Are people secretive about their FA status at your private school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you really think all the rich private school parents go around asking each other how they are paying for tuition?

Family 1: Oh, we are not going to Europe this summer
Family 2: Putting off the new Tesla til next year
Family 3: Decided not to buy a beach house, got a condo instead. Because private school IS WORTH IT!
Family 4: My parents own an oil mine and want their grandchildren to have the best.

OP, this doesn't happen. Everyone just assumes if you're there, you scraped together money from somewhere. It will quickly come out that you don't travel 1st class, and you'll fit in accordingly.

The question has not been specifically posed to me by anyone from the school (so I do understand what you mean), but I have overheard and been a part of conversations where parents have openly and comfortably discussed being on FA (and for whatever reason correctly assumed we were too without me offering up the information). Because those conversations seemed normal and like it was no big deal, I thought it weird that I was told by someone to "never" talk about it. Maybe the key is it's OK to discuss it with those who are also on FA and best to not discuss it with those you know are not. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Full pay here. I would never, ever ask anyone about their FA status, and I am glad that the FA is there for the kids that need it. For the kids that I know are on FA, I've learned it either from my sons or from the kids directly. Never from admin or other parents. Coaches will sometimes talk about if they are discussing recruits, but I think everyone pretty much expects athletic recruits to be on FA of some sort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Full pay here. I would never, ever ask anyone about their FA status, and I am glad that the FA is there for the kids that need it. For the kids that I know are on FA, I've learned it either from my sons or from the kids directly. Never from admin or other parents. Coaches will sometimes talk about if they are discussing recruits, but I think everyone pretty much expects athletic recruits to be on FA of some sort.

The idea that someone "needs aid" is a construct. No one needs aid to a private school because this country provides free education for kids ages 3-18. Financial aid is a recruitment tool, not a public service. If FA wanted to be a public service, they could do so, but when was the last time you saw an admissions officer handing out fliers on the "other" side of the park or river?

[Anonymous]

^^^ What does any of that have to do with the OP's question? Please stop trying to make this yet another FA bashing post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course its not embarrassing, but it is also something that you should not discuss or mention. It is a private matter and only the buiness of your family and the school. It is a topic that, for some people, can become a heated topic (just see this forum for examples) so best to just avoid mentioning it at all .

The kids all talk about it. Everyone knows who's on FA. If you ask your kids and they know the student somewhat, chances are they'll know their status. Certainly if they play a sport or other activity with the student they'll likely know.

I just asked my kid if he knows what FA is and he said no, but he could figure it out. He said no one elver talks about it at his school and he has no idea who might get it. 4th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you talk about money? Are you not from America?

Yes I'm from America. LOL. It's not that I would or generally talk about money out of the blue. It's just that I wouldn't necessarily make it a point to never mention it either if there was a conversation about it. For example, when people ask me how are we affording such an expensive private school I don't hide the fact that we are receiving FA. I don't know what context it would come up in but I was a bit taken back when someone told me to make sure and never tell anyone at the school that we receive FA.

I would never have a second conversation with anyone who asked a question like that. The answer is an incredulous laugh followed by "None of your business."

OP, keep in mind this isn't only about you, it's also about your child. You tell a parent whose child goes to the school, that parent tells their spouse or a friend over the phone, the kid overhears and tells another kid, and then all the kids are teasing yours about being poor. Keep it quiet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you talk about money? Are you not from America?

Yes I'm from America. LOL. It's not that I would or generally talk about money out of the blue. It's just that I wouldn't necessarily make it a point to never mention it either if there was a conversation about it. For example, when people ask me how are we affording such an expensive private school I don't hide the fact that we are receiving FA. I don't know what context it would come up in but I was a bit taken back when someone told me to make sure and never tell anyone at the school that we receive FA.

I would never have a second conversation with anyone who asked a question like that. The answer is an incredulous laugh followed by "None of your business."

OP, keep in mind this isn't only about you, it's also about your child. You tell a parent whose child goes to the school, that parent tells their spouse or a friend over the phone, the kid overhears and tells another kid, and then all the kids are teasing yours about being poor. Keep it quiet.

I don't think kids would tease other kids about being poor at all. I would also not let my kid join that culture.
I do think however that it would foster resentment among full pay parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you talk about money? Are you not from America?

Yes I'm from America. LOL. It's not that I would or generally talk about money out of the blue. It's just that I wouldn't necessarily make it a point to never mention it either if there was a conversation about it. For example, when people ask me how are we affording such an expensive private school I don't hide the fact that we are receiving FA. I don't know what context it would come up in but I was a bit taken back when someone told me to make sure and never tell anyone at the school that we receive FA.

I would never have a second conversation with anyone who asked a question like that. The answer is an incredulous laugh followed by "None of your business."

OP, keep in mind this isn't only about you, it's also about your child. You tell a parent whose child goes to the school, that parent tells their spouse or a friend over the phone, the kid overhears and tells another kid, and then all the kids are teasing yours about being poor. Keep it quiet.

You make a very good point. The people who have asked me that are people I consider friends who really ask because they thought it was an out of reach option. It has not been asked from a negative or purely negative perspective.

[Anonymous]

It says right on your FA notice letter that this is a private matter.

So, I don't believe this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It says right on your FA notice letter that this is a private matter.

So, I don't believe this post.

How can you tell me what my letter said? You don't know me. You don't know which school my DC is going to. Yet, you feel entitled to say this post is not true? Like I said my letter said nothing about ME keeping it private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It says right on your FA notice letter that this is a private matter.

So, I don't believe this post.

LOL. Say what?

"The first rule of FA, we don't talk about FA...."

[Anonymous]

yes.

except one mom who tells everyone her sob story and how much she & her husband make etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course its not embarrassing, but it is also something that you should not discuss or mention. It is a private matter and only the buiness of your family and the school. It is a topic that, for some people, can become a heated topic (just see this forum for examples) so best to just avoid mentioning it at all .

The kids all talk about it. Everyone knows who's on FA. If you ask your kids and they know the student somewhat, chances are they'll know their status. Certainly if they play a sport or other activity with the student they'll likely know.

The OPs kid is in kindergarten! Are you suggesting that 6 year olds find this the most interesting thing to discuss at recess?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure my DC would even understand what receiving FA means, so I hadn't thought about whether keeping it private would protect my DC. I'm not even really that concerned with what someone might think of me for receiving FA. I am concerned with making sure I don't inadvertently violate some unspoken rule (since yeah no my letter didn't specifically speak to the point) and people pass judgment about my talking about it or making assumptions about why I talked about it. I don't have a problem keeping it private if that is what the norm is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It says right on your FA notice letter that this is a private matter.

So, I don't believe this post.

How can you tell me what my letter said? You don't know me. You don't know which school my DC is going to. Yet, you feel entitled to say this post is not true? Like I said my letter said nothing about ME keeping it private.

All the letters say that. Read your letter. It tells you that you are to keep your FA award private and if you don't you could have to forfeit your aid package.
Go back and read your letter.
Many of us have children in private schools here. We don't have to know you.