Estrangement Doesn't Just Happen to "Bad" Moms—It Happened to Me Too

[Anonymous]

Dead thread revival.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you read that article and didn’t have the takeaway that the author is a narcissist then you deserve your estrangement.

+1

[Anonymous]

Sorry, there's nothing narcissistic on the mother's account. She was pretty self effacing and honest. And I've seen this before in similar situations. Very frequently it's a very immature partner. Don't forget narcissists end up always separating a partner from friends and family, and they look for little inroads and opportunities to exploit their goals. This had all the earmarks...invented slights.
The son is a vulnerable character and he was enveloped pretty quickly.

[Anonymous]

What struck me as off about the Moms behavior was when she saw him in public, didn’t approach him, then texted him saying ‘are you just going to ignore your mother in public?’ Or when they saw each other briefly she shouted to him ‘I’m gonna cry everyday about you forever!’

It yes, the other stuff mentioned as off seems weird too now that y’all have pointed it out

[Anonymous]

I knew a similar story with long term family friends. It didn’t make sense until you saw the mom’s FB page….filled with all the crazy Trump stuff (plus whatever nutsy stuff that predated Trump; it went on for years).

I have to wonder what really happened at the bridal shower that caused the bride’s family to dislike her so much.

[Anonymous]

Oh, this thread revived.

PP here with the ds whose wife got offended over the first Christmas gift. Ds and I are now enjoying a good relationship and have visited (although distance and Covid has kept this less than we both would like). It's hard for me, as a parent, to know a dc is in a marriage where they may not be always treated well, but ultimately he is an adult and gets to choose his life. I get to enjoy being his mom as I always have.

I have pleasant chitchat with the dw on facetime with dh, and in the backround, the pet is still alive and enjoying the gift I got years ago LOL.

[Anonymous]

The author of that article is awful. Even reading HER SIDE of the story I couldn't sympathize with her.

[Anonymous]

Can someone summarize the DILs Reddit story? It looks like they closed the Reddit board with her posts.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read this whole thread - but here is a different reddit then the one posted on the first page. The DIL chimes in and answers questions. Beware: Rabbit Hole!!!

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/bc2lfk/i_dedicated_my_whole_life_to_my_kids/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe the person who doesn’t go out of their way to air their side of a personal relationship publicly. There’s something wrong with a person who does that.

They do that out of the same heartache as a death.
Millennials need to understand how relationships work and how to communicate. Estrangement is epic in this generation and it is usually a daughter or son in law that draws a line in the sand. I've heard a ton of stories as to why someone thinks their MIL is toxic. They don't know what toxic means. Any comment is misconstrued, ever thought, and taken personally...and then the family is cut off.

I’d argue that people are finally starting to demand to be treated better. Being a MIL doesn’t give you a license to say horrible comments. In previous generations women were expected to just take it. Sorry but no one is treating me badly. People make mistakes, but continue to insult me and cause trouble and yes, you will be cut off.

Or maybe someone is the type of person who needs so much validation that they read slights into everything. That is what I see. I know someone who went to a craft store with her DIL. Mil carried the baby, and saw a friend. The friend said to the MIL, who knew there was a new grandchild, " Is that the new baby?" Mil said " Yes! It's our new addition!"
DIL made her apologize later that night , with the husband/son in tow to watch, for the word "our." " It's not YOUR baby!" She was angry, and crying, that Mom used the word "our." SIL, husband's sister suggested that DIL might be overtired. The entire family has been cut off . It's been years. No contact. There are more stories like this. Don't ever assume there is always the "right" one and inlaws or parents are always monsters.

I bet MIL tried to help carry in the groceries too which was the tipping point. I really don't understand why Grandparents would be happy about a new grandchild. The nerve of them. They should stay in their lane and wait on pins and needles to be of service to the new DIL when she deems it appropriate.
I'd bet a million dollars that the MIL had been acting like its equally/partially her baby up to that point, and it was that behavior and not the particular words that day that caused the estrangement. Like the MIL complaining that she doesn't get to see "our new baby" enough, for example. The fact is that it's not her baby at ALL unless the parents of the baby want that to be the case.

+1. This is just one example of the MIL overstepping boundaries to steal the spotlight. How many others are there? It makes no sense that the entire family was cut off for one not-huge issue. This story that they don't understand why they're cut off but they're blaming the DIL is the hallmark of a dysfunctional family. They just don't want to admit why.

Postpartum is a very emotional time and it's for the parents, especially the mother, to bond with the baby. Everyone else is supposed to support the couple by doing errands, cooking, cleaning, etc. The baby is the mother's turf. The MIL should have been more careful not to overstep. It's also unbelievable that there wasn't more to the story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, the narc mom never knows why or what she is apologizing for. This is just like my mom. You need experience with narcs to recognize it. Then you can never unsee it.

Yes. I have a narc mom. I can spot a narc a mile away.

Often, the women with 5 children or more are narcs (not all the time though). Remember, they love to have the little ones around them, because that is when they are idolized and loved unconditionally. Small children feed the narcissistic supply perfectly.

My mil to a t. She is a malignant narcissist and will tell every single person she meets how she wanted all her little darlings to stay small - she is so ill she meant age wise and size wise. She restricted food so much they all have weird food issues. She hated that her children grew up and will tell you she wanted all of them to stay with her. She has 5 children. The youngest is in their 50s. Only 1 is married and they are estranged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe the person who doesn’t go out of their way to air their side of a personal relationship publicly. There’s something wrong with a person who does that.

They do that out of the same heartache as a death.
Millennials need to understand how relationships work and how to communicate. Estrangement is epic in this generation and it is usually a daughter or son in law that draws a line in the sand. I've heard a ton of stories as to why someone thinks their MIL is toxic. They don't know what toxic means. Any comment is misconstrued, ever thought, and taken personally...and then the family is cut off.

I’d argue that people are finally starting to demand to be treated better. Being a MIL doesn’t give you a license to say horrible comments. In previous generations women were expected to just take it. Sorry but no one is treating me badly. People make mistakes, but continue to insult me and cause trouble and yes, you will be cut off.

Or maybe someone is the type of person who needs so much validation that they read slights into everything. That is what I see. I know someone who went to a craft store with her DIL. Mil carried the baby, and saw a friend. The friend said to the MIL, who knew there was a new grandchild, " Is that the new baby?" Mil said " Yes! It's our new addition!"
DIL made her apologize later that night , with the husband/son in tow to watch, for the word "our." " It's not YOUR baby!" She was angry, and crying, that Mom used the word "our." SIL, husband's sister suggested that DIL might be overtired. The entire family has been cut off . It's been years. No contact. There are more stories like this. Don't ever assume there is always the "right" one and inlaws or parents are always monsters.

I call bs on this story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read this whole thread - but here is a different reddit then the one posted on the first page. The DIL chimes in and answers questions. Beware: Rabbit Hole!!!

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/bc2lfk/i_dedicated_my_whole_life_to_my_kids/

Thank you.

“She told Dan that my mom was rude to her and when he asked how, she said that my mom asked her if she wanted sweet tea, since they were both southern girls, and she told Dan that my mom was looking down on her for being from the South. Which is crazy since my mom is as well.”

I can’t even.

[Anonymous]

THIS IS FROM THREE YEARS AGO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:THIS IS FROM THREE YEARS AGO.

LOL. Simmer down.