DH wants to pay for his older sister’s intervention and inpatient rehab

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update: We did the intervention on the condition the MIL pay for it. She gave us an IOU.

In the period between scheduling the intervention, DH found out that MIL has been paying for all of SIL’s bills (rent, car insurance, phone, credit card, etc.) and that SIL is on Medicaid, so intervention would be fully paid for by state.

Intervention day comes and she agrees to go. Gets to the facility and she tells the people she doesn’t think she has a problem, so they can’t admit her. Talk to another facility and they say the same thing.

So DH and I are out the money. Yah!

Why are you out of money if Medicaid will pay for it? In any event, you tried. You need to keep the boundaries you set et intervention which are hopefully I won’t stay by and watch you kill your self. Call me only when you decide you are ready for help. No other contact besides that. MIL should not enable her but some parents do that. You can stay out of it and not see her.
M

The intervention was $10K. That is my plan, completely agree. DH is another story. And MIL is enabling so not sure if anything will change, which is what I’ve been telling DH all along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If were in OP's shoes I would say I am willing to help, but am unwilling to participate in the huge scam that 99% of the rehab industry is. Interventionists are among the most scammy; they regularly get kickbacks from rehabs they refer people to. Rehabs have abysmal recovery rates; they cover this up by saying relapses are an inevitable part of recovery. Maybe they just aren't very good, regardless of price, or just too busy reaping their scammy profits.

Step one of recovery is detox, after that it is maintenance. Unlike alcohol detox, opiate detox for an otherwise healthy person is not dangerous. This can be done for free at home if DH is willing to do 24/7 monitoring for ten days or so to make sure his sister doesn't attempt to leave to score opiates to counter the very unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. If he is that concerned, he should be willing to put in the work.

An alternative is that he can take her to the three-day rapid detox at the Coleman Institute in Richmond. This may be as much as $10,000, possibly less. Insurance may partially cover, but I would let MIL pay anything owed.

At the end of in home withdrawal or the rapid detox, the sister should immediately get a Vivitrol shot--even Medicaid pays for this. DH then should be all in on taking her in every month for a year for another injection and monitoring her for daily attendance at Narcotics Anonymous (not at all scammy and free, apart for nominal contributions at each meeting that the sister should pay) for 90 days, after which he can back off to two or three times a week.

I would present to DH my free (for OP and DH) rehab program to him, which likely has more than a ten times better chance of success.

Thank you! And yes, there is where I was at. What got me pausing was the immediate step to the $45k option, instead of any discussion of other options, especially given we are working-class people (at least DH and I are, SIL and MIL do not work).

PP here. The rehab industrial complex absolutely preys upon families who are desperate for their loved ones and cons them into thinking the expensive options are the only route if the families really love their addicted loved one. It is disgusting and has gotten much worse since most insurance rules mandate some rehab coverage. More money for the scammers to scam with only their sky-high relapse rates to show.

This is absolutely true and I'm glad that someone used this term. There are tens of thousands of people/ organizations whose very livelihood depends on the existence of addicts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If were in OP's shoes I would say I am willing to help, but am unwilling to participate in the huge scam that 99% of the rehab industry is. Interventionists are among the most scammy; they regularly get kickbacks from rehabs they refer people to. Rehabs have abysmal recovery rates; they cover this up by saying relapses are an inevitable part of recovery. Maybe they just aren't very good, regardless of price, or just too busy reaping their scammy profits.

Step one of recovery is detox, after that it is maintenance. Unlike alcohol detox, opiate detox for an otherwise healthy person is not dangerous. This can be done for free at home if DH is willing to do 24/7 monitoring for ten days or so to make sure his sister doesn't attempt to leave to score opiates to counter the very unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. If he is that concerned, he should be willing to put in the work.

An alternative is that he can take her to the three-day rapid detox at the Coleman Institute in Richmond. This may be as much as $10,000, possibly less. Insurance may partially cover, but I would let MIL pay anything owed.

At the end of in home withdrawal or the rapid detox, the sister should immediately get a Vivitrol shot--even Medicaid pays for this. DH then should be all in on taking her in every month for a year for another injection and monitoring her for daily attendance at Narcotics Anonymous (not at all scammy and free, apart for nominal contributions at each meeting that the sister should pay) for 90 days, after which he can back off to two or three times a week.

I would present to DH my free (for OP and DH) rehab program to him, which likely has more than a ten times better chance of success.

Thank you! And yes, there is where I was at. What got me pausing was the immediate step to the $45k option, instead of any discussion of other options, especially given we are working-class people (at least DH and I are, SIL and MIL do not work).

PP here. The rehab industrial complex absolutely preys upon families who are desperate for their loved ones and cons them into thinking the expensive options are the only route if the families really love their addicted loved one. It is disgusting and has gotten much worse since most insurance rules mandate some rehab coverage. More money for the scammers to scam with only their sky-high relapse rates to show.

This is absolutely true and I'm glad that someone used this term. There are tens of thousands of people/ organizations whose very livelihood depends on the existence of addicts.

I guess in this case it’s good we aren’t in the system. But SIL would never agree to detox at home or anywhere else because she doesn’t even think she has a problem. So round and round the conversation has gone for the last couple of months. At this point, I’m at DH should just cut off contact with both SIL and enabling MIL.

[Anonymous]

Until your MIL stops enabling her, you’re wasting your time and money trying to help. You did the intervention and tried. Hopefully that will be enough to absolve your husband of whatever guild he has. I think your money would be better spent in the future having him work with a therapist with expertise in helping family of addicts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also there will be insurance.

She does not work, thus does not have insurance.

Then surely your tax dollars are funding her health coverage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple addicts in my family and no, we do not pay for the rehab.

Addiction is different than cancer, where everybody needs to help out.

An addict needs to take responsibility for themselves to recover. Saving them only enables them.

This.

I also have a sibling with an addiction problem, and the enabling IS the problem. If they don't take responsibility for themselves, they will not get better.

So I would not pay, it won't work. Addicts can destroy many other lives as they fall. I think the OP is right to be wary of this plan. The family as a whole will be better served by having at least one, whole, healthy family system within it.

My FIL paid for my SIL to go to rehab when she was in her 40s. She is an alcoholic and was addicted to meth. She’d lost her job, car, house, and daughter. She was living on a friend’s couch. Daughter was living with grandparents. I don’t know for sure but I heard it was around $30k.

Rehab changed her life and she’s been clean and sober for 11 years.

I know rehab doesn’t always work, I know some horror stories too, but that doesn’t mean paying for someone to go to rehab is enabling.

That doesn’t mean OP’s husband’s idea is a good one, but paying for rehab is not always a terrible idea.

[Anonymous]

About the other big question here - your husband did this without your blessing.

[Anonymous]

My brother was an addict. He went yo a fancy rehab in CA overlooking the ocean. Promises I think. We did an intervention and he went. It didn’t stick and my ex SIL paid big bucks. A year or so later he agreed to go again. He went to a city run program in St Louis that cost 5k. He worked the program and has been sober 12? One of the lucky ones.

I am sorry OP get your husband to alanon. Addiction is really complicated and your husband needs support too. There is little support for siblings. I understand your fears they are valid yet husband has valid confusing fears too. Of course he wants to help his sister maybe he is upset with her too. Yes find out about resources but think about how your husband is feeling too- you took vows for in sickness and in health and this is tearing him up. Addiction sucks and yes it ruins things for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:About the other big question here - your husband did this without your blessing.

No, I agreed because MIL said she would pay us back for the intervention. She did not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple addicts in my family and no, we do not pay for the rehab.

Addiction is different than cancer, where everybody needs to help out.

An addict needs to take responsibility for themselves to recover. Saving them only enables them.

This.

I also have a sibling with an addiction problem, and the enabling IS the problem. If they don't take responsibility for themselves, they will not get better.

So I would not pay, it won't work. Addicts can destroy many other lives as they fall. I think the OP is right to be wary of this plan. The family as a whole will be better served by having at least one, whole, healthy family system within it.

My FIL paid for my SIL to go to rehab when she was in her 40s. She is an alcoholic and was addicted to meth. She’d lost her job, car, house, and daughter. She was living on a friend’s couch. Daughter was living with grandparents. I don’t know for sure but I heard it was around $30k.

Rehab changed her life and she’s been clean and sober for 11 years.

I know rehab doesn’t always work, I know some horror stories too, but that doesn’t mean paying for someone to go to rehab is enabling.

That doesn’t mean OP’s husband’s idea is a good one, but paying for rehab is not always a terrible idea.

That’s great that your SIL agreed to get help. DH’s sister agreed at the intervention and changed her tune during the intake at the facility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About the other big question here - your husband did this without your blessing.

No, I agreed because MIL said she would pay us back for the intervention. She did not.

Setting aside MIL’s promise to reimburse, why did you and DH pay for the intervention if you knew your SIL is receiving Medicaid and that the intervention would be covered under it (per your update)? Just trying to understand.

[Anonymous]

Ugh OP, so sorry.

I hope that your bleeding heart DH has learned his lesson.

If not then it’s time to leave. Addicts are very manipulative and will drain you financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About the other big question here - your husband did this without your blessing.

No, I agreed because MIL said she would pay us back for the intervention. She did not.

Setting aside MIL’s promise to reimburse, why did you and DH pay for the intervention if you knew your SIL is receiving Medicaid and that the intervention would be covered under it (per your update)? Just trying to understand.

No, the intervention is not covered by Medicaid. Medicaid would have covered up to 45 days of in-patient rehab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh OP, so sorry.

I hope that your bleeding heart DH has learned his lesson.

If not then it’s time to leave. Addicts are very manipulative and will drain you financially.

I’ll just say that at this point, DH seems not to have learned his lesson. He is still spending the majority of his time trying to get this 55 year old older sister help (who says she doesn’t need it), while the mother is enabling her addiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are the WORST kind a person. A total POS. If his sister wants help for the love of g-d help her!

She doesn’t want help—hence why they have to do an “intervention.”

Learn to think before being nasty to someone.