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Sister just stole my baby name... no, literally, MY name!
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Anonymous
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So follow me here... I am due with a girl in two weeks, my sister just had a baby girl this weekend (her third, this will be my first). DH and I settled on our daughter's name fairly quickly, and I shared the first name with my sister months ago, framing it as a "most likely" candidate. My mother and I have the same first name, different middle name, so DH and I decided to continue with that little tradition, and so that's what we picked for our daughter--that same first name, with a different middle name, and she would be called by the first name (I use my middle). We never told anyone else the name we had picked.
My sister did not find out her baby's sex, and was relatively quiet about names, which I can totally respect. She floated a few by me, and her most recent assertion was that they liked a certain unisex name (didn't reveal it) and were planning to use that, but had boy and girl middles names picked out However, when the baby was born this weekend, they announced her name and.... it's my mom's/my name! I honestly thought she was joking when they told us. I just don't know what to make of this situation. When my BIL made the name announcement, my mom cried and he said something to the effect of my sister wanting to surprise her. If I wanted to let my pregnancy hormones do the talking, I'd say that she decided to use the name to suck up to my mom, since she's worried our baby will get more attention, being our first. I don't really believe that, but why on earth would she do this? She already has one daughter, so if they had a long-held desire to name a child for our mom, she would have already done so. My niece has a beautiful but non-family-related name. She had prior knowledge that this was a probable name for our baby, and never let on that she was apparently considering it too. And it's MY name, literally--don't I have some sort of rank on this one, even if she's older? I am at a total loss of what to do now. The name does not have nicknames associated with it, so this isn't a case of say James, where one cousin could be Jimmy and the other Jamie. The name is often paired with a second name, so DH suggested we stay with our name, but have her use both first and middle... but neither one of us really want to do that. And it seems silly to do it just because her cousin has the same name. Same with having her go by her middle name. Sure, that's fine, but that's not what we wanted or intended. Seems like a pretty big compromise when we're talking about a child's name. We all live within an hour of each other, so the cousins will see each other frequently. If we change completely to another name, I don't even know what we would pick. I have ALWAYS wanted to give my daughter this name, and when DH said he liked it too, we were done. At this point, I think we're closest to just saying, "Hey, great name, it's what we picked too, so I guess we'll have to find a way to not mix them up." I usually try to step back and really assess things like this--will this matter in a year? in 5 years? but it's not like she gave my baby's name to her dog... she gave it to HER baby! Thoughts? Not sure if I'm just venting or seeking any real advice here. but come on... it's MY NAME! Shouldn't I be the first to pass it on to my kids? |
Anonymous
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Sorry, but she had her baby before you had your's and there is nothing stopping you from still using the name you want.
She's a bitch though. |
Anonymous
| Wow, no advice, but that is so rude. Did you confront your sister about it? I don't see any other choice that picking a different name, but man, that sucks! |
Anonymous
| Wow - this just seems so wrong. I've thought about using my dad's name (which is my brother's name as well) for a child and I would NEVER do it without confirming with my brother first that he was absolutely ok with it (that doesn't even take into consideration if he'd TOLD me he might use it which he never has) - that said, my husband and his first cousin have the same name (named after a great grandfather) and it's never been an issue - it was sisters that both did it and well it just is. . .name your daughter what you want. . . |
Anonymous
| Wow, your sister has some serious sibling rivalry issues. No idea what I would do in that situation but it sucks! Wow. |
Anonymous
| It's life. Sorry for that, because it is frustrating. Best course of action is simply to stick to your plans. You like the name, and the cousins will adjust to having the same name. It might end up being something endearing later on (I can see all these pictures labeled, "the two Abigails on a swing", etc). Who knows why your sister took the name (maybe she had thought about it before you announced and was wracked with pain for the last months trying to figure out a way to tell you, and maybe she was resentful that you "called it" before her). I think it's just best now (and for most decisions) to stick to what works for you and let others do the same. |
Anonymous
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I think you and DH need to decide what you want to do - though not necessarily right away - and then go with that. Will it be potentially weird if both girls have the same name? Sure, but something will get figured out.
Though if you decide to go with the name you picked, I would give your sister a heads up that you plan to do so. As sort of an "out of respect for you, and knowing this may be awkward at first, we wanted to let you know and give you time to adjust" situation. |
Anonymous
| Just a thought - if your sister was managing two other kids while preggo with #3, she's got a lot on her plate. She may have totally forgotten that you floated the idea of using your own name for your daughter as a likely possibility - your post says that you never told anyone what your decision was. Honestly unless you and your sister have a lot of problems, I'd assume it was an honest oversight, and go from there - either use the name (with warning to your sister) or switch it up. Just think of it as one of those lovely family stories your daughter will enjoy telling her friends about someday. |
Anonymous
Excellent advice. Ditto. |
Anonymous
| Use the name you want. |
Anonymous
| Use the name. The cousins won't live near each other all their lives. Tell your mom in advance though so she's not confused. |
Anonymous
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Choose the name you like best.
Your sister will then think "Oh, so that's where I got the idea from... oops!" and will of course tell all and sundry that you copied her since she gave birth first. Or your baby might turn out to be a boy... like my little "girl' fetus turned out to be! |
Anonymous
| OP, given your sisters past behavior, was this most likely a weird move against you or did she space on the name? |
Anonymous
agree with the PP's, use the name you have decided on. Your sister is nuts for using your name, not only is it YOUR name, but you told her. I just had my third child and my sister her second and we could both tell you in minute detail all of the names on our lists... I did NOT want to take one of hers or vice versa. that said, my DH is the son of a family who uses the patriarchs name. His oldest brother was the 2nd, and he did not use his name for either of his two boys and no one else in the family used it either. We definitely considered using it if our third was a boy - and we asked permission from DH's brother who carries that name. he ok'd it but our third was a girl. I think it's pretty bad she did that, but I also think it's not that huge a deal. They won't go to school together. They'll just have the same name. It must be a very pretty name, so just take it as a compliment and move on 
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Anonymous
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Good god, that's bizarre! It would be weird enough if she had just used the name you told her you were planning to use, but the fact that it's also YOUR name adds a whole 'nuther layer of craziness to it. She cannot have forgotten that that's the name you told her you were considering given that it's yours and your mother's name!
That said, I agree with the PPs that you should just stick with the name if you still want to. You did give her a heads-up, so she definitely knew she was taking a risk of having the cousins named the same thing. |