SAHMs, do you worry about your husband leaving you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read book about this: statistically, most high income men have SAH wives. Once they reach a certain amount, the majority would prefer their wives to be home especially with the kids.

I read a book about this: statistically, divorce rates follow the stock market, when it is up so is divorce rate, so if men can afford to dump you they do.

It doesn't work that way for the most part! DH works in finance and there are very few divorces. (You generally have to be pretty emotionally stable to work those types of jobs but also it is very, very expensive to divorce when you are making in excess of 500k and have a long time sahp.) The entire office, not in DC. is made up almost entirely of men with a SAHP -- not so much because the men prefer stay at home wives, but because the job is so demanding that it helps to have a partner to pick up the pieces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read book about this: statistically, most high income men have SAH wives. Once they reach a certain amount, the majority would prefer their wives to be home especially with the kids.

Mine does. I taught elementary ed., and he didn't want to be bothered with getting up early enough to help with morning routine and daycare dropoffs. We talked about hiring a nanny, but deicded against. Two more years of SAH and our youngest will be in K, so (hopefully-- barring all crises) back to work for me.

[Anonymous]

No, not worried. My H can take care of our child if i am totally screwed; if not, I will be fine. I worry about my child sometimes; but I personally would be relieved if H left me. I as an only person will be fine; I just hope the kid will be ok too. But I think he will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read book about this: statistically, most high income men have SAH wives. Once they reach a certain amount, the majority would prefer their wives to be home especially with the kids.

I read a book about this: statistically, divorce rates follow the stock market, when it is up so is divorce rate, so if men can afford to dump you they do.

It doesn't work that way for the most part! DH works in finance and there are very few divorces. (You generally have to be pretty emotionally stable to work those types of jobs but also it is very, very expensive to divorce when you are making in excess of 500k and have a long time sahp.) The entire office, not in DC. is made up almost entirely of men with a SAHP -- not so much because the men prefer stay at home wives, but because the job is so demanding that it helps to have a partner to pick up the pieces.

You misread my post. I did not say men in finance get divorced. I said when the stock market is up divorce rate is up. When the stock market is down, divorce rate is down. It is the cheaper to keep her phenomenon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it matters whether you are a stay-at-home mother or a working mother, I think all married women at some time in their marriage have worries about whether or not their husbands will stray. After all, infidelity happens all the time and no one is immune. Unfortunately, it does not discriminate and we all are at risk no matter how beautiful or rich we are.

The disadvantage of being a SAHM to me is having to rely 100% on your husband for financial support.
My sister is in the process of a very bitter + messy divorce right now after 20 yrs. of marriage, the last 10 yrs. where she quit her job to stay home & raise her children full-time. Unfortunately, now that decision is biting her in the butt so to speak.

To any and all SAHM's out there, my best advise to you is this:

One never knows what the future holds. No one.
Always have a Plan B. Either save some $$ for yourself in your own bank account or make sure you hold a job and keep your career.

+1 excellent advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is what my "busy" SAHW did all day.

Got up in the morning. Got DD ready for school. Dropped DD off at the school at 8:20. Would park car nearby. Run 3 miles to gym. Work out. Run 3 miles home. Do whatever housework needed to be done. Run 3 miles back to school to pick up car and DD.

I come home from work - no time for exercise (or allowance), DW starts to complain how hard she has it all day. She needs me to help her around the house. Excuse me? BWTF were you doing all day when I was earning the paycheck that puts food on the table and a roof over our heads. Oh, that's right, training for your 1/2 marathon, cooking the occasional dinner and throwing a load of laundry in the machine. Sorry, babe! That ain't work that holds a candle to what I do all day.

It's possible she's a freeloader... I'd love to her her story about what she did all day. Do you have cleaning ladies, people who deliver your dry cleaning, do your grocery shopping, and put away your clothes? Wash your dishes every day? Cook?

I'm sure that if she had a desk job bringing in the dough you wouldn't mind her fat ass either, right? The whole working out thing does not benefit you at. all.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but the man is right. You're a SAHM when your kids are little. When they're in school you're a housewife. Sorry, it's not politically correct, but it's true. I know lots of women who essentially go to the gym all day. Many of their husbands chip in as much or more than mine. I don't think it matters as long as the people in the relationship are happy, but own it, people. Just admit you work out all day. Don't give other people the power to act like it's not enough if it works for you.

That said, keep some money handy in case you need it.....even if your marriage stays in tact!

[Anonymous]

Nope. We both married closer to 30 (27 and 29). Well educated, attractive. I think we value our marriage and family too much. I have two children under 6 and married 7 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but the man is right. You're a SAHM when your kids are little. When they're in school you're a housewife. Sorry, it's not politically correct, but it's true. I know lots of women who essentially go to the gym all day. Many of their husbands chip in as much or more than mine. I don't think it matters as long as the people in the relationship are happy, but own it, people. Just admit you work out all day. Don't give other people the power to act like it's not enough if it works for you.

That said, keep some money handy in case you need it.....even if your marriage stays in tact!

I don't get it...you know "housewives" who go to the gym ALL DAY LONG - like more than 2+ hours? Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but the man is right. You're a SAHM when your kids are little. When they're in school you're a housewife. Sorry, it's not politically correct, but it's true. I know lots of women who essentially go to the gym all day. Many of their husbands chip in as much or more than mine. I don't think it matters as long as the people in the relationship are happy, but own it, people. Just admit you work out all day. Don't give other people the power to act like it's not enough if it works for you.

That said, keep some money handy in case you need it.....even if your marriage stays in tact!

I don't get it...you know "housewives" who go to the gym ALL DAY LONG - like more than 2+ hours? Weird.

Yes. I know a few, actually. My SIL is like a workout fiend. She drops her kids off, goes to the gym, and then stays there for HOURS until she picks them up. Then she takes them to swimming and sits there all day. The kids all swim. That's what they do. Her husband works a lot and I don't think she has help, but I really don't know because when I see her we avoid each other because we have conflicting personalities. As far as I can tell she has no other hobbies.

I have a friend who does it too and she makes fun of herself so there's no option in my brain to judge because she "owns it".

[Anonymous]

No. My husband makes a lot of money. Can afford to support two households. Alternatively, if we split our assets down the middle (assuming no alimony), I would walk away with several million dollars. Enough to give me a nest egg and start over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. My husband makes a lot of money. Can afford to support two households. Alternatively, if we split our assets down the middle (assuming no alimony), I would walk away with several million dollars. Enough to give me a nest egg and start over.

You mean his assets?
Have some pride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. My husband makes a lot of money. Can afford to support two households. Alternatively, if we split our assets down the middle (assuming no alimony), I would walk away with several million dollars. Enough to give me a nest egg and start over.

You mean his assets?
Have some pride.

No. I mean OUR assists since it is money that was mutually saved and invested during our marriage. Neither of us came into it with any money. If we divorced, I would be legally entitled to half (I don't live in the DC area btw). And since we've been married for a long time and have very young children, he would probably be required to pay alimony for a number of years. Cheating on me would be a VERY expensive proposition for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but the man is right. You're a SAHM when your kids are little. When they're in school you're a housewife. Sorry, it's not politically correct, but it's true. I know lots of women who essentially go to the gym all day. Many of their husbands chip in as much or more than mine. I don't think it matters as long as the people in the relationship are happy, but own it, people. Just admit you work out all day. Don't give other people the power to act like it's not enough if it works for you.

That said, keep some money handy in case you need it.....even if your marriage stays in tact!

I don't get it...you know "housewives" who go to the gym ALL DAY LONG - like more than 2+ hours? Weird.

But why is that a bad thing? Aren't the husbands happy with their rocking bods?

[Anonymous]

Seems like quite a few bitter WOHMs have found this thread. You should realize what you think is glib just exposes yournown insecurity with your decisions