SAHMs, do you worry about your husband leaving you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but the man is right. You're a SAHM when your kids are little. When they're in school you're a housewife. Sorry, it's not politically correct, but it's true. I know lots of women who essentially go to the gym all day. Many of their husbands chip in as much or more than mine. I don't think it matters as long as the people in the relationship are happy, but own it, people. Just admit you work out all day. Don't give other people the power to act like it's not enough if it works for you.

That said, keep some money handy in case you need it.....even if your marriage stays in tact!

I don't get it...you know "housewives" who go to the gym ALL DAY LONG - like more than 2+ hours? Weird.

But why is that a bad thing? Aren't the husbands happy with their rocking bods?

I'm the pp who wrote the comment about the poster who knows housewives who work out all day long. I was being facetious because she's clearly insecure and no one works out "all day long". A trip to the gym might take an hour, maybe 2 of the entire day.

[Anonymous]

Divorces are rarely amicable. You will be fighting to the death over money. Husbands hide assets and do everything in their power to avoid paying one extra cent to the woman they despise and hate the most, the ex wife.

I still think if you're DH is rich and you are a SAHM, you're still coming out okay. Most women still make less money than men at the same job. You don't see many women CEOs. And it is easier for women to go back work after the kids are raised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to give it all up soon and be a "trailing spouse". I do worry about the "what ifs" but I have a nice little nest egg of my own that should help me. I'd also fight pretty hard for 1/2 in light of giving up my career. Dh thinks it'll be easy to just get a new job every time we relocate but I'm not as optimistic in this economy, especially when I'll most likely have gaps of employment while we are located overseas. I did read that after so many years of marriage, I'm entitled to some amt of his pension as well. So yes I'm worried but I've taken steps to mitigate the devastation.

50/50 is the law in Virginia, lady. Don't assume that what you've put away is "yours." You are only entitled to a percentage of the pension earned during the marriage. Sine the pension is determined from your DH's "high-three" earning years, you will get a portion of the pension based on his "high three" at the time of the divorce. If he earns more and gets a higher pension 20 years down the road, you are SOL.

What makes you think I'd file in virginia? Do you know what a "trailing spouse" is? Anyway my bank account was established long before marriage and is in my name only. I'm under the impression that makes it separate property and thus he can't touch it. Am I mistaken?

[Anonymous]

My exBIL works at Google, and as he progressed in his lucrative career, he decided he wanted a SAHW. My sister refused to quit her job, which she loved. He is now engaged to a woman who has already quit her job to stay home and take care of him.

What's extra assholey about this is that he would complain when my sister got an $80 haircut that she had a sense of entitlement to his money. But now his partner brings in no money and spends so much more on herself than my sister ever did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but the man is right. You're a SAHM when your kids are little. When they're in school you're a housewife. Sorry, it's not politically correct, but it's true. I know lots of women who essentially go to the gym all day. Many of their husbands chip in as much or more than mine. I don't think it matters as long as the people in the relationship are happy, but own it, people. Just admit you work out all day. Don't give other people the power to act like it's not enough if it works for you.

That said, keep some money handy in case you need it.....even if your marriage stays in tact!

I don't get it...you know "housewives" who go to the gym ALL DAY LONG - like more than 2+ hours? Weird.

But why is that a bad thing? Aren't the husbands happy with their rocking bods?

I'm the pp who wrote the comment about the poster who knows housewives who work out all day long. I was being facetious because she's clearly insecure and no one works out "all day long". A trip to the gym might take an hour, maybe 2 of the entire day.

Sorry, but I think people who work out for 4 or 6 hours per day are sad. And by "all day" I mean "the entirety of the day while their children are at school", which is enough to constitute all day in this context. The fact that you don't know people that do this doesn't mean that they don't exist. And telling a man on the board that he's essentially lying when he says his wife runs to the gym and then runs back and picks up their kids so she can train for a 1/2 marathon? Yes, people do that. It's not healthy. It doesn't look "rockin'".....they lose their boobs and have veins coming out of their muscles. And they lose the ability to have a conversation because they don't use their brain all day. I go to the gym a few days a week and my figure is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to give it all up soon and be a "trailing spouse". I do worry about the "what ifs" but I have a nice little nest egg of my own that should help me. I'd also fight pretty hard for 1/2 in light of giving up my career. Dh thinks it'll be easy to just get a new job every time we relocate but I'm not as optimistic in this economy, especially when I'll most likely have gaps of employment while we are located overseas. I did read that after so many years of marriage, I'm entitled to some amt of his pension as well. So yes I'm worried but I've taken steps to mitigate the devastation.

50/50 is the law in Virginia, lady. Don't assume that what you've put away is "yours." You are only entitled to a percentage of the pension earned during the marriage. Sine the pension is determined from your DH's "high-three" earning years, you will get a portion of the pension based on his "high three" at the time of the divorce. If he earns more and gets a higher pension 20 years down the road, you are SOL.

What makes you think I'd file in virginia? Do you know what a "trailing spouse" is? Anyway my bank account was established long before marriage and is in my name only. I'm under the impression that makes it separate property and thus he can't touch it. Am I mistaken?

You should talk to a lawyer in your state. It is highly dependenr on your state's laws and the specific facts. I wouldn't rely on the facts that you have stated to conclude that it will solely be yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to give it all up soon and be a "trailing spouse". I do worry about the "what ifs" but I have a nice little nest egg of my own that should help me. I'd also fight pretty hard for 1/2 in light of giving up my career. Dh thinks it'll be easy to just get a new job every time we relocate but I'm not as optimistic in this economy, especially when I'll most likely have gaps of employment while we are located overseas. I did read that after so many years of marriage, I'm entitled to some amt of his pension as well. So yes I'm worried but I've taken steps to mitigate the devastation.

50/50 is the law in Virginia, lady. Don't assume that what you've put away is "yours." You are only entitled to a percentage of the pension earned during the marriage. Sine the pension is determined from your DH's "high-three" earning years, you will get a portion of the pension based on his "high three" at the time of the divorce. If he earns more and gets a higher pension 20 years down the road, you are SOL.

What makes you think I'd file in virginia? Do you know what a "trailing spouse" is? Anyway my bank account was established long before marriage and is in my name only. I'm under the impression that makes it separate property and thus he can't touch it. Am I mistaken?

In MD you are mistaken. That money is your and only yours ... as in your H can't get a hold of it as long as you are married. Conversely, a H can put all the family money in 1 account and the wife can not get a hold of it if the account is in his name and only his name.

Once you file for divorce it becomes a marital asset and it will be split 50/50, along with all the other marital assets.

But it is good to have you own account when married because you can hire a lawyer and get out if you end up in abusive situation. But if you don't have you own account you H can hide all the money and you are basically stuck until the divorce determines your assets.

(Of course you can replace H with W and vise versa depending on your situation)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to give it all up soon and be a "trailing spouse". I do worry about the "what ifs" but I have a nice little nest egg of my own that should help me. I'd also fight pretty hard for 1/2 in light of giving up my career. Dh thinks it'll be easy to just get a new job every time we relocate but I'm not as optimistic in this economy, especially when I'll most likely have gaps of employment while we are located overseas. I did read that after so many years of marriage, I'm entitled to some amt of his pension as well. So yes I'm worried but I've taken steps to mitigate the devastation.

50/50 is the law in Virginia, lady. Don't assume that what you've put away is "yours." You are only entitled to a percentage of the pension earned during the marriage. Sine the pension is determined from your DH's "high-three" earning years, you will get a portion of the pension based on his "high three" at the time of the divorce. If he earns more and gets a higher pension 20 years down the road, you are SOL.

What makes you think I'd file in virginia? Do you know what a "trailing spouse" is? Anyway my bank account was established long before marriage and is in my name only. I'm under the impression that makes it separate property and thus he can't touch it. Am I mistaken?

In MD you are mistaken. That money is your and only yours ... as in your H can't get a hold of it as long as you are married. Conversely, a H can put all the family money in 1 account and the wife can not get a hold of it if the account is in his name and only his name.

Once you file for divorce it becomes a marital asset and it will be split 50/50, along with all the other marital assets.

But it is good to have you own account when married because you can hire a lawyer and get out if you end up in abusive situation. But if you don't have you own account you H can hide all the money and you are basically stuck until the divorce determines your assets.

(Of course you can replace H with W and vise versa depending on your situation)

One correction. The money that was there before the marriage (if it just sat there) is yours (if money goes in an out of that account it is a little different), because they are not marital assets, but all the interest during the marriage is a marital asset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. My husband makes a lot of money. Can afford to support two households. Alternatively, if we split our assets down the middle (assuming no alimony), I would walk away with several million dollars. Enough to give me a nest egg and start over.

You mean his assets?
Have some pride.

No. I mean OUR assists since it is money that was mutually saved and invested during our marriage. Neither of us came into it with any money. If we divorced, I would be legally entitled to half (I don't live in the DC area btw). And since we've been married for a long time and have very young children, he would probably be required to pay alimony for a number of years. Cheating on me would be a VERY expensive proposition for him.

Not to belabor the point but they are "his assets" as long as you are married, they are "our assets" of you divorce. The alimony laws are very different today than they were 10 years ago and they will only get harsher for SAHP's that are educated as time goes on (and as men try to get alimony out of their wives).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what my "busy" SAHW did all day.

Got up in the morning. Got DD ready for school. Dropped DD off at the school at 8:20. Would park car nearby. Run 3 miles to gym. Work out. Run 3 miles home. Do whatever housework needed to be done. Run 3 miles back to school to pick up car and DD.

I come home from work - no time for exercise (or allowance), DW starts to complain how hard she has it all day. She needs me to help her around the house. Excuse me? BWTF were you doing all day when I was earning the paycheck that puts food on the table and a roof over our heads. Oh, that's right, training for your 1/2 marathon, cooking the occasional dinner and throwing a load of laundry in the machine. Sorry, babe! That ain't work that holds a candle to what I do all day.

It's possible she's a freeloader... I'd love to her her story about what she did all day. Do you have cleaning ladies, people who deliver your dry cleaning, do your grocery shopping, and put away your clothes? Wash your dishes every day? Cook?

I'm sure that if she had a desk job bringing in the dough you wouldn't mind her fat ass either, right? The whole working out thing does not benefit you at. all.

\\

I am not saying she's a freeloader, but I have little sympathy when she cries about how she is "so tired" after her long day. She cooks dinner ever day. That is her choice. She will not let me near the kitchen. I do at least 1/2 of the house cleaning, all the yard work and anything she deems the "man's job," like fixing things mechanical, electrical, etc.

I had to laugh this morning b/c I was checking the oil levels in her car, and she could not be bothered with understanding how to read the dipstick! When I explained to her what the readings meant, she scoffed "as if I have time to read the manual."

[Anonymous]

Oh, I also do most of the kids appointments, the Little League, swimming lessons, etc. and work full time outside the house.

Then, when I want some time to myself I get bitched at about how I do "nothing."

[Anonymous]

Women that work, do you worry about your husband leaving you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women that work, do you worry about your husband leaving you?

I am the poster that pointed out this is not just a SAHP issue.

I have a trust, in my name, as an emergency account... we each do and it should float us 6 months if we lost a job also.

I have a saving account in my name only that he can not touch.

We bought a house less than we could afford so I could probably afford to live in my house or a similar house on my salary alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women that work, do you worry about your husband leaving you?

No, because I love him and he loves me and I am secure about that. But I think that answer would apply whether I was a WOHM or a SAHM. Also, I presume any SAHM (or SAHD) with any brains whatsoever would either have some idea about how they would deal if the working spouse was no longer around due to divorce, death, or alien abduction, or would figure it out fairly quickly once it happened. Honestly, I don't get the snideness and wars between the two sets of women - I work because I love my job and because, after being poor in my childhood, I like having 'my own' earned money. But everyone is different and has different priorities and histories - as long as both marriage partners are fine with one being a SAHP, it's nobody else's business.

[Anonymous]

Lol. No.

We didn't do a prenup so I'll be fine if we divorce. I also have enough personal wealth and family wealth that I'd be fine. Plus I have an excellent education and connections that I'd still be able to get a job.

But I still don't think he'd ever leave me-- it's not a concern.