinner and DH couldn’t hear him and I couldn’t either, so DH snapped at me to “stop stuffing my face”. Stuff like that is happening more often now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a narcissist. Be careful.

Everyone is a narcissist these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often is he controlling and putative to you like this?

Op: we have a 2yr old and the other night he said something at dinner and DH couldn’t hear him and I couldn’t either, so DH snapped at me to “stop stuffing my face”. Stuff like that is happening more often now.

It’s going to get worse. I bet if you really sat down and thought about it, signs have been there your whole relationship.

Get out. Now. This will just get worse. Much worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often is he controlling and putative to you like this?

Op: we have a 2yr old and the other night he said something at dinner and DH couldn’t hear him and I couldn’t either, so DH snapped at me to “stop stuffing my face”. Stuff like that is happening more often now.

Sounds like you need to take this seriously.

I had a red and white striped sweater the dh hated and he kept calling me "waldo". But he never dared to try to tell me to not wear it.

This plus the comment here sounds controlling and crossing a line.

[Anonymous]

Yellow would become my new favorte color to wear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yellow would become my new favorte color to wear.

Me too! I’d wear it all the time.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I came downstairs ready to go to a friend’s bbq with DH and our two DC. When DH saw me he flipped out. I was wearing a yellow JCREW off the shoulder top and jeans. He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”. He asked me to change and I said no. He said he would go without me then, which he did (and took the kids).

He called me several times during the bbq and I didn’t answer. I think he feels bad now. I left the house so I wasn’t home when he got back. What would you do?

He sounds borderline abusive (at least a bully, saying things meant to make you feel bad) and controlling (I can imagine my husband either kindly, sensitively telling me he didn’t like my outfit or something more subtle like giving a look) but he would never tell me not to wear something or that he wouldn’t go somewhere w me unless I changed. That is way the top. It’s disrespectful, mean, and a bad example for your kids too. You wouldn’t want your kids to become people who make fun of others’ based on their appearance…that’s bullying behavior

[Anonymous]

That's terribly hurtful and weird.

Is he usually extremely uptight and stressed about how the family presents itself to the outside world? Does he try to hide anything that he perceives may make him look bad?

I would have made a point of going, and being friendly to everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often is he controlling and putative to you like this?

Op: we have a 2yr old and the other night he said something at dinner and DH couldn’t hear him and I couldn’t either, so DH snapped at me to “stop stuffing my face”. Stuff like that is happening more often now.

This is worse than the BBQ outfit spat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often is he controlling and putative to you like this?

Op: we have a 2yr old and the other night he said something at dinner and DH couldn’t hear him and I couldn’t either, so DH snapped at me to “stop stuffing my face”. Stuff like that is happening more often now.

What does this mean? And again, why are you getting so pissed when he is pissed. And what is making him so pissed when you are pissed. And why did this cycle start and when will this end?