Seeking opinions on an incident involving another family member disciplining my child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay recent PPs, despite the details (whether she was sticking legs out or not, whether op saw everything or not...) do you think bat the BIL acted appropriately? Screaming at the DH and everything?

Did he really scream, or just speak loudly because she was in the other room? I think OP's description of the events are colored by her over-reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear uncle's side of the story.

And I could only imagine what OP's post would have been had BIL been standing there while precious child fell off the couch arm and actually hurt themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same thing happened to me but I did not run out of the room or pack up.

My brother disciplined my child for standing on something he should not stand on but his way of handling it was heavy handed and my son screamed bloody murder. I didn't move and I let it go on for a little until he turned to me and said "r u going to do something" I asked " you want me to clean up your mess?"

In the meantime, I pulled up a picture of his younger child standing on the counter getting a snack, it was on FB and it said! little man helping himself... So cute.

It's cute when it is yours right, I said as I showed him the picture

My SIL who is awesome said, "got you on that one."

Whatever, kids are not perfect, they climb on shit.

My roommate from college was visiting and her son stood on my coffee table, I knew what he was doing it, like hey look we are in front of a stranger what ya going to do. So I quietly told her, I know you are sweating this one, I am going to pretend to get something from the kitchen, he will be less brave with me gone. that is how you handle it.

Never judge... Provide support.

I like you. will you be my friend?

Wait, with a level head like this you probably don't live in the DC area do you?

Yes. I do, but let's just say I have been through a lot. The kind that makes anything not life threatening not a big deal.
I like to add friends, but I am a libra so I can't be friends with your friends and you can't meet my friends (apparently) ... See zodiac sign thread..

hah. I was sort of kidding but now I like you even more. the bits I bolded are pretty much my parenting/life philosophy. What parks do you hang out at? we are in arlington. maybe we will run into you. My DD and her dad (who SAH) have similar names and DD is a firecracker. so if you see such a family, ask "is your wife on DC urban moms?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay recent PPs, despite the details (whether she was sticking legs out or not, whether op saw everything or not...) do you think bat the BIL acted appropriately? Screaming at the DH and everything?

Really on a scale of 1-10 the kids misbehavior was a 2 at worst and all he needed to do was ask her to get down, if she didn't comply. ask the parents for assistance.

His reactions was a 7 so an overreaction.

But OP's reaction should have been more like he dude lighten up.

Wasn't her kid already past the point of no return though? I thought OP said her kid was inconsolable by the time she got there (before BIL had yelled at any adults). seems like a lot of PPs are blaming OP for reacting to her kid. She didn't pick up her kid and remove her from the room bc of what BIL was doing, but because of how the kid was reacting. Was the kid overreacting? probably, because, you know, SHE'S FOUR.

We'll the kid was freaking out, maybe because she was scared... Who knows, but kids cry, leaving the room to calm her down was fine but the packing to go was a little of an overreaction.

She should have picked her up told the bil to lighten up, consoled the child, in the other room is fine

Later ... Like 30 minutes later, after cooler head have comeback... the child should have said, sorry I stood on the furniture, the bil should have said sorry I yelled. Done and done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just sharing: I was beaten and screamed at as a child growing up and have deep emotional scars from it. I don't care if it's family - NOBODY touches my child in an aggressive manner. Use words.

Grabbing a child to remove them from a dangerous situation is so totally different than abuse. I'm sorry you were abused, but this is not the same situation at all. FWIW, I was abused and screamed at as a child, too (and well into my teens), but I can see the difference between abuse and this situation.

No I'm not saying that this was abuse at all, but if an adult is so angry that he's yelling at someone's face, then he needs to step away and calm down first to get a control over emotions - otherwise a light grabbing in anger can be very painful to a small child.

Also, he should not be grabbing a child in this situation, she is not in danger, she is not running at a speeding car.

Maybe he made a grab for her because she was about to kick him or she was going to go right back and climb on the arm? I don't think anyone here, or even OP, knows what really happened. Doesn't the BIL have kids of his own? Maybe he does know how to grab a child without hurting the child. Also, he wasn't screaming at the child as he was grabbing her. He called out to the kid's dad as he was going into the other room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call troll.

OP, why do you keep calling you sis your SIL? Not once, but many times..

I call troll as well. Several times she has clarified "well maybe it didnt happen like that" or maybe she didnt say this or that.

TROLL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same thing happened to me but I did not run out of the room or pack up.

My brother disciplined my child for standing on something he should not stand on but his way of handling it was heavy handed and my son screamed bloody murder. I didn't move and I let it go on for a little until he turned to me and said "r u going to do something" I asked " you want me to clean up your mess?"

In the meantime, I pulled up a picture of his younger child standing on the counter getting a snack, it was on FB and it said! little man helping himself... So cute.

It's cute when it is yours right, I said as I showed him the picture

My SIL who is awesome said, "got you on that one."

Whatever, kids are not perfect, they climb on shit.

My roommate from college was visiting and her son stood on my coffee table, I knew what he was doing it, like hey look we are in front of a stranger what ya going to do. So I quietly told her, I know you are sweating this one, I am going to pretend to get something from the kitchen, he will be less brave with me gone. that is how you handle it.

Never judge... Provide support.

I like you. will you be my friend?

Wait, with a level head like this you probably don't live in the DC area do you?

Yes. I do, but let's just say I have been through a lot. The kind that makes anything not life threatening not a big deal.
I like to add friends, but I am a libra so I can't be friends with your friends and you can't meet my friends (apparently) ... See zodiac sign thread..

hah. I was sort of kidding but now I like you even more. the bits I bolded are pretty much my parenting/life philosophy. What parks do you hang out at? we are in arlington. maybe we will run into you. My DD and her dad (who SAH) have similar names and DD is a firecracker. so if you see such a family, ask "is your wife on DC urban moms?"

My kids are in HS now. I am in Arlington all the time for soccer. My BFF from college is a stad ... That is awesome. I was a firecracker so maybe your Dd and I are soulmates.

I am the mom where the kids say, did you see my goal or were u on DCUM. .... In my defense, I only do DCUM before the game.

Stay strong with your parenting philosophy ... It's hard, so many people questioning it.... Teachers/neighbors/friends/family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am seriously amazed by the holier than thou posters who claim a 0 tolerance policy for kids on couches. That is nuts. My kids are allowed on the furniture and I'm not stupid enough to think that makes them rude and undisciplined.

Your kids ARE rude and undisciplined, but OP's kid is worse - blatantly ignoring an instruction.

It is not kids on couches. It is kids standing on couch arm rests. It is dangerous and unruly.
I have 2 boys. I get it. They jump on couches - and I correct them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I certainly wouldn't care if my child was climbing on someone's sofa. Who are you people that you think your crappy furniture is so precious?

I would be afraid that my child would fall on the coffee table or side table if I let him stand on the armrest of the couch. I am so surprised that you, or any parent, is okay with that especially for a four-year-old and in someone else's home.

My mother is right - we are the most ridiculous and rudest generation of parents to have ever lived.

Smart mom you have. I am glad my mom raised me to teach my children right from wrong. And climbing all over the furniture, esp in someone elses home, is totally way off base

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the thread just the original post. iMO your BIL did nothing wrong. A mountain was made out of a mole hill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am seriously amazed by the holier than thou posters who claim a 0 tolerance policy for kids on couches. That is nuts. My kids are allowed on the furniture and I'm not stupid enough to think that makes them rude and undisciplined.

Your kids ARE rude and undisciplined, but OP's kid is worse - blatantly ignoring an instruction.

It is not kids on couches. It is kids standing on couch arm rests. It is dangerous and unruly.
I have 2 boys. I get it. They jump on couches - and I correct them.

But... It's not really dangerous... Was she holding a knife or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am seriously amazed by the holier than thou posters who claim a 0 tolerance policy for kids on couches. That is nuts. My kids are allowed on the furniture and I'm not stupid enough to think that makes them rude and undisciplined.

Your kids ARE rude and undisciplined, but OP's kid is worse - blatantly ignoring an instruction.

It is not kids on couches. It is kids standing on couch arm rests. It is dangerous and unruly.
I have 2 boys. I get it. They jump on couches - and I correct them.

But... It's not really dangerous... Was she holding a knife or something.

It is easy to fall Off and hit your head on a coffee table.
Believe me, I've done it. Life threatening? No. But couches are not playgrounds and falling off can hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're going to get a lot of responses on here in support of the BIL because frankly there are a lot of people on here like him. But in my opinion what he did was totally unacceptable. You don't get physical with someone else's kids. If she was on the couch and he didn't like it, and she didn't get down after he told her, he should have said to you or your DH (who were both right there, right??) "get your kid off the couch, i just told her to get down and she didn't listen"

If your kids are brats, like OP's kids, then I will do something if I feel it necess a th for safety reasons. I never babyp r oifed my house because I taught my children not to touch or play with things other than toys. Teach your kids manners. Also, it is "my house, my rules." OP is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am seriously amazed by the holier than thou posters who claim a 0 tolerance policy for kids on couches. That is nuts. My kids are allowed on the furniture and I'm not stupid enough to think that makes them rude and undisciplined.

Your kids ARE rude and undisciplined, but OP's kid is worse - blatantly ignoring an instruction.

It is not kids on couches. It is kids standing on couch arm rests. It is dangerous and unruly.
I have 2 boys. I get it. They jump on couches - and I correct them.

But... It's not really dangerous... Was she holding a knife or something.

It is easy to fall Off and hit your head on a coffee table.
Believe me, I've done it. Life threatening? No. But couches are not playgrounds and falling off can hurt.

Or break an arm, like I did when I was playing on the couch when I was 6. Plus, it is just rude. I've had other kids jump on my couch and break it. Couches are expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the thread just the original post. iMO your BIL did nothing wrong. A mountain was made out of a mole hill.

What kinds of households do you people come from that you see nothing wrong with an adult screaming at another adult as he comforts his crying child?