Do Women Really Not Want to Work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I lived in a country where the work/life balance was better (shorter workweek, lots of holidays) and childcare (early and after-school) was more affordable. If I lived in one I would have kept working. Happily.

But for our family it makes more sense to be a trailing spouse, freeing DH to go after big promotions.

+ 1

I wish the people who asked these questions and made judgement about this stuff could recognize that we DON'T live in an ideal society and we all have to make do with less than ideal choices.

But why couldn’t your DH be the trailing spouse and you go after the big promotions? Why do women always have to short change themselves?

We're still socialized to be attracted to "alpha men" - i.e. the attractive, smart good athletes in high school who turn into attractive smart, high earning men as adults. This isn't true for ALL women but a lot, yeah. Men in turn are socialized to make the most money they can to support a family.

I don't know how much of it is socialization and how much of it is biological. You can't fight attraction. You like what you like.

[Anonymous]

This whole question is so ridiculous.

MOST people would rather not work than work. At least full time.

What do you think is the first thing most big lottery winners do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I lived in a country where the work/life balance was better (shorter workweek, lots of holidays) and childcare (early and after-school) was more affordable. If I lived in one I would have kept working. Happily.

But for our family it makes more sense to be a trailing spouse, freeing DH to go after big promotions.

+ 1

I wish the people who asked these questions and made judgement about this stuff could recognize that we DON'T live in an ideal society and we all have to make do with less than ideal choices.

But why couldn’t your DH be the trailing spouse and you go after the big promotions? Why do women always have to short change themselves?

We're still socialized to be attracted to "alpha men" - i.e. the attractive, smart good athletes in high school who turn into attractive smart, high earning men as adults. This isn't true for ALL women but a lot, yeah. Men in turn are socialized to make the most money they can to support a family.

I don't know how much of it is socialization and how much of it is biological. You can't fight attraction. You like what you like.

NP here. I think it is biological. I don’t have the ambition DH does and I love taking care of the family. I know I’m “supposed” to want career parity but I just don’t care. It works for us. People are allowed to like what they like. If a family is happy, what’s the issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole question is so ridiculous.

MOST people would rather not work than work. At least full time.

What do you think is the first thing most big lottery winners do?

Women get a choice and are resentful when they pick the wrong guy who makes them work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is very little societal support for working mothers. No maternity leave, scarce expensive childcare, no limits on hours employers can extract from employees.

It is a wonder that anyone has children.

Sadly this is a class thing. My employer has very generous benefits. I also find work makes my life much easier. We have school aged kids and a daily housekeeper. I haven't ever operated my own laundry, I dont go to the grocery store, dont clean my own house (have both housekeeper and a weekly deep cleaning), and dont organize my own closets. I come home at 5pm each day, (when I'm not WFH) to an organized home, kids who have completed their homework and a from scratch healthy meal that is 50% prepped, I just do the finishing touches. I spend my entire evening with my DH, kids, or simply curled up on the sofa enjoying a book. However you will never find me doing chores. If I chose to SAH (and believe me, I could with DHs income) no way could I justify a 30hr a week housekeeper to do the dirty work that quite frankly is boring and tedious. I'd be happy to never step foot in a grocery again in my life. If I didnt work, it would just be flamboyantly over the top.

You can totally justify the housekeeper if you can afford it, and trust me, you would find worthwhile ways to spend your time if you wanted to.

I really can't justify then housekeeper, certainly not to the extent we use one now. DH makes low 7 figures, so money is not a problem in regards to that. However, regardless, I get my exercise time in, eat well, spend a lot of time with my family as it is, I really like the work I do and enjoy the people I work with. I don't have a brutal commute. I would find being at home pretty dull, especially since i can't travel all the time being that we have kids at home. Both DH and I will retire in our early 50s when the kids are out of the home, so we can spend a lot of time traveling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I lived in a country where the work/life balance was better (shorter workweek, lots of holidays) and childcare (early and after-school) was more affordable. If I lived in one I would have kept working. Happily.

But for our family it makes more sense to be a trailing spouse, freeing DH to go after big promotions.

+ 1

I wish the people who asked these questions and made judgement about this stuff could recognize that we DON'T live in an ideal society and we all have to make do with less than ideal choices.

But why couldn’t your DH be the trailing spouse and you go after the big promotions? Why do women always have to short change themselves?

We're still socialized to be attracted to "alpha men" - i.e. the attractive, smart good athletes in high school who turn into attractive smart, high earning men as adults. This isn't true for ALL women but a lot, yeah. Men in turn are socialized to make the most money they can to support a family.

I don't know how much of it is socialization and how much of it is biological. You can't fight attraction. You like what you like.

If you want to be treated as an equal, you better start learning to own your decisions. You _decided_ to date or marry some guy. You did that. Society doesn't care. Your mom does maybe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole question is so ridiculous.

MOST people would rather not work than work. At least full time.

What do you think is the first thing most big lottery winners do?

Women get a choice and are resentful when they pick the wrong guy who makes them work.

LOL! I'm the PP and my DH makes more money a year than most middle class people amass for retirement their whole working lives. He doesn't make me work and I'm definitely not resentful. There are a lot of women like me who might have not married high earners, but still enjoy having a career. I suppose I had a good role model and well. My parents met in medical school and they own a private practice with 4 9ffices in the area and nearly 2 dozen doctors working there. My mother is still in surgery 2xs a week and my father now just runs the business and sees a handful of patients he has been seeing for thr past few decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole question is so ridiculous.

MOST people would rather not work than work. At least full time.

What do you think is the first thing most big lottery winners do?

Women get a choice and are resentful when they pick the wrong guy who makes them work.

This a 100%

If you’re a woman and you picked a guy who makes you work. You missed out. And you know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you telling me men want to work? I could have sworn DH told me if we won that billion mega millions he was going to retire that day, or two weeks notice but take vacation time. With his profession he can retire by 50. Nobody really wants to work, but we all somehow work, SAHMs too, and it sounds like your wife is getting older and is ready to retire. I wouldn't assume she wants to be a SAHM(your kids are in college so she can't be sahm anymore anyway.... have sleepless nights, etc...I don't think this is a gender difference, why work if you can do without? Sounds like she is still working. There is an issue men have, and that is that they assume women want them to fix things, and most comments are interpreted as some criticism of them. You are posting about this because you have been conditioned since childhood to think you are a failure if you don't provide the best for your family and wife. It is a common thread in patriarchal societies. Meaning, your own mind set is influencing your perception of her needs and wants.

My husband loves working. I. Like it sometimes. But my husband definitely would always choose to work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a lifelong SAHM only works in certain circumstances. I.E. Husband makes a LOT of money, loves his job, has no resentment that you don't work, you have a super strong loving marriage, and is 100% on the same page as you. He needs to want a SAH wife. There are advantages to it for some people in demanding professions.

Given that this type of situation is relatively rare among the general population, it makes sense that women should be raised to get a formal education with the idea that they will most likely have to go to work to support themselves and their families. The choice as to whether they should SAH when children come or not is very individual, based on circumstance, and can't be guaranteed.

Yeah I’m American today SAHM forever isn’t an option for 90% of the women simply because most men do not earn enough to sustain a family working alone.

If you married a top earner and can do so good for you, the rest of us have to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole question is so ridiculous.

MOST people would rather not work than work. At least full time.

What do you think is the first thing most big lottery winners do?

Women get a choice and are resentful when they pick the wrong guy who makes them work.

This a 100%

If you’re a woman and you picked a guy who makes you work. You missed out. And you know it.

Lol!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole question is so ridiculous.

MOST people would rather not work than work. At least full time.

What do you think is the first thing most big lottery winners do?

Preach! Nobody[I] wants[I] to work. That's why they pay you to do it and call it a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole question is so ridiculous.

MOST people would rather not work than work. At least full time.

What do you think is the first thing most big lottery winners do?

Preach! Nobody[I] wants[I] to work. That's why they pay you to do it and call it a job.

So if this is the case, why is the poster upthread with a spouse that's making 7 figures still working? She definitely does not need to work. Nor is someone making her work. What do you think of that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is very little societal support for working mothers. No maternity leave, scarce expensive childcare, no limits on hours employers can extract from employees.

It is a wonder that anyone has children.

Sadly this is a class thing. My employer has very generous benefits. I also find work makes my life much easier. We have school aged kids and a daily housekeeper. I haven't ever operated my own laundry, I dont go to the grocery store, dont clean my own house (have both housekeeper and a weekly deep cleaning), and dont organize my own closets. I come home at 5pm each day, (when I'm not WFH) to an organized home, kids who have completed their homework and a from scratch healthy meal that is 50% prepped, I just do the finishing touches. I spend my entire evening with my DH, kids, or simply curled up on the sofa enjoying a book. However you will never find me doing chores. If I chose to SAH (and believe me, I could with DHs income) no way could I justify a 30hr a week housekeeper to do the dirty work that quite frankly is boring and tedious. I'd be happy to never step foot in a grocery again in my life. If I didnt work, it would just be flamboyantly over the top.

You can totally justify the housekeeper if you can afford it, and trust me, you would find worthwhile ways to spend your time if you wanted to.

I really can't justify then housekeeper, certainly not to the extent we use one now. DH makes low 7 figures, so money is not a problem in regards to that. However, regardless, I get my exercise time in, eat well, spend a lot of time with my family as it is, I really like the work I do and enjoy the people I work with. I don't have a brutal commute. I would find being at home pretty dull, especially since i can't travel all the time being that we have kids at home. Both DH and I will retire in our early 50s when the kids are out of the home, so we can spend a lot of time traveling.

But when you retire, will you sit around the house doing nothing? Will you suddenly start doing all the cleaning yourself? No. Same thing.

[Anonymous]

I have zero desire to ever work for a paycheck again. I love being at home. I love taking care of my DH, our home, and our children. My DH loves that I am at home because it makes everyone's life so much easier. Now that my kids are grown/nearly grown, I have more time to do the things that I love.

Y'all should be happy. More jobs for you. You can have that lifestyle. Been there. Done that. No desire to ever do it again.