Fourth Date Silence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you think you really like this girl? After 4 dates, do you have a gut feeling about her? Does she make you giddy, or just hopeful for more groping-plus? The more you find yourself falling for someone, the more you're likely to do stupid/awesome stuff like text, call, wear your heart on your sleeve. And the giddier she is, the more likely she is to be receptive to it. There's really nothing to lose, imo, except for "face."

I "think" OP is asking more from a point of understanding the dating game rather than the girl herself. Not sure if he wants to chime in on this one. If your not really into the girl then move on at this point. It cost you some money but hey at least you learned something from it though right?

[Anonymous]

Well I deleted her number and unmatched her profile. So I'm going to have to say I'll survive. I'm just trying to learn this whole new online dating game.

[Anonymous]

Good for you op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, maybe she has a lot of stuff going on at work right now? What is she saying in her replies? I would think if she was no longer interested, she just wouldn't reply at all.

NP - even if she were all that busy, if she was interested she would have made an effort. stop being an apologist and just accept that she was acting a bit shitty.

Whoa...apologist? No.. I was just reminded of something my dh told me. He said before we met, girls would blow up his phone at work while he was busy and get upset he didnt reply right away. Op hadn't provided details of WHAT was said yet so I thought perhaps this was a similar situation and asked what the texts were. Chill out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, maybe she has a lot of stuff going on at work right now? What is she saying in her replies? I would think if she was no longer interested, she just wouldn't reply at all.

NP - even if she were all that busy, if she was interested she would have made an effort. stop being an apologist and just accept that she was acting a bit shitty.

Whoa...apologist? No.. I was just reminded of something my dh told me. He said before we met, girls would blow up his phone at work while he was busy and get upset he didnt reply right away. Op hadn't provided details of WHAT was said yet so I thought perhaps this was a similar situation and asked what the texts were. Chill out.

+1. It could have been that the earlier, prompter text replies were about logistics and planning, and these later ones chatting about an article seem less urgent to someone busy at work and getting ready for a weekend away. But on the other hand if the discussion about the article isn't too lively, that could show that the compatibility and chemistry really aren't there, so the OP could be justified in letting things go for that reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you think you really like this girl? After 4 dates, do you have a gut feeling about her? Does she make you giddy, or just hopeful for more groping-plus? The more you find yourself falling for someone, the more you're likely to do stupid/awesome stuff like text, call, wear your heart on your sleeve. And the giddier she is, the more likely she is to be receptive to it. There's really nothing to lose, imo, except for "face."

I "think" OP is asking more from a point of understanding the dating game rather than the girl herself. Not sure if he wants to chime in on this one. If your not really into the girl then move on at this point. It cost you some money but hey at least you learned something from it though right?

There's no game-just a bunch of individuals fumbling through life.

Maybe she got freaked out by a guy who clearly wanted an instant response to any text (this would be a dealbreaker for me).
Maybe she was also in the early stages of dating another guy and she liked him better.
Maybe she thought he would like her even more if she played a little harder to get.
Maybe she met the love of her life this weekend.

If you don't know why a date is acting in a certain way-you either decide that it's not worth the trouble to find out why and you move on, or you ask (if it's someone you are into, I'd suggest this latter approach).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you think you really like this girl? After 4 dates, do you have a gut feeling about her? Does she make you giddy, or just hopeful for more groping-plus? The more you find yourself falling for someone, the more you're likely to do stupid/awesome stuff like text, call, wear your heart on your sleeve. And the giddier she is, the more likely she is to be receptive to it. There's really nothing to lose, imo, except for "face."

I "think" OP is asking more from a point of understanding the dating game rather than the girl herself. Not sure if he wants to chime in on this one. If your not really into the girl then move on at this point. It cost you some money but hey at least you learned something from it though right?

There's no game-just a bunch of individuals fumbling through life.

Maybe she got freaked out by a guy who clearly wanted an instant response to any text (this would be a dealbreaker for me).
Maybe she was also in the early stages of dating another guy and she liked him better.
Maybe she thought he would like her even more if she played a little harder to get.
Maybe she met the love of her life this weekend.

If you don't know why a date is acting in a certain way-you either decide that it's not worth the trouble to find out why and you move on, or you ask (if it's someone you are into, I'd suggest this latter approach).

I guess what baffles us oldsters who didn't date in the text generation is...why can't people simply (1) ask someone out, and then (2) that person say yes or no? Why all the games and ghosting and monitoring the time it takes to respond to this text vs the time it took last week? Why couldn't Op say, "Gee, I enjoyed our last date, can we get together again?" And the she says either, "Sure, sounds great." Or she says, "Sorry, but I'd rather not. But nice to have met you."

Why is that so fucking hard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you think you really like this girl? After 4 dates, do you have a gut feeling about her? Does she make you giddy, or just hopeful for more groping-plus? The more you find yourself falling for someone, the more you're likely to do stupid/awesome stuff like text, call, wear your heart on your sleeve. And the giddier she is, the more likely she is to be receptive to it. There's really nothing to lose, imo, except for "face."

I "think" OP is asking more from a point of understanding the dating game rather than the girl herself. Not sure if he wants to chime in on this one. If your not really into the girl then move on at this point. It cost you some money but hey at least you learned something from it though right?

There's no game-just a bunch of individuals fumbling through life.

Maybe she got freaked out by a guy who clearly wanted an instant response to any text (this would be a dealbreaker for me).
Maybe she was also in the early stages of dating another guy and she liked him better.
Maybe she thought he would like her even more if she played a little harder to get.
Maybe she met the love of her life this weekend.

If you don't know why a date is acting in a certain way-you either decide that it's not worth the trouble to find out why and you move on, or you ask (if it's someone you are into, I'd suggest this latter approach).

I guess what baffles us oldsters who didn't date in the text generation is...why can't people simply (1) ask someone out, and then (2) that person say yes or no? Why all the games and ghosting and monitoring the time it takes to respond to this text vs the time it took last week? Why couldn't Op say, "Gee, I enjoyed our last date, can we get together again?" And the she says either, "Sure, sounds great." Or she says, "Sorry, but I'd rather not. But nice to have met you."

Why is that so fucking hard?

+1 I'd rather a guy just ask me or would have lost interest. Texting is for amateurs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, maybe she has a lot of stuff going on at work right now? What is she saying in her replies? I would think if she was no longer interested, she just wouldn't reply at all.

NP - even if she were all that busy, if she was interested she would have made an effort. stop being an apologist and just accept that she was acting a bit shitty.

Whoa...apologist? No.. I was just reminded of something my dh told me. He said before we met, girls would blow up his phone at work while he was busy and get upset he didnt reply right away. Op hadn't provided details of WHAT was said yet so I thought perhaps this was a similar situation and asked what the texts were. Chill out.

+1. It could have been that the earlier, prompter text replies were about logistics and planning, and these later ones chatting about an article seem less urgent to someone busy at work and getting ready for a weekend away. But on the other hand if the discussion about the article isn't too lively, that could show that the compatibility and chemistry really aren't there, so the OP could be justified in letting things go for that reason.

It was more than just the text reply, it was the change in demeanor on the last date towards the end. Its a culmination of everything. Obviously I was getting a cold shoulder with slow uninterested responses. Plus there were some red flags. She doesn't like watching any TV/movies which I'm not a huge movie guy anymore I do watch a show or two here and there. She did not like chivalry from guys such as opening doors for her or I insisted I pay for everything on our dates. (I know the guy paying for everything can be a sensitive topic for some women)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you think you really like this girl? After 4 dates, do you have a gut feeling about her? Does she make you giddy, or just hopeful for more groping-plus? The more you find yourself falling for someone, the more you're likely to do stupid/awesome stuff like text, call, wear your heart on your sleeve. And the giddier she is, the more likely she is to be receptive to it. There's really nothing to lose, imo, except for "face."

I "think" OP is asking more from a point of understanding the dating game rather than the girl herself. Not sure if he wants to chime in on this one. If your not really into the girl then move on at this point. It cost you some money but hey at least you learned something from it though right?

There's no game-just a bunch of individuals fumbling through life.

Maybe she got freaked out by a guy who clearly wanted an instant response to any text (this would be a dealbreaker for me).
Maybe she was also in the early stages of dating another guy and she liked him better.
Maybe she thought he would like her even more if she played a little harder to get.
Maybe she met the love of her life this weekend.

If you don't know why a date is acting in a certain way-you either decide that it's not worth the trouble to find out why and you move on, or you ask (if it's someone you are into, I'd suggest this latter approach).

I agree with you except for the part about playing harder to get. That IS a game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, maybe she has a lot of stuff going on at work right now? What is she saying in her replies? I would think if she was no longer interested, she just wouldn't reply at all.

NP - even if she were all that busy, if she was interested she would have made an effort. stop being an apologist and just accept that she was acting a bit shitty.

Whoa...apologist? No.. I was just reminded of something my dh told me. He said before we met, girls would blow up his phone at work while he was busy and get upset he didnt reply right away. Op hadn't provided details of WHAT was said yet so I thought perhaps this was a similar situation and asked what the texts were. Chill out.

+1. It could have been that the earlier, prompter text replies were about logistics and planning, and these later ones chatting about an article seem less urgent to someone busy at work and getting ready for a weekend away. But on the other hand if the discussion about the article isn't too lively, that could show that the compatibility and chemistry really aren't there, so the OP could be justified in letting things go for that reason.

It was more than just the text reply, it was the change in demeanor on the last date towards the end. Its a culmination of everything. Obviously I was getting a cold shoulder with slow uninterested responses. Plus there were some red flags. She doesn't like watching any TV/movies which I'm not a huge movie guy anymore I do watch a show or two here and there. She did not like chivalry from guys such as opening doors for her or I insisted I pay for everything on our dates. (I know the guy paying for everything can be a sensitive topic for some women)

Okay, it was many different things, and it is hard to convey everything in a few online postings. It sounds like you definitely made the right call in letting this one go and clearing the way for someone more compatible.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, if you have to question her or the intentions...you already know. Trust the gut.

[Anonymous]

No I know I'm not too upset by her. She is actually from Europe and she is a very blunt person who actually said she doesn't like girls who play too many games. Her words on date 1 "you either like someone or don't, just don't play games." Her actions show me she doesn't so why would I chase?

You are right tough to express everything in a few text postings.

[Anonymous]

You know OP I had a somewhat similar experience than you had. Some women told me I should have pushed to sleep with her by date 3 or 4 to show I'm interested. I asked some other women about it and they called me a pig if I had tried to sleep with her on date 3 or 4. There will always be a million opinions out there. Just take advice with a grain of salt. Keep your head up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know OP I had a somewhat similar experience than you had. Some women told me I should have pushed to sleep with her by date 3 or 4 to show I'm interested. I asked some other women about it and they called me a pig if I had tried to sleep with her on date 3 or 4. There will always be a million opinions out there. Just take advice with a grain of salt. Keep your head up.

Correct. And the answer for OP (or anyone, man or woman) is to proceed...not how you think the other person wants you to...but how YOU want to. The connection comes when the two people find that they're naturally on the same page, not when someone tries to maneuver onto a different page based on advice or guesswork.

If after Date 4 one party is struggling to figure out whether or not it's working...then it's not working. When it's working, you'll know.