Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?

[Anonymous]

I hope he's yours biologically OP. Every man on here knows what you're feeling. A lot of judgemental women on this thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope he's yours biologically OP. Every man on here knows what you're feeling. A lot of judgemental women on this thread

The "judgemental women" are mostly concerned about this poor child. The adults can survive but to do something like this to a child who loves him and only knows him as daddy is just wretched. He has gone this long with his suspicions, why drag the kid into it like this? Just divorce the wife and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope he's yours biologically OP. Every man on here knows what you're feeling. A lot of judgemental women on this thread

The "judgemental women" are mostly concerned about this poor child. The adults can survive but to do something like this to a child who loves him and only knows him as daddy is just wretched. He has gone this long with his suspicions, why drag the kid into it like this? Just divorce the wife and be done with it.

+1000

None of this is the kid's fault. Protect him and get over yourself OP. Divorce if you have to but don't upset the father relationship. That's just cruel

[Anonymous]

The kid is going to learn eventually. You people are in some fantasy land. Many families are messy. Mine sure as hell was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kid is going to learn eventually. You people are in some fantasy land. Many families are messy. Mine sure as hell was.

Ah so because your family was screwed up you think everyone's should be. The kid won't find out unless the dad tests. I would protect the kid. No question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kid is going to learn eventually. You people are in some fantasy land. Many families are messy. Mine sure as hell was.

Ah so because your family was screwed up you think everyone's should be. The kid won't find out unless the dad tests. I would protect the kid. No question.

You a man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kid is going to learn eventually. You people are in some fantasy land. Many families are messy. Mine sure as hell was.

Ah so because your family was screwed up you think everyone's should be. The kid won't find out unless the dad tests. I would protect the kid. No question.

So the man is supposed to live with that kind of a cloud over his life to spare the feelings of his child? You're crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this is why mandatory paternity tests should be the law of the land. the moment a kid is popped out, there needs to be a paternity test administered before the father is put down on the birth certificate

Expensive and draconian intrusion of family privacy. Would you require this of all families (i.e. LGBTQ, too) or is this some hetero requirement only? Who would pay for the test? Parents, insurers, the state? Why? What crucial info would be discovered that validates such an imposition on new parents?

Gotta love DCUM ... inject a new, irrelevant problem into an already fraught situation...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kid is going to learn eventually. You people are in some fantasy land. Many families are messy. Mine sure as hell was.

Ah so because your family was screwed up you think everyone's should be. The kid won't find out unless the dad tests. I would protect the kid. No question.

So the man is supposed to live with that kind of a cloud over his life to spare the feelings of his child? You're crazy

Women do all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kid is going to learn eventually. You people are in some fantasy land. Many families are messy. Mine sure as hell was.

Ah so because your family was screwed up you think everyone's should be. The kid won't find out unless the dad tests. I would protect the kid. No question.

So the man is supposed to live with that kind of a cloud over his life to spare the feelings of his child? You're crazy

Women do all the time.

Of not knowing if the kid is theirs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope he's yours biologically OP. Every man on here knows what you're feeling. A lot of judgemental women on this thread

The "judgemental women" are mostly concerned about this poor child. The adults can survive but to do something like this to a child who loves him and only knows him as daddy is just wretched. He has gone this long with his suspicions, why drag the kid into it like this? Just divorce the wife and be done with it.

+1000

None of this is the kid's fault. Protect him and get over yourself OP. Divorce if you have to but don't upset the father relationship.

None of this is your fault. But, I have a fantasy about cuckolding men and then forcing them to raise other people's children. You should have no desires of your own. Your every waking thought should be altruism and compassion, especially towards children to whom you are not even related. I'm just a self-righteous person who has never been in your position, but I am judging you all the same.

Fixed it for ya.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, my DH was duped (years before we met) by his former fiance into thinking a child was his when it actually wasn't. He got a paternity test and left. Granted the child was months old but even if it wasn't, I don't think it's fair to expect saintly acts from mere mortals. I commend women and men who are able to raise other people's children but I do think it should be a choice. When that choice is taken from you in the form of betrayal, there are casualties and unfortunately the biggest casualty is the child but don't demonize the first victim for wanting to know and possibly choosing a chance at an honest relationship without baggage or little reminders of hurt.

Well said.

He had a choice, when the wife got pregnant and the kid was born and he already suspected infidelity. He made a choice--to be a father to the kid. There's nothing "saintly" about continuing to love a child you've loved for years. There's something horrific about throwing that away.

And if his love for his son changes one iota because the kid does or does not carry his DNA, there will be baggage and hurt. It just won't be his to bear.

Pp who posted the scenario with my own DH. So let me get this straight, your wife cheats on you, gets pregnant, and dupes you into thinking you're the father of her lover's child and when it comes to light it's your fault if your feelings change "one iota" toward this child that has to be a constant reminder of betrayal? I swear DCUM is like fucking twilight zone sometimes. So should he stay with his wife if in fact he proves her infidelity? That's bullshit, I don't believe in people sacrificing happiness and staying together for their own bio kids, let alone someone else's. So if they do split, does he work doubly hard to co-parent a child that isn't his from a distance? He would have no legal rights and the child could potentially be used as an emotional/financial pawn.

And another thing, if in fact, this kid isn't the OPs, doesn't the bio father have a right to know, love, and raise his own child? No he isn't a saint for sleeping with a married woman but OP's wife also took his choice away too by passing this child off as her husband's and that's not cool either.

You are a man. I can tell because there is *nothing* in your post about his responsibilities to a child--not the mother--but, the to child who has developed a strong emotional attachment to him as a father. He doesn't owe the mother anything, but he is now a huge part of this child's life and he has a moral obligation to this child, even if he doesn't have one to the child's mother. In the end, it is this child who will suffer if the OP walks away.

My brother had a brief stint with a gal. She was over him fast and moved on to another guy.
My brother is, um, interesting so I can see that
She got pregnant and had the baby and tried to pass him off as the new guys baby. Worked for a while but the kid looks just like my brother and absolutely no one else. I don't really know the details about why, but when the kid was 8 years old, my brother was contacted - we all got a new cousin/grandkid/nephew.
The 2nd boyfriend is ... I don't know but he's definitely still all in (they never married) and at Birthday parties and all, but my brother also gets a lot of time with the kid. We see him at holidays and it's fun.
As the kid gets older it's less 'messy' and just more people for the kid to visit

Only trouble is my brother feels like he can't really parent the kid because maybe he'll be taken away again?
As he gets older that's less of an issue

I'm a dark brown gal & when I gave birth to a blonde haired boy with my brown haired husband I was quite surprised for what that's worth.

They all bring much joy regardless
(Just disregard the teen years...)

[Anonymous]

If this was a newborn I doubt there would be much dissent. At that stage, a paternity test makes sense.

But after you have committed to raising a child, for 8 YEARS, you are the dad. Period. It doesn't matter what the DNA says. And OP says he wants to be a father to his son either way so explain again, MRA jerkoffs, what the point of a paternity test would be at this point in time? All it does is disrupt the family.

My grandmother cheated on my grandfather with his best friend. Her third child was a product of this affair, which my grandfather knew. He raised her as his own and she only learned in her 40s about her paternity. That is how you don't fuck a kid up.

[Anonymous]

OP has been pretty clear about wanting to continue to parent his son, who he loves and will consider his own, despite the outcome of the paternity test. Personally, I think the test will show him to be the biological dad. It doesn't sound like he had any concrete evidence that his wife actually cheated...it's a suspicion that he's chosen to believe, and has latched onto his son's dna test as finally (possibly) providing the proof he requires. When the test comes back with him as the dad, he'll be in the same boat as before, suspicious of his wife but with no real proof of anything.

[Anonymous]

If the child was fathered by someone else, will that be cause enough for divorce OP? If yes, you need marriage counseling more than a paternity test. Let a professional help you work out the distrust in your relationship and what the best steps for you and all of your children are.