Estrangement Doesn't Just Happen to "Bad" Moms—It Happened to Me Too

[Anonymous]

Yeah, the narc mom never knows why or what she is apologizing for. This is just like my mom. You need experience with narcs to recognize it. Then you can never unsee it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, the narc mom never knows why or what she is apologizing for. This is just like my mom. You need experience with narcs to recognize it. Then you can never unsee it.

Yes. I have a narc mom. I can spot a narc a mile away.

Often, the women with 5 children or more are narcs (not all the time though). Remember, they love to have the little ones around them, because that is when they are idolized and loved unconditionally. Small children feed the narcissistic supply perfectly.

[Anonymous]

This: http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html

And the linked reddit thread in a PP.

She is a classical case of casting herself as a victim. Don't you find it strange that there are whole conversations she can't remember that are relevant to this. It's her choice not to understand. She is not a "nice, normal mom" by any measure.

[Anonymous]

I've been sort of on both sides of this story.

My MIL seems like the nice supportive type, but she's got this nasty undercurrent that has resulted in both of her kids becoming mostly estranged from her. I'm sure she could write an article just like this.

OTOH, I have a friend whose son cut her off...there may have been some minor offenses on her part, but I think the biggest issue is that his in-laws belong to an extreme, pretty insular church, and just wanted to make sure he was sort of locked into their world. It's really sad and has basically broken her heart to lose him that way. She really was a great mom and they were very close until the wedding. But I'm sure that the DIL in that case would also seem like a nice, loving wife, and could write a Reddit thread much like the author's DIL did.

Anyway, I think it's really hard to know, unless you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you read that article and didn’t have the takeaway that the author is a narcissist then you deserve your estrangement.

I am not the OP, but I do not see narcissism in anything she wrote. I see a daughter in law who likely is , however. She went apeshit over a misunderstanding - probably when his mother asked him if he was certain. He relayed it to his fiance poorly and she made him prove his loyalty. It scared her to the point of ensuring estrangement. He was fully manipulated.

Is it possible that the author left some details out? Yes, but until I know what those details are, no the mother did nothing wrong. I really feel for her.

Try again:
She makes this sound like they were just perfectly happy until girlfriend came along. There were a LOT of little one liners that were red flags.

I could always count on him, whether the car battery was dead or the computer malfunctioned. Or, for a laugh or a hug. (That's nice and all, but it sounds like she was suffocating.)

Parents paid for the Disneyland trip and the adult son was renting a home from them. Lots of hooks right there.

Adult son and fiance began to plan wedding with future inlaws, mother was insecure about him spending so much time with him and quoted, "I began to sense that Dan was comparing our family to hers." With out any truth to this from her son, she is just going by her "feelings"

Son spoke about the inlaws family having young children involved in sports and said that the mother wouldn't know anything about that since they weren't in sports growing up. Mother became insecure and quoted "I didn't correct him, but it was something his dad and I talked about later." ......correct..right...

Mom mentioned that the inlaws, adult son and fiance were planning the wedding, correct? Well, mom then questions the son about the details and has the nerve, after all the work and planning they've been doing to ask her son IF HE IS SURE HE WANTS TO MARRY HER. A GROWN ASS ADULT. Her response is so nparent typical, "Since they were so young, it was a natural question to ask."

Adult son mentions that the mother was being rude to the inlaws at a wedding rehearsal. The nmom says, "Hearing his accusation hurt, and Dan knew me better than that."

Adult son made a difficult decision and told the nmom she could not be there. She has a drama filled pity party and tried to recruit flying monkeys. "After that, I had no choice but to call our relatives who'd been invited and try to explain why we were no longer going to Dan's wedding."

There were a couple relatives who immediately rallied and said, 'Something's going on. Do you think she wants him all to herself?' Statements like that were supportive and kind. And my thought was, I don't know, but I'm not going to say anything bad about anybody....

Really??! Is that why you put all of your business online, and changed your son's name out of respect, but PLASTERED your pics all over this sob ass story??!!! Yeah you are really concerned about his feelings.

This is a cringy, bullcrap story that reeks of lies and gaslighting. The nmom has put her self in a position that only she created.

You know, if you don't want people to think you aren't the clearly nuts DIL, you should stop copying comments word for word from Reddit. You are embarrassing yourself. It's pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.townandcountrymag.com/society/a13439303/sheri-mcgregor-estrangement-mother-son/?utm_medium=social-media&utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=socialflowFBTCO

I think this was a great article. When loved ones cut you off, it hurts so much

This board tends to be pro estrangement. Don't take the attacks too seriously.

[Anonymous]

She omits the part about being disinvited because she wasn't disinvited, she threatened not to come. That's why the son called to confirm if she is coming or not. But from the way she wrote it, a reader might to think that she was disinvited. except that by the end the whole story doesn't make sense.

To me, the main take away is not so much about estrangement as it is about not being a bitch to your son's wife to be. She is your peer, not some dumb puppy you can pull a queen bee on. Maybe not perfect and maybe different from you, but unless you want to be cut off - stay civil for everyone's sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, the narc mom never knows why or what she is apologizing for. This is just like my mom. You need experience with narcs to recognize it. Then you can never unsee it.

Yes. I have a narc mom. I can spot a narc a mile away.

Often, the women with 5 children or more are narcs (not all the time though). Remember, they love to have the little ones around them, because that is when they are idolized and loved unconditionally. Small children feed the narcissistic supply perfectly.

Moms of several kids (3-5 or more) are NOT like this. They don't have time for that kind of nonsense.

It is moms of small families (1 son, maybe a daughter or 2 at most or possibly just one kid) who get into these kids of toxic behaviors.

[Anonymous]

My mother would also say she has no idea what she could have possibly done to push me away.

Some people need to live in denial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, the narc mom never knows why or what she is apologizing for. This is just like my mom. You need experience with narcs to recognize it. Then you can never unsee it.

Yes. I have a narc mom. I can spot a narc a mile away.

Often, the women with 5 children or more are narcs (not all the time though). Remember, they love to have the little ones around them, because that is when they are idolized and loved unconditionally. Small children feed the narcissistic supply perfectly.

Moms of several kids (3-5 or more) are NOT like this. They don't have time for that kind of nonsense.

It is moms of small families (1 son, maybe a daughter or 2 at most or possibly just one kid) who get into these kids of toxic behaviors.

Dysfunction and personality disorders can exist in any size family. My grandma had 5 kids, my mom had 2. Both are batshit crazy. It isn’t size dependent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, the narc mom never knows why or what she is apologizing for. This is just like my mom. You need experience with narcs to recognize it. Then you can never unsee it.

Yes. I have a narc mom. I can spot a narc a mile away.

Often, the women with 5 children or more are narcs (not all the time though). Remember, they love to have the little ones around them, because that is when they are idolized and loved unconditionally. Small children feed the narcissistic supply perfectly.

Moms of several kids (3-5 or more) are NOT like this. They don't have time for that kind of nonsense.

It is moms of small families (1 son, maybe a daughter or 2 at most or possibly just one kid) who get into these kids of toxic behaviors.

I think stereotyping narcissists either way is problematic, because narcissism doesn't fit into nice, neat little boxes. Some narcissists will have a small number of children, some will have a large number of children, some will have no children at all. You are not more or less likely to be a narcissist based on how many kids you have.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who believes that article is a fool. That MIL has personality disorder written all over her.

[Anonymous]

After you mourn the relationship you wish you had, if your life improves, has less drama, and you feel at peace with yourself and your desolation then you will know you made the right decision to cut off a toxic parent.

I did this recently with my mother and sister. I feel better not having them in my life. It’s sad. But life has to go on.

People love to play the victim card and pretend they’re not at fault. I see this as their complete inability to recognize their adult children as separate from themselves with their own independent emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, the narc mom never knows why or what she is apologizing for. This is just like my mom. You need experience with narcs to recognize it. Then you can never unsee it.

Yes. I have a narc mom. I can spot a narc a mile away.

Often, the women with 5 children or more are narcs (not all the time though). Remember, they love to have the little ones around them, because that is when they are idolized and loved unconditionally. Small children feed the narcissistic supply perfectly.

No, it means that you are so impaired that you see whatever you want to rationalize whatever you did. I can see that a mile away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.townandcountrymag.com/society/a13439303/sheri-mcgregor-estrangement-mother-son/?utm_medium=social-media&utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=socialflowFBTCO

I think this was a great article. When loved ones cut you off, it hurts so much

This board tends to be pro estrangement. Don't take the attacks too seriously.

Actually, it’s anti-abuser.