Stay-At-Home-Mother but not Housekeeper

[Anonymous]

Lots of very jealous housekeepers on this thread today.

Sorry, OP. DCUM is know for bitter SAHMs. I wish you the best. I don't do house work either. Outsource the cleaning and enjoy your baby.

[Anonymous]

Well, if you can afford then hire a housekeeper/cook.

[Anonymous]

Gay Stay at Home Dad here and I don't even know how to turn our washing machine on. It is not my job to clean the house - I am at home with and for my kids. Yes, my husband agrees.

No, no one has to "break it down or me".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gay Stay at Home Dad here and I don't even know how to turn our washing machine on. It is not my job to clean the house - I am at home with and for my kids. Yes, my husband agrees.

No, no one has to "break it down or me".

What is this world coming to? All about the kids all the time. No wonder they break down when they get to college and have to function on their own. Clean your damn house you lazy indulgent idiots! There are worse things for a child not than not being focused upon 24 hours a day. They might actually learn how to cook and clean! I'm sure I would have loved it at the time but thank goodness my mother didn't feel it was her duty to provide constant entertainment, enrichment, stimulation, etc for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gay Stay at Home Dad here and I don't even know how to turn our washing machine on. It is not my job to clean the house - I am at home with and for my kids. Yes, my husband agrees.

No, no one has to "break it down or me".

What is this world coming to? All about the kids all the time. No wonder they break down when they get to college and have to function on their own. Clean your damn house you lazy indulgent idiots! There are worse things for a child not than not being focused upon 24 hours a day. They might actually learn how to cook and clean! I'm sure I would have loved it at the time but thank goodness my mother didn't feel it was her duty to provide constant entertainment, enrichment, stimulation, etc for me.

Yeah, I have tried to get my nine-month-old to vacuum but she really sucks at it. And my three year old can't even make scrambled eggs without burning himself.

Shut up, PP, and go teach your newborn how to scrub a toilet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gay Stay at Home Dad here and I don't even know how to turn our washing machine on. It is not my job to clean the house - I am at home with and for my kids. Yes, my husband agrees.

No, no one has to "break it down or me".

What is this world coming to? All about the kids all the time. No wonder they break down when they get to college and have to function on their own. Clean your damn house you lazy indulgent idiots! There are worse things for a child not than not being focused upon 24 hours a day. They might actually learn how to cook and clean! I'm sure I would have loved it at the time but thank goodness my mother didn't feel it was her duty to provide constant entertainment, enrichment, stimulation, etc for me.

Yeah, I have tried to get my nine-month-old to vacuum but she really sucks at it. And my three year old can't even make scrambled eggs without burning himself.

Shut up, PP, and go teach your newborn how to scrub a toilet.

This may shock you but kids don't stay little forever. I have no infant to teach how to scrub a toilet. But my 4 year old does know how to make scrambled eggs, though I do make sure she doesn't get burnt. See, I can supervise and spent quality time with my kids AND get household tasks done. Shocking, I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I basically took that approach. Dh and I were equal earners and I had to quit my job bc baby being born coincided with a move that left me unemployed for two years. I found I was physically able to take care of my child from about his 6 am wake up until 6 pm when DH came home. After 6pm we were both on the clock until baby went to bed (which was only,like, an hour). There was no guarantee that anything would be clean or any food would be prepared. We were both working full time, just at different types of jobs, and my job was more exhausting. So we did the best we could with take out or jarred sauce etc.
The absolute best thing to do is to draw up a list of of all the household tasks that need to get done, and designate who does what. Also, make a schedule of who gets up with the baby when. (My baby was STTN pretty early on, otherwise we'd be divorced I'm sure lol).

Anyway, don't let people here make you feel bad. Being a SAHM is extremely demanding in the early years and rife with a lot of societal pressure and guilt traps. Now that I work, I'm astounded by how much pressure we put on SAHMs. Come home to a well taken care of baby, clean home, and hot meal, while I work in a nice office, control the money, and advance my career and use my education? Um...yes please. Lol what an eye opener that was. Good luck to you!

It doesn't sound all that demanding to tote a baby around to classes and play dates all day which, according to OP, will be the sum total of her existence. Oh, and singing.

And you do realize that for centuries women managed to take care of multiple children, clean their homes, cook hot meals, and often do farm chores as well? Not saying that's ideal but please don't act like modern stay at homes (moms or dads) have this insurmountable job with unparalleled difficulties. You've got a microwave, right? And electricity?

[Anonymous]

I did this with my first db, op. I was obsessed with doing everything right for her. I read to her for hours a day, constantly chatting, baby classes, no screens, played on the floor, took to museums almost every other day, researched child development in my spare time, prepped special food... You get the idea. Looking back I did an amazing job, and I think she really benefited.

With second db, who came along 7 years later, I could not sustain this. I had so much more housework and was pulled in other directions because of older DC. I had also started some freelance work. The first year with second db was hard. Db did not benefit at all. I feel bad about that. I ended up focusing more on the home after that but I've never been able to focus on the kids like I did the first 5 years with first db.

I say if you want to do it and are able go for it. It's certainly possible.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it and want it, hire the extra help. I would if I could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gay Stay at Home Dad here and I don't even know how to turn our washing machine on. It is not my job to clean the house - I am at home with and for my kids. Yes, my husband agrees.

No, no one has to "break it down or me".

What is this world coming to? All about the kids all the time. No wonder they break down when they get to college and have to function on their own. Clean your damn house you lazy indulgent idiots! There are worse things for a child not than not being focused upon 24 hours a day. They might actually learn how to cook and clean! I'm sure I would have loved it at the time but thank goodness my mother didn't feel it was her duty to provide constant entertainment, enrichment, stimulation, etc for me.

100% this. This is how situations happen where the poor parent is like "MY KID IS CONSTANTLY CLINGING TO MY LEG 24/7 WHY CAN'T THEY ENTERTAIN THEMSELVES??"

[Anonymous]

The biggest hurdles to cleaning your own house when you have little ones under foot are the constant interruptions and the very real need to keep an eye on your active child.

It is frustrating to put a baby down for a nap, start to scrub the kitchen floor, only to have the baby decide that he/she doesn't want to take a nap after all. Those reliable solid blocks of time that you used to get pre baby simply do not exist anymore. Same goes with reading a book or watching a t.v. show - you will get interrupted right when things are really getting good. Guaranteed.

You either learn to roll with it and accept that some things simply are not going to get done OR you let your little one scream while you get some things done OR you hire it done OR you wait until your spouse gets home and finish up cleaning while he/she watches the kids.

Personally, I fell under the "roll with it" category. My children needed my time, my husband needed time to relax after work and we needed the money more than we needed a cleaning service. So I did the best I could do with the house cleaning w/o pulling my hair out. Some weeks the house looked better than others. Looking back, I think we made the right call...

[Anonymous]

OP - You may find that your plan works. It may not. Sounds like your spouse will be cool either way, so I would just wait and see how things shake out. You might want to do other tasks once the baby arrives. I did. I didn't like 100% focus on my baby. It made me feel smothered. So, I didn't mind cleaning the windows and dusting while the baby happily played on the floor on a blanket. Second baby was much higher maintenance and I had to basically devote all afternoon to him. Just wait and see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - You may find that your plan works. It may not. Sounds like your spouse will be cool either way, so I would just wait and see how things shake out. You might want to do other tasks once the baby arrives. I did. I didn't like 100% focus on my baby. It made me feel smothered. So, I didn't mind cleaning the windows and dusting while the baby happily played on the floor on a blanket. Second baby was much higher maintenance and I had to basically devote all afternoon to him. Just wait and see.

^that should say attention, not afternoon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gay Stay at Home Dad here and I don't even know how to turn our washing machine on. It is not my job to clean the house - I am at home with and for my kids. Yes, my husband agrees.

No, no one has to "break it down or me".

What is this world coming to? All about the kids all the time. No wonder they break down when they get to college and have to function on their own. Clean your damn house you lazy indulgent idiots! There are worse things for a child not than not being focused upon 24 hours a day. They might actually learn how to cook and clean! I'm sure I would have loved it at the time but thank goodness my mother didn't feel it was her duty to provide constant entertainment, enrichment, stimulation, etc for me.

Yeah, I have tried to get my nine-month-old to vacuum but she really sucks at it. And my three year old can't even make scrambled eggs without burning himself.

Shut up, PP, and go teach your newborn how to scrub a toilet.

This may shock you but kids don't stay little forever. I have no infant to teach how to scrub a toilet. But my 4 year old does know how to make scrambled eggs, though I do make sure she doesn't get burnt. See, I can supervise and spent quality time with my kids AND get household tasks done. Shocking, I know.

NP here but I have no intention of staying home when my kids get older. I loved working and don't even like cleaning. What is wrong with outsourcing cleaning if you don't like it? I have no clue why you are so stunningly defensive, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gay Stay at Home Dad here and I don't even know how to turn our washing machine on. It is not my job to clean the house - I am at home with and for my kids. Yes, my husband agrees.

No, no one has to "break it down or me".

What is this world coming to? All about the kids all the time. No wonder they break down when they get to college and have to function on their own. Clean your damn house you lazy indulgent idiots! There are worse things for a child not than not being focused upon 24 hours a day. They might actually learn how to cook and clean! I'm sure I would have loved it at the time but thank goodness my mother didn't feel it was her duty to provide constant entertainment, enrichment, stimulation, etc for me.

Yeah, I have tried to get my nine-month-old to vacuum but she really sucks at it. And my three year old can't even make scrambled eggs without burning himself.

Shut up, PP, and go teach your newborn how to scrub a toilet.

Actually, I show my infant all the things while I'm cleaning the dishes. She loves the splashing and different sound the dishes vs cups vs cutlery make.