What is it like to be a family at an elite NWDC Private who can just barely afford it?

[Anonymous]

So many double faced people regarding FA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were one of those families. When my kid was younger, it wasn't a big deal but as they got older and all the kids would be talking about the trips they went on, summer programs, cars etc, it did become more difficult.

Sort felt like we were on the outside of the glass always looking in.

I agree with this. The lifestyle differences seem to get bigger as kids get older.

Yes, that's where we are now. It is tough and as parents we also feel the pressure for our kid and for ourselves. Also, we have had to give up a lot for our child to attend - vacations, home improvement (heck even home decorating!), nicer clothes, car repairs. It kind of sucks at times.

The extra curricular and summer camps are another issue. We have to stick with the local, cheaper options and quite frankly they really do pale in comparison to the better ones. We are now at the point that kids are going for weeks at a time to sleep away camp. Impossible for us to afford that. Also, the vacations - we don't go and it is hard for our kid to sit and hear about everyone's travels and a lot of time these are not exotic but just the sheer volume. Kids are going to Disney twice a year during breaks and then going away to Europe for the summer. Look at the school calendars - they are often set up to accommodate travel during the breaks because a majority of families will travel.

I think as a child gets older, you have to gauge how much of an effect the social pressure is having on them. For some kids, yes, it will role off their backs but not all kids. If it really does effect your child, then it's worth moving to a different school.

[Anonymous]

At our school some of the families are extremely showy about their wealth. Vacation discussions are the most overheard topic of conversation, luxury cars are the standard in the parking lot, and the kids frequently discuss how they have acquired the latest new toy, video game, big tv, etc. My DD comes home and says she is the only one without Uggs, Tory Burch, Vera Bradley, whatever to wear. Most kids have been to Europe, Hawaii, Costa Rica, Vail, the Caribbean, etc. In fact, families meet up in exotic locations frequently. I don't think its everyone but there is a contingent and it is pervasive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many double faced people regarding FA.

Double faced and liars. I suspect half of the ones running around claiming to be "full pay" are receiving FA. There is no way one million plus dollars are being spent on three families...no way! Most schools advertise they award anywhere between 18% to 27% of their families some FA ranging from 10% to 90% aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At our school some of the families are extremely showy about their wealth. Vacation discussions are the most overheard topic of conversation, luxury cars are the standard in the parking lot, and the kids frequently discuss how they have acquired the latest new toy, video game, big tv, etc. My DD comes home and says she is the only one without Uggs, Tory Burch, Vera Bradley, whatever to wear. Most kids have been to Europe, Hawaii, Costa Rica, Vail, the Caribbean, etc. In fact, families meet up in exotic locations frequently. I don't think its everyone but there is a contingent and it is pervasive.

No they do not. It is the perception, perhaps, but not reality. I do agree, however, that the girls in particular can be pretty materialistic about fashion brands. I think that the boys are a bit less concerned about it.

Also, please remember that some families are really showy, but don't have the money to back it up--or they are relying upon grandparents to fund their lifestyles. It's really hard to know for sure who has money and who doesn't because FA info isn't public (90% gossip). Sometimes the least showy have the most money, and those that are the most preoccupied with labels and show are the ones who are the most concerned about acquiring and holding onto wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many double faced people regarding FA.

Hey, there's this great invention called the public school.

You may want to try one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our school some of the families are extremely showy about their wealth. Vacation discussions are the most overheard topic of conversation, luxury cars are the standard in the parking lot, and the kids frequently discuss how they have acquired the latest new toy, video game, big tv, etc. My DD comes home and says she is the only one without Uggs, Tory Burch, Vera Bradley, whatever to wear. Most kids have been to Europe, Hawaii, Costa Rica, Vail, the Caribbean, etc. In fact, families meet up in exotic locations frequently. I don't think its everyone but there is a contingent and it is pervasive.

No they do not. It is the perception, perhaps, but not reality. I do agree, however, that the girls in particular can be pretty materialistic about fashion brands. I think that the boys are a bit less concerned about it.

Also, please remember that some families are really showy, but don't have the money to back it up--or they are relying upon grandparents to fund their lifestyles. It's really hard to know for sure who has money and who doesn't because FA info isn't public (90% gossip). Sometimes the least showy have the most money, and those that are the most preoccupied with labels and show are the ones who are the most concerned about acquiring and holding onto wealth.

Does it really matter where they get their money from or even if they're living a life solely on credit?
No, what matters is that they're spending and consuming. Which can make it difficult for those kids/families who don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our school some of the families are extremely showy about their wealth. Vacation discussions are the most overheard topic of conversation, luxury cars are the standard in the parking lot, and the kids frequently discuss how they have acquired the latest new toy, video game, big tv, etc. My DD comes home and says she is the only one without Uggs, Tory Burch, Vera Bradley, whatever to wear. Most kids have been to Europe, Hawaii, Costa Rica, Vail, the Caribbean, etc. In fact, families meet up in exotic locations frequently. I don't think its everyone but there is a contingent and it is pervasive.

No they do not. It is the perception, perhaps, but not reality. I do agree, however, that the girls in particular can be pretty materialistic about fashion brands. I think that the boys are a bit less concerned about it.

Also, please remember that some families are really showy, but don't have the money to back it up--or they are relying upon grandparents to fund their lifestyles. It's really hard to know for sure who has money and who doesn't because FA info isn't public (90% gossip). Sometimes the least showy have the most money, and those that are the most preoccupied with labels and show are the ones who are the most concerned about acquiring and holding onto wealth.

Does it really matter where they get their money from or even if they're living a life solely on credit?
No, what matters is that they're spending and consuming. Which can make it difficult for those kids/families who don't.

Agree. A lot of these families have grandparents paying for the school. The kids are still taking great vacations and getting amazing Christmas presents and having big parties with the other kids from Cotillion and going skiing and hanging out at their beach house and seeing each other at the country club. It sounds great but somewhat exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jealousy? Those full pay parents chose to "scrap by" to increase admission chances for the educational opportunities they value for their kids. I don't think you're very realistic. Anyone can apply but it's not a lottery. You should have bothered to read the thread. May be the fancy degrees and the critical thinking they should have instilled would have clicked in.

Unrealistic about what exactly? Of course I know FA is not a lottery system, it is based on need. The school or degree someone has does not determine need. Need is based on actual income and expenses. For anyone to assume that the type of degree or school one went to determines your need only suggests they have not been paying attention to the financial market. There are many people with fancy degrees from fancy schools that are struggling to get by. I do not begrudge anyone who is scrapping by to pay for their child's tuition, but perhaps they too should be applying for FA instead of viewing it as a government handout they are ashamed to accept. Seems to me that is what is driving most of these comments. Those scrapping by don't want the wealthy full pays to look down on them, yet they freight at night over whether they really fit in or their kid is going to feel their middle class lifestyle is actually akin to poverty.

What's most disturbing about this thread is most of what I have read seems to go completely against the ideal of most IS we have toured. The have tons of donors who are don't have children currently enrolled in the school who donate millions of dollars so the school can offer FA to attract people from all walks of life (what do you think would be a better use of the donors money since THAT IS THE EXACT REASON THEY DONATE IT...I mean where should the million plus dollars slated for FA be redirected?) They all speak of equality for all, social justice for all, equal access to education for ALL regardless of income level (not degree or school attended), yet they seem to admit a significant amount of people who don't hold those core values. Or maybe you all are the exception to the rule and just have the loudest voice because those who are committed to the values don't spend their time looking for posts to unleash their misplaced anger on. Maybe you should move your kids to schools that do not offer FA (some exist) and then you won't have to worry about it.

Here I thought IS where mostly progressive liberal minded people...clearly not.

Our family is part of a private school and I am bemused that people think that there are tons of donors throwing millions of dollars at schools. I would say ideals are upheld to best ability but there's just not that much money between FA and the faculty and capital improvements that make those schools attractive to you. Local private schools don't have the endowments that colleges like the IVY's have. And what endowments exist have been impacted by the economy just as people's finances have been. Personally I have no issues with FA for kids the school determines they want regardless of the parent's jobs or degrees. Full pay parents are saying that the tuition increases have become close to unaffordable for them. Those are the same people that also were contributing to FA so the well is shallower now. In this economy there is a very real conflict between FA and a lid on tuition costs for everyone. It doesn't mean they don't hold the core values. Don't you think they are smart enough to apply for financial aid for themselves if they thought it would do any good? Our yearly tuition has more than doubled since joining the school. Where is all this FA money going to come from when the parents you suggest move to public, have to do so? That million + you refer to comes from a lot of donors giving what they can not just the very wealthy.

[Anonymous]

My dc is in private and I went to a public in an expensive dc surburb. There is really not that much difference in terms of obvious displays of wealth at the private vs the public. The fact is if you move to Arlington, mclean or Bethesda and go to public there will still be a lot of kids in designer clothes driving late model luxury cars. So just not sure how different the experience would be in terms of a perceived wealth gap by your kids. Except you'd have more disposable income if you went public.

And not everyone at private schools vacations in Europe 3 x per year or drives a Range Rover, even the families doing very well financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jealousy? Those full pay parents chose to "scrap by" to increase admission chances for the educational opportunities they value for their kids. I don't think you're very realistic. Anyone can apply but it's not a lottery. You should have bothered to read the thread. May be the fancy degrees and the critical thinking they should have instilled would have clicked in.

Unrealistic about what exactly? Of course I know FA is not a lottery system, it is based on need. The school or degree someone has does not determine need. Need is based on actual income and expenses. For anyone to assume that the type of degree or school one went to determines your need only suggests they have not been paying attention to the financial market. There are many people with fancy degrees from fancy schools that are struggling to get by. I do not begrudge anyone who is scrapping by to pay for their child's tuition, but perhaps they too should be applying for FA instead of viewing it as a government handout they are ashamed to accept. Seems to me that is what is driving most of these comments. Those scrapping by don't want the wealthy full pays to look down on them, yet they freight at night over whether they really fit in or their kid is going to feel their middle class lifestyle is actually akin to poverty.

What's most disturbing about this thread is most of what I have read seems to go completely against the ideal of most IS we have toured. The have tons of donors who are don't have children currently enrolled in the school who donate millions of dollars so the school can offer FA to attract people from all walks of life (what do you think would be a better use of the donors money since THAT IS THE EXACT REASON THEY DONATE IT...I mean where should the million plus dollars slated for FA be redirected?) They all speak of equality for all, social justice for all, equal access to education for ALL regardless of income level (not degree or school attended), yet they seem to admit a significant amount of people who don't hold those core values. Or maybe you all are the exception to the rule and just have the loudest voice because those who are committed to the values don't spend their time looking for posts to unleash their misplaced anger on. Maybe you should move your kids to schools that do not offer FA (some exist) and then you won't have to worry about it.

Here I thought IS where mostly progressive liberal minded people...clearly not.

Our family is part of a private school and I am bemused that people think that there are tons of donors throwing millions of dollars at schools. I would say ideals are upheld to best ability but there's just not that much money between FA and the faculty and capital improvements that make those schools attractive to you. Local private schools don't have the endowments that colleges like the IVY's have. And what endowments exist have been impacted by the economy just as people's finances have been. Personally I have no issues with FA for kids the school determines they want regardless of the parent's jobs or degrees. Full pay parents are saying that the tuition increases have become close to unaffordable for them. Those are the same people that also were contributing to FA so the well is shallower now. In this economy there is a very real conflict between FA and a lid on tuition costs for everyone. It doesn't mean they don't hold the core values. Don't you think they are smart enough to apply for financial aid for themselves if they thought it would do any good? Our yearly tuition has more than doubled since joining the school. Where is all this FA money going to come from when the parents you suggest move to public, have to do so? That million + you refer to comes from a lot of donors giving what they can not just the very wealthy.

I don't disagree with controlling the cost of tuition. Certainly if they did then the cost would be affordable to more people. As for how a school raises 1+ million dollars for FA I can only speak to what the administration has told us at open houses and tours. My understanding is that the cost per child is more than they charge for tuition as is, so perhaps this idea that full pay are subsidizing others is not true. I don't know any one particular schools financials, my point is really this idea of how do we decide who is deserving of FA and who isn't and that it seems ridiculous to say it should be based on the degree someone has or the college they went to.

[Anonymous]

A lot of these comments are written from the perspective of the "haves." I'll give the perspective of the "have nots."

I grew up lower middle class, but my parents sacrificed and sent me to the most elite private in the city. Even as a second grader, I remember not wanting to have kids over to my house for a birthday party. There was less place to play, less toys and my backyard backed up to a highway.

It only gets worse as you get older. I got to do enrichment activities at the local public library over break or go camping while my friends went to their beach houses, on skiing trips or exotic vacations. Even though we wore uniforms, my shoes were always the "wrong" brand. In high school, all those kids got new cars. I would be embarrassed when boys picked me up for dates. I had to do work-study and get my scholarships renewed to continue to attend the school.

That said, I still had a lot of friends and did fine socially. But don't think for a second that this stuff doesn't matter because it does. Or that kids don't compare, even at a young age.

My parents fought and debated frequently whether to put me in public school. Most of this happened after they thought I was asleep at night, but I heard anyways.

I'm immensely grateful for my education and I do not fault my parents for trying to give me the best. And yes, I realized all the way through that my family had more than 85 percent of the world. My parents made me volunteer at soup kitchens and in Appalachia to provide perspective.

We are considering private for our daughter. It's top on my list that whatever we choose, the school will be economically and racially diverse, with a high percentage of FA students.

[Anonymous]

I think the argument here is that families that are of the "noble" poor variety (i.e. great opportunities and great degrees, but chose low paying professions) are under the impression that they are good FA candidates. I disagree. I have always been under the impression that FA is designed more to offer opportunity to those who may otherwise not have it. Kids who need a helping hand to get out of poverty, or kids who are really talented, but were born into not so great situations. Of course, it really comes down to how the individual school decides how they want to divvy up the FA money, not me. But if I had scholarships to hand out, I would give it to kids in the later category. The kids of the noble poor are getting a leg up just by being born to two parents with good educations and steady jobs. IF the school wants to hand out merit based FA to parents who are civil servants, that's there prerogative, but it's very different than actual need based FA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these comments are written from the perspective of the "haves." I'll give the perspective of the "have nots."

I grew up lower middle class, but my parents sacrificed and sent me to the most elite private in the city. Even as a second grader, I remember not wanting to have kids over to my house for a birthday party. There was less place to play, less toys and my backyard backed up to a highway.

It only gets worse as you get older. I got to do enrichment activities at the local public library over break or go camping while my friends went to their beach houses, on skiing trips or exotic vacations. Even though we wore uniforms, my shoes were always the "wrong" brand. In high school, all those kids got new cars. I would be embarrassed when boys picked me up for dates. I had to do work-study and get my scholarships renewed to continue to attend the school.

That said, I still had a lot of friends and did fine socially. But don't think for a second that this stuff doesn't matter because it does. Or that kids don't compare, even at a young age.

My parents fought and debated frequently whether to put me in public school. Most of this happened after they thought I was asleep at night, but I heard anyways.

I'm immensely grateful for my education and I do not fault my parents for trying to give me the best. And yes, I realized all the way through that my family had more than 85 percent of the world. My parents made me volunteer at soup kitchens and in Appalachia to provide perspective.

We are considering private for our daughter. It's top on my list that whatever we choose, the school will be economically and racially diverse, with a high percentage of FA students.

How does that work? Where would the school get its funds for FA if it's filled with FA families?

[Anonymous]

Endowment.