Has anyone on here found their spouse on the Ashley Madison list?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course, you should let fiances/wives/girlfriends know if you found their partner on the site. Why wouldn't you?Wouldn't you want to know? Or would you rather the whole world knew and you were the last to know. I would want to know.
Even if the trying-to-cheat spouse never got anywhere with their account, I know from personal experience, husbands who want to cheat, will keep trying till they find someone willing. Early counseling and testing for STDs can save a marriage/relationship than brushing it under the rug.

My DW and I have an explicit understanding that if one of us cheats, the other doesn't want to know. We have a great marriage, happy home, a great team. I wouldn't divorce her if she screwed up and she feels the same, but I would be very hurt if I found out she cheated. So I would be irate if some busy-body "friend" decided it was their holier-than-thou mission to rub my nose in some fling my wife had. I imagine others feel similarly, even if we are in the minority.

Yes, you are in the minority, and the rest of the world owes you no obligation to choose what they think is the right thing to do based on the possibility you are the kind of couple that has an open agreement about not wanting to know. Your arrangement happens, but is really unusual, so sorry, if I know you and I find out one of you is cheating on someone I consider a friend, I'm going to tell. Unless I know about your agreement.

And if you didn't want to know, oh well, I did it because I thought it was right which is the way we each need to act. Obviously you don't think it's right so you're not going to tell anyone else if you know about it. So be it.

I don't think women should be allowed to feed their infants formula because they are harming their infants. But somehow I manage to not email all my female friends the scientific literature about the benefits of breastfeeding. Because I assume they know this or they could look it up if they cared. Also, I am not an asshole.

That is the most ridiculous attempt at justifying an opposing view I've seen in awhile. Because last I checked, all moms actually already KNOW what they're doing re: feeding their babies and as much as they have a choice, they've already made it. You sharing your opinions on breastfeeding is comparable to telling a spouse that they're being cheated on which MOST OF THE TIME THEY DON'T ALREADY KNOW is comparable how? Yeah, no, it's not comparable, and you'll have to try a lot harder to make a case that somehow telling the friend they're being cheated on is like sharing your opinions about formula.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course, you should let fiances/wives/girlfriends know if you found their partner on the site. Why wouldn't you?Wouldn't you want to know? Or would you rather the whole world knew and you were the last to know. I would want to know.
Even if the trying-to-cheat spouse never got anywhere with their account, I know from personal experience, husbands who want to cheat, will keep trying till they find someone willing. Early counseling and testing for STDs can save a marriage/relationship than brushing it under the rug.

My DW and I have an explicit understanding that if one of us cheats, the other doesn't want to know. We have a great marriage, happy home, a great team. I wouldn't divorce her if she screwed up and she feels the same, but I would be very hurt if I found out she cheated. So I would be irate if some busy-body "friend" decided it was their holier-than-thou mission to rub my nose in some fling my wife had. I imagine others feel similarly, even if we are in the minority.

Yes, you are in the minority, and the rest of the world owes you no obligation to choose what they think is the right thing to do based on the possibility you are the kind of couple that has an open agreement about not wanting to know. Your arrangement happens, but is really unusual, so sorry, if I know you and I find out one of you is cheating on someone I consider a friend, I'm going to tell. Unless I know about your agreement.

And if you didn't want to know, oh well, I did it because I thought it was right which is the way we each need to act. Obviously you don't think it's right so you're not going to tell anyone else if you know about it. So be it.

+1. I had a girlfriend who had herpes but didn't tell me. Fortunately I didn't get herpes. But I make sure to tell all of her subsequent boyfriends that she has herpes. It's the right thing to do.

So I agree with you. I will put on my cape and do my own AM search and if I see someone in the database, I will inform their spouses. They must know. Now I know what you are thinking - the databases are easy to search and I am sure the cheated on spouse has probably done their own search and realized their spouse is on there and who needs me to rub it in that I now know too - but like Ms. Herpes, this information is too important to take a chance on that they don't know.

To quote Dionne Warwick - that's what friends are for....

You are a self righteous asshole. Nobody elected you anything so put your cape in the trash and go back to the basement and watch MTV. Not that you care but there are a thousand different scenarios and the damage you could do, including bringing up something that may have already been dealt with, is incalculable. And for what reason? Your own sense of justice that again, NOBODY elected you to do.

Not the PP you're talking to, but when adults make asinine selfish horrible choices, like his ex not telling him she had herpes, then the person who makes the asinine choice does NOT get to choose how the person they wronged reacts. You make a bad choice, then you are signing on for the unknown because you never know what negative fall out there will be.

The PP who calls all the subsequent boyfriends may be taking things too far (in my opinion too, that is a bit much after the first couple of times. cuz why is he still tracking who she dates?), but for you to tell that person that no one elected him to do it... sorry, his ex elected him when she did a shitty thing to him that could have permanently affected his health. That was the election right there.

Did you miss the part I was responding too? " I will put on my cape and do my own AM search and if I see someone in the database, I will inform their spouses. They must know. Now I know what you are thinking - the databases are easy to search and I am sure the cheated on spouse has probably done their own search and realized their spouse is on there and who needs me to rub it in that I now know too - but like Ms. Herpes, this information is too important to take a chance on that they don't know.

Was ex had herpes man going overboard with the continued contacts? Yes. But the person that posted the above is who I was calling an asshole, who didn't give a damn about the lives of others, only using them for their own self righteous quest. "put on my cape" Grand illusion of self importance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course, you should let fiances/wives/girlfriends know if you found their partner on the site. Why wouldn't you?Wouldn't you want to know? Or would you rather the whole world knew and you were the last to know. I would want to know.
Even if the trying-to-cheat spouse never got anywhere with their account, I know from personal experience, husbands who want to cheat, will keep trying till they find someone willing. Early counseling and testing for STDs can save a marriage/relationship than brushing it under the rug.

My DW and I have an explicit understanding that if one of us cheats, the other doesn't want to know. We have a great marriage, happy home, a great team. I wouldn't divorce her if she screwed up and she feels the same, but I would be very hurt if I found out she cheated. So I would be irate if some busy-body "friend" decided it was their holier-than-thou mission to rub my nose in some fling my wife had. I imagine others feel similarly, even if we are in the minority.

Yes, you are in the minority, and the rest of the world owes you no obligation to choose what they think is the right thing to do based on the possibility you are the kind of couple that has an open agreement about not wanting to know. Your arrangement happens, but is really unusual, so sorry, if I know you and I find out one of you is cheating on someone I consider a friend, I'm going to tell. Unless I know about your agreement.

And if you didn't want to know, oh well, I did it because I thought it was right which is the way we each need to act. Obviously you don't think it's right so you're not going to tell anyone else if you know about it. So be it.

I'm not the poster you quoted, but I fall into the same camp as him. So possibly breaking up a family is the right thing to do because YOU think so? If someones spouse was so concerned they could have looked it up themselves. You however just want to make sure that they know because YOU think it's the right thing to do. Screw the people you are affecting, right? Peoples personal business should be just that. Personal. Unless you are married to them, stay out of their business. Did you ever think that maybe a family who was affected already knew and that you could possibly be causing them even more embarrassment by saying something? I would say no, probably not.

Y'all are too funny! So the spouse cheated, but somehow *I* would be the one breaking up the family? The cheated on spouse has a right to know and decide whether they want to stay in a marriage where lying and extramarital sex are happening. The cheating spouse is the one who said "Screw the people you are affecting" when they cheated and lied to their spouse. If you don't get that, you are either in denial, a cheater, or just plain clueless. But any of those options does not change the bottom line: the one breaking up the marriage and saying screw who it affects is the cheater. No. One. Else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course, you should let fiances/wives/girlfriends know if you found their partner on the site. Why wouldn't you?Wouldn't you want to know? Or would you rather the whole world knew and you were the last to know. I would want to know.
Even if the trying-to-cheat spouse never got anywhere with their account, I know from personal experience, husbands who want to cheat, will keep trying till they find someone willing. Early counseling and testing for STDs can save a marriage/relationship than brushing it under the rug.

My DW and I have an explicit understanding that if one of us cheats, the other doesn't want to know. We have a great marriage, happy home, a great team. I wouldn't divorce her if she screwed up and she feels the same, but I would be very hurt if I found out she cheated. So I would be irate if some busy-body "friend" decided it was their holier-than-thou mission to rub my nose in some fling my wife had. I imagine others feel similarly, even if we are in the minority.

Yes, you are in the minority, and the rest of the world owes you no obligation to choose what they think is the right thing to do based on the possibility you are the kind of couple that has an open agreement about not wanting to know. Your arrangement happens, but is really unusual, so sorry, if I know you and I find out one of you is cheating on someone I consider a friend, I'm going to tell. Unless I know about your agreement.

And if you didn't want to know, oh well, I did it because I thought it was right which is the way we each need to act. Obviously you don't think it's right so you're not going to tell anyone else if you know about it. So be it.

I'm not the poster you quoted, but I fall into the same camp as him. So possibly breaking up a family is the right thing to do because YOU think so? If someones spouse was so concerned they could have looked it up themselves. You however just want to make sure that they know because YOU think it's the right thing to do. Screw the people you are affecting, right? Peoples personal business should be just that. Personal. Unless you are married to them, stay out of their business. Did you ever think that maybe a family who was affected already knew and that you could possibly be causing them even more embarrassment by saying something? I would say no, probably not.

Y'all are too funny! So the spouse cheated, but somehow *I* would be the one breaking up the family? The cheated on spouse has a right to know and decide whether they want to stay in a marriage where lying and extramarital sex are happening. The cheating spouse is the one who said "Screw the people you are affecting" when they cheated and lied to their spouse. If you don't get that, you are either in denial, a cheater, or just plain clueless. But any of those options does not change the bottom line: the one breaking up the marriage and saying screw who it affects is the cheater. No. One. Else.

Why is it that I keep hearing Gomer on Andy Griffith yelling....CITIZENS ARREST!! CITIZENS ARREST!!

Try and justify it but you really can't. I would even bet that you could find yourself in a situation of physical harm. I can also see a jury letting the person who punched your lights out off. I can also see you being sued and a jury finding in favor of the plaintiff. But I guess you just don't get it with your high moral I know what should be done attitude. That said I believe you wouldn't be brave enough to share that info face to face but rather would resort to mailing it anonymously.

You should take a big dose of MYOB and leave people alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse is on there, but I knew about it. he has my permission to get some strange every once in a while, as long as he tells me about it, and as long as it is not a romantic relationship.

However, now we are BOTH pretty embarrassed...no, horrified actually, knowing that many of our friends have probably seen his name on there. God, I'm just hoping no one says anything to me about it, I'll just die!

Has he ever told you about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not the poster you quoted, but I fall into the same camp as him. So possibly breaking up a family is the right thing to do because YOU think so? If someones spouse was so concerned they could have looked it up themselves. You however just want to make sure that they know because YOU think it's the right thing to do. Screw the people you are affecting, right? Peoples personal business should be just that. Personal. Unless you are married to them, stay out of their business. Did you ever think that maybe a family who was affected already knew and that you could possibly be causing them even more embarrassment by saying something? I would say no, probably not.

Y'all are too funny! So the spouse cheated, but somehow *I* would be the one breaking up the family? The cheated on spouse has a right to know and decide whether they want to stay in a marriage where lying and extramarital sex are happening. The cheating spouse is the one who said "Screw the people you are affecting" when they cheated and lied to their spouse. If you don't get that, you are either in denial, a cheater, or just plain clueless. But any of those options does not change the bottom line: the one breaking up the marriage and saying screw who it affects is the cheater. No. One. Else.

Why is it that I keep hearing Gomer on Andy Griffith yelling....CITIZENS ARREST!! CITIZENS ARREST!!

Try and justify it but you really can't. I would even bet that you could find yourself in a situation of physical harm. I can also see a jury letting the person who punched your lights out off. I can also see you being sued and a jury finding in favor of the plaintiff. But I guess you just don't get it with your high moral I know what should be done attitude. That said I believe you wouldn't be brave enough to share that info face to face but rather would resort to mailing it anonymously.

You should take a big dose of MYOB and leave people alone.

Love it, it just gets better! You realize your post makes zero sense, right? But even better than that, you can't refute what I said. The cheater triggers the drama, hurt, and breakups/breakdowns with his/her cheating. No one else causes it, although some might play a role in who finds out what and how. But if there's no "what" to find out, there is no betrayal, no hurt, no pain.

And on your "You wouldn't be brave enough to share it face to face", you make the fatal assumption I haven't already done it - more than once - in real life. To me, the ONLY way to share that info is in person, because then you can also be a support to the friend you are telling. I've directly told 2 friends, and unknowingly told a 3rd (because I didn't know her husband was supposed to be somewhere else when I saw him). So yeah, you're wrong on that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not the poster you quoted, but I fall into the same camp as him. So possibly breaking up a family is the right thing to do because YOU think so? If someones spouse was so concerned they could have looked it up themselves. You however just want to make sure that they know because YOU think it's the right thing to do. Screw the people you are affecting, right? Peoples personal business should be just that. Personal. Unless you are married to them, stay out of their business. Did you ever think that maybe a family who was affected already knew and that you could possibly be causing them even more embarrassment by saying something? I would say no, probably not.

Y'all are too funny! So the spouse cheated, but somehow *I* would be the one breaking up the family? The cheated on spouse has a right to know and decide whether they want to stay in a marriage where lying and extramarital sex are happening. The cheating spouse is the one who said "Screw the people you are affecting" when they cheated and lied to their spouse. If you don't get that, you are either in denial, a cheater, or just plain clueless. But any of those options does not change the bottom line: the one breaking up the marriage and saying screw who it affects is the cheater. No. One. Else.

Why is it that I keep hearing Gomer on Andy Griffith yelling....CITIZENS ARREST!! CITIZENS ARREST!!

Try and justify it but you really can't. I would even bet that you could find yourself in a situation of physical harm. I can also see a jury letting the person who punched your lights out off. I can also see you being sued and a jury finding in favor of the plaintiff. But I guess you just don't get it with your high moral I know what should be done attitude. That said I believe you wouldn't be brave enough to share that info face to face but rather would resort to mailing it anonymously.

You should take a big dose of MYOB and leave people alone.

Love it, it just gets better! You realize your post makes zero sense, right? But even better than that, you can't refute what I said. The cheater triggers the drama, hurt, and breakups/breakdowns with his/her cheating. No one else causes it, although some might play a role in who finds out what and how. But if there's no "what" to find out, there is no betrayal, no hurt, no pain.

And on your "You wouldn't be brave enough to share it face to face", you make the fatal assumption I haven't already done it - more than once - in real life. To me, the ONLY way to share that info is in person, because then you can also be a support to the friend you are telling. I've directly told 2 friends, and unknowingly told a 3rd (because I didn't know her husband was supposed to be somewhere else when I saw him). So yeah, you're wrong on that too.

"You should take a big dose of MYOB and leave people alone." That's it. Fin.

[Anonymous]

My DW told me one of her friends told her on girls night out how she regretted marrying her husband because he is a dud in bed. The husband is a good friend of mine. So I told him how his wife felt about him. He deserves to know his marriage is a lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW told me one of her friends told her on girls night out how she regretted marrying her husband because he is a dud in bed. The husband is a good friend of mine. So I told him how his wife felt about him. He deserves to know his marriage is a lie.

How do you know his wife lied about any of that? Maybe she gave up pretending to have orgasms years ago and he didn't care, and still doesn't care if she has fun... there's no lie there. How'd your friend react?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not the poster you quoted, but I fall into the same camp as him. So possibly breaking up a family is the right thing to do because YOU think so? If someones spouse was so concerned they could have looked it up themselves. You however just want to make sure that they know because YOU think it's the right thing to do. Screw the people you are affecting, right? Peoples personal business should be just that. Personal. Unless you are married to them, stay out of their business. Did you ever think that maybe a family who was affected already knew and that you could possibly be causing them even more embarrassment by saying something? I would say no, probably not.

Y'all are too funny! So the spouse cheated, but somehow *I* would be the one breaking up the family? The cheated on spouse has a right to know and decide whether they want to stay in a marriage where lying and extramarital sex are happening. The cheating spouse is the one who said "Screw the people you are affecting" when they cheated and lied to their spouse. If you don't get that, you are either in denial, a cheater, or just plain clueless. But any of those options does not change the bottom line: the one breaking up the marriage and saying screw who it affects is the cheater. No. One. Else.

Why is it that I keep hearing Gomer on Andy Griffith yelling....CITIZENS ARREST!! CITIZENS ARREST!!

Try and justify it but you really can't. I would even bet that you could find yourself in a situation of physical harm. I can also see a jury letting the person who punched your lights out off. I can also see you being sued and a jury finding in favor of the plaintiff. But I guess you just don't get it with your high moral I know what should be done attitude. That said I believe you wouldn't be brave enough to share that info face to face but rather would resort to mailing it anonymously.

You should take a big dose of MYOB and leave people alone.

Love it, it just gets better! You realize your post makes zero sense, right? But even better than that, you can't refute what I said. The cheater triggers the drama, hurt, and breakups/breakdowns with his/her cheating. No one else causes it, although some might play a role in who finds out what and how. But if there's no "what" to find out, there is no betrayal, no hurt, no pain.

And on your "You wouldn't be brave enough to share it face to face", you make the fatal assumption I haven't already done it - more than once - in real life. To me, the ONLY way to share that info is in person, because then you can also be a support to the friend you are telling. I've directly told 2 friends, and unknowingly told a 3rd (because I didn't know her husband was supposed to be somewhere else when I saw him). So yeah, you're wrong on that too.

"You should take a big dose of MYOB and leave people alone." That's it. Fin.

There's a lot of "should" in the world, but the answer is still NO, not going to MMOB. If I'm in your world and you're cheating on a friend of mine, I'm going to tell. All the "shoulds" on DCUM can't stop me. Remember that when you are choosing to violate your marriage, lie to your spouse, and have extramarital sex. Because you are the only one who triggered any pain or hurt that comes later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse is on there, but I knew about it. he has my permission to get some strange every once in a while, as long as he tells me about it, and as long as it is not a romantic relationship.

However, now we are BOTH pretty embarrassed...no, horrified actually, knowing that many of our friends have probably seen his name on there. God, I'm just hoping no one says anything to me about it, I'll just die!

Has he ever told you about it?

Yes, he told me back when he signed up. He is also on adult friend finder

[Anonymous]

There's a lot of "should" in the world, but the answer is still NO, not going to MMOB. If I'm in your world and you're cheating on a friend of mine, I'm going to tell. All the "shoulds" on DCUM can't stop me. Remember that when you are choosing to violate your marriage, lie to your spouse, and have extramarital sex. Because you are the only one who triggered any pain or hurt that comes later.

It isn't about you sharing information you witness. If you see someone cheating on your friend, say something....by all means.

But if you are out there searching stolen material as the community do-gooder, specifically so you can share....well, I can't imagine you have a whole lot of friends. No one really likes the community do-gooder. Tolerate, maybe. Otherwise you are just the town shrew looking to be the queen bee.

And just looking at the ratio of guys:girls on that site....well, there may have been a lot of mine signed up, but they sure weren't having affairs.....

[Anonymous]

I found my boss on the Virginia Ashley Madison list that is posted on Fairfax Underground. His wife also works us. I felt so sick when I saw it. Out of everyone I know, he is the only person I thought could be on it. He's the only person I searched for and BAM there he was. I wonder if she will find out. If I saw it I'm sure friends of hers will too....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious, what are you guys going to do after you've searched all there is to search in this AM pile? And gossiped about everyone that you found information about? Is there life for you after this? Are you going to be ok?

More lists will arrive...
More analysis shall commence..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course, you should let fiances/wives/girlfriends know if you found their partner on the site. Why wouldn't you?Wouldn't you want to know? Or would you rather the whole world knew and you were the last to know. I would want to know.
Even if the trying-to-cheat spouse never got anywhere with their account, I know from personal experience, husbands who want to cheat, will keep trying till they find someone willing. Early counseling and testing for STDs can save a marriage/relationship than brushing it under the rug.

My DW and I have an explicit understanding that if one of us cheats, the other doesn't want to know. We have a great marriage, happy home, a great team. I wouldn't divorce her if she screwed up and she feels the same, but I would be very hurt if I found out she cheated. So I would be irate if some busy-body "friend" decided it was their holier-than-thou mission to rub my nose in some fling my wife had. I imagine others feel similarly, even if we are in the minority.

Yes, you are in the minority, and the rest of the world owes you no obligation to choose what they think is the right thing to do based on the possibility you are the kind of couple that has an open agreement about not wanting to know. Your arrangement happens, but is really unusual, so sorry, if I know you and I find out one of you is cheating on someone I consider a friend, I'm going to tell. Unless I know about your agreement.

And if you didn't want to know, oh well, I did it because I thought it was right which is the way we each need to act. Obviously you don't think it's right so you're not going to tell anyone else if you know about it. So be it.

I'm not the poster you quoted, but I fall into the same camp as him. So possibly breaking up a family is the right thing to do because YOU think so? If someones spouse was so concerned they could have looked it up themselves. You however just want to make sure that they know because YOU think it's the right thing to do. Screw the people you are affecting, right? Peoples personal business should be just that. Personal. Unless you are married to them, stay out of their business. Did you ever think that maybe a family who was affected already knew and that you could possibly be causing them even more embarrassment by saying something? I would say no, probably not.

Y'all are too funny! So the spouse cheated, but somehow *I* would be the one breaking up the family? The cheated on spouse has a right to know and decide whether they want to stay in a marriage where lying and extramarital sex are happening. The cheating spouse is the one who said "Screw the people you are affecting" when they cheated and lied to their spouse. If you don't get that, you are either in denial, a cheater, or just plain clueless. But any of those options does not change the bottom line: the one breaking up the marriage and saying screw who it affects is the cheater. No. One. Else.

Why is it that I keep hearing Gomer on Andy Griffith yelling....CITIZENS ARREST!! CITIZENS ARREST!!

Try and justify it but you really can't. I would even bet that you could find yourself in a situation of physical harm. I can also see a jury letting the person who punched your lights out off. I can also see you being sued and a jury finding in favor of the plaintiff. But I guess you just don't get it with your high moral I know what should be done attitude. That said I believe you wouldn't be brave enough to share that info face to face but rather would resort to mailing it anonymously.

You should take a big dose of MYOB and leave people alone.[/quote]

This is really personal for you huh? Why are you so fearful of someone being outed for extramarital affairs? I'm not PP and have seen a couple husbands of women I know on the list and wouldn't dream of bringing it up. In one case, the wife strays, so I was slightly relieved to see that he has at least strongly considered an affair of his own. I looked at the lists out of curiosity and really could care less if that offends anyone.

Fwiw, I caught a very close friend's husband out with another woman years ago and brought it to her attention. They broke up, reconciled, and then divorced years later over his infidelity. We're still good friends. The friend I lost? That's the one where I kept my mouth shut. I tried to get another friend closer to her to fess up since I felt she was a better messenger and hearing it from me would confirm that several people were aware. Well, when she found out, she was upset with everyone who was aware and stayed mute because she believed we made her look like an idiot. She left him for good fyi. We're amicable now, a decade later, but the friendship dissolved over that incident.