I'm so tired of mom cliques

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have good times with friends all the time and (gasp!) don't even bother to take photos, much less post them to the internet. What's wrong with just keeping your private life private? Then no one's feelings are hurt and you still get to enjoy your life. It's not hard.

When I do occasionally post photos to social media, it's usually something like a sign that has been misspelled in an amusing way. Something that I think might amuse people and that does not require you to be in on something. And when I do have photos from a private event I want to share, I text them to the people who are in them. I can't think of a good reason why people in my extended social network would be interested in it, much less just gushing with happiness about the fact that we had a backyard BBQ or met for rooftop drinks somewhere. And I certainly don't require the external validation from people who weren't there -- I know my life is good already.

Y'all are weird.

I don’t use social media much and don’t take pictures (well, rarely). But I couldn’t care less if others do. I’m not stuck in high school pining to be included in everything by everyone I may be friends or acquainted with. This is really sad for you if you let things like this bother you

Where did I say it bothered me? I don't even look at crap on social media. I truly don't understand what it is for other than as an online white pages to track down someone you lost touch with, or as a platform for private groups or raising money. But I don't think it's surprising that if you do post photos of private social events to social media, it winds up making people feel bad. This seems self evident. Imagine if before Facebook, you sometimes got emailed photos of your neighbor's birthday dinner or the girls night a bunch of moms from your kids school put together without you? I'd view that as hostile, borderline crazy behavior. Just because Facebook makes that easier to do doesn't change the fact that it's obnoxious. I just don't understand why anyone would do this?

Why would you view a photo of someone you like having a good time hostile, borderline crazy behavior?

Are you dense? If you wanted someone to see you having a good time at the party or whatever, why wouldn't you just invite them to the party.

I don't know if you are aware of this, but most people are not sitting around waiting to find out what you did this weekend without them so they can congratulate you on it. It is weirdly self-centered and, yes, hostile to assume that people are watching your life like you are some kind of celebrity personality and they are just so thrilled for your good times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have good times with friends all the time and (gasp!) don't even bother to take photos, much less post them to the internet. What's wrong with just keeping your private life private? Then no one's feelings are hurt and you still get to enjoy your life. It's not hard.

When I do occasionally post photos to social media, it's usually something like a sign that has been misspelled in an amusing way. Something that I think might amuse people and that does not require you to be in on something. And when I do have photos from a private event I want to share, I text them to the people who are in them. I can't think of a good reason why people in my extended social network would be interested in it, much less just gushing with happiness about the fact that we had a backyard BBQ or met for rooftop drinks somewhere. And I certainly don't require the external validation from people who weren't there -- I know my life is good already.

Y'all are weird.

I don’t use social media much and don’t take pictures (well, rarely). But I couldn’t care less if others do. I’m not stuck in high school pining to be included in everything by everyone I may be friends or acquainted with. This is really sad for you if you let things like this bother you

Where did I say it bothered me? I don't even look at crap on social media. I truly don't understand what it is for other than as an online white pages to track down someone you lost touch with, or as a platform for private groups or raising money. But I don't think it's surprising that if you do post photos of private social events to social media, it winds up making people feel bad. This seems self evident. Imagine if before Facebook, you sometimes got emailed photos of your neighbor's birthday dinner or the girls night a bunch of moms from your kids school put together without you? I'd view that as hostile, borderline crazy behavior. Just because Facebook makes that easier to do doesn't change the fact that it's obnoxious. I just don't understand why anyone would do this?

It's weird to me that you use a platform where you disagree with the main purpose of it. I can't believe you find looking at other people's photos "hostile behavior." That is unhinged. When a friend wants to show you photos of your vacation, what do you do? Close your eyes? Run away? Call them rude and unhinged?

Please read for understanding. That's not what I said.

Pre-Facebook, if someone had randomly emailed me photos of a private social event they'd held but not invited me to, my response would be "What the hell is this?" I would consider the act of sharing those photos with me hostile, because I honestly can't think of a single reason to share photos of an event with someone who didn't invite OTHER than to make them feel excluded. It would be extremely weird, which is why that is not something people ever did back then.

And that's why I don't post photos like that to social media now. It seems weirdly hostile. "Here's pictures from a girls night with all my best girl friends!" and then sharing it with, for instance, my work friends who I really like but don't mesh with that group, my old bestie from grad school who I still really love but have fallen out of contact with, my neighbor who I know would enjoy being invited to something like this but I honestly just forgot to think of when I made the plans. I don't have to think long or hard to recognize that this has the potential to be hurtful or cause some damage to my relationships, so I would never in a million years post a photo like that. I was THERE. I do not need all my acquaintances, and extended family on Facebook to know about it. I can't think about why I would.

I could care less if someone posts vacation photos (or shares them with me on their phone). I use social media but generally avoid the feed scroll because it's a time suck, so I'm unlikely to see them. Is this even about vacation photos? I thought the topic was feeling left out of gatherings?

Oh no, I understood what you said, but your more detailed explanation did not make it any more reasonable. The fact that YOU can't imagine a reason why someone would want to see or share these photos other than to hurt someone doesn't mean there ARE not other reasons. People have given plenty of reasons here. You are just deliberately ignoring them because of this weird self-victimization thing, making people posting photos all about hurting you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have good times with friends all the time and (gasp!) don't even bother to take photos, much less post them to the internet. What's wrong with just keeping your private life private? Then no one's feelings are hurt and you still get to enjoy your life. It's not hard.

When I do occasionally post photos to social media, it's usually something like a sign that has been misspelled in an amusing way. Something that I think might amuse people and that does not require you to be in on something. And when I do have photos from a private event I want to share, I text them to the people who are in them. I can't think of a good reason why people in my extended social network would be interested in it, much less just gushing with happiness about the fact that we had a backyard BBQ or met for rooftop drinks somewhere. And I certainly don't require the external validation from people who weren't there -- I know my life is good already.

Y'all are weird.

I don’t use social media much and don’t take pictures (well, rarely). But I couldn’t care less if others do. I’m not stuck in high school pining to be included in everything by everyone I may be friends or acquainted with. This is really sad for you if you let things like this bother you

Where did I say it bothered me? I don't even look at crap on social media. I truly don't understand what it is for other than as an online white pages to track down someone you lost touch with, or as a platform for private groups or raising money. But I don't think it's surprising that if you do post photos of private social events to social media, it winds up making people feel bad. This seems self evident. Imagine if before Facebook, you sometimes got emailed photos of your neighbor's birthday dinner or the girls night a bunch of moms from your kids school put together without you? I'd view that as hostile, borderline crazy behavior. Just because Facebook makes that easier to do doesn't change the fact that it's obnoxious. I just don't understand why anyone would do this?

It's weird to me that you use a platform where you disagree with the main purpose of it. I can't believe you find looking at other people's photos "hostile behavior." That is unhinged. When a friend wants to show you photos of your vacation, what do you do? Close your eyes? Run away? Call them rude and unhinged?

Please read for understanding. That's not what I said.

Pre-Facebook, if someone had randomly emailed me photos of a private social event they'd held but not invited me to, my response would be "What the hell is this?" I would consider the act of sharing those photos with me hostile, because I honestly can't think of a single reason to share photos of an event with someone who didn't invite OTHER than to make them feel excluded. It would be extremely weird, which is why that is not something people ever did back then.

And that's why I don't post photos like that to social media now. It seems weirdly hostile. "Here's pictures from a girls night with all my best girl friends!" and then sharing it with, for instance, my work friends who I really like but don't mesh with that group, my old bestie from grad school who I still really love but have fallen out of contact with, my neighbor who I know would enjoy being invited to something like this but I honestly just forgot to think of when I made the plans. I don't have to think long or hard to recognize that this has the potential to be hurtful or cause some damage to my relationships, so I would never in a million years post a photo like that. I was THERE. I do not need all my acquaintances, and extended family on Facebook to know about it. I can't think about why I would.

I could care less if someone posts vacation photos (or shares them with me on their phone). I use social media but generally avoid the feed scroll because it's a time suck, so I'm unlikely to see them. Is this even about vacation photos? I thought the topic was feeling left out of gatherings?

So like uh every time you have an acquaintence post a photo you are not in, do you get mad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned some of you do not have any inkling of experiencing happiness for someone else.

I feel happy for people all the time. I am constantly enriched from learning of the joyful things in the lives of my friends, family, and children.

Seeing a group of people I know and thought I was friends with post pictures from a fun event I wasn't invited to still makes me feel sad.

I think it's disingenuous that you don't understand the difference.

The thing is that people here are blaming the people who posted photos of events on social media. The problem is not the photos. The problem is that the relationship is not what you thought it was. That's a valid source of hurt, IMO, but the argument that the real problem is the people posting photos of good times is silly.

PP here and I disagree. The problem is absolutely the photos, or the sharing of them. It focuses attention the hurt. Without the photos, this person might still feel hurt when they find out the relationship wasn't what they thought. But with the photos, they have to confront the evidence of that fact. It actually makes it more hurtful.

It is very hard to ignore a hurt like that when it pops into your social media feed. It's possible (I've done it) but it is hard and requires a lot of effort.

Meanwhile, you could prevent it from happening by just not posting the photo. Why does anyone who isn't in the photo need to see it? It's one thing if this is a wedding or something, but people on here are just talking about regular social gatherings -- happy hours, BBQs, a birthday dinner. Why would anyone not attending these events want or need to see them?

Then don’t have social media “friends.” Just follow businesses and groups that you need to or interest you. If personal posts get
Under your skin then you need to adjust what you view. No one is doing anything wrong, hateful, or hurtful by posting pictures from a party. Seriously, this is bananas

Your solution to the extremely common and even scientifically documented phenomenon of people feeling hurt and left out by social media posts is for people to get off social media altogether or to exclusively use it for following businesses?

When you could just have manners instead?

You are right this is bananas.

It has nothing to do with manners and everything to do with your own personal insecurities and deficiencies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned some of you do not have any inkling of experiencing happiness for someone else.

I feel happy for people all the time. I am constantly enriched from learning of the joyful things in the lives of my friends, family, and children.

Seeing a group of people I know and thought I was friends with post pictures from a fun event I wasn't invited to still makes me feel sad.

I think it's disingenuous that you don't understand the difference.

The thing is that people here are blaming the people who posted photos of events on social media. The problem is not the photos. The problem is that the relationship is not what you thought it was. That's a valid source of hurt, IMO, but the argument that the real problem is the people posting photos of good times is silly.

PP here and I disagree. The problem is absolutely the photos, or the sharing of them. It focuses attention the hurt. Without the photos, this person might still feel hurt when they find out the relationship wasn't what they thought. But with the photos, they have to confront the evidence of that fact. It actually makes it more hurtful.

It is very hard to ignore a hurt like that when it pops into your social media feed. It's possible (I've done it) but it is hard and requires a lot of effort.

Meanwhile, you could prevent it from happening by just not posting the photo. Why does anyone who isn't in the photo need to see it? It's one thing if this is a wedding or something, but people on here are just talking about regular social gatherings -- happy hours, BBQs, a birthday dinner. Why would anyone not attending these events want or need to see them?

Then don’t have social media “friends.” Just follow businesses and groups that you need to or interest you. If personal posts get
Under your skin then you need to adjust what you view. No one is doing anything wrong, hateful, or hurtful by posting pictures from a party. Seriously, this is bananas

Your solution to the extremely common and even scientifically documented phenomenon of people feeling hurt and left out by social media posts is for people to get off social media altogether or to exclusively use it for following businesses?

When you could just have manners instead?

You are right this is bananas.

Because the reasoning is bananas. It's okay to post photos of really fancy dinners, or vacations or huge family gatherings or misspelled signs as LONG AS you are related to everyone in the photo?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s where i see it.
In person, in “real life,” we have been taught from a young age to watch how you talk about private parties in front of everybody.

Our moms: “larla, next time remember it’s rude to talk about your party in front of Stacy. Remember you only had room for 10 and you didn’t invite her.”

“Ok mom!”

Next time we remembered when we had our 4 best friends over, we didn’t go on about it in front of Friend 5 and 6. If they ASK, go ahead and tell them. But it was rude to have inside jokes galore on Monday. Just, keep it to yourself. You’ll hang out with Friend 5 and 6 next weekend.

Now, people are doing the equivalent of the bad-mannered this on social media. They have their friends numbers. They can, if they weren’t whores, share photos directly with their best friends.

OMG, this. +1000

People are just talking about having BASIC social skills and manners and y'all are responding like you've never heard of this before. I have yet to hear a compelling reason why it's important to post this stuff to your social media feed instead of just sharing it with the small group you shared the actual event with.

I don't even think I'm in the category of people who are really bothered by these kinds of posts (I don't have these kinds of friend groups, I think) but I have empathy for the PPs who are talking about things like feeling excluded from a neighborhood gathering or groups of moms at school and then seeing these sorts of posts on Facebook. That sounds genuinely hurtful and don't really understand the argument defending it. It just seems obviously rude to me and I can't think of any good reason to post photos like this. Who does it help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s where i see it.
In person, in “real life,” we have been taught from a young age to watch how you talk about private parties in front of everybody.

Our moms: “larla, next time remember it’s rude to talk about your party in front of Stacy. Remember you only had room for 10 and you didn’t invite her.”

“Ok mom!”

Next time we remembered when we had our 4 best friends over, we didn’t go on about it in front of Friend 5 and 6. If they ASK, go ahead and tell them. But it was rude to have inside jokes galore on Monday. Just, keep it to yourself. You’ll hang out with Friend 5 and 6 next weekend.

Now, people are doing the equivalent of the bad-mannered this on social media. They have their friends numbers. They can, if they weren’t whores, share photos directly with their best friends.

Whores? For posting a photo of a happy time and having friends. While talking about manners? Unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned some of you do not have any inkling of experiencing happiness for someone else.

I feel happy for people all the time. I am constantly enriched from learning of the joyful things in the lives of my friends, family, and children.

Seeing a group of people I know and thought I was friends with post pictures from a fun event I wasn't invited to still makes me feel sad.

I think it's disingenuous that you don't understand the difference.

The thing is that people here are blaming the people who posted photos of events on social media. The problem is not the photos. The problem is that the relationship is not what you thought it was. That's a valid source of hurt, IMO, but the argument that the real problem is the people posting photos of good times is silly.

PP here and I disagree. The problem is absolutely the photos, or the sharing of them. It focuses attention the hurt. Without the photos, this person might still feel hurt when they find out the relationship wasn't what they thought. But with the photos, they have to confront the evidence of that fact. It actually makes it more hurtful.

It is very hard to ignore a hurt like that when it pops into your social media feed. It's possible (I've done it) but it is hard and requires a lot of effort.

Meanwhile, you could prevent it from happening by just not posting the photo. Why does anyone who isn't in the photo need to see it? It's one thing if this is a wedding or something, but people on here are just talking about regular social gatherings -- happy hours, BBQs, a birthday dinner. Why would anyone not attending these events want or need to see them?

Then don’t have social media “friends.” Just follow businesses and groups that you need to or interest you. If personal posts get
Under your skin then you need to adjust what you view. No one is doing anything wrong, hateful, or hurtful by posting pictures from a party. Seriously, this is bananas

Your solution to the extremely common and even scientifically documented phenomenon of people feeling hurt and left out by social media posts is for people to get off social media altogether or to exclusively use it for following businesses?

When you could just have manners instead?

You are right this is bananas.

Because the reasoning is bananas. It's okay to post photos of really fancy dinners, or vacations or huge family gatherings or misspelled signs as LONG AS you are related to everyone in the photo?

What? Who said anything about being related?

I just think it's rude to post photos of private gatherings to a public forum, knowing that there will almost certainly be people who see it and feel left out. I don't care about your relationship status with literally any of the people in this scenario. I'm just talking about rude versus not rude. This seem rude.

[Anonymous]

Wow this lady is really really not okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s where i see it.
In person, in “real life,” we have been taught from a young age to watch how you talk about private parties in front of everybody.

Our moms: “larla, next time remember it’s rude to talk about your party in front of Stacy. Remember you only had room for 10 and you didn’t invite her.”

“Ok mom!”

Next time we remembered when we had our 4 best friends over, we didn’t go on about it in front of Friend 5 and 6. If they ASK, go ahead and tell them. But it was rude to have inside jokes galore on Monday. Just, keep it to yourself. You’ll hang out with Friend 5 and 6 next weekend.

Now, people are doing the equivalent of the bad-mannered this on social media. They have their friends numbers. They can, if they weren’t whores, share photos directly with their best friends.

Whores? For posting a photo of a happy time and having friends. While talking about manners? Unhinged.

I have been watching too much John Oliver where he is all reasonable and logical and then his anger shines through.
That’s what I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned some of you do not have any inkling of experiencing happiness for someone else.

I feel happy for people all the time. I am constantly enriched from learning of the joyful things in the lives of my friends, family, and children.

Seeing a group of people I know and thought I was friends with post pictures from a fun event I wasn't invited to still makes me feel sad.

I think it's disingenuous that you don't understand the difference.

The thing is that people here are blaming the people who posted photos of events on social media. The problem is not the photos. The problem is that the relationship is not what you thought it was. That's a valid source of hurt, IMO, but the argument that the real problem is the people posting photos of good times is silly.

PP here and I disagree. The problem is absolutely the photos, or the sharing of them. It focuses attention the hurt. Without the photos, this person might still feel hurt when they find out the relationship wasn't what they thought. But with the photos, they have to confront the evidence of that fact. It actually makes it more hurtful.

It is very hard to ignore a hurt like that when it pops into your social media feed. It's possible (I've done it) but it is hard and requires a lot of effort.

Meanwhile, you could prevent it from happening by just not posting the photo. Why does anyone who isn't in the photo need to see it? It's one thing if this is a wedding or something, but people on here are just talking about regular social gatherings -- happy hours, BBQs, a birthday dinner. Why would anyone not attending these events want or need to see them?

Then don’t have social media “friends.” Just follow businesses and groups that you need to or interest you. If personal posts get
Under your skin then you need to adjust what you view. No one is doing anything wrong, hateful, or hurtful by posting pictures from a party. Seriously, this is bananas

Your solution to the extremely common and even scientifically documented phenomenon of people feeling hurt and left out by social media posts is for people to get off social media altogether or to exclusively use it for following businesses?

When you could just have manners instead?

You are right this is bananas.

Because the reasoning is bananas. It's okay to post photos of really fancy dinners, or vacations or huge family gatherings or misspelled signs as LONG AS you are related to everyone in the photo?

What? Who said anything about being related?

I just think it's rude to post photos of private gatherings to a public forum, knowing that there will almost certainly be people who see it and feel left out. I don't care about your relationship status with literally any of the people in this scenario. I'm just talking about rude versus not rude. This seem rude.

so is it fine for me to post a photo of a backyard bbq with my family, siblings and their families, and grandparents? or is that rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have good times with friends all the time and (gasp!) don't even bother to take photos, much less post them to the internet. What's wrong with just keeping your private life private? Then no one's feelings are hurt and you still get to enjoy your life. It's not hard.

When I do occasionally post photos to social media, it's usually something like a sign that has been misspelled in an amusing way. Something that I think might amuse people and that does not require you to be in on something. And when I do have photos from a private event I want to share, I text them to the people who are in them. I can't think of a good reason why people in my extended social network would be interested in it, much less just gushing with happiness about the fact that we had a backyard BBQ or met for rooftop drinks somewhere. And I certainly don't require the external validation from people who weren't there -- I know my life is good already.

Y'all are weird.

I don’t use social media much and don’t take pictures (well, rarely). But I couldn’t care less if others do. I’m not stuck in high school pining to be included in everything by everyone I may be friends or acquainted with. This is really sad for you if you let things like this bother you

Where did I say it bothered me? I don't even look at crap on social media. I truly don't understand what it is for other than as an online white pages to track down someone you lost touch with, or as a platform for private groups or raising money. But I don't think it's surprising that if you do post photos of private social events to social media, it winds up making people feel bad. This seems self evident. Imagine if before Facebook, you sometimes got emailed photos of your neighbor's birthday dinner or the girls night a bunch of moms from your kids school put together without you? I'd view that as hostile, borderline crazy behavior. Just because Facebook makes that easier to do doesn't change the fact that it's obnoxious. I just don't understand why anyone would do this?

It's weird to me that you use a platform where you disagree with the main purpose of it. I can't believe you find looking at other people's photos "hostile behavior." That is unhinged. When a friend wants to show you photos of your vacation, what do you do? Close your eyes? Run away? Call them rude and unhinged?

Please read for understanding. That's not what I said.

Pre-Facebook, if someone had randomly emailed me photos of a private social event they'd held but not invited me to, my response would be "What the hell is this?" I would consider the act of sharing those photos with me hostile, because I honestly can't think of a single reason to share photos of an event with someone who didn't invite OTHER than to make them feel excluded. It would be extremely weird, which is why that is not something people ever did back then.

And that's why I don't post photos like that to social media now. It seems weirdly hostile. "Here's pictures from a girls night with all my best girl friends!" and then sharing it with, for instance, my work friends who I really like but don't mesh with that group, my old bestie from grad school who I still really love but have fallen out of contact with, my neighbor who I know would enjoy being invited to something like this but I honestly just forgot to think of when I made the plans. I don't have to think long or hard to recognize that this has the potential to be hurtful or cause some damage to my relationships, so I would never in a million years post a photo like that. I was THERE. I do not need all my acquaintances, and extended family on Facebook to know about it. I can't think about why I would.

I could care less if someone posts vacation photos (or shares them with me on their phone). I use social media but generally avoid the feed scroll because it's a time suck, so I'm unlikely to see them. Is this even about vacation photos? I thought the topic was feeling left out of gatherings?

So like uh every time you have an acquaintence post a photo you are not in, do you get mad?

I don't get mad at all. And the PP's talking about this aren't "mad". They feel left out.

Are the people in this thread a bunch of Instagram influencers or something? I am deeply confused by how angry people seem at the suggestion that you just not share private photos to more public social media feeds. This seems self evident to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have good times with friends all the time and (gasp!) don't even bother to take photos, much less post them to the internet. What's wrong with just keeping your private life private? Then no one's feelings are hurt and you still get to enjoy your life. It's not hard.

When I do occasionally post photos to social media, it's usually something like a sign that has been misspelled in an amusing way. Something that I think might amuse people and that does not require you to be in on something. And when I do have photos from a private event I want to share, I text them to the people who are in them. I can't think of a good reason why people in my extended social network would be interested in it, much less just gushing with happiness about the fact that we had a backyard BBQ or met for rooftop drinks somewhere. And I certainly don't require the external validation from people who weren't there -- I know my life is good already.

Y'all are weird.

I don’t use social media much and don’t take pictures (well, rarely). But I couldn’t care less if others do. I’m not stuck in high school pining to be included in everything by everyone I may be friends or acquainted with. This is really sad for you if you let things like this bother you

Where did I say it bothered me? I don't even look at crap on social media. I truly don't understand what it is for other than as an online white pages to track down someone you lost touch with, or as a platform for private groups or raising money. But I don't think it's surprising that if you do post photos of private social events to social media, it winds up making people feel bad. This seems self evident. Imagine if before Facebook, you sometimes got emailed photos of your neighbor's birthday dinner or the girls night a bunch of moms from your kids school put together without you? I'd view that as hostile, borderline crazy behavior. Just because Facebook makes that easier to do doesn't change the fact that it's obnoxious. I just don't understand why anyone would do this?

Why would you view a photo of someone you like having a good time hostile, borderline crazy behavior?

Are you dense? If you wanted someone to see you having a good time at the party or whatever, why wouldn't you just invite them to the party.

I don't know if you are aware of this, but most people are not sitting around waiting to find out what you did this weekend without them so they can congratulate you on it. It is weirdly self-centered and, yes, hostile to assume that people are watching your life like you are some kind of celebrity personality and they are just so thrilled for your good times.

Most of us have friends who post photos of their social lives. We don't live in anger about it. We don't expect to be invited to every party. We can be happy for our friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned some of you do not have any inkling of experiencing happiness for someone else.

I feel happy for people all the time. I am constantly enriched from learning of the joyful things in the lives of my friends, family, and children.

Seeing a group of people I know and thought I was friends with post pictures from a fun event I wasn't invited to still makes me feel sad.

I think it's disingenuous that you don't understand the difference.

The thing is that people here are blaming the people who posted photos of events on social media. The problem is not the photos. The problem is that the relationship is not what you thought it was. That's a valid source of hurt, IMO, but the argument that the real problem is the people posting photos of good times is silly.

PP here and I disagree. The problem is absolutely the photos, or the sharing of them. It focuses attention the hurt. Without the photos, this person might still feel hurt when they find out the relationship wasn't what they thought. But with the photos, they have to confront the evidence of that fact. It actually makes it more hurtful.

It is very hard to ignore a hurt like that when it pops into your social media feed. It's possible (I've done it) but it is hard and requires a lot of effort.

Meanwhile, you could prevent it from happening by just not posting the photo. Why does anyone who isn't in the photo need to see it? It's one thing if this is a wedding or something, but people on here are just talking about regular social gatherings -- happy hours, BBQs, a birthday dinner. Why would anyone not attending these events want or need to see them?

Then don’t have social media “friends.” Just follow businesses and groups that you need to or interest you. If personal posts get
Under your skin then you need to adjust what you view. No one is doing anything wrong, hateful, or hurtful by posting pictures from a party. Seriously, this is bananas

Your solution to the extremely common and even scientifically documented phenomenon of people feeling hurt and left out by social media posts is for people to get off social media altogether or to exclusively use it for following businesses?

When you could just have manners instead?

You are right this is bananas.

Because the reasoning is bananas. It's okay to post photos of really fancy dinners, or vacations or huge family gatherings or misspelled signs as LONG AS you are related to everyone in the photo?

What? Who said anything about being related?

I just think it's rude to post photos of private gatherings to a public forum, knowing that there will almost certainly be people who see it and feel left out. I don't care about your relationship status with literally any of the people in this scenario. I'm just talking about rude versus not rude. This seem rude.

so is it fine for me to post a photo of a backyard bbq with my family, siblings and their families, and grandparents? or is that rude?

Why would you need to post this photo? Are there people who might see it and feel left out, like a cousin in a nearby town or one of your siblings? If yes, then yes, it is rude. This isn't even hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have good times with friends all the time and (gasp!) don't even bother to take photos, much less post them to the internet. What's wrong with just keeping your private life private? Then no one's feelings are hurt and you still get to enjoy your life. It's not hard.

When I do occasionally post photos to social media, it's usually something like a sign that has been misspelled in an amusing way. Something that I think might amuse people and that does not require you to be in on something. And when I do have photos from a private event I want to share, I text them to the people who are in them. I can't think of a good reason why people in my extended social network would be interested in it, much less just gushing with happiness about the fact that we had a backyard BBQ or met for rooftop drinks somewhere. And I certainly don't require the external validation from people who weren't there -- I know my life is good already.

Y'all are weird.

I don’t use social media much and don’t take pictures (well, rarely). But I couldn’t care less if others do. I’m not stuck in high school pining to be included in everything by everyone I may be friends or acquainted with. This is really sad for you if you let things like this bother you

Where did I say it bothered me? I don't even look at crap on social media. I truly don't understand what it is for other than as an online white pages to track down someone you lost touch with, or as a platform for private groups or raising money. But I don't think it's surprising that if you do post photos of private social events to social media, it winds up making people feel bad. This seems self evident. Imagine if before Facebook, you sometimes got emailed photos of your neighbor's birthday dinner or the girls night a bunch of moms from your kids school put together without you? I'd view that as hostile, borderline crazy behavior. Just because Facebook makes that easier to do doesn't change the fact that it's obnoxious. I just don't understand why anyone would do this?

It's weird to me that you use a platform where you disagree with the main purpose of it. I can't believe you find looking at other people's photos "hostile behavior." That is unhinged. When a friend wants to show you photos of your vacation, what do you do? Close your eyes? Run away? Call them rude and unhinged?

Please read for understanding. That's not what I said.

Pre-Facebook, if someone had randomly emailed me photos of a private social event they'd held but not invited me to, my response would be "What the hell is this?" I would consider the act of sharing those photos with me hostile, because I honestly can't think of a single reason to share photos of an event with someone who didn't invite OTHER than to make them feel excluded. It would be extremely weird, which is why that is not something people ever did back then.

And that's why I don't post photos like that to social media now. It seems weirdly hostile. "Here's pictures from a girls night with all my best girl friends!" and then sharing it with, for instance, my work friends who I really like but don't mesh with that group, my old bestie from grad school who I still really love but have fallen out of contact with, my neighbor who I know would enjoy being invited to something like this but I honestly just forgot to think of when I made the plans. I don't have to think long or hard to recognize that this has the potential to be hurtful or cause some damage to my relationships, so I would never in a million years post a photo like that. I was THERE. I do not need all my acquaintances, and extended family on Facebook to know about it. I can't think about why I would.

I could care less if someone posts vacation photos (or shares them with me on their phone). I use social media but generally avoid the feed scroll because it's a time suck, so I'm unlikely to see them. Is this even about vacation photos? I thought the topic was feeling left out of gatherings?

So like uh every time you have an acquaintence post a photo you are not in, do you get mad?

i think she DOES get mad. She is positively frothing at the mouth.