Was accidentally on a group text...

[Anonymous]

The sad thing is, the fact that she felt comfortable saying that in a group chat probably means she’s talked about your kid before, with at least one other person on that text chain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take those words to heart. The person who sent that text knew she’d find a receptive audience because at least some of the other parents feel the same way about your child. My middle brother was that child. My best friend’s son is that child. It is really hard for you to hear it, but also hard for everyone who has to share a social space with your DS.

+1

This, OP. I also agree with the poster upthread that kids like this can turn out to be amazing in adulthood -- however, that is likely with stellar parenting and support. But people usually have this attitude towards kids when they are a handful AND under-parented, so you might need to self-reflect a bit here.

I'm sure some kids are "under-parented" per certain groups' social norms. But I think it's much more often true that self-righteous moms have no clue what it's like to parent difficult or SN kids, and are judgmental about attributing difficulties to parenting.

Nope. Much of this behavior is created. The kid comes out as difficult, requires more, then the parents don't have the energy/time to dealt with the kid in the right way early on, and then it just builds on itself. Then at some point, it becomes too overwhelming to course correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take those words to heart. The person who sent that text knew she’d find a receptive audience because at least some of the other parents feel the same way about your child. My middle brother was that child. My best friend’s son is that child. It is really hard for you to hear it, but also hard for everyone who has to share a social space with your DS.

+1

This, OP. I also agree with the poster upthread that kids like this can turn out to be amazing in adulthood -- however, that is likely with stellar parenting and support. But people usually have this attitude towards kids when they are a handful AND under-parented, so you might need to self-reflect a bit here.

I'm sure some kids are "under-parented" per certain groups' social norms. But I think it's much more often true that self-righteous moms have no clue what it's like to parent difficult or SN kids, and are judgmental about attributing difficulties to parenting.

Nope. Much of this behavior is created. The kid comes out as difficult, requires more, then the parents don't have the energy/time to dealt with the kid in the right way early on, and then it just builds on itself. Then at some point, it becomes too overwhelming to course correct.

thanks for your expertise.

[Anonymous]

White women problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that everyone agrees with the person that sent the text. You now know where your group stands. They don't like your kid and/or how you handle your kid.

I agree that everyone agrees with the text. But, I don't agree that people don't like OP's kid. You can really love a tough kid and really enjoy being around them at the same time as you acknowledge that they are tough and that wine makes everything a bit better. I just don't think that anything that OP said would lead to a conclusion that the group didn't like OPs kid or OP and her family. In fact, just the opposite. Acknowledging that he is a handful, the family was invited.

And, FWIW, since we don't know anything more, we really don't know if OP could be doing better with her son. Maybe she is an amazing and totally attentive mom whose kid is just a handful despite attentive parenting. Not fair to make any assumptions about her parenting based on what she's told us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had that one kid too and we loved the mom. And the kid too but still. We also would never call him out like that on a text. Ever. That is poor form. That mom is an idiot.

I would reply back "I don't think Advil should be combined with wine, but I am happy to bring a bottle of red. See you guys soon!"

Perfect.

Neutral and funny. I like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that everyone agrees with the person that sent the text. You now know where your group stands. They don't like your kid and/or how you handle your kid.

I agree that everyone agrees with the text. But, I don't agree that people don't like OP's kid. You can really love a tough kid and really enjoy being around them at the same time as you acknowledge that they are tough and that wine makes everything a bit better. I just don't think that anything that OP said would lead to a conclusion that the group didn't like OPs kid or OP and her family. In fact, just the opposite. Acknowledging that he is a handful, the family was invited.

And, FWIW, since we don't know anything more, we really don't know if OP could be doing better with her son. Maybe she is an amazing and totally attentive mom whose kid is just a handful despite attentive parenting. Not fair to make any assumptions about her parenting based on what she's told us.

That's DCUM for you.

The nasty responses are the parents who engage in this type of tacky behavior and are looking for a way to excuse it.

[Anonymous]

“I’m well aware that X is challenging, but the comments here - both said and unsaid- make me certain you all have more to say about it.”

[Anonymous]

OK, OP here. I replied with Wow - had no idea you felt that way about my kid. And hate finding out this way.

The texter replied - "I'm sorry. Having a bad day and he was really loud last time we were together. Not personal. Must be too much time with family this weekend" with a stressed wine emoji.

So I guess that's that...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that everyone agrees with the person that sent the text. You now know where your group stands. They don't like your kid and/or how you handle your kid.

I agree that everyone agrees with the text. But, I don't agree that people don't like OP's kid. You can really love a tough kid and really enjoy being around them at the same time as you acknowledge that they are tough and that wine makes everything a bit better. I just don't think that anything that OP said would lead to a conclusion that the group didn't like OPs kid or OP and her family. In fact, just the opposite. Acknowledging that he is a handful, the family was invited.

And, FWIW, since we don't know anything more, we really don't know if OP could be doing better with her son. Maybe she is an amazing and totally attentive mom whose kid is just a handful despite attentive parenting. Not fair to make any assumptions about her parenting based on what she's told us.

That's DCUM for you.

The nasty responses are the parents who engage in this type of tacky behavior and are looking for a way to excuse it.

Actually, OP did make it very clear in her first post that her kid was "hyper and loud" and that she was "amused" that someone thought he was too much to handle, and she considered it "bad mouthing my kid!" and her only defense was "WTF lady...Nobody's kid is perfect."

So yeah, I think OP gave us plenty of information that she's a bad parent and that she's not even vaguely interested in trying to improve his behavior or lessen the impact on others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that everyone agrees with the person that sent the text. You now know where your group stands. They don't like your kid and/or how you handle your kid.

I agree that everyone agrees with the text. But, I don't agree that people don't like OP's kid. You can really love a tough kid and really enjoy being around them at the same time as you acknowledge that they are tough and that wine makes everything a bit better. I just don't think that anything that OP said would lead to a conclusion that the group didn't like OPs kid or OP and her family. In fact, just the opposite. Acknowledging that he is a handful, the family was invited.

And, FWIW, since we don't know anything more, we really don't know if OP could be doing better with her son. Maybe she is an amazing and totally attentive mom whose kid is just a handful despite attentive parenting. Not fair to make any assumptions about her parenting based on what she's told us.

That's DCUM for you.

The nasty responses are the parents who engage in this type of tacky behavior and are looking for a way to excuse it.

Actually, OP did make it very clear in her first post that her kid was "hyper and loud" and that she was "amused" that someone thought he was too much to handle, and she considered it "bad mouthing my kid!" and her only defense was "WTF lady...Nobody's kid is perfect."

So yeah, I think OP gave us plenty of information that she's a bad parent and that she's not even vaguely interested in trying to improve his behavior or lessen the impact on others.

You seem really mean, and also like you generalize. I hope this is just a persona on DCUM. You need a kindness infusion.

[Anonymous]

"Under-parented"? Lord.

OP, this sucks. I think how you respond depends on your personality and your comfort level with awkwardness. Becoming a parent has actually made me much less fearful of social awkwardness. Also, I've learned to care a lot less about what other people think of me or my kids than I once might have. So I'd probably either ignore the comment on the group text but just steer clear of those moms in the future (interact with them as necessary because your kids are friends, but they don't have to be part of your social circle), or I'd say something snarky on the group text just to see if I got an apology of some kind. I'd probably actually enjoy making it awkward on the text, to be honest. If you're the kind of person who will make comments like that on a group text without, at a minimum, stopping to see if there's anyone on the thread who maybe shouldn't hear it, then you deserve to squirm a bit in embarrassment.

And, think of it this way: I'd much rather have the loud kid who drives people a bit crazy at parties than the kid who grows up to insult other people's kids in group chats without even bothering to check whose on the thread. A loud, high-energy kid? That's a lot, but manageable and obviously not malicious. Whereas that woman has been rude and indiscreet, which are bad behaviors in kids and adults.

Maybe she was "under-parented"!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, OP here. I replied with Wow - had no idea you felt that way about my kid. And hate finding out this way.

The texter replied - "I'm sorry. Having a bad day and he was really loud last time we were together. Not personal. Must be too much time with family this weekend" with a stressed wine emoji.

So I guess that's that...

Interesting. It's ok for her to say your kid was loud last time, but She should have left out her personal excuses and given you a true apology. She didn't indicate anywhere that she understands what she did was inappropriate.

Her response is really showing you that she could not care less about kindness.

Are you going to reply? I'd say "Not personal? It feels pretty personal.

I'm disappointed Susie made this awkward. But as long as we're still welcome, we are looking forward to seeing everyone."

I once spoke up to my friend after a non apology and told her mostly I was just really mad that her actions made things awkward for everyone and I wished she had better foresight before opening her mouth. She actually agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that everyone agrees with the person that sent the text. You now know where your group stands. They don't like your kid and/or how you handle your kid.

I agree that everyone agrees with the text. But, I don't agree that people don't like OP's kid. You can really love a tough kid and really enjoy being around them at the same time as you acknowledge that they are tough and that wine makes everything a bit better. I just don't think that anything that OP said would lead to a conclusion that the group didn't like OPs kid or OP and her family. In fact, just the opposite. Acknowledging that he is a handful, the family was invited.

And, FWIW, since we don't know anything more, we really don't know if OP could be doing better with her son. Maybe she is an amazing and totally attentive mom whose kid is just a handful despite attentive parenting. Not fair to make any assumptions about her parenting based on what she's told us.

That's DCUM for you.

The nasty responses are the parents who engage in this type of tacky behavior and are looking for a way to excuse it.

Actually, OP did make it very clear in her first post that her kid was "hyper and loud" and that she was "amused" that someone thought he was too much to handle, and she considered it "bad mouthing my kid!" and her only defense was "WTF lady...Nobody's kid is perfect."

So yeah, I think OP gave us plenty of information that she's a bad parent and that she's not even vaguely interested in trying to improve his behavior or lessen the impact on others.

You seem really mean, and also like you generalize. I hope this is just a persona on DCUM. You need a kindness infusion.

+1

Probably another wine mom half in the bag on shitty Pinot Grigio.

so yeah, she gave us plenty of information that she’s an ass and not even vaguely interested in improving her own behavior.

Oh wait, did I make an unfounded judgment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that everyone agrees with the person that sent the text. You now know where your group stands. They don't like your kid and/or how you handle your kid.

I agree that everyone agrees with the text. But, I don't agree that people don't like OP's kid. You can really love a tough kid and really enjoy being around them at the same time as you acknowledge that they are tough and that wine makes everything a bit better. I just don't think that anything that OP said would lead to a conclusion that the group didn't like OPs kid or OP and her family. In fact, just the opposite. Acknowledging that he is a handful, the family was invited.

And, FWIW, since we don't know anything more, we really don't know if OP could be doing better with her son. Maybe she is an amazing and totally attentive mom whose kid is just a handful despite attentive parenting. Not fair to make any assumptions about her parenting based on what she's told us.

That's DCUM for you.

The nasty responses are the parents who engage in this type of tacky behavior and are looking for a way to excuse it.

Actually, OP did make it very clear in her first post that her kid was "hyper and loud" and that she was "amused" that someone thought he was too much to handle, and she considered it "bad mouthing my kid!" and her only defense was "WTF lady...Nobody's kid is perfect."

So yeah, I think OP gave us plenty of information that she's a bad parent and that she's not even vaguely interested in trying to improve his behavior or lessen the impact on others.

You seem really mean, and also like you generalize. I hope this is just a persona on DCUM. You need a kindness infusion.

+1

Probably another wine mom half in the bag on shitty Pinot Grigio.

so yeah, she gave us plenty of information that she’s an ass and not even vaguely interested in improving her own behavior.

Oh wait, did I make an unfounded judgment?

"Half in the bag"? Are you posting from 1935?