Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't get married until late 20's and early 30's these days. They neither need nor want a toaster. I will never understand why a registry is acceptable but stating you want cash isn't. We did a registry with about 5 items on it. Most people got the idea, and the dinosaurs gave us some weird gift they decided we should have.

Exactly. I didn't want to do a registry at all, preferring not to dictate I'm any way want I wanted. I don't understand how asking for 12 place settings of china at $125 is any more tacky than asking for cash. Either way, there is a expectation that you will spend money on me. If we had been smart we would have returned all the shit we didn't need and hardly ever use for the cash anyway.

And yes, the foot high Thomas Kincaid sculpture we received was super special.

Why did you put stuff on your registry that you didn't need?

I made a registry because DH's family expected one. I put an unbelievable amount of research into it, making sure I picked only those things we would really use or need. We had a ton of guests, but not a ton of stuff on the registry. I have used every item we registered for, with much pleasure.

Because I didn't NEED anything. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't get married until late 20's and early 30's these days. They neither need nor want a toaster. I will never understand why a registry is acceptable but stating you want cash isn't. We did a registry with about 5 items on it. Most people got the idea, and the dinosaurs gave us some weird gift they decided we should have.

Exactly. I didn't want to do a registry at all, preferring not to dictate I'm any way want I wanted. I don't understand how asking for 12 place settings of china at $125 is any more tacky than asking for cash. Either way, there is a expectation that you will spend money on me. If we had been smart we would have returned all the shit we didn't need and hardly ever use for the cash anyway.

And yes, the foot high Thomas Kincaid sculpture we received was super special.

The next best thing to specify on a wedding invite, I guess, would be " include return receipts please" !

Well for the people who had the good sense to mail us items (since our wedding was in a different state from where we lived), the receipt was enclosed by the company. So that makes it easy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never give cash for a wedding gift because it feels impersonal to me. Instead, I sent a gift a few weeks ahead so the couple doesn't have to deal with transporting it from the wedding venue.

I also don't bother with registries either, unless I don't know the couple well or I know the couple really needs or wants something particular.

You are a bride's worst nightmare. And the reason I have a rainbow puffer fish sculpture sitting in my attic. Thanks for thinking of no one but yourself!

[Anonymous]

don't believe this thread is still going. Give the young couples $$$ so they can get the latest gizmo - they don't need no damm toasters and coffee machines, that's so 70's.....

Cash is best!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't get married until late 20's and early 30's these days. They neither need nor want a toaster. I will never understand why a registry is acceptable but stating you want cash isn't. We did a registry with about 5 items on it. Most people got the idea, and the dinosaurs gave us some weird gift they decided we should have.

Exactly. I didn't want to do a registry at all, preferring not to dictate I'm any way want I wanted. I don't understand how asking for 12 place settings of china at $125 is any more tacky than asking for cash. Either way, there is a expectation that you will spend money on me. If we had been smart we would have returned all the shit we didn't need and hardly ever use for the cash anyway.

And yes, the foot high Thomas Kincaid sculpture we received was super special.

Why did you put stuff on your registry that you didn't need?

I made a registry because DH's family expected one. I put an unbelievable amount of research into it, making sure I picked only those things we would really use or need. We had a ton of guests, but not a ton of stuff on the registry. I have used every item we registered for, with much pleasure.

Who puts a ton of research into something they don't even want to do, BTW?

I take it back about my gifts - I can think of ONE thing in particular that we use with frequency - a beautiful crystal decanter that my cousin gave me along with a lovely bottle of bourbon. He knows me well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never give cash for a wedding gift because it feels impersonal to me. Instead, I sent a gift a few weeks ahead so the couple doesn't have to deal with transporting it from the wedding venue.

I also don't bother with registries either, unless I don't know the couple well or I know the couple really needs or wants something particular.

You are a bride's worst nightmare. And the reason I have a rainbow puffer fish sculpture sitting in my attic. Thanks for thinking of no one but yourself!

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were recently invited to a wedding. There was a link to an online registry, but single item was a cash amount. So, a registry of dollar amounts. I did not mind it, however, we ended up writing a check instead of picking out a cash amount from that website.

I know a guy who started a website that does this - for every occasion. Basically a GoFundMyWhatever - you list what you plan to spend the money on, but gift givers just send cash toward it (well, they charge it and my friend's website takes a cut).

[Anonymous]

My good girlfriend used a riddle to express "No boxed gifts".

It was perfectly fine to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never give cash for a wedding gift because it feels impersonal to me. Instead, I sent a gift a few weeks ahead so the couple doesn't have to deal with transporting it from the wedding venue.

I also don't bother with registries either, unless I don't know the couple well or I know the couple really needs or wants something particular.

You are a bride's worst nightmare. And the reason I have a rainbow puffer fish sculpture sitting in my attic. Thanks for thinking of no one but yourself!

You were every guest's worst nightmare. That rainbow puffer fish, or whatever it really was, was a sign. You have zero proof that the PP you quoted is anything but a talented gift giver. Some people just have the knack. I do not, so I give cash (or, more recently,a wedding-related service as requested by the bride). But I would be pissed as hell to be told what to give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is not making South Asian cultures look good at all.

Whatever. Take a post off of DCUM and decide that South Asian cultures are horrible from it. Typical. Like your culture is all roses right?



To the OP- If you don't want to give a gift, don't. Stating no boxed gifts simply means that if you want to give the couple a gift then instead of spending on some stupid registry gift, please give them the cash instead and allow them to use it as they need to benefit them.

To you all stating that this is not Asia, I'm sure the couple and their family are aware of that obvious fact. The majority of the attendants to the wedding will be South Asian.

South Asian weddings are LARGE, no one wants 500 boxes of any kind of gift. Cash is the POLITE gift to give to a new couple starting their life together. We don't know their circumstances, we don't know if they need a toaster, if they need money for a downpayment for a house, or if they would like to use their gifts to pay down any student loans so they don't start life together with a debt.

In American culture, gifts are polite. If you like it, keep it, if you don't then donate it. But that is seen as extremely wasteful in India. What holds value is cash and gold. Those are the gifts given to a new couple or at a baby's birth, etc. because they mean a lot more for the well being of the family.


Registries for gifts or towards a honeymoon are TACKY. I mean, really, I've seen some things like " hey help us enjoy our honeymoon by paying for a snorkel trip". Gross. How about I give you some money and you go buy your own snorkel package or your own set of dishes. Why do I have to go shopping around for you when you are perfectly capable of shopping for yourself.

But you can not put nothing at all on the card. Guest want to know what to get, it's a lot more stressful for them to just have to randomly pick up a gift of for a new couple. So either a registry or "no boxed gifts" needs to be listed.

My husband and I are both South Asian, but newsflash DCUM, it's not a monolith. We did two different invitations- for my side and my husband's side. "No boxed gifts" on mine, nothing on his, since "no boxed gifts" would have been taboo in his family and like I said registries are tacky. My MIL was inundated with calls about what to buy us as a gift.

The checks from my side gave us a very nice cushion to start out with- the remainder my student loans paid off, the rest into a Vanguard account that's been growing money for the past 15 years.

Lot of sweeping generalizations here ....... and I certainly agree with the PP who wrote that paying your college debt is the farthest thing from my mind when I give a wedding gift. What is next? Pay-off credit card bills?

Like I said- it's giving a cushion to a new couple to use as would best serve them. Once it's given, it's given. It's not a go fund me for credit card bill or honeymoons.

As stated earlier, it would give most South Asians gift givers pleasure knowing that they were able to help in some small way to the financial security for a new couple.

We are very community oriented. Giving cash and gold serves the most stability for a family in the long term. This trickles down to a stronger community and more stabile future generations.

It's something that you will not get unless you get out of your box and try to understand that cultures are different.

Please just don't give a gift if you're so offended or just don't go to the wedding at all. It's different for you and apparently differences make you uncomfortable.
It's an invite, feel free to decline.

Exactly - cash and gold are given when the people involved are from POOR OR ECONOMICALLY DISADVANTAGED backgrounds or cultures because everyone worries about money and financial secuity above all else. That is the accurate explanation that hopefully will end this debate. Giving cash is retalated to social class, in ANY CULTURE. Even once the social group is no longer poor, perhaps because they have immigrated to a country with more economic advantages, they will sometimes keep old traditions and call them cultural even those traditions are really class traditions. This explains all weddings where cash is exchanged: dollar dances, gifts of cash, money trees, etc... It originates from a time and place (and maybe still current) where the community worried about the financial stability of the marrying couple because they likely were farmers or herders or had the kind of job or lived in the kind of place where there wasn't any upper SES mobility and people regularly suffer from famine, poverty and insolvency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is not making South Asian cultures look good at all.

Whatever. Take a post off of DCUM and decide that South Asian cultures are horrible from it. Typical. Like your culture is all roses right?



To the OP- If you don't want to give a gift, don't. Stating no boxed gifts simply means that if you want to give the couple a gift then instead of spending on some stupid registry gift, please give them the cash instead and allow them to use it as they need to benefit them.

To you all stating that this is not Asia, I'm sure the couple and their family are aware of that obvious fact. The majority of the attendants to the wedding will be South Asian.

South Asian weddings are LARGE, no one wants 500 boxes of any kind of gift. Cash is the POLITE gift to give to a new couple starting their life together. We don't know their circumstances, we don't know if they need a toaster, if they need money for a downpayment for a house, or if they would like to use their gifts to pay down any student loans so they don't start life together with a debt.

In American culture, gifts are polite. If you like it, keep it, if you don't then donate it. But that is seen as extremely wasteful in India. What holds value is cash and gold. Those are the gifts given to a new couple or at a baby's birth, etc. because they mean a lot more for the well being of the family.


Registries for gifts or towards a honeymoon are TACKY. I mean, really, I've seen some things like " hey help us enjoy our honeymoon by paying for a snorkel trip". Gross. How about I give you some money and you go buy your own snorkel package or your own set of dishes. Why do I have to go shopping around for you when you are perfectly capable of shopping for yourself.

But you can not put nothing at all on the card. Guest want to know what to get, it's a lot more stressful for them to just have to randomly pick up a gift of for a new couple. So either a registry or "no boxed gifts" needs to be listed.

My husband and I are both South Asian, but newsflash DCUM, it's not a monolith. We did two different invitations- for my side and my husband's side. "No boxed gifts" on mine, nothing on his, since "no boxed gifts" would have been taboo in his family and like I said registries are tacky. My MIL was inundated with calls about what to buy us as a gift.

The checks from my side gave us a very nice cushion to start out with- the remainder my student loans paid off, the rest into a Vanguard account that's been growing money for the past 15 years.

Lot of sweeping generalizations here ....... and I certainly agree with the PP who wrote that paying your college debt is the farthest thing from my mind when I give a wedding gift. What is next? Pay-off credit card bills?

Like I said- it's giving a cushion to a new couple to use as would best serve them. Once it's given, it's given. It's not a go fund me for credit card bill or honeymoons.

As stated earlier, it would give most South Asians gift givers pleasure knowing that they were able to help in some small way to the financial security for a new couple.

We are very community oriented. Giving cash and gold serves the most stability for a family in the long term. This trickles down to a stronger community and more stabile future generations.

It's something that you will not get unless you get out of your box and try to understand that cultures are different.

Please just don't give a gift if you're so offended or just don't go to the wedding at all. It's different for you and apparently differences make you uncomfortable.
It's an invite, feel free to decline.

Exactly - cash and gold are given when the people involved are from POOR OR ECONOMICALLY DISADVANTAGED backgrounds or cultures because everyone worries about money and financial secuity above all else. That is the accurate explanation that hopefully will end this debate. Giving cash is retalated to social class, in ANY CULTURE. Even once the social group is no longer poor, perhaps because they have immigrated to a country with more economic advantages, they will sometimes keep old traditions and call them cultural even those traditions are really class traditions. This explains all weddings where cash is exchanged: dollar dances, gifts of cash, money trees, etc... It originates from a time and place (and maybe still current) where the community worried about the financial stability of the marrying couple because they likely were farmers or herders or had the kind of job or lived in the kind of place where there wasn't any upper SES mobility and people regularly suffer from famine, poverty and insolvency.

You are so effing insecure you have to write in caps " poor and disadvantaged? How do you live with yourself? Hater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is not making South Asian cultures look good at all.

Whatever. Take a post off of DCUM and decide that South Asian cultures are horrible from it. Typical. Like your culture is all roses right?



To the OP- If you don't want to give a gift, don't. Stating no boxed gifts simply means that if you want to give the couple a gift then instead of spending on some stupid registry gift, please give them the cash instead and allow them to use it as they need to benefit them.

To you all stating that this is not Asia, I'm sure the couple and their family are aware of that obvious fact. The majority of the attendants to the wedding will be South Asian.

South Asian weddings are LARGE, no one wants 500 boxes of any kind of gift. Cash is the POLITE gift to give to a new couple starting their life together. We don't know their circumstances, we don't know if they need a toaster, if they need money for a downpayment for a house, or if they would like to use their gifts to pay down any student loans so they don't start life together with a debt.

In American culture, gifts are polite. If you like it, keep it, if you don't then donate it. But that is seen as extremely wasteful in India. What holds value is cash and gold. Those are the gifts given to a new couple or at a baby's birth, etc. because they mean a lot more for the well being of the family.


Registries for gifts or towards a honeymoon are TACKY. I mean, really, I've seen some things like " hey help us enjoy our honeymoon by paying for a snorkel trip". Gross. How about I give you some money and you go buy your own snorkel package or your own set of dishes. Why do I have to go shopping around for you when you are perfectly capable of shopping for yourself.

But you can not put nothing at all on the card. Guest want to know what to get, it's a lot more stressful for them to just have to randomly pick up a gift of for a new couple. So either a registry or "no boxed gifts" needs to be listed.

My husband and I are both South Asian, but newsflash DCUM, it's not a monolith. We did two different invitations- for my side and my husband's side. "No boxed gifts" on mine, nothing on his, since "no boxed gifts" would have been taboo in his family and like I said registries are tacky. My MIL was inundated with calls about what to buy us as a gift.

The checks from my side gave us a very nice cushion to start out with- the remainder my student loans paid off, the rest into a Vanguard account that's been growing money for the past 15 years.

Lot of sweeping generalizations here ....... and I certainly agree with the PP who wrote that paying your college debt is the farthest thing from my mind when I give a wedding gift. What is next? Pay-off credit card bills?

Like I said- it's giving a cushion to a new couple to use as would best serve them. Once it's given, it's given. It's not a go fund me for credit card bill or honeymoons.

As stated earlier, it would give most South Asians gift givers pleasure knowing that they were able to help in some small way to the financial security for a new couple.

We are very community oriented. Giving cash and gold serves the most stability for a family in the long term. This trickles down to a stronger community and more stabile future generations.

It's something that you will not get unless you get out of your box and try to understand that cultures are different.

Please just don't give a gift if you're so offended or just don't go to the wedding at all. It's different for you and apparently differences make you uncomfortable.
It's an invite, feel free to decline.

Exactly - cash and gold are given when the people involved are from POOR OR ECONOMICALLY DISADVANTAGED backgrounds or cultures because everyone worries about money and financial secuity above all else. That is the accurate explanation that hopefully will end this debate. Giving cash is retalated to social class, in ANY CULTURE. Even once the social group is no longer poor, perhaps because they have immigrated to a country with more economic advantages, they will sometimes keep old traditions and call them cultural even those traditions are really class traditions. This explains all weddings where cash is exchanged: dollar dances, gifts of cash, money trees, etc... It originates from a time and place (and maybe still current) where the community worried about the financial stability of the marrying couple because they likely were farmers or herders or had the kind of job or lived in the kind of place where there wasn't any upper SES mobility and people regularly suffer from famine, poverty and insolvency.

Where did you come up with this nonsense? Cash is given at every class level, in every culture. Super rich couples get cash gifts too -- my super rich friends made out like bandits at their weddings, and yeah -- the cash typically went towards custom-built homes in exclusive districts, or money towards future kids private school education. You wouldn't believe the kitchen one of my friends has -- high-end everything, and she didn't pay for a cent of it. All of it was wedding money.

[Anonymous]

The rich people who give and receive cash at weddings are from backgrounds were their social group was, in the past, poor and from a disadvantaged society. The cash given is a residual of the earlier time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't get married until late 20's and early 30's these days. They neither need nor want a toaster. I will never understand why a registry is acceptable but stating you want cash isn't. We did a registry with about 5 items on it. Most people got the idea, and the dinosaurs gave us some weird gift they decided we should have.

Exactly. I didn't want to do a registry at all, preferring not to dictate I'm any way want I wanted. I don't understand how asking for 12 place settings of china at $125 is any more tacky than asking for cash. Either way, there is a expectation that you will spend money on me. If we had been smart we would have returned all the shit we didn't need and hardly ever use for the cash anyway.

And yes, the foot high Thomas Kincaid sculpture we received was super special.

Why did you put stuff on your registry that you didn't need?

I made a registry because DH's family expected one. I put an unbelievable amount of research into it, making sure I picked only those things we would really use or need. We had a ton of guests, but not a ton of stuff on the registry. I have used every item we registered for, with much pleasure.

Because I didn't NEED anything. Duh.

So why not just tell people who want to give you a gift to give to charity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is not making South Asian cultures look good at all.

Whatever. Take a post off of DCUM and decide that South Asian cultures are horrible from it. Typical. Like your culture is all roses right?



To the OP- If you don't want to give a gift, don't. Stating no boxed gifts simply means that if you want to give the couple a gift then instead of spending on some stupid registry gift, please give them the cash instead and allow them to use it as they need to benefit them.

To you all stating that this is not Asia, I'm sure the couple and their family are aware of that obvious fact. The majority of the attendants to the wedding will be South Asian.

South Asian weddings are LARGE, no one wants 500 boxes of any kind of gift. Cash is the POLITE gift to give to a new couple starting their life together. We don't know their circumstances, we don't know if they need a toaster, if they need money for a downpayment for a house, or if they would like to use their gifts to pay down any student loans so they don't start life together with a debt.

In American culture, gifts are polite. If you like it, keep it, if you don't then donate it. But that is seen as extremely wasteful in India. What holds value is cash and gold. Those are the gifts given to a new couple or at a baby's birth, etc. because they mean a lot more for the well being of the family.


Registries for gifts or towards a honeymoon are TACKY. I mean, really, I've seen some things like " hey help us enjoy our honeymoon by paying for a snorkel trip". Gross. How about I give you some money and you go buy your own snorkel package or your own set of dishes. Why do I have to go shopping around for you when you are perfectly capable of shopping for yourself.

But you can not put nothing at all on the card. Guest want to know what to get, it's a lot more stressful for them to just have to randomly pick up a gift of for a new couple. So either a registry or "no boxed gifts" needs to be listed.

My husband and I are both South Asian, but newsflash DCUM, it's not a monolith. We did two different invitations- for my side and my husband's side. "No boxed gifts" on mine, nothing on his, since "no boxed gifts" would have been taboo in his family and like I said registries are tacky. My MIL was inundated with calls about what to buy us as a gift.

The checks from my side gave us a very nice cushion to start out with- the remainder my student loans paid off, the rest into a Vanguard account that's been growing money for the past 15 years.

Lot of sweeping generalizations here ....... and I certainly agree with the PP who wrote that paying your college debt is the farthest thing from my mind when I give a wedding gift. What is next? Pay-off credit card bills?

Like I said- it's giving a cushion to a new couple to use as would best serve them. Once it's given, it's given. It's not a go fund me for credit card bill or honeymoons.

As stated earlier, it would give most South Asians gift givers pleasure knowing that they were able to help in some small way to the financial security for a new couple.

We are very community oriented. Giving cash and gold serves the most stability for a family in the long term. This trickles down to a stronger community and more stabile future generations.

It's something that you will not get unless you get out of your box and try to understand that cultures are different.

Please just don't give a gift if you're so offended or just don't go to the wedding at all. It's different for you and apparently differences make you uncomfortable.
It's an invite, feel free to decline.

Exactly - cash and gold are given when the people involved are from POOR OR ECONOMICALLY DISADVANTAGED backgrounds or cultures because everyone worries about money and financial secuity above all else. That is the accurate explanation that hopefully will end this debate. Giving cash is retalated to social class, in ANY CULTURE. Even once the social group is no longer poor, perhaps because they have immigrated to a country with more economic advantages, they will sometimes keep old traditions and call them cultural even those traditions are really class traditions. This explains all weddings where cash is exchanged: dollar dances, gifts of cash, money trees, etc... It originates from a time and place (and maybe still current) where the community worried about the financial stability of the marrying couple because they likely were farmers or herders or had the kind of job or lived in the kind of place where there wasn't any upper SES mobility and people regularly suffer from famine, poverty and insolvency.

You are so effing insecure you have to write in caps " poor and disadvantaged? How do you live with yourself? Hater.

One more thing. Poverty is a state of being or a condition. People don't choose to be poor. Even in this country there are people who struggle everyday to make ends meet. Economic conditions can change overnight. So don't act too smug.
Class and culture has nothing to do with economic background.