I'm so tired of mom cliques

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you a friendly, approachable person? Do you ever initiate or make plans? I find that the people who complain about this are never the organizers and are often awkward socially.

OP here - yes, I actually am! I've tried to invite people out for coffee or drinks, I try to do playdates, but it's not the same when you don't live in the neighborhood and run into people walking or driving down the street or when the neighborhood has parties and you don't live there, so you can't attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes they are everywhere. Just do your best to focus on other areas as best you can, and be friendly to all.

(And yes, it sucks. I'm frequently the one on the outside, despite being involved in lots of activities with all of them.)

OP here - this is me. I know them, our kids are friends, I just don't live in the cool neighborhood, so I am not one of them, nor will I ever be.

15:29 here - I actually live in the "cool" neighborhood and am still excluded. I saw on FB that the neighborhood moms hosted a baby shower for another neighborhood mom. Yep, not invited and didn't know about it - despite knowing most everyone. Yes, it sucks.

Oof, that sounds hurtful, I'm sorry!

[Anonymous]

Another one here who is involved in the school, hosts playdates, lives in the "cool" neighborhood is is excluded.

I also agree with PP that I've been much happier since I stopped tried to get myself included. Turning 40 helped too. Fewer f&%$# to give.

[Anonymous]

Why do people want mom friends I don’t understand. Cool if it happens organically, but why is this a type of friend people want for the sake of it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people want mom friends I don’t understand. Cool if it happens organically, but why is this a type of friend people want for the sake of it?

Most of the new women I meet are moms. So that's pretty much my only option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another one here who is involved in the school, hosts playdates, lives in the "cool" neighborhood is is excluded.

I also agree with PP that I've been much happier since I stopped tried to get myself included. Turning 40 helped too. Fewer f&%$# to give.

I don’t even know who the cool moms are so I guess I am definitely not one of them.

I am friendly with some moms from school and sports. We don’t go out drinking but we chit chat and hang out at games, school functions and some parties.

I have my own friends and hang out with them without kid. They are just friends, not mom friends even though they are all moms.

[Anonymous]

After some mild elementary school girl drama, I’ve realized that I actually want my friends to be separate from my kid’s friends.

It’s great when I get along with a few of my kid’s friends’ parents, but I’d rather have them independent from each other, because then I don’t have to worry about awkwardness with a friend because our kids are being mean to each other on the regular.

That being said, it can be lonely when you don’t have those more casual friendships. I’ve only done this in a COVID/post-COVID world, so I wonder how much of that is because people have kind of stopped cultivating those more circumstantial friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you a friendly, approachable person? Do you ever initiate or make plans? I find that the people who complain about this are never the organizers and are often awkward socially.

OP here - yes, I actually am! I've tried to invite people out for coffee or drinks, I try to do playdates, but it's not the same when you don't live in the neighborhood and run into people walking or driving down the street or when the neighborhood has parties and you don't live there, so you can't attend.

Yeah, you don't want to be part of the neighborhood you think is "popular". Those byotches are stuck in high school. Don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After some mild elementary school girl drama, I’ve realized that I actually want my friends to be separate from my kid’s friends.

It’s great when I get along with a few of my kid’s friends’ parents, but I’d rather have them independent from each other, because then I don’t have to worry about awkwardness with a friend because our kids are being mean to each other on the regular.

That being said, it can be lonely when you don’t have those more casual friendships. I’ve only done this in a COVID/post-COVID world, so I wonder how much of that is because people have kind of stopped cultivating those more circumstantial friendships.

x100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people want mom friends I don’t understand. Cool if it happens organically, but why is this a type of friend people want for the sake of it?

Because there is nothing else. everyone wants to be a hero, until they are not. You don't inspire me one bit, get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people want mom friends I don’t understand. Cool if it happens organically, but why is this a type of friend people want for the sake of it?

Because there is nothing else. everyone wants to be a hero, until they are not. You don't inspire me one bit, get over yourself.

huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not the popular mom but I have a popular kid. We don’t live in the cool neighborhood but we live in the rich neighborhood. I host a lot of play dates. My kids have nice birthday parties.

I’m part of all the kid activities but I am not friends with any moms. We are friendly though.

I didn't write this but could have. I feel that the other moms are chronically judging (almost by middle school criteria). Whenever I meet someone from that clique for the first time, they always swing the conversation to where we live or some other "class marker" topic when I pass the test the conversation advances. I can't stand this behavior but put up with it. It sadly prevents real friendships with them. Kids are in fancy private school so sometimes I wonder if it's worse than public in this regard.

[Anonymous]

Now I’m wondering what the cool neighbor

Hood is and who the cool moms are. (:

[Anonymous]

My kid doesn’t join anything. So no sports cliques or Facebook groups with all the class info.

So I wave and say hi to school Moms.

I am meeting people through a new sport I started for me. It is so great to meet people outside of work and outside of my child’s school who like to play my sport!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now I’m wondering what the cool neighbor

Hood is and who the cool moms are. (:

It's the wealthiest that feeds into the school. If your kid is in private it's the quiet one with leafy streets and average home prices over $2M