Estrangement Doesn't Just Happen to "Bad" Moms—It Happened to Me Too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you read that article and didn’t have the takeaway that the author is a narcissist then you deserve your estrangement.

I am not the OP, but I do not see narcissism in anything she wrote. I see a daughter in law who likely is , however. She went apeshit over a misunderstanding - probably when his mother asked him if he was certain. He relayed it to his fiance poorly and she made him prove his loyalty. It scared her to the point of ensuring estrangement. He was fully manipulated.

Is it possible that the author left some details out? Yes, but until I know what those details are, no the mother did nothing wrong. I really feel for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you read that article and didn’t have the takeaway that the author is a narcissist then you deserve your estrangement.

I am not the OP, but I do not see narcissism in anything she wrote. I see a daughter in law who likely is , however. She went apeshit over a misunderstanding - probably when his mother asked him if he was certain. He relayed it to his fiance poorly and she made him prove his loyalty. It scared her to the point of ensuring estrangement. He was fully manipulated.

Is it possible that the author left some details out? Yes, but until I know what those details are, no the mother did nothing wrong. I really feel for her.

Try again:
She makes this sound like they were just perfectly happy until girlfriend came along. There were a LOT of little one liners that were red flags.

I could always count on him, whether the car battery was dead or the computer malfunctioned. Or, for a laugh or a hug. (That's nice and all, but it sounds like she was suffocating.)

Parents paid for the Disneyland trip and the adult son was renting a home from them. Lots of hooks right there.

Adult son and fiance began to plan wedding with future inlaws, mother was insecure about him spending so much time with him and quoted, "I began to sense that Dan was comparing our family to hers." With out any truth to this from her son, she is just going by her "feelings"

Son spoke about the inlaws family having young children involved in sports and said that the mother wouldn't know anything about that since they weren't in sports growing up. Mother became insecure and quoted "I didn't correct him, but it was something his dad and I talked about later." ......correct..right...

Mom mentioned that the inlaws, adult son and fiance were planning the wedding, correct? Well, mom then questions the son about the details and has the nerve, after all the work and planning they've been doing to ask her son IF HE IS SURE HE WANTS TO MARRY HER. A GROWN ASS ADULT. Her response is so nparent typical, "Since they were so young, it was a natural question to ask."

Adult son mentions that the mother was being rude to the inlaws at a wedding rehearsal. The nmom says, "Hearing his accusation hurt, and Dan knew me better than that."

Adult son made a difficult decision and told the nmom she could not be there. She has a drama filled pity party and tried to recruit flying monkeys. "After that, I had no choice but to call our relatives who'd been invited and try to explain why we were no longer going to Dan's wedding."

There were a couple relatives who immediately rallied and said, 'Something's going on. Do you think she wants him all to herself?' Statements like that were supportive and kind. And my thought was, I don't know, but I'm not going to say anything bad about anybody....

Really??! Is that why you put all of your business online, and changed your son's name out of respect, but PLASTERED your pics all over this sob ass story??!!! Yeah you are really concerned about his feelings.

This is a cringy, bullcrap story that reeks of lies and gaslighting. The nmom has put her self in a position that only she created.

[Anonymous]

I found the weirdest part of the article to be the grammatical errors from a supposed author - in paragraph 2 renting a house from my husband and I should be me.

[Anonymous]

The fact that she took this story public tells me all I need to know.

People who truly know they're right, or didn't do anything wrong, don't need the validation. Might it hurt? Sure. But if you're solidly secure in the part you played, you don't need to go public.

So I'm agreeing with others - the mother is a narcissist. And for reasons outlined in the article as well.

[Anonymous]

If you know someone who’s toxic, possibly with a personality disorder or mental illness, who’s been cut off, you start to see patterns in their stories. They never know why these bad things happen to them. They apologized, trying to make things right but they didn’t even know what they were apologizing for. They told other family members, don’t worry about me, I’m sure they’ll still let you come.

My parents say the same thing about my sister. In reality, she’s told them several times what she needs them to stop doing and why she’s upset. They apologize and it’s either totally fake and see through, or they’ll come across as sincere then later say they didn’t mean it. Perhaps worst of all is they’ll drag other people into it and make them choose. It’s really unfair.

[Anonymous]

Who asks their son two weeks before the wedding if he is sure?!! Or purchases Disneyland Park tickets for her son and his gf after he tells her he is planning to propose? Yuck.

[Anonymous]

She sure forgets a lot of the details of their conversations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who asks their son two weeks before the wedding if he is sure?!! Or purchases Disneyland Park tickets for her son and his gf after he tells her he is planning to propose? Yuck.

+1

It needs to be all about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like it is the wife and her family. My husband's brother like that. Of course, she cheated on him and he's now alienated himself from all of us, which is sad for his kids and their mom, who didn't do anything wrong (but like this writer, wasn't the best mom but tried).

My husband's son's wife is like that. We didn't give her cash every time she demanded it (vs. we'd send gifts for the kids) so she got mad and cut us off. She also cut off her family as they stopped funding her lifestyle after she graduated college and refused to work so we don't take it personally. She was raised that way by her mom to alienate her from her Dad and step-mom and Son was raised by his mom that way so it was no surprise.

You are projecting. The DIL did not cheat on the author’s son nor is she asking them for money. Sounds like the son finally achieved financial
and emotional independence from his parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this article very weird because there is a jump between her son having words with her and then all of a sudden he is confirming she is not coming to the wedding -- are we to infer she was disinvited??? I don't think so.

I’m sure she wanted us to infer that, but according to the DIL, the mother refused to attend the wedding and then called all of the other family members and made sure they wouldn’t attend either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you read that article and didn’t have the takeaway that the author is a narcissist then you deserve your estrangement.

+1 She was awful and her feigned ignorance made me want to puke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like it is the wife and her family. My husband's brother like that. Of course, she cheated on him and he's now alienated himself from all of us, which is sad for his kids and their mom, who didn't do anything wrong (but like this writer, wasn't the best mom but tried).

My husband's son's wife is like that. We didn't give her cash every time she demanded it (vs. we'd send gifts for the kids) so she got mad and cut us off. She also cut off her family as they stopped funding her lifestyle after she graduated college and refused to work so we don't take it personally. She was raised that way by her mom to alienate her from her Dad and step-mom and Son was raised by his mom that way so it was no surprise.

You are projecting. The DIL did not cheat on the author’s son nor is she asking them for money. Sounds like the son finally achieved financial
and emotional independence from his parents.

Son is several hundred thousand in debt. Went to graduate school, got a nice house to rent, etc. Her parents cut her off financially so they just went into debt to live a comfortable life. They regularly demanded money from us (not ask, demand - cash only - we'd offer to pay directly and they'd say no).

This absolutely sounds like the DIL at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like it is the wife and her family. My husband's brother like that. Of course, she cheated on him and he's now alienated himself from all of us, which is sad for his kids and their mom, who didn't do anything wrong (but like this writer, wasn't the best mom but tried).

My husband's son's wife is like that. We didn't give her cash every time she demanded it (vs. we'd send gifts for the kids) so she got mad and cut us off. She also cut off her family as they stopped funding her lifestyle after she graduated college and refused to work so we don't take it personally. She was raised that way by her mom to alienate her from her Dad and step-mom and Son was raised by his mom that way so it was no surprise.

You are projecting. The DIL did not cheat on the author’s son nor is she asking them for money. Sounds like the son finally achieved financial
and emotional independence from his parents.

Son is several hundred thousand in debt. Went to graduate school, got a nice house to rent, etc. Her parents cut her off financially so they just went into debt to live a comfortable life. They regularly demanded money from us (not ask, demand - cash only - we'd offer to pay directly and they'd say no).

This absolutely sounds like the DIL at work.

dp: So how are you not projecting?

[Anonymous]

"Dan's" wife actually comments on the reddit post & clears a WHOLE lot up!

Her name is Carolyn & she said to ask her anything, she's got nothing to hide.

She seems like a sweet girl & the mother sounds like a controlling loony bird.

[Anonymous]

My mother could have written this and i assure you she is anything but the "victim". She just did this at my sisters wedding saying she "wasn't invited" when in fact said she would never attend their wedding and will be the first to say i told you so when they don't make it. Its so sad that people like this exist, but mothers like this and my own will never see past themselves. My siblings and I have accepted this and choose not to continue on this game of hers. Luckily we have each other and sadly she will die cold hearted and lonely.