Location sharing with spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can only think of suspect reasons NOT to share. A controlling spouse you are hiding from, some kind of unhealthy boundary issues in your relationship you haven't addressed, laziness, doing things you shouldn't be doing or aren't willing to share.

And at its very core, it's a safety issue.

Honestly, if you have children, especially kids who are driving age, and you don't have "find my" or life 360 with your whole family, why not?

Somehow, dozens if not hundreds of generations survived without "Life 360." God, it even sounds like some dystopian invention.

We also managed without smart phones, tablets, computers, the internet, and anonymous mommy blogs. Yet, here we all are.

Would you like me to remind you of the things that were perfectly normal for hundreds of generations that are illegal, verboten, etc today? It goes both ways of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend's family all track each other and are proud to speak about how helpful it is but she also flipped out when her own parents retired and wanted to be in the tracking group because she didnt want them to know what her family was doing every moment. It was interesting to see her "over my dead body" reaction when she is such a big proponent of tracking.

Why is it weird? She doesn't want people outside of her household having their location. That sounds fine. No one is saying that everyone should share their location with everyone they come across. Your spouse and children are presumably closer to you than the starbucks barista or grandparents you see twice a year.

But why would it matter if they had her location? They would only check if it they needed to because of arriving / leaving or for safety.

How do you know that's how her parents would use it? It appears that some of you folks have trouble understanding the differing quality of relationships.

I can't figure out if these people are being purposefully obtuse to try to make a point or if they're really that dim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should also add that a lot of this has to do with his mistrust of the “surveillance state.” He has some philosophical thing against it, which I said was dumb considering I am your wife not the government. He said he just doesn’t want to be tracked 24/7. I said I have no intention or desire to do that and around and around we went.

It ended with him agreeing to share and me removing it because I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.

I think I am going to take a couple steps back emotionally and see what he does - whether he matches my energy or not. If he doesn’t meant to share his location? Ok fine, I will never ask where he is ir what he is up to again.

Your husband's an idiot then, because I bet he has at least a dozen apps that are tracking his location, and possibly selling that and other information, across the world. I mean, come on.

[Anonymous]

my husband and kids wandered out into the neighborhood yesterday to find a place to sled. I rarely look at his location but I looked at it yesterday to see where they were and when they were heading home so I could make some hot cocoa while he wasn't looking at his phone. Is this absolutely necessary? No, but it's a nice convenience and neither of us have anything to hide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't currently, nor does my husband with me. But if that was his reaction? I'd be going through is phone TODAY. That response is suspicious AF.

Op here. I did, didn’t find anything.

How do you go through someone's phone? I don't have my husband's password nor he mine.

Of course I have my H's password and he has mine, why wouldn't he. How would he unlock it when he is using it.

For privacy?

Having someone's password doesn't mean you're violating their privacy. It's not hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't currently, nor does my husband with me. But if that was his reaction? I'd be going through is phone TODAY. That response is suspicious AF.

Op here. I did, didn’t find anything.

So now what?
Tell us how your marriage is otherwise then …

I mean, I guess he could have a burner phone but then why would he not want to share his location on the “clean” one? 🤔

As to how I was able to go through his phone, we share the same passcode. That’s why I thought nothing about this location sharing request! We’ve never had trust issues before. In my mind, it was to make logistics easier and simpler and not some huge ask or philosophical thing about trust and surveillance.

Our marriage in general is pretty good. We hardly ever fight, still have frequent sex l, still say I love you several times a day, etc. I think the reason why I’m feeling so upset about this is because we hardly ever fight and so I’m not used to this unsettled feeling.

At the end of the fight, I was still being pretty frosty and he wanted us to agree that it was a difference in perspective leading to misunderstanding and miscommunication. We use location sharing with our kids differently - I use it for logistics, he does use it to check up on them and make sure they are where they said there are. So that’s why he felt insulted when I asked. He thought I was implying that we think he is untrustworthy and up to shady stuff.

It’s interesting that he dislikes the “surveillance state” but is using the technology to surveil your kids because he apparently doesn’t trust them. His reaction is understandable given this context, but it sure doesn’t speak highly of his character, unless he has some reason for thinking the kids may be lying or doing bad things. I think the vast majority of us use the location settings for logistical or safety purposes.

I’m really surprised to learn that people don’t use the technology with their kids. I only check if they aren’t home when I expect them or, when they are new drivers driving at night or for long distances, whether they have reached their destinations.

These people are always just projecting. "I don't want you tracking me, because I know how I'd track you and I wouldn't that done to me".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can only think of suspect reasons NOT to share. A controlling spouse you are hiding from, some kind of unhealthy boundary issues in your relationship you haven't addressed, laziness, doing things you shouldn't be doing or aren't willing to share.

And at its very core, it's a safety issue.

Honestly, if you have children, especially kids who are driving age, and you don't have "find my" or life 360 with your whole family, why not?

Somehow, dozens if not hundreds of generations survived without "Life 360." God, it even sounds like some dystopian invention.

We also managed without smart phones, tablets, computers, the internet, and anonymous mommy blogs. Yet, here we all are.

Would you like me to remind you of the things that were perfectly normal for hundreds of generations that are illegal, verboten, etc today? It goes both ways of course.

No one has said tracking should be illegal or "verboten" for god's sake. Just that many of us feel it's unnecessary and intrusive. But I also don't have Facebook or Instagram, so blazoning my location and doings isn't my jam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't currently, nor does my husband with me. But if that was his reaction? I'd be going through is phone TODAY. That response is suspicious AF.

Op here. I did, didn’t find anything.

How do you go through someone's phone? I don't have my husband's password nor he mine.

Of course I have my H's password and he has mine, why wouldn't he. How would he unlock it when he is using it.

For privacy?

Having someone's password doesn't mean you're violating their privacy. It's not hard.

But it does mean they could. I prefer to take that option off the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can only think of suspect reasons NOT to share. A controlling spouse you are hiding from, some kind of unhealthy boundary issues in your relationship you haven't addressed, laziness, doing things you shouldn't be doing or aren't willing to share.

And at its very core, it's a safety issue.

Honestly, if you have children, especially kids who are driving age, and you don't have "find my" or life 360 with your whole family, why not?

Somehow, dozens if not hundreds of generations survived without "Life 360." God, it even sounds like some dystopian invention.

We also managed without smart phones, tablets, computers, the internet, and anonymous mommy blogs. Yet, here we all are.

Would you like me to remind you of the things that were perfectly normal for hundreds of generations that are illegal, verboten, etc today? It goes both ways of course.

No one has said tracking should be illegal or "verboten" for god's sake. Just that many of us feel it's unnecessary and intrusive. But I also don't have Facebook or Instagram, so blazoning my location and doings isn't my jam.

I guess where I get stuck is….the tech companies are tracking you. You don’t have to be using FB or Instagram to be tracked. Apple knows where you are. And for some reason…it sounds like some of you find it intrusive for your spouse to also know? I mean, I get it on principle and if I lived in 1990 I’d probably be horrified. But if some random engineer at Apple knows where I am…my partner might as well know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we don't share, nor would I. We very occasioally turn it on if one of us will be alone in a remote place just for safety but otherwise no. I don't need to know where he is every single second and he doesn't need to know where I am. I have zero interest in tracking him and have zero interest in being tracked. I am someone that likes privacy and wouldn't be with someone who needed to be able to check on me 24/7 and know where I was at all times.

And if my teen daugher told me that her boyfriend wanted to track her and needed to know where she is at all times, I would not tell her oh that is so sweet and loving, he just clearly cares about you so much. I would tell her to run.

I find this so odd given that I have kids. Why wouldn't you want your spouse (or your child) to know where you are? Do you literally just leave the house and say I'll be back in 4 hours but I'm not telling you where I'm going?

If your spouse wants to know they can ask, rather than spy on you.

You must live a different life than some of the people on here. At a sports tournament where there are a ton of fields, it's nice not to have to be checking your phone for texts to find each other. I hate being bothered by texts and calls when I'm doing other things. I'd rather my husband find me through my phone then me have to spent 10 minutes texting about which field we're on while I'm trying to talk to other people and/or watch my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can only think of suspect reasons NOT to share. A controlling spouse you are hiding from, some kind of unhealthy boundary issues in your relationship you haven't addressed, laziness, doing things you shouldn't be doing or aren't willing to share.

And at its very core, it's a safety issue.

Honestly, if you have children, especially kids who are driving age, and you don't have "find my" or life 360 with your whole family, why not?

Somehow, dozens if not hundreds of generations survived without "Life 360." God, it even sounds like some dystopian invention.

Dozens if not hundreds of generations survived without electricity as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't currently, nor does my husband with me. But if that was his reaction? I'd be going through is phone TODAY. That response is suspicious AF.

Op here. I did, didn’t find anything.

How do you go through someone's phone? I don't have my husband's password nor he mine.

Of course I have my H's password and he has mine, why wouldn't he. How would he unlock it when he is using it.

For privacy?

Having someone's password doesn't mean you're violating their privacy. It's not hard.

But it does mean they could. I prefer to take that option off the table.

So you would rather be married to someone that you don't trust enough to share your password with than the reverse? Interesting. I'd rather be married to someone I trust enough to share my password with because I know they'd never use it to violate my privacy. But you do what you need to in order to protect yourself I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW always thought sharing locations was odd. Implies to me something controlling about person requesting or trust issues. (Person who's never cheated or been cheated on that know of.)

This. I was married to someone who was diagnosed with Obsessive/Compusive behavior. I never want to be associated with someone with that behavior again.

I hope you're seeing someone for your issues.

Many people aren't controlling or have OCD. Those people have no problem with location sharing. Your probably was that you married someone with a mental illness. Do you now see how that's not the case for most people?

Normal, healthy couples, with normal, healthy boundaries and mental health, don't have a problem with sharing locations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can only think of suspect reasons NOT to share. A controlling spouse you are hiding from, some kind of unhealthy boundary issues in your relationship you haven't addressed, laziness, doing things you shouldn't be doing or aren't willing to share.

And at its very core, it's a safety issue.

Honestly, if you have children, especially kids who are driving age, and you don't have "find my" or life 360 with your whole family, why not?

Somehow, dozens if not hundreds of generations survived without "Life 360." God, it even sounds like some dystopian invention.

We also managed without smart phones, tablets, computers, the internet, and anonymous mommy blogs. Yet, here we all are.

Would you like me to remind you of the things that were perfectly normal for hundreds of generations that are illegal, verboten, etc today? It goes both ways of course.

No one has said tracking should be illegal or "verboten" for god's sake. Just that many of us feel it's unnecessary and intrusive. But I also don't have Facebook or Instagram, so blazoning my location and doings isn't my jam.

You missed the point entirely. For hundreds of generations we lived in ways that are completely unacceptable today. We have advancements today that we would never want to live without.

In my experience, People who rely on what happened for hundreds of generations as a reason something should or shouldn’t happen in 2026 have shockingly poor judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't currently, nor does my husband with me. But if that was his reaction? I'd be going through is phone TODAY. That response is suspicious AF.

Op here. I did, didn’t find anything.

How do you go through someone's phone? I don't have my husband's password nor he mine.

Of course I have my H's password and he has mine, why wouldn't he. How would he unlock it when he is using it.

For privacy?

Having someone's password doesn't mean you're violating their privacy. It's not hard.

But it does mean they could. I prefer to take that option off the table.

I’m sorry you feel that way about your spouse. Doesn’t sound like a whole lot of
trust.