Are people secretive about their FA status at your private school?

[Anonymous]

Everyone wants to get FA, they just can't make it happen. It's totally fine for you to tell others of your good fortune. They will respect and admire you.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sick of the middle class
Complaining about their "access to financial aid." The middle class has access to good public school options because you have enough money to buy into a good public school
District, at The very least, to rent an apartment in a good public school district. Stop complaining that no one is paying your way into a private school. Private schools are unnecessary luxury item for the middle class. Alternatively, if there are scholarships available why not offer them to children who would have no viable opportunities otherwise? I guess this philosophical difference is what makes me comment on this thread. The FA dollars that are available are just going to kids who would be fine (maybe not "great" but fine) otherwise. Meanwhile, there are hundreds of kids
Who would blow your socks off if they were given an opportunity for small class sizes and individualized attention. I guess the super rich and the striving middle
Class don't want that to happen? Keep the status quo happy,
Keep the gates closed, keep the criteria for admittance the same as it's always been, keep the board happy. (And the lacrosse team happy)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Miss 50% aid with the modest new car, it's wonderful to have people like you in the private school community. Admire your dedication to provide the best for your child. That being said, I have the same dedication to my child. Private school is vastly superior to public school and therefore is highly coveted in this area saturated with intelligent parents. However, I don't appreciate the shade at those who earn a little more than you, live in a better home, and drive a nicer car. I receive 25% in aid for my 2 kids and have the 3000 square foot home. It's a townhouse if that makes you feel better. I'm thankful for my aid as it helps us afford the social costs of attending private, which allows the private school experience to be even more beneficial to my kids. I'm not flying off to Europe with my kids for every vacation. I am equally deserving of aid and just because your total finances are different than mine doesn't mean you have the right to decide who's better suited for aid based on the car they drive or the size of their house. The school needs all kinds of families and without aid there would only be the uber wealthy and the poor with nothing in between.

I mean there are some on this board that have argued that people who choose to work in lower paid professions should first try to increase income by changing to higher paying jobs so they can afford private school instead of looking for 50% aid so I wouldn't be so quick to show case your frugality as evidence to support your use of financial aid. Basically people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Miss 50% aid will be my new name! I thought I was very clear that my problem was flaunting that she's NOT poor, has a fancy luxury car and super nice house but still manages to work the system to get FA.

I'm glad that you strive to help people choose higher paying jobs. I didn't want to completely out our situation, but we both teach at private schools. Our 2 kids can't attend the schools where we work as one is the wrong gender/age and the other is special education. Hence the need for FA for the non-special ed kiddo. But I think your kids' schools could be well-served if all of the teachers left to work in higher paying jobs? There are huge benefits to working in a private school and we both work summer jobs to try to get ahead, but the resultant total HHI is only a bit over half of $250K/year. It's hard to do the summer jobs because camps to cover our SN kid would be almost as much as we could earn, but we try to alternate work schedules so as to minimize childcare expenses. My side job is also working with children, btw.

I have NO problem with middle class parents who make more than we do also getting FA and know plenty at the school where I work. Bragging about having it all with a "luxury" car, her words not mine, and big house while getting FA rubs me wrong.

For the record, I never said the car is beat up, I simply said it's old. The "new" car is over 3 years old now!

[Anonymous]

PP... It's already been said on this thread but I'll say it again. A school needs all 3 classes-- upper, middle, and lower. Upper class can pay full freight. Lower class get significant FA. The middle class can't afford to pay full freight but they can afford a good portion. Without FA going to the middle class, they can't afford the school. You're right, they have options for good publics. But then the private won't have a middle class-only an upper and lower class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Miss 50% aid with the modest new car, it's wonderful to have people like you in the private school community. Admire your dedication to provide the best for your child. That being said, I have the same dedication to my child. Private school is vastly superior to public school and therefore is highly coveted in this area saturated with intelligent parents. However, I don't appreciate the shade at those who earn a little more than you, live in a better home, and drive a nicer car. I receive 25% in aid for my 2 kids and have the 3000 square foot home. It's a townhouse if that makes you feel better. I'm thankful for my aid as it helps us afford the social costs of attending private, which allows the private school experience to be even more beneficial to my kids. I'm not flying off to Europe with my kids for every vacation. I am equally deserving of aid and just because your total finances are different than mine doesn't mean you have the right to decide who's better suited for aid based on the car they drive or the size of their house. The school needs all kinds of families and without aid there would only be the uber wealthy and the poor with nothing in between.

I mean there are some on this board that have argued that people who choose to work in lower paid professions should first try to increase income by changing to higher paying jobs so they can afford private school instead of looking for 50% aid so I wouldn't be so quick to show case your frugality as evidence to support your use of financial aid. Basically people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

This!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked at a school in another state and everyone on aid from 7 grade on had to clean classrooms after s hoo
For 45 min everyday

So the rich and the riteous who choose to drive beat up cars would like to shame families on aid as if it's welfare or food stamps. That makes you feel better? I agree with previous posters, it appears the wealthy want to see hard working middle class people grovel just so they can sleep better at night by singling out poor people. Great idea. Please bring suggest this approach at the next sidwell parents night.

Exactly. The longer the speak and post the more obvious it becomes that they are elitist snobs who feel superior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/45907/jewish/Eight-Levels-of-Charity.htm

I would offer that some posters on this thread have achieved level [9]: a still even lesser level is when one gives reluctantly, preens about it, and then expects gratitude from the recipients - but only the ones that the giver deems less worthy.

+1 bingo! Love the list.

NP. This thread is bizarre. Do FA recipients really think so little of donors?

I do not think little of donors at all. What I think little of are people who come on this board and do nothing more than berate those of us on FA, accuse of us stealing, being lazy, expecting/wanting something for nothing, etc. etc. etc. It's condescending and simply not true. I am GRATEFUL for the generosity of everyone who chooses to give regardless of their reasons. However, to expect me to be OK with being subjected to their rudeness simply because they have more zeros in their bank account than I do is unacceptable and intolerable. My DC's school costs close to $40K. I pay $25K of that every year, plus I donate to the annual fund. Yet, somehow I am poor, lazy, ungrateful? Seriously? Because I cannot afford to full pay $40K a year that makes me less than? $25K is a lot of money. Heck, that is the annual salary of some. I do not and will not apologize, nor do I feel any shame, for accepting $15K a year in financial aid for my DC to receive what I believe is an outstanding education. The idea that I should is simply mind boggling quite frankly. Again people don't seem to understand what gratitude actually means.

I pay the full $40,000 plus per year for my DD at her private school due to learning issues, otherwise she would be in our very good public school which simply didn't work out due to class size. What I take offense to is that my husband and I sacrifice GREATLY to make this happen and are not eligible for FA. In fact there is a parent at our school who has two children on an almost "full" ride and she and her husband drive late year mercedes and vacation twice a year at nice places. They also live in a 5,000 plus square foot house and are doctors. How do I know this, I have been to her home for multiple play dates between our children so I am well aware of her lifestyle and she of mine. She is well aware of the sacrifices we make, including the fact that we do not take vacations except small local trips. I type this not to complain, I am happy with my choice to make this sacrifice and the smile from my child is satisfaction enough, but really, I often wonder if this parent is missing a sensitivity chip or something. She talks frequently and freely to anyone who will listen about how she plays the system, I encourage you to keep your mouth shut, it reflects poorly on your child if you behave the way this parent and her husband do. Just a thought

The difference between she and I is that I am not playing the system. I have not done anything to manipulate my numbers. I am paying what we can afford and doing so at a sacrifice. We take modest vacations, rarely eat out and I don't buy anything that is not on sale. My point is that just because I can't afford $40K a year and accept aid does not make me less than.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked at a school in another state and everyone on aid from 7 grade on had to clean classrooms after s hoo
For 45 min everyday

So the rich and the riteous who choose to drive beat up cars would like to shame families on aid as if it's welfare or food stamps. That makes you feel better? I agree with previous posters, it appears the wealthy want to see hard working middle class people grovel just so they can sleep better at night by singling out poor people. Great idea. Please bring suggest this approach at the next sidwell parents night.

Exactly. The longer the speak and post the more obvious it becomes that they are elitist snobs who feel superior.

PP of the school where kids had to clean. No it was awful. I felt Terrible for those kids. Some could not even play sports because of it. It was a catholic school and seemed so cruel to single them out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sick of the middle class
Complaining about their "access to financial aid." The middle class has access to good public school options because you have enough money to buy into a good public school
District, at The very least, to rent an apartment in a good public school district. Stop complaining that no one is paying your way into a private school. Private schools are unnecessary luxury item for the middle class. Alternatively, if there are scholarships available why not offer them to children who would have no viable opportunities otherwise? I guess this philosophical difference is what makes me comment on this thread. The FA dollars that are available are just going to kids who would be fine (maybe not "great" but fine) otherwise. Meanwhile, there are hundreds of kids
Who would blow your socks off if they were given an opportunity for small class sizes and individualized attention. I guess the super rich and the striving middle
Class don't want that to happen? Keep the status quo happy,
Keep the gates closed, keep the criteria for admittance the same as it's always been, keep the board happy. (And the lacrosse team happy)

Not my kid, my boy was not fine in a public school up to 5th grade. In an overcrowded school he was overlooked and felt like school was a chore rather than an enjoyable experience. We switched him 2 years ago to a private all boys school and he is a totally different person. I wish I had done this sooner. We told ourselves all the same things that people who could stretch to do private but choose not to given the cost. While on public, the only time my son was happy on the lavish trips we were able to take because schooling was free. Now, no more lavish trips but such a happy content boy that wakes up before anyone, irons his uniform the night before, has numerous friends, chats about so many topics. I asked him what's the biggest difference, he said all teachers not just those that are mine know my name and say hello to me. I honestly teared up, didn't even think that such a small thing could mean so much to a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/45907/jewish/Eight-Levels-of-Charity.htm

I would offer that some posters on this thread have achieved level [9]: a still even lesser level is when one gives reluctantly, preens about it, and then expects gratitude from the recipients - but only the ones that the giver deems less worthy.

+1 bingo! Love the list.

NP. This thread is bizarre. Do FA recipients really think so little of donors?

I do not think little of donors at all. What I think little of are people who come on this board and do nothing more than berate those of us on FA, accuse of us stealing, being lazy, expecting/wanting something for nothing, etc. etc. etc. It's condescending and simply not true. I am GRATEFUL for the generosity of everyone who chooses to give regardless of their reasons. However, to expect me to be OK with being subjected to their rudeness simply because they have more zeros in their bank account than I do is unacceptable and intolerable. My DC's school costs close to $40K. I pay $25K of that every year, plus I donate to the annual fund. Yet, somehow I am poor, lazy, ungrateful? Seriously? Because I cannot afford to full pay $40K a year that makes me less than? $25K is a lot of money. Heck, that is the annual salary of some. I do not and will not apologize, nor do I feel any shame, for accepting $15K a year in financial aid for my DC to receive what I believe is an outstanding education. The idea that I should is simply mind boggling quite frankly. Again people don't seem to understand what gratitude actually means.

How exactly does one "play the system" to make this happen? Simply lie about income? Is there some other way you think they did this? Maybe they have massive debt? If that debt was to acquire an outrageous lifestyle I don't know that it should then entitle you to aid, but school debt is a little different in my mind.



I pay the full $40,000 plus per year for my DD at her private school due to learning issues, otherwise she would be in our very good public school which simply didn't work out due to class size. What I take offense to is that my husband and I sacrifice GREATLY to make this happen and are not eligible for FA. In fact there is a parent at our school who has two children on an almost "full" ride and she and her husband drive late year mercedes and vacation twice a year at nice places. They also live in a 5,000 plus square foot house and are doctors. How do I know this, I have been to her home for multiple play dates between our children so I am well aware of her lifestyle and she of mine. She is well aware of the sacrifices we make, including the fact that we do not take vacations except small local trips. I type this not to complain, I am happy with my choice to make this sacrifice and the smile from my child is satisfaction enough, but really, I often wonder if this parent is missing a sensitivity chip or something. She talks frequently and freely to anyone who will listen about how she plays the system, I encourage you to keep your mouth shut, it reflects poorly on your child if you behave the way this parent and her husband do. Just a thought

The difference between she and I is that I am not playing the system. I have not done anything to manipulate my numbers. I am paying what we can afford and doing so at a sacrifice. We take modest vacations, rarely eat out and I don't buy anything that is not on sale. My point is that just because I can't afford $40K a year and accept aid does not make me less than.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/45907/jewish/Eight-Levels-of-Charity.htm

I would offer that some posters on this thread have achieved level [9]: a still even lesser level is when one gives reluctantly, preens about it, and then expects gratitude from the recipients - but only the ones that the giver deems less worthy.

+1 bingo! Love the list.

NP. This thread is bizarre. Do FA recipients really think so little of donors?

I do not think little of donors at all. What I think little of are people who come on this board and do nothing more than berate those of us on FA, accuse of us stealing, being lazy, expecting/wanting something for nothing, etc. etc. etc. It's condescending and simply not true. I am GRATEFUL for the generosity of everyone who chooses to give regardless of their reasons. However, to expect me to be OK with being subjected to their rudeness simply because they have more zeros in their bank account than I do is unacceptable and intolerable. My DC's school costs close to $40K. I pay $25K of that every year, plus I donate to the annual fund. Yet, somehow I am poor, lazy, ungrateful? Seriously? Because I cannot afford to full pay $40K a year that makes me less than? $25K is a lot of money. Heck, that is the annual salary of some. I do not and will not apologize, nor do I feel any shame, for accepting $15K a year in financial aid for my DC to receive what I believe is an outstanding education. The idea that I should is simply mind boggling quite frankly. Again people don't seem to understand what gratitude actually means.

I pay the full $40,000 plus per year for my DD at her private school due to learning issues, otherwise she would be in our very good public school which simply didn't work out due to class size. What I take offense to is that my husband and I sacrifice GREATLY to make this happen and are not eligible for FA. In fact there is a parent at our school who has two children on an almost "full" ride and she and her husband drive late year mercedes and vacation twice a year at nice places. They also live in a 5,000 plus square foot house and are doctors. How do I know this, I have been to her home for multiple play dates between our children so I am well aware of her lifestyle and she of mine. She is well aware of the sacrifices we make, including the fact that we do not take vacations except small local trips. I type this not to complain, I am happy with my choice to make this sacrifice and the smile from my child is satisfaction enough, but really, I often wonder if this parent is missing a sensitivity chip or something. She talks frequently and freely to anyone who will listen about how she plays the system, I encourage you to keep your mouth shut, it reflects poorly on your child if you behave the way this parent and her husband do. Just a thought

The difference between she and I is that I am not playing the system. I have not done anything to manipulate my numbers. I am paying what we can afford and doing so at a sacrifice. We take modest vacations, rarely eat out and I don't buy anything that is not on sale. My point is that just because I can't afford $40K a year and accept aid does not make me less than.

How does one "play the system" to make this work? Lie about income? Is there some other way? Do they have massive debts? Debt incurred for a lavish lifestyle probably shouldn't entitle you to aid, but what about school debt? Maybe the school wanted their kids for some reason that led them to offer more aid than they might normally based on income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/45907/jewish/Eight-Levels-of-Charity.htm

I would offer that some posters on this thread have achieved level [9]: a still even lesser level is when one gives reluctantly, preens about it, and then expects gratitude from the recipients - but only the ones that the giver deems less worthy.

+1 bingo! Love the list.

NP. This thread is bizarre. Do FA recipients really think so little of donors?

I do not think little of donors at all. What I think little of are people who come on this board and do nothing more than berate those of us on FA, accuse of us stealing, being lazy, expecting/wanting something for nothing, etc. etc. etc. It's condescending and simply not true. I am GRATEFUL for the generosity of everyone who chooses to give regardless of their reasons. However, to expect me to be OK with being subjected to their rudeness simply because they have more zeros in their bank account than I do is unacceptable and intolerable. My DC's school costs close to $40K. I pay $25K of that every year, plus I donate to the annual fund. Yet, somehow I am poor, lazy, ungrateful? Seriously? Because I cannot afford to full pay $40K a year that makes me less than? $25K is a lot of money. Heck, that is the annual salary of some. I do not and will not apologize, nor do I feel any shame, for accepting $15K a year in financial aid for my DC to receive what I believe is an outstanding education. The idea that I should is simply mind boggling quite frankly. Again people don't seem to understand what gratitude actually means.

I pay the full $40,000 plus per year for my DD at her private school due to learning issues, otherwise she would be in our very good public school which simply didn't work out due to class size. What I take offense to is that my husband and I sacrifice GREATLY to make this happen and are not eligible for FA. In fact there is a parent at our school who has two children on an almost "full" ride and she and her husband drive late year mercedes and vacation twice a year at nice places. They also live in a 5,000 plus square foot house and are doctors. How do I know this, I have been to her home for multiple play dates between our children so I am well aware of her lifestyle and she of mine. She is well aware of the sacrifices we make, including the fact that we do not take vacations except small local trips. I type this not to complain, I am happy with my choice to make this sacrifice and the smile from my child is satisfaction enough, but really, I often wonder if this parent is missing a sensitivity chip or something. She talks frequently and freely to anyone who will listen about how she plays the system, I encourage you to keep your mouth shut, it reflects poorly on your child if you behave the way this parent and her husband do. Just a thought

The difference between she and I is that I am not playing the system. I have not done anything to manipulate my numbers. I am paying what we can afford and doing so at a sacrifice. We take modest vacations, rarely eat out and I don't buy anything that is not on sale. My point is that just because I can't afford $40K a year and accept aid does not make me less than.

How does one "play the system" to make this work? Lie about income? Is there some other way? Do they have massive debts? Debt incurred for a lavish lifestyle probably shouldn't entitle you to aid, but what about school debt? Maybe the school wanted their kids for some reason that led them to offer more aid than they might normally based on income.

This is what I would like to know. We had to provide documentation for every figure we put on that application. So how someone could game the system is beyond me.

[Anonymous]

Every time there is a discussion like this on DC UM, I think it misses the central point of F A. Private schools select their students based on a number of criteria. Without financial aid they could not attract the quality of students they want to have in their schools. Most private schools believe having a versus group of students including economically diverse students, benefits everyone in the school. They also want to attract students who have a lot of ability are hard-working and contribute to their communities. Also, they want to have students from variety of racial and ethnic backgrounds because it enhances the educational opportunities of the school. So they use financial aid to recruit students who help the school reach these goals. Without such students they would not be able to send so many kids to the top colleges and therefore their reputations would falter. Since it is up to them to choose their students they may use whatever criteria they choose. But most rely on a very sophisticated analysis of a family's ability to pay. That being said my families experience is that they award generous financial aid and increase it if necessary, if the student is doing exceptionally well at the school and is contributing to the school community through leadership and other activities. I believe my kids are helping their school and I am thankful but not embarrassed that they receive financial aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time there is a discussion like this on DC UM, I think it misses the central point of F A. Private schools select their students based on a number of criteria. Without financial aid they could not attract the quality of students they want to have in their schools. Most private schools believe having a versus group of including economically diverse students, benefits everyone in the school. They also want to attract students who have a lot of ability are hard-working and contribute to their communities. Also, they want to have students from variety of racial and ethnic backgrounds because it enhances the educational opportunities of the school. So they use financial aid to recruit students who help the school reach these goals. Without such students they would not be able to send so many kids to the top colleges and therefore their reputations would falter. Since it is up to them to choose their students they may use whatever criteria they choose. But most rely on a very sophisticated analysis of a family's ability to pay. That being said my families experience is that they award generous financial aid and increase it if necessary, if the student is doing exceptionally well at the school and is contributing to the school community through leadership and other activities. I believe my kids are helping their school and I am thankful but not embarrassed that they receive financial aid.

Not true. Without financial aid they could not attract the racial and SES diversity they desire. Most privates reject many more qualified applicants than they accept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/45907/jewish/Eight-Levels-of-Charity.htm

I would offer that some posters on this thread have achieved level [9]: a still even lesser level is when one gives reluctantly, preens about it, and then expects gratitude from the recipients - but only the ones that the giver deems less worthy.

+1 bingo! Love the list.

NP. This thread is bizarre. Do FA recipients really think so little of donors?

I do not think little of donors at all. What I think little of are people who come on this board and do nothing more than berate those of us on FA, accuse of us stealing, being lazy, expecting/wanting something for nothing, etc. etc. etc. It's condescending and simply not true. I am GRATEFUL for the generosity of everyone who chooses to give regardless of their reasons. However, to expect me to be OK with being subjected to their rudeness simply because they have more zeros in their bank account than I do is unacceptable and intolerable. My DC's school costs close to $40K. I pay $25K of that every year, plus I donate to the annual fund. Yet, somehow I am poor, lazy, ungrateful? Seriously? Because I cannot afford to full pay $40K a year that makes me less than? $25K is a lot of money. Heck, that is the annual salary of some. I do not and will not apologize, nor do I feel any shame, for accepting $15K a year in financial aid for my DC to receive what I believe is an outstanding education. The idea that I should is simply mind boggling quite frankly. Again people don't seem to understand what gratitude actually means.

I pay the full $40,000 plus per year for my DD at her private school due to learning issues, otherwise she would be in our very good public school which simply didn't work out due to class size. What I take offense to is that my husband and I sacrifice GREATLY to make this happen and are not eligible for FA. In fact there is a parent at our school who has two children on an almost "full" ride and she and her husband drive late year mercedes and vacation twice a year at nice places. They also live in a 5,000 plus square foot house and are doctors. How do I know this, I have been to her home for multiple play dates between our children so I am well aware of her lifestyle and she of mine. She is well aware of the sacrifices we make, including the fact that we do not take vacations except small local trips. I type this not to complain, I am happy with my choice to make this sacrifice and the smile from my child is satisfaction enough, but really, I often wonder if this parent is missing a sensitivity chip or something. She talks frequently and freely to anyone who will listen about how she plays the system, I encourage you to keep your mouth shut, it reflects poorly on your child if you behave the way this parent and her husband do. Just a thought

The difference between she and I is that I am not playing the system. I have not done anything to manipulate my numbers. I am paying what we can afford and doing so at a sacrifice. We take modest vacations, rarely eat out and I don't buy anything that is not on sale. My point is that just because I can't afford $40K a year and accept aid does not make me less than.

How does one "play the system" to make this work? Lie about income? Is there some other way? Do they have massive debts? Debt incurred for a lavish lifestyle probably shouldn't entitle you to aid, but what about school debt? Maybe the school wanted their kids for some reason that led them to offer more aid than they might normally based on income.

Cmon, we all know how it works. A similarly situated AA student is going to get a lot more aid than a white student. No one is gaming the system, they just know the desired outcome so they will apply even though most would think they don't qualify.