Stay-At-Home-Mother but not Housekeeper

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have always split the household chores equally. I want this to change when I stop working after our child is born - I want to do less. We have a cleaning service that comes in once a week and do a lot of ordering of supplies online.

Basically, I want to do only what a good nanny would do in terms of spending all the baby's waking hours engaged with her and her napping hours either napping myself or doing her chores (baby's laundry, food prep, etc). I want to do classes with my child, go on play dates and not think about the house at all.

Is this possible? DH is all for it right now but...

I do about an hour or two of housework in the morning while baby sleeps. This still leaves the rest of the day to interact with her.

I was lame and took a break when my first born napped. He was up several times at night until he was 6 months so I was tired and I needed a short rest. Of course, the one thing with a baby is that they are constantly growing and their nap schedule can change like the wind - and sometimes they skip naps. So my advice is enjoy those naps while they last...

[Anonymous]

This whole SAHM cleaning issue really comes down to some people have different ideas of "clean" and "organized". As a current SAHM with a 1 yo there is. O way I could keep the place clean and organized to my liking without once a week help. However to my standards when I was in college... I could totally handle that.

This isn't saying it's better to be a neat freak than a slob (obviously middle ground is messed) but there's a lever for everyone hat they're comfortable with and some levels are just not possible to an engaged Mom and have that level of clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not a nanny. I assume you would like to believe you are an equal member of your household and not your husband's employee.

Well put.

[Anonymous]

This is the weirdest post ever. You will be a mom. You are not a nanny or a housekeeper so don't compare your role to theirs. Get help if you want. I have someone who comes and cleans once a week but that doesn't mean you won't have to clean in between. Divvy up the chores with your husband as well as the baby care. Oh and grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not going to want poopy laundry to be laying around, dirty bottles in the sink, baby food smashed in the carpet and the million other messes that a baby makes just sitting there waiting for the weekly cleaning help to arrive and tidy up.

If you stay home, you will be cleaning A LOT. Comes with the territory. If you would prefer to hire someone to do normal housecleaning (floors, bathrooms, etc) that's up to you. But don't think that you won't be cleaning because you will be.

OP here and I will do everything regarding the care and cleaning/laundry for the baby. I meant general household chores like cleaning bathrooms and washing floors.

You are so weird OP. You are not your husband's employer. As PP said get help if you want but you will do what needs to be done as will your husband. If you continue thinking like this then i guarantee you you will be divorced soon. Grow up and discuss this with your husband instead of DCUM.

[Anonymous]

I think this is ridiculous. Sorry, but do you think nannies nap while the children they're taking care of sleep? I sincerely hope not. I'm a sahm and do classes, play dates, etc., but also make time to clean up between our cleaning service and cook dinner a few nights a week. My husband definitely contributes, but being a sahm means I have much more time to take care of items concerning the household (nothing extreme, but I go beyond being a nanny). It gives my husband more time to spend with our kids, after he's spent a long day supporting us (just as I've supported him by staying home to care for them). Total partnership.

[Anonymous]

I do exactly what OP wants to do - and my marriage is extremely happy and so am I. I don't do housework at all. I have never been good at it anyway so I have a housekeeper and all I do all day is take care of my children. And yes, I nap when they nap pretty much every single day.

I honestly have no clue why some are in such a snit about this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is ridiculous. Sorry, but do you think nannies nap while the children they're taking care of sleep? I sincerely hope not. I'm a sahm and do classes, play dates, etc., but also make time to clean up between our cleaning service and cook dinner a few nights a week. My husband definitely contributes, but being a sahm means I have much more time to take care of items concerning the household (nothing extreme, but I go beyond being a nanny). It gives my husband more time to spend with our kids, after he's spent a long day supporting us (just as I've supported him by staying home to care for them). Total partnership.

You have a **cleaning service**. That is what Op wants. And if your children are old enough to go on play dates it's no small wonder that you have more time to do household chores and less need for a midday nap. What exactly is your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do exactly what OP wants to do - and my marriage is extremely happy and so am I. I don't do housework at all. I have never been good at it anyway so I have a housekeeper and all I do all day is take care of my children. And yes, I nap when they nap pretty much every single day.

I honestly have no clue why some are in such a snit about this post.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do exactly what OP wants to do - and my marriage is extremely happy and so am I. I don't do housework at all. I have never been good at it anyway so I have a housekeeper and all I do all day is take care of my children. And yes, I nap when they nap pretty much every single day.

I honestly have no clue why some are in such a snit about this post.

The problem is not what OP wants to do but the fact that she says she defines her role and responsibilities with the role and responsibilities of a nanny. If she wants to get household help that's fine. Being a stay at home mom is difficult and if she can afford the help why not? What is ridiculous is her telling her husband that when the kid comes she only wants to do the things that a professional nanny does. A normal person would say honey "Being a stay at home mom will be hard and I'm thinking that we should hire someone to help with housework. That way we can both focus on the baby without having to worry about cleaning the house. What do you think?'"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do exactly what OP wants to do - and my marriage is extremely happy and so am I. I don't do housework at all. I have never been good at it anyway so I have a housekeeper and all I do all day is take care of my children. And yes, I nap when they nap pretty much every single day.

I honestly have no clue why some are in such a snit about this post.

The problem is not what OP wants to do but the fact that she says she defines her role and responsibilities with the role and responsibilities of a nanny. If she wants to get household help that's fine. Being a stay at home mom is difficult and if she can afford the help why not? What is ridiculous is her telling her husband that when the kid comes she only wants to do the things that a professional nanny does. A normal person would say honey "Being a stay at home mom will be hard and I'm thinking that we should hire someone to help with housework. That way we can both focus on the baby without having to worry about cleaning the house. What do you think?'"

How does that negatively affect you? If that's how OP and her DH both agree to frame their responsibilities then what's the issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do exactly what OP wants to do - and my marriage is extremely happy and so am I. I don't do housework at all. I have never been good at it anyway so I have a housekeeper and all I do all day is take care of my children. And yes, I nap when they nap pretty much every single day.

I honestly have no clue why some are in such a snit about this post.

+1

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My crystal ball tells me OP is going to be the worst helicopter mom on Planet Earth.

And one of those over the top, "look at me, I'm the best mom in the world" type first time moms. They're so cute.

[Anonymous]

OP let me break it down for you. Your full time job is to look after the baby and your husband's full time job is to work outside the home. But as two fully functioning adults you also have to manage your household. Now this may involve outsourcing but in the end it's ultimately your responsibility and his. Nannies also need to manage their house by doing chores, paying bills etc. All adults have to. You sound insufferable and childish:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My crystal ball tells me OP is going to be the worst helicopter mom on Planet Earth.

And one of those over the top, "look at me, I'm the best mom in the world" type first time moms. They're so cute.

Oh, good grief. Did you scrub your toilet bowls today? Did you scour the soap scum off your shower doors? Did you scrub your own kitchen floor? Did you shine your sink? Did you tidy your house top to bottom and vacuum all of the carpets? And you did it all during your baby's nap...well mostly during the baby's nap?

If so, here is your gold star. Wear it proud.

As for me, after a busy morning I put the baby down for his nap, laid down on my own bed and dozed through yet another episode of "Say yes to the dress".....