Husband Turned Catholic on Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Catholics here. I went to an Episcopal service once at the National Cathedral and was left wondering whether it was a Christian service after they actually read a reading from the Koran. I am sorry, but only Christian scripture belongs in an ostensibly Christian Church.

The National Cathedral isn't a typical church, much less a typical Episcopal Church. I've never seen the Koran read in any Episcopal Church (even when I've attended services at NC), but the NC has a broader mandate.

[Anonymous]

OP, what I think you're forgetting, and many other forget as well, is that you are responsible for your own soul and your husband is responsible for his. Getting married does provide a special, some believe timeless, bond, but ultimately your husband will have to answer for his life and why he lived the way he did. In that moment, he will not be able to blame you or his parents for his choice to be active in the church or not. And even if you don't believe you'll ever have to answer for anything, it's you and only you who would answer and therefore you who are responsible for you. Being married to him doesn't give you the right to blockade his spiritual development; he has to be in charge of that himself. It would be just as wrong for your husband to try drag you along when you don't want to go.

Your husband has vows he's made to you and that he must honor and conversely so do you, but you are deeply mistaken if you think honoring those vows means prioritizing you above God. If you truly can not manage the kids for 1-2 hours on your own on a Sunday morning, then ask if he would consider another mass time or church that's closer and doesn't take so long to get to & from, but really that's such a small issue in the grand scheme of things. I hope you can be honest with yourself and your husband and approach this will a more reasonable attitude.

[Anonymous]

What can you do? Don't be such a shrew, woman. He's doing nothing wrong. You sound like a 7-year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what I think you're forgetting, and many other forget as well, is that you are responsible for your own soul and your husband is responsible for his. Getting married does provide a special, some believe timeless, bond, but ultimately your husband will have to answer for his life and why he lived the way he did. In that moment, he will not be able to blame you or his parents for his choice to be active in the church or not. And even if you don't believe you'll ever have to answer for anything, it's you and only you who would answer and therefore you who are responsible for you. Being married to him doesn't give you the right to blockade his spiritual development; he has to be in charge of that himself. It would be just as wrong for your husband to try drag you along when you don't want to go.

Your husband has vows he's made to you and that he must honor and conversely so do you, but you are deeply mistaken if you think honoring those vows means prioritizing you above God. If you truly can not manage the kids for 1-2 hours on your own on a Sunday morning, then ask if he would consider another mass time or church that's closer and doesn't take so long to get to & from, but really that's such a small issue in the grand scheme of things. I hope you can be honest with yourself and your husband and approach this will a more reasonable attitude.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what I think you're forgetting, and many other forget as well, is that you are responsible for your own soul and your husband is responsible for his. Getting married does provide a special, some believe timeless, bond, but ultimately your husband will have to answer for his life and why he lived the way he did. In that moment, he will not be able to blame you or his parents for his choice to be active in the church or not. And even if you don't believe you'll ever have to answer for anything, it's you and only you who would answer and therefore you who are responsible for you. Being married to him doesn't give you the right to blockade his spiritual development; he has to be in charge of that himself. It would be just as wrong for your husband to try drag you along when you don't want to go.

Your husband has vows he's made to you and that he must honor and conversely so do you, but you are deeply mistaken if you think honoring those vows means prioritizing you above God. If you truly can not manage the kids for 1-2 hours on your own on a Sunday morning, then ask if he would consider another mass time or church that's closer and doesn't take so long to get to & from, but really that's such a small issue in the grand scheme of things. I hope you can be honest with yourself and your husband and approach this will a more reasonable attitude.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't know what to tell you but as a wife with a non-practicing, religiously jaded Catholic husband, your story terrifies me.

[Anonymous]

My goodness, not two hours!

Maybe hes seen the light on abortion and homosexual "marriage" too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know what to tell you but as a wife with a non-practicing, religiously jaded Catholic husband, your story terrifies me.

OP's husband is being very reasonable. All he is doing is going to Mass once a week. If he were being less reasonable and more Catholic, he would start demanding that the kids receive a Catholic religious education, including baptism and the sacraments, and insist on no sex while OP is using birth control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what I think you're forgetting, and many other forget as well, is that you are responsible for your own soul and your husband is responsible for his. Getting married does provide a special, some believe timeless, bond, but ultimately your husband will have to answer for his life and why he lived the way he did. In that moment, he will not be able to blame you or his parents for his choice to be active in the church or not. And even if you don't believe you'll ever have to answer for anything, it's you and only you who would answer and therefore you who are responsible for you. Being married to him doesn't give you the right to blockade his spiritual development; he has to be in charge of that himself. It would be just as wrong for your husband to try drag you along when you don't want to go.

Your husband has vows he's made to you and that he must honor and conversely so do you, but you are deeply mistaken if you think honoring those vows means prioritizing you above God. If you truly can not manage the kids for 1-2 hours on your own on a Sunday morning, then ask if he would consider another mass time or church that's closer and doesn't take so long to get to & from, but really that's such a small issue in the grand scheme of things. I hope you can be honest with yourself and your husband and approach this will a more reasonable attitude.

I'm agnostic, and agree totally. This conflict transcends the particular religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a game changer. My DH and I grew up Catholic. I no longer consider myself Catholic. My DH and went into the marriage with our eyes open. We talked extensively about it and it was a deliberate decision not to marry in the Catholic Church. If he decided to return to the Catholic Church, we'd have to do some seriously counseling. It's not 'church' I have an issue with, it's the Catholic Church. I'd need to undestand why he needed Catholicism and how both of our needs could be met.

I would not allow him to take our children. I understand other people are okay with it but I would never allow my kids to be in an environment where discrimination against women and girls is supported. The church allows the prohibition of altar girls and that alone would be enough for me. My DDs are just as worthy as my DSs.

Hmmm, I just looked at the altar server schedule at my church and there are plenty of female names on it. Also, I do not get the idea that we have to teach our children that men and women are exactly the same and are suited to do the same things when this is fundamentally not true. Just look at what the Marine Corps is being forced to go through with regards to the pressure from so-called feminists to allow women to serve in combat. The women, by and large, cannot meet the physical standards for infantry duty. Is it discrimination, therefore, to keep the women out of a role for which they are not physically suited? I am not saying women are not suited for the clergy, but I think it is fallacious to think that whatever men can do women can do and vice versa. There are obvious differences between the sexes and it is fallacious to ignore those differences when it comes to job requirements, etc.

You think just because your church allows altar girls that all of them do? For a group so vehemently asserting that we are ill informed about the Catholic Church, I'm shocked you know so little yourself. Well, not really. Fanatics tend to be a bit blind.. http://www.catholic.net/index.php?option=dedestaca&id=3398

In short, bishops are allowed to determine if female altar servers are permitted. If so, parish priests can then decide if they will allow it. The preference is to limit it to boys. http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/protests-of-va-parishs-move-away-from-altar-girls-reflects-wider-catholic-debate/2011/11/17/gIQAnbRLcN_story.html

For the life of me, I can't understand how you could compare combat soldiers to altar servers - unless it's a poor attempt at suggesting altar boys are future Christian soldiers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a game changer. My DH and I grew up Catholic. I no longer consider myself Catholic. My DH and went into the marriage with our eyes open. We talked extensively about it and it was a deliberate decision not to marry in the Catholic Church. If he decided to return to the Catholic Church, we'd have to do some seriously counseling. It's not 'church' I have an issue with, it's the Catholic Church. I'd need to undestand why he needed Catholicism and how both of our needs could be met.

I would not allow him to take our children. I understand other people are okay with it but I would never allow my kids to be in an environment where discrimination against women and girls is supported. The church allows the prohibition of altar girls and that alone would be enough for me. My DDs are just as worthy as my DSs.

Really, you're not up to speed on the church. Many, many parishes have female altar servers.

Also, perhaps they should start performing abortions as the mass halftime show.

[Anonymous]

Eleven pages and I'm reminded my decision leave the Catholic Church was the right one. I understand people are protective of their particular church but the ugliness they show in defending it reminds me why I left in the first place. Had the 'Catholic' response been those of kindness and understanding, I might have thought things had changed in the years since I left. What in any of those responses would lead me to re-consider? The attempts at shaming remind me so much of what I experienced. I see no one asking OP what it would take for her to be comfortable with her DH's decision, how she could be re-assured by this fundamental change. No, I just see a lot of finger wagging, name calling and ugliness. Too much for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a game changer. My DH and I grew up Catholic. I no longer consider myself Catholic. My DH and went into the marriage with our eyes open. We talked extensively about it and it was a deliberate decision not to marry in the Catholic Church. If he decided to return to the Catholic Church, we'd have to do some seriously counseling. It's not 'church' I have an issue with, it's the Catholic Church. I'd need to undestand why he needed Catholicism and how both of our needs could be met.

I would not allow him to take our children. I understand other people are okay with it but I would never allow my kids to be in an environment where discrimination against women and girls is supported. The church allows the prohibition of altar girls and that alone would be enough for me. My DDs are just as worthy as my DSs.

Really, you're not up to speed on the church. Many, many parishes have female altar servers.

Also, perhaps they should start performing abortions as the mass halftime show.

I have no idea what this means.

[Anonymous]

Really, you're not up to speed on the church. Many, many parishes have female altar servers.

I'm sure many do. But do all of them allow female altar servers? What is the Church's position on those that do not allow them? Does it support the priest's decision to discriminate against girls?

I don't know how anyone can defend that kind of discrimination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eleven pages and I'm reminded my decision leave the Catholic Church was the right one. I understand people are protective of their particular church but the ugliness they show in defending it reminds me why I left in the first place. Had the 'Catholic' response been those of kindness and understanding, I might have thought things had changed in the years since I left. What in any of those responses would lead me to re-consider? The attempts at shaming remind me so much of what I experienced. I see no one asking OP what it would take for her to be comfortable with her DH's decision, how she could be re-assured by this fundamental change. No, I just see a lot of finger wagging, name calling and ugliness. Too much for me.

Oh yes, let's blame Catholicism for the responses on DCUM. Good thought.