Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow...what the heck people. My husband and I are not well off at all due to a lot of medical issues we are having. The bills are killing us. I wouldn't wish for anything else but money for our wedding. We could really use the help. And true friends of ours would understand that - it's our special day. Gifts should be something we really actually need. If money is what's most needed at that point, then money it is. Even though I think one could let guests know something like this in a different manner than putting "No boxed gifts" on the invite...asking for money isn't a bad thing. To some people financial gifts could be life savers. Unbelievable how judgmental some people are here. Guess I'm just glad none of you folks are anywhere near us. Yuck!

If you are so hard up for money, forego the wedding and go to the courthouse. That is the responsible thing to do, not spend money on some wedding.

Excuse me...? I can not have a wedding because I'm not a millionaire? I don't have to spend thousands on a wedding. You have NO IDEA what you are even talking about but boy are you judgmental! I can not have a beautiful day with my friends and family because I can't afford a 50k wedding? That's just messed up. How about a small wedding, at a private location, with only people we know personally and where everything is homemade by the people who attend? Never heard of that I guess. I guess people in your world aren't allowed to live through hardship and still try to have a good time from time to time...especially on their wedding day. If I knew money is what a couple needs most then money is what they get.

You know why? Because giving a gift is about the recipient. Not about myself. You give whatever the recipient most needs or want. Not what YOU enjoy giving. That's called being selfless and caring more about the person you are giving something to than about your own wants and needs.

So in addition to attending your wedding and giving you a gift (cash), I am supposed to make food for it too?

Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Wedding presents are to be sent to the bride's home, whether a boxed or unboxed gift, enveloped or UN-enveloped gift card or money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They want money. What is their nationality? Maybe this is common in some cultures.

Yes, it is standard practice among Vulgarians.

And this afflicted with non-etiquette-osis

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again: i'm also south asian and it is quite common to give money as a gift.

registering is sometimes seen as uncouth - b/c it is asking for specific things.

money, however, is considered an appropriate and acceptable gift to a couple to help them start a home.

it's not "tacky"

No one is suggesting that giving money as a gift is tacky.

What is tacky and rude is ASKING for money as a gift.

south asian PP again:
why is "no boxed gifts" more tacky than throwing in a card that says "mark and elaine are registered at macy's and crate and barrel"?

Both are super tacky! One is not to mention gifts at all. Super tacky period. i don't give a pass for other cultures. One should learn the customs of where they live.

[Anonymous]

South Asians take note. Don't invite the whites to the wedding. They will post about your invite, mock your customs and yet they will still be the ones offended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the hell would you people do with yourselves if no one gave you anything to stand in judgement over them for? Miserable witches. If you feel the need to turn your precious nose up at the wording in the invitation, and make it about you and your sensibilities, just don't fuckibg attend. Some of us care more about people than etiquette, and are happy to give the couple whatever they need or want, within reason. You want money for your honeymoon? Sure. For a house down payment? Sure. You don't want boxed gifts? Great. No skin off my back. Let's not sit here and pretend that I wasn't going to get you a gift, and since I'm getting one, I'm happy it will be something you can use. Find some real problems!!!

+1

I agree with this. Also, don't pretend you know what the young couple needs. When DH and I married many moons ago, we actually had relatives try to tell us what we needed. Mind you, we had each been on our own, individually for many years; so we already had two of everything - or at least my "good stuff". We made a registry if they wanted to use it, but of course, they could not do that. [I actually chose stuff for the registry at a store that I frequent, but knew that in no way it would fly with DH's family, so I adapted, and went to their stores for registry purposes. (Yes, this took an inordinate amount of time, but I was young, and actually believed at the time I could make everyone happy. HA- good one!)] Which still didn't fly, apparently.

Really, the bride and groom can't win with some kinds of people. They have an awful lot going on in one day, after so much careful and deliberate planning. Remember whose day it is, and either go with a smile on your face, or stay home. I'm sure the bride and groom really don't care either way, since most of the guests invited are probably friends of the parents, anyway.

OP, it seems like this invitation is for a wedding whose cultural norm is to give money. Who cares? No one (you or them) wants to lug a gift around, anyway. Throw the envelope in the box, and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:South Asians take note. Don't invite the whites to the wedding. They will post about your invite, mock your customs and yet they will still be the ones offended.

+1

LOLZ

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow...what the heck people. My husband and I are not well off at all due to a lot of medical issues we are having. The bills are killing us. I wouldn't wish for anything else but money for our wedding. We could really use the help. And true friends of ours would understand that - it's our special day. Gifts should be something we really actually need. If money is what's most needed at that point, then money it is. Even though I think one could let guests know something like this in a different manner than putting "No boxed gifts" on the invite...asking for money isn't a bad thing. To some people financial gifts could be life savers. Unbelievable how judgmental some people are here. Guess I'm just glad none of you folks are anywhere near us. Yuck!

If you are so hard up for money, forego the wedding and go to the courthouse. That is the responsible thing to do, not spend money on some wedding.

Excuse me...? I can not have a wedding because I'm not a millionaire? I don't have to spend thousands on a wedding. You have NO IDEA what you are even talking about but boy are you judgmental! I can not have a beautiful day with my friends and family because I can't afford a 50k wedding? That's just messed up. How about a small wedding, at a private location, with only people we know personally and where everything is homemade by the people who attend? Never heard of that I guess. I guess people in your world aren't allowed to live through hardship and still try to have a good time from time to time...especially on their wedding day. If I knew money is what a couple needs most then money is what they get.

You know why? Because giving a gift is about the recipient. Not about myself. You give whatever the recipient most needs or want. Not what YOU enjoy giving. That's called being selfless and caring more about the person you are giving something to than about your own wants and needs.

So in addition to attending your wedding and giving you a gift (cash), I am supposed to make food for it too?

Seriously?

BYOB!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow...what the heck people. My husband and I are not well off at all due to a lot of medical issues we are having. The bills are killing us. I wouldn't wish for anything else but money for our wedding. We could really use the help. And true friends of ours would understand that - it's our special day. Gifts should be something we really actually need. If money is what's most needed at that point, then money it is. Even though I think one could let guests know something like this in a different manner than putting "No boxed gifts" on the invite...asking for money isn't a bad thing. To some people financial gifts could be life savers. Unbelievable how judgmental some people are here. Guess I'm just glad none of you folks are anywhere near us. Yuck!

If you are so hard up for money, forego the wedding and go to the courthouse. That is the responsible thing to do, not spend money on some wedding.

Excuse me...? I can not have a wedding because I'm not a millionaire? I don't have to spend thousands on a wedding. You have NO IDEA what you are even talking about but boy are you judgmental! I can not have a beautiful day with my friends and family because I can't afford a 50k wedding? That's just messed up. How about a small wedding, at a private location, with only people we know personally and where everything is homemade by the people who attend? Never heard of that I guess. I guess people in your world aren't allowed to live through hardship and still try to have a good time from time to time...especially on their wedding day. If I knew money is what a couple needs most then money is what they get.

You know why? Because giving a gift is about the recipient. Not about myself. You give whatever the recipient most needs or want. Not what YOU enjoy giving. That's called being selfless and caring more about the person you are giving something to than about your own wants and needs.

So in addition to attending your wedding and giving you a gift (cash), I am supposed to make food for it too?

Seriously?

BYOB!

Bring Your Own Buffet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could ask around to find out their china pattern and get them a setting or two. A silver picture frame is nice for a wedding portrait and will last forever. You really can't go wrong with very traditional gifts when you're not sure what the couple wants.

"No boxed gifts" = "We want cash."

And it's tacky as hell. You're not even supposed to mention gifts on the invitation.

All this. They want money and they're tacky, tacky people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow...what the heck people. My husband and I are not well off at all due to a lot of medical issues we are having. The bills are killing us. I wouldn't wish for anything else but money for our wedding. We could really use the help. And true friends of ours would understand that - it's our special day. Gifts should be something we really actually need. If money is what's most needed at that point, then money it is. Even though I think one could let guests know something like this in a different manner than putting "No boxed gifts" on the invite...asking for money isn't a bad thing. To some people financial gifts could be life savers. Unbelievable how judgmental some people are here. Guess I'm just glad none of you folks are anywhere near us. Yuck!

If you are so hard up for money, forego the wedding and go to the courthouse. That is the responsible thing to do, not spend money on some wedding.

Excuse me...? I can not have a wedding because I'm not a millionaire? I don't have to spend thousands on a wedding. You have NO IDEA what you are even talking about but boy are you judgmental! I can not have a beautiful day with my friends and family because I can't afford a 50k wedding? That's just messed up. How about a small wedding, at a private location, with only people we know personally and where everything is homemade by the people who attend? Never heard of that I guess. I guess people in your world aren't allowed to live through hardship and still try to have a good time from time to time...especially on their wedding day. If I knew money is what a couple needs most then money is what they get.

You know why? Because giving a gift is about the recipient. Not about myself. You give whatever the recipient most needs or want. Not what YOU enjoy giving. That's called being selfless and caring more about the person you are giving something to than about your own wants and needs.

A Church wedding with a cake reception in the basement is affordable and includes friends and family. No one has a right to a $50k wedding.

+1. Cake and punch can't cost more than a couple hundred dollars. Less if you make the cake yourself.

People forget that it's about the marriage, not the wedding.

Sing it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not a big deal, always give money, unless they have a registry someplace.... what - u want to bring them a toaster oven in a big box - they might end up with a couple. I agree...no boxes thank u!

My buddy who is Asian took in close to 42k on there wedding day. That money went straight into a down payment on their new home.

Eeewww. You are clearly low class. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Bring Your Own Buffet?


Omg. Hahahahahahahhahaahaha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:South Asians take note. Don't invite the whites to the wedding. They will post about your invite, mock your customs and yet they will still be the ones offended.

+1

LOLZ

Or: unassimilated South Asians take note. Don't attempt attempt a cash grab here. It's tacky as hell and will be rightly mocked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the hell would you people do with yourselves if no one gave you anything to stand in judgement over them for? Miserable witches. If you feel the need to turn your precious nose up at the wording in the invitation, and make it about you and your sensibilities, just don't fuckibg attend. Some of us care more about people than etiquette, and are happy to give the couple whatever they need or want, within reason. You want money for your honeymoon? Sure. For a house down payment? Sure. You don't want boxed gifts? Great. No skin off my back. Let's not sit here and pretend that I wasn't going to get you a gift, and since I'm getting one, I'm happy it will be something you can use. Find some real problems!!!

+1

I agree with this. Also, don't pretend you know what the young couple needs. When DH and I married many moons ago, we actually had relatives try to tell us what we needed. Mind you, we had each been on our own, individually for many years; so we already had two of everything - or at least my "good stuff". We made a registry if they wanted to use it, but of course, they could not do that. [I actually chose stuff for the registry at a store that I frequent, but knew that in no way it would fly with DH's family, so I adapted, and went to their stores for registry purposes. (Yes, this took an inordinate amount of time, but I was young, and actually believed at the time I could make everyone happy. HA- good one!)] Which still didn't fly, apparently.

Really, the bride and groom can't win with some kinds of people. They have an awful lot going on in one day, after so much careful and deliberate planning. Remember whose day it is, and either go with a smile on your face, or stay home. I'm sure the bride and groom really don't care either way, since most of the guests invited are probably friends of the parents, anyway.

OP, it seems like this invitation is for a wedding whose cultural norm is to give money. Who cares? No one (you or them) wants to lug a gift around, anyway. Throw the envelope in the box, and be done with it.

There's nothing wrong with giving money as a wedding gift. Or if guests ask what you want and to reply that you'd prefer money -- I see nothing wrong with that. But specifically stating on your wedding invite that you will not accept specific gifts is tacky. What if you got a wedding invite that said "We don't want any picture frames" or "No towels" or "No gift certificates wanted" or "do not give us anything unless it's money." It's telling people what they cannot give that is tacky because that is not what presents are about.

I had guests at my wedding who never gave me a physical gift. They traveled from a long way to get to my wedding and to me that was gift enough. I had other people give me things that probably didn't cost more than $10 or $15. Who cares? I was just glad they came. When you dictate what people cannot give you, it is no longer a gift.

Bottom line - only invite people to your wedding that you want to share the day with you and that don't care what present (if any) that they give.