I'm so tired of mom cliques

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned some of you do not have any inkling of experiencing happiness for someone else.

I feel happy for people all the time. I am constantly enriched from learning of the joyful things in the lives of my friends, family, and children.

Seeing a group of people I know and thought I was friends with post pictures from a fun event I wasn't invited to still makes me feel sad.

I think it's disingenuous that you don't understand the difference.

The thing is that people here are blaming the people who posted photos of events on social media. The problem is not the photos. The problem is that the relationship is not what you thought it was. That's a valid source of hurt, IMO, but the argument that the real problem is the people posting photos of good times is silly.

PP here and I disagree. The problem is absolutely the photos, or the sharing of them. It focuses attention the hurt. Without the photos, this person might still feel hurt when they find out the relationship wasn't what they thought. But with the photos, they have to confront the evidence of that fact. It actually makes it more hurtful.

It is very hard to ignore a hurt like that when it pops into your social media feed. It's possible (I've done it) but it is hard and requires a lot of effort.

Meanwhile, you could prevent it from happening by just not posting the photo. Why does anyone who isn't in the photo need to see it? It's one thing if this is a wedding or something, but people on here are just talking about regular social gatherings -- happy hours, BBQs, a birthday dinner. Why would anyone not attending these events want or need to see them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but I just don’t see this. They are groups of friends. Not cliques. These are adult women with kids, spouses, jobs, busy lives. They found common ground and connected. No one has the mental energy for “inclusion” of all moms in the entire school, neighborhood, etc. at all cost. Just be friends with who you want And get along with and stop thinking about who you aren’t friends with or what you aren’t invited to. It isn’t personal. No one can be friends with everyone and included in everything

But others may view those groups of friends as cliques.

If mom “cliques” bother you, then you have issues and insecurities. I don’t think at all about what moms are friends with each other or follow anyone on social media or what they post. That is a you problem, not a them problem. Make you own friends and do your own thing- or don’t. But it doesn’t make anyone mean or wrong bc they are friends with each other and post whatever pictures or hashtags you hate on social media. Stay off social media if this makes you feel insecure.

It used to be considered good manners to not talk about parties/events in front of people not invited. That's what happens on social media. It's rude. But manners have gone out the window. Other people notice the bad manners.

Well expecting people to not post anything social on social media; unless their entire friends list that may happen to view such post were invited, is a big reach. It is called social media for a reason. If other people socializing without you bothers you, you really need to change how/if you use social media.

It was not invented for 40 year old women who should know better than to publicize their social gatherings. It truly is a violation of social norms to do that.

Look, I'm not even on social media so I'm not "that mom". But if it bothers you to see others post things, get off. This is really NBD if people post party pictures and what not. Someone secure and mentally heathy doesn't care. Why are you worrying and caring what others are posting and what you were or weren't invited to? That is the problem. Others are not responsible for your mental well being and making sure you feel included in everything; lest they post a picture and someone not in gets hurt feelings. They are living their own life and not worrying about you. Try it.

DP here.

A secure and mentally healthy person would not need to post photos of private social events to social media. It's attention-seeking behavior, In specific cases, it is likely done with the express goal of making people feel excluded, because people with low-esteem often get a boost from feeling better than others.

I'd also argue that repeatedly arguing with strangers on the internet about whether or not it is okay for them to feel sad or hurt by social media posts is not a sign of a secure and mentally healthy person. To quote you, why do you care? Why does it matter to you if some people complain on an anonymous online board about this? How does it impact you? Why don't you take your own advice and simply log off?

The truth is that the world is full of people who are insecure and struggling with mental health. I am one of them some days. You seem to believe that if people just suck it up, suddenly there will be no more social exclusion, no more hurt feelings, no more interpersonal drama. This is what you have called an "unreasonable expectation." Human beings are programmed to seek out social connection, and thus also programmed to experience distress when they feel socially alienated. You can't just eliminate these needs or responses -- they in some ways define us as people.

I personally think that your anger, frustration, and lack of empathy on this subject indicates that something about this is triggering for you. I don't know you so I don't know what it is. Perhaps, again, you should take your own advice and speak to a therapist about it. You could start by saying, "I feel very agitated when people talk about feeling left or excluded." That's an interesting emotional response and a therapist could help you figure out where it is coming from so that you no longer have such strong reactions to comments by anonymous people in an online forum.

I think that your emotional response to this conversation with strangers is more of a problem than the responses PP's are having to feeling excluded by people they actually know and interact with in real life. Their responses make more sense to me -- they care because these people are their friends, neighbors, and members of their immediate community. But your response on this board is a mystery. You don't know any of these people, so why do you care if they feel sad? It's interesting. Maybe you should look inward and see if you can figure it out.

You're speaking with authority and yet you begin with a blanket statement that is not universally true. It is your opinion.

DP, but what motivates people to post pictures of exclusive social events on wider social media? To what end? I'm generally curious.

Why post anything at all to social media? At what point does it go from acceptable to unacceptable to you?

Like, based on the examples above, at what point does the photo cross the line?

1. A photo of what I am eating for dinner
2. A photo of me with my husband and kids at dinner
3. A photo of me with my immediate family plus grandparents at dinner
4. A photo of me with a large group of immediate and extended family at dinner
5. A photo of me with with my immediate family plus a parent friend and their child at dinner

I am legitimately curious.

Please. This isn't an all or nothing issue, so stop making it that. It's not "post nothing on social media" or "post everything on social media."

It's having a modicum of awareness about what you post and why you post it, and recognizing that people might perceive you a certain way based on what you post. You may or may not care what other people think about you, but if you frequently post on social, you probably do.

yeah we know it's not all or nothing. where do you draw the line there? where do you believe it becomes inappropriate? is it between 4 and 5?

When someone (you?) starts their post with: "Why post anything at all to social media? At what point does it go from acceptable to unacceptable to you?" it's not clear that you don't get that it's not an all or nothing issue. The examples listed, all involving family members, are irrelevant to this discussion, which is of friends and, more specifically, mom cliques. Why would I comment on a list of irrelevant examples?

you didn't read the examples carefully then. they include no one, family, then more family, then a large group of family and then a smaller group of people but some are unrelated to the poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have good times with friends all the time and (gasp!) don't even bother to take photos, much less post them to the internet. What's wrong with just keeping your private life private? Then no one's feelings are hurt and you still get to enjoy your life. It's not hard.

When I do occasionally post photos to social media, it's usually something like a sign that has been misspelled in an amusing way. Something that I think might amuse people and that does not require you to be in on something. And when I do have photos from a private event I want to share, I text them to the people who are in them. I can't think of a good reason why people in my extended social network would be interested in it, much less just gushing with happiness about the fact that we had a backyard BBQ or met for rooftop drinks somewhere. And I certainly don't require the external validation from people who weren't there -- I know my life is good already.

Y'all are weird.

I don’t use social media much and don’t take pictures (well, rarely). But I couldn’t care less if others do. I’m not stuck in high school pining to be included in everything by everyone I may be friends or acquainted with. This is really sad for you if you let things like this bother you

Where did I say it bothered me? I don't even look at crap on social media. I truly don't understand what it is for other than as an online white pages to track down someone you lost touch with, or as a platform for private groups or raising money. But I don't think it's surprising that if you do post photos of private social events to social media, it winds up making people feel bad. This seems self evident. Imagine if before Facebook, you sometimes got emailed photos of your neighbor's birthday dinner or the girls night a bunch of moms from your kids school put together without you? I'd view that as hostile, borderline crazy behavior. Just because Facebook makes that easier to do doesn't change the fact that it's obnoxious. I just don't understand why anyone would do this?

It's weird to me that you use a platform where you disagree with the main purpose of it. I can't believe you find looking at other people's photos "hostile behavior." That is unhinged. When a friend wants to show you photos of your vacation, what do you do? Close your eyes? Run away? Call them rude and unhinged?

+1 lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned some of you do not have any inkling of experiencing happiness for someone else.

I feel happy for people all the time. I am constantly enriched from learning of the joyful things in the lives of my friends, family, and children.

Seeing a group of people I know and thought I was friends with post pictures from a fun event I wasn't invited to still makes me feel sad.

I think it's disingenuous that you don't understand the difference.

The thing is that people here are blaming the people who posted photos of events on social media. The problem is not the photos. The problem is that the relationship is not what you thought it was. That's a valid source of hurt, IMO, but the argument that the real problem is the people posting photos of good times is silly.

PP here and I disagree. The problem is absolutely the photos, or the sharing of them. It focuses attention the hurt. Without the photos, this person might still feel hurt when they find out the relationship wasn't what they thought. But with the photos, they have to confront the evidence of that fact. It actually makes it more hurtful.

It is very hard to ignore a hurt like that when it pops into your social media feed. It's possible (I've done it) but it is hard and requires a lot of effort.

Meanwhile, you could prevent it from happening by just not posting the photo. Why does anyone who isn't in the photo need to see it? It's one thing if this is a wedding or something, but people on here are just talking about regular social gatherings -- happy hours, BBQs, a birthday dinner. Why would anyone not attending these events want or need to see them?

Just absurd reasoning. So the photos are the problem because then otherwise you get to keep in your delusion for longer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned some of you do not have any inkling of experiencing happiness for someone else.

I feel happy for people all the time. I am constantly enriched from learning of the joyful things in the lives of my friends, family, and children.

Seeing a group of people I know and thought I was friends with post pictures from a fun event I wasn't invited to still makes me feel sad.

I think it's disingenuous that you don't understand the difference.

The thing is that people here are blaming the people who posted photos of events on social media. The problem is not the photos. The problem is that the relationship is not what you thought it was. That's a valid source of hurt, IMO, but the argument that the real problem is the people posting photos of good times is silly.

PP here and I disagree. The problem is absolutely the photos, or the sharing of them. It focuses attention the hurt. Without the photos, this person might still feel hurt when they find out the relationship wasn't what they thought. But with the photos, they have to confront the evidence of that fact. It actually makes it more hurtful.

It is very hard to ignore a hurt like that when it pops into your social media feed. It's possible (I've done it) but it is hard and requires a lot of effort.

Meanwhile, you could prevent it from happening by just not posting the photo. Why does anyone who isn't in the photo need to see it? It's one thing if this is a wedding or something, but people on here are just talking about regular social gatherings -- happy hours, BBQs, a birthday dinner. Why would anyone not attending these events want or need to see them?

that is definitely a you problem if you see photos of your friends having a good time and you turn it into a personal affront

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have good times with friends all the time and (gasp!) don't even bother to take photos, much less post them to the internet. What's wrong with just keeping your private life private? Then no one's feelings are hurt and you still get to enjoy your life. It's not hard.

When I do occasionally post photos to social media, it's usually something like a sign that has been misspelled in an amusing way. Something that I think might amuse people and that does not require you to be in on something. And when I do have photos from a private event I want to share, I text them to the people who are in them. I can't think of a good reason why people in my extended social network would be interested in it, much less just gushing with happiness about the fact that we had a backyard BBQ or met for rooftop drinks somewhere. And I certainly don't require the external validation from people who weren't there -- I know my life is good already.

Y'all are weird.

I don’t use social media much and don’t take pictures (well, rarely). But I couldn’t care less if others do. I’m not stuck in high school pining to be included in everything by everyone I may be friends or acquainted with. This is really sad for you if you let things like this bother you

Where did I say it bothered me? I don't even look at crap on social media. I truly don't understand what it is for other than as an online white pages to track down someone you lost touch with, or as a platform for private groups or raising money. But I don't think it's surprising that if you do post photos of private social events to social media, it winds up making people feel bad. This seems self evident. Imagine if before Facebook, you sometimes got emailed photos of your neighbor's birthday dinner or the girls night a bunch of moms from your kids school put together without you? I'd view that as hostile, borderline crazy behavior. Just because Facebook makes that easier to do doesn't change the fact that it's obnoxious. I just don't understand why anyone would do this?

Why would you view a photo of someone you like having a good time hostile, borderline crazy behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned some of you do not have any inkling of experiencing happiness for someone else.

I feel happy for people all the time. I am constantly enriched from learning of the joyful things in the lives of my friends, family, and children.

Seeing a group of people I know and thought I was friends with post pictures from a fun event I wasn't invited to still makes me feel sad.

I think it's disingenuous that you don't understand the difference.

The thing is that people here are blaming the people who posted photos of events on social media. The problem is not the photos. The problem is that the relationship is not what you thought it was. That's a valid source of hurt, IMO, but the argument that the real problem is the people posting photos of good times is silly.

PP here and I disagree. The problem is absolutely the photos, or the sharing of them. It focuses attention the hurt. Without the photos, this person might still feel hurt when they find out the relationship wasn't what they thought. But with the photos, they have to confront the evidence of that fact. It actually makes it more hurtful.

It is very hard to ignore a hurt like that when it pops into your social media feed. It's possible (I've done it) but it is hard and requires a lot of effort.

Meanwhile, you could prevent it from happening by just not posting the photo. Why does anyone who isn't in the photo need to see it? It's one thing if this is a wedding or something, but people on here are just talking about regular social gatherings -- happy hours, BBQs, a birthday dinner. Why would anyone not attending these events want or need to see them?

Then don’t have social media “friends.” Just follow businesses and groups that you need to or interest you. If personal posts get
Under your skin then you need to adjust what you view. No one is doing anything wrong, hateful, or hurtful by posting pictures from a party. Seriously, this is bananas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have good times with friends all the time and (gasp!) don't even bother to take photos, much less post them to the internet. What's wrong with just keeping your private life private? Then no one's feelings are hurt and you still get to enjoy your life. It's not hard.

When I do occasionally post photos to social media, it's usually something like a sign that has been misspelled in an amusing way. Something that I think might amuse people and that does not require you to be in on something. And when I do have photos from a private event I want to share, I text them to the people who are in them. I can't think of a good reason why people in my extended social network would be interested in it, much less just gushing with happiness about the fact that we had a backyard BBQ or met for rooftop drinks somewhere. And I certainly don't require the external validation from people who weren't there -- I know my life is good already.

Y'all are weird.

I don’t use social media much and don’t take pictures (well, rarely). But I couldn’t care less if others do. I’m not stuck in high school pining to be included in everything by everyone I may be friends or acquainted with. This is really sad for you if you let things like this bother you

Where did I say it bothered me? I don't even look at crap on social media. I truly don't understand what it is for other than as an online white pages to track down someone you lost touch with, or as a platform for private groups or raising money. But I don't think it's surprising that if you do post photos of private social events to social media, it winds up making people feel bad. This seems self evident. Imagine if before Facebook, you sometimes got emailed photos of your neighbor's birthday dinner or the girls night a bunch of moms from your kids school put together without you? I'd view that as hostile, borderline crazy behavior. Just because Facebook makes that easier to do doesn't change the fact that it's obnoxious. I just don't understand why anyone would do this?

It's weird to me that you use a platform where you disagree with the main purpose of it. I can't believe you find looking at other people's photos "hostile behavior." That is unhinged. When a friend wants to show you photos of your vacation, what do you do? Close your eyes? Run away? Call them rude and unhinged?

Please read for understanding. That's not what I said.

Pre-Facebook, if someone had randomly emailed me photos of a private social event they'd held but not invited me to, my response would be "What the hell is this?" I would consider the act of sharing those photos with me hostile, because I honestly can't think of a single reason to share photos of an event with someone who didn't invite OTHER than to make them feel excluded. It would be extremely weird, which is why that is not something people ever did back then.

And that's why I don't post photos like that to social media now. It seems weirdly hostile. "Here's pictures from a girls night with all my best girl friends!" and then sharing it with, for instance, my work friends who I really like but don't mesh with that group, my old bestie from grad school who I still really love but have fallen out of contact with, my neighbor who I know would enjoy being invited to something like this but I honestly just forgot to think of when I made the plans. I don't have to think long or hard to recognize that this has the potential to be hurtful or cause some damage to my relationships, so I would never in a million years post a photo like that. I was THERE. I do not need all my acquaintances, and extended family on Facebook to know about it. I can't think about why I would.

I could care less if someone posts vacation photos (or shares them with me on their phone). I use social media but generally avoid the feed scroll because it's a time suck, so I'm unlikely to see them. Is this even about vacation photos? I thought the topic was feeling left out of gatherings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned some of you do not have any inkling of experiencing happiness for someone else.

I feel happy for people all the time. I am constantly enriched from learning of the joyful things in the lives of my friends, family, and children.

Seeing a group of people I know and thought I was friends with post pictures from a fun event I wasn't invited to still makes me feel sad.

I think it's disingenuous that you don't understand the difference.

The thing is that people here are blaming the people who posted photos of events on social media. The problem is not the photos. The problem is that the relationship is not what you thought it was. That's a valid source of hurt, IMO, but the argument that the real problem is the people posting photos of good times is silly.

PP here and I disagree. The problem is absolutely the photos, or the sharing of them. It focuses attention the hurt. Without the photos, this person might still feel hurt when they find out the relationship wasn't what they thought. But with the photos, they have to confront the evidence of that fact. It actually makes it more hurtful.

It is very hard to ignore a hurt like that when it pops into your social media feed. It's possible (I've done it) but it is hard and requires a lot of effort.

Meanwhile, you could prevent it from happening by just not posting the photo. Why does anyone who isn't in the photo need to see it? It's one thing if this is a wedding or something, but people on here are just talking about regular social gatherings -- happy hours, BBQs, a birthday dinner. Why would anyone not attending these events want or need to see them?

that is definitely a you problem if you see photos of your friends having a good time and you turn it into a personal affront

DP but why didn't her "friends" invite her? I find it hard to believe the defenders of posting small gatherings on social media wouldn't feel a certain way if they found out they were left out sometimes. It's weird that you're calling these people her friends when they didn't even think to include her. The issue is the uninvited one now questions the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned some of you do not have any inkling of experiencing happiness for someone else.

I feel happy for people all the time. I am constantly enriched from learning of the joyful things in the lives of my friends, family, and children.

Seeing a group of people I know and thought I was friends with post pictures from a fun event I wasn't invited to still makes me feel sad.

I think it's disingenuous that you don't understand the difference.

The thing is that people here are blaming the people who posted photos of events on social media. The problem is not the photos. The problem is that the relationship is not what you thought it was. That's a valid source of hurt, IMO, but the argument that the real problem is the people posting photos of good times is silly.

PP here and I disagree. The problem is absolutely the photos, or the sharing of them. It focuses attention the hurt. Without the photos, this person might still feel hurt when they find out the relationship wasn't what they thought. But with the photos, they have to confront the evidence of that fact. It actually makes it more hurtful.

It is very hard to ignore a hurt like that when it pops into your social media feed. It's possible (I've done it) but it is hard and requires a lot of effort.

Meanwhile, you could prevent it from happening by just not posting the photo. Why does anyone who isn't in the photo need to see it? It's one thing if this is a wedding or something, but people on here are just talking about regular social gatherings -- happy hours, BBQs, a birthday dinner. Why would anyone not attending these events want or need to see them?

Then don’t have social media “friends.” Just follow businesses and groups that you need to or interest you. If personal posts get
Under your skin then you need to adjust what you view. No one is doing anything wrong, hateful, or hurtful by posting pictures from a party. Seriously, this is bananas

Your solution to the extremely common and even scientifically documented phenomenon of people feeling hurt and left out by social media posts is for people to get off social media altogether or to exclusively use it for following businesses?

When you could just have manners instead?

You are right this is bananas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have good times with friends all the time and (gasp!) don't even bother to take photos, much less post them to the internet. What's wrong with just keeping your private life private? Then no one's feelings are hurt and you still get to enjoy your life. It's not hard.

When I do occasionally post photos to social media, it's usually something like a sign that has been misspelled in an amusing way. Something that I think might amuse people and that does not require you to be in on something. And when I do have photos from a private event I want to share, I text them to the people who are in them. I can't think of a good reason why people in my extended social network would be interested in it, much less just gushing with happiness about the fact that we had a backyard BBQ or met for rooftop drinks somewhere. And I certainly don't require the external validation from people who weren't there -- I know my life is good already.

Y'all are weird.

I don’t use social media much and don’t take pictures (well, rarely). But I couldn’t care less if others do. I’m not stuck in high school pining to be included in everything by everyone I may be friends or acquainted with. This is really sad for you if you let things like this bother you

Where did I say it bothered me? I don't even look at crap on social media. I truly don't understand what it is for other than as an online white pages to track down someone you lost touch with, or as a platform for private groups or raising money. But I don't think it's surprising that if you do post photos of private social events to social media, it winds up making people feel bad. This seems self evident. Imagine if before Facebook, you sometimes got emailed photos of your neighbor's birthday dinner or the girls night a bunch of moms from your kids school put together without you? I'd view that as hostile, borderline crazy behavior. Just because Facebook makes that easier to do doesn't change the fact that it's obnoxious. I just don't understand why anyone would do this?

It's weird to me that you use a platform where you disagree with the main purpose of it. I can't believe you find looking at other people's photos "hostile behavior." That is unhinged. When a friend wants to show you photos of your vacation, what do you do? Close your eyes? Run away? Call them rude and unhinged?

Please read for understanding. That's not what I said.

Pre-Facebook, if someone had randomly emailed me photos of a private social event they'd held but not invited me to, my response would be "What the hell is this?" I would consider the act of sharing those photos with me hostile, because I honestly can't think of a single reason to share photos of an event with someone who didn't invite OTHER than to make them feel excluded. It would be extremely weird, which is why that is not something people ever did back then.

And that's why I don't post photos like that to social media now. It seems weirdly hostile. "Here's pictures from a girls night with all my best girl friends!" and then sharing it with, for instance, my work friends who I really like but don't mesh with that group, my old bestie from grad school who I still really love but have fallen out of contact with, my neighbor who I know would enjoy being invited to something like this but I honestly just forgot to think of when I made the plans. I don't have to think long or hard to recognize that this has the potential to be hurtful or cause some damage to my relationships, so I would never in a million years post a photo like that. I was THERE. I do not need all my acquaintances, and extended family on Facebook to know about it. I can't think about why I would.

I could care less if someone posts vacation photos (or shares them with me on their phone). I use social media but generally avoid the feed scroll because it's a time suck, so I'm unlikely to see them. Is this even about vacation photos? I thought the topic was feeling left out of gatherings?

so vacation photos are fine but what if a few of your friends are also in the vacation photo? is it bad then?

[Anonymous]

Here’s where i see it.
In person, in “real life,” we have been taught from a young age to watch how you talk about private parties in front of everybody.

Our moms: “larla, next time remember it’s rude to talk about your party in front of Stacy. Remember you only had room for 10 and you didn’t invite her.”

“Ok mom!”

Next time we remembered when we had our 4 best friends over, we didn’t go on about it in front of Friend 5 and 6. If they ASK, go ahead and tell them. But it was rude to have inside jokes galore on Monday. Just, keep it to yourself. You’ll hang out with Friend 5 and 6 next weekend.

Now, people are doing the equivalent of the bad-mannered this on social media. They have their friends numbers. They can, if they weren’t whores, share photos directly with their best friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned some of you do not have any inkling of experiencing happiness for someone else.

I feel happy for people all the time. I am constantly enriched from learning of the joyful things in the lives of my friends, family, and children.

Seeing a group of people I know and thought I was friends with post pictures from a fun event I wasn't invited to still makes me feel sad.

I think it's disingenuous that you don't understand the difference.

The thing is that people here are blaming the people who posted photos of events on social media. The problem is not the photos. The problem is that the relationship is not what you thought it was. That's a valid source of hurt, IMO, but the argument that the real problem is the people posting photos of good times is silly.

PP here and I disagree. The problem is absolutely the photos, or the sharing of them. It focuses attention the hurt. Without the photos, this person might still feel hurt when they find out the relationship wasn't what they thought. But with the photos, they have to confront the evidence of that fact. It actually makes it more hurtful.

It is very hard to ignore a hurt like that when it pops into your social media feed. It's possible (I've done it) but it is hard and requires a lot of effort.

Meanwhile, you could prevent it from happening by just not posting the photo. Why does anyone who isn't in the photo need to see it? It's one thing if this is a wedding or something, but people on here are just talking about regular social gatherings -- happy hours, BBQs, a birthday dinner. Why would anyone not attending these events want or need to see them?

that is definitely a you problem if you see photos of your friends having a good time and you turn it into a personal affront

DP but why didn't her "friends" invite her? I find it hard to believe the defenders of posting small gatherings on social media wouldn't feel a certain way if they found out they were left out sometimes. It's weird that you're calling these people her friends when they didn't even think to include her. The issue is the uninvited one now questions the friendship.

...my friends have lives without me? i get included often enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s where i see it.
In person, in “real life,” we have been taught from a young age to watch how you talk about private parties in front of everybody.

Our moms: “larla, next time remember it’s rude to talk about your party in front of Stacy. Remember you only had room for 10 and you didn’t invite her.”

“Ok mom!”

Next time we remembered when we had our 4 best friends over, we didn’t go on about it in front of Friend 5 and 6. If they ASK, go ahead and tell them. But it was rude to have inside jokes galore on Monday. Just, keep it to yourself. You’ll hang out with Friend 5 and 6 next weekend.

Now, people are doing the equivalent of the bad-mannered this on social media. They have their friends numbers. They can, if they weren’t whores, share photos directly with their best friends.

Sorry lol, I’m getting testy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned some of you do not have any inkling of experiencing happiness for someone else.

I feel happy for people all the time. I am constantly enriched from learning of the joyful things in the lives of my friends, family, and children.

Seeing a group of people I know and thought I was friends with post pictures from a fun event I wasn't invited to still makes me feel sad.

I think it's disingenuous that you don't understand the difference.

The thing is that people here are blaming the people who posted photos of events on social media. The problem is not the photos. The problem is that the relationship is not what you thought it was. That's a valid source of hurt, IMO, but the argument that the real problem is the people posting photos of good times is silly.

PP here and I disagree. The problem is absolutely the photos, or the sharing of them. It focuses attention the hurt. Without the photos, this person might still feel hurt when they find out the relationship wasn't what they thought. But with the photos, they have to confront the evidence of that fact. It actually makes it more hurtful.

It is very hard to ignore a hurt like that when it pops into your social media feed. It's possible (I've done it) but it is hard and requires a lot of effort.

Meanwhile, you could prevent it from happening by just not posting the photo. Why does anyone who isn't in the photo need to see it? It's one thing if this is a wedding or something, but people on here are just talking about regular social gatherings -- happy hours, BBQs, a birthday dinner. Why would anyone not attending these events want or need to see them?

that is definitely a you problem if you see photos of your friends having a good time and you turn it into a personal affront

DP but why didn't her "friends" invite her? I find it hard to believe the defenders of posting small gatherings on social media wouldn't feel a certain way if they found out they were left out sometimes. It's weird that you're calling these people her friends when they didn't even think to include her. The issue is the uninvited one now questions the friendship.

...my friends have lives without me? i get included often enough.

So, your situation is not like OPs. Of course you get included and can't relate.