SAHMs - what made you decide to SAH? Question from new SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Come on, most people have some sort of opinion about whether kids do better with a sah or working mom."

I don't. I think it depends on family dynamics, the kids' personalities, the desires of the parents, the overall financial situation, to name a few factors. Example: my mother was a SAHM from the time I was born until I was in grad school. Great for me and my siblings, bad for her personally and terrible for her marriage. Now that I'm the mom, I see that I would be prone to depression if I SAH like my mom was, so I try to figure out what I enjoyed about having a SAHM and give my kids some of those benefits. Also, even if my kids would do "better" with me as a SAHM, I would be worse off personally, so who could say if they would really be "better" overall?

Don't you think most people mature enough to procreate are able to have nuanced opinions on this topic?

Yes, I do. Hence the comment above.

[Anonymous]

"Don't you think most people mature enough to procreate are able to have nuanced opinions on this topic? "

Obviously, some teachers aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"It seems a lot of this is coming from bored SAHMs who need to justify their decisions? Why not just live your lives and be happy with your choices? "

I'm shocked to learn how many ignorant teachers there are.

How is a teacher ignorant if they happen to notice that their better performing students have sahms?

Ignorant that their anecdotal experience is just that. Ignorant that the majority of studies show that income and educational levels are more important than SAH vs WOTH.

Assuming that two families have similar income and educational levels. Does it really seem out there to suspect that the family that has a sahm -someone who has chosen to make her child's well-being her career, might have an edge in having a high achieving kid?

[Anonymous]

"How is a teacher ignorant if they happen to notice that their better performing students have sahms? "

Um, because their "observations" may not be correct, even for their own classroom and school. Maybe they have WAHMS or pt WOHMS who work at night and on the weekends.

Further, I thought by now even elementary school teachers would be aware of the body of research literature showing that maternal education level and HHI are much stronger predictors of school success than whether a parent woh or sah. Apparently not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"we can afford it"

How nice for you.

Yes it is.

[Anonymous]

10:51, yes, it's ridiculous. I don't need to be a helicopter mom to help my kids be high achievers. I do spend 3.5 hours with them each evening. I think that's plenty of time to help them achieve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:51, yes, it's ridiculous. I don't need to be a helicopter mom to help my kids be high achievers. I do spend 3.5 hours with them each evening. I think that's plenty of time to help them achieve.

Gee then why spend the 3.5 hours with them in the evening to help them achieve. After all, your income and educational level has already settled their fate. Obviously your contributions aren't going to provide any extra benefit.

[Anonymous]

Dear Lord!!!

The majority of the postings from the last two pages are from working moms. Don't you guys have, uh, I don't know, WORK to do this Monday morning?

Stop polluting a thread that wasn't even directed at you with your bitterness and get back to your awesome job that will have no effect on your children other than to make them the best kids ever.

[Anonymous]

"Assuming that two families have similar income and educational levels. Does it really seem out there to suspect that the family that has a sahm -someone who has chosen to make her child's well-being her career, might have an edge in having a high achieving kid? "

Oh.my.God. The.edge. Here.we.go.

[Anonymous]

"Does it really seem out there to suspect that the family that has a sahm -someone who has chosen to make her child's well-being her career"

You are entirely missing the point that she can afford to be a SAHM, some women can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Lord!!!

The majority of the postings from the last two pages are from working moms. Don't you guys have, uh, I don't know, WORK to do this Monday morning?

Stop polluting a thread that wasn't even directed at you with your bitterness and get back to your awesome job that will have no effect on your children other than to make them the best kids ever.

LOL -I was thinking the same thing.

Seriously, go back to work or get on threads for WOHMs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"It seems a lot of this is coming from bored SAHMs who need to justify their decisions? Why not just live your lives and be happy with your choices? "

I'm shocked to learn how many ignorant teachers there are.

How is a teacher ignorant if they happen to notice that their better performing students have sahms?

Ignorant that their anecdotal experience is just that. Ignorant that the majority of studies show that income and educational levels are more important than SAH vs WOTH.

Assuming that two families have similar income and educational levels. Does it really seem out there to suspect that the family that has a sahm -someone who has chosen to make her child's well-being her career, might have an edge in having a high achieving kid?

Sorry, but the studies don't bear this out. You might want to believe that, but SAHMs actually don't have much of an impact on children's well being. Income and educational attainment (especially of the mother) do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"It seems a lot of this is coming from bored SAHMs who need to justify their decisions? Why not just live your lives and be happy with your choices? "

I'm shocked to learn how many ignorant teachers there are.

How is a teacher ignorant if they happen to notice that their better performing students have sahms?

Ignorant that their anecdotal experience is just that. Ignorant that the majority of studies show that income and educational levels are more important than SAH vs WOTH.

Assuming that two families have similar income and educational levels. Does it really seem out there to suspect that the family that has a sahm -someone who has chosen to make her child's well-being her career, might have an edge in having a high achieving kid?

I think it's more complicated that. I don't believe my children would have an edge if I stayed home. Frankly, I'd be bummed I wasn't working and I think that would influence my parenting and my marriage. I am lucky - I found a career I enjoyed, and was able to take advantage of opportunities like education etc. to be able to pursue it. I have a supportive husband and other family and we have some flexibility that allows us some balance. Not to mention, although we would be okay if I didn't work, my income allows us to have more security, which shouldn't be discounted, and a much more robust colleg and retirement fund. So in every way, I feel like my kids benefit from me working. If you don't feel on a weekly basis you miss your job and you have other factors that make it more ideal for you to stay home, then I would imagine your kids are better off having a SAHM. But to reduce it to "WM or SAHM" is very limiting and for most families it is based on circumstances: how much you liked your job, how important it is for you to work, financial outlook, you and DH's commute and flexibility, your hours and DH's, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"It seems a lot of this is coming from bored SAHMs who need to justify their decisions? Why not just live your lives and be happy with your choices? "

I'm shocked to learn how many ignorant teachers there are.

How is a teacher ignorant if they happen to notice that their better performing students have sahms?

Ignorant that their anecdotal experience is just that. Ignorant that the majority of studies show that income and educational levels are more important than SAH vs WOTH.

Assuming that two families have similar income and educational levels. Does it really seem out there to suspect that the family that has a sahm -someone who has chosen to make her child's well-being her career, might have an edge in having a high achieving kid?

I think it's more complicated that. I don't believe my children would have an edge if I stayed home. Frankly, I'd be bummed I wasn't working and I think that would influence my parenting and my marriage. I am lucky - I found a career I enjoyed, and was able to take advantage of opportunities like education etc. to be able to pursue it. I have a supportive husband and other family and we have some flexibility that allows us some balance. Not to mention, although we would be okay if I didn't work, my income allows us to have more security, which shouldn't be discounted, and a much more robust colleg and retirement fund. So in every way, I feel like my kids benefit from me working. If you don't feel on a weekly basis you miss your job and you have other factors that make it more ideal for you to stay home, then I would imagine your kids are better off having a SAHM. But to reduce it to "WM or SAHM" is very limiting and for most families it is based on circumstances: how much you liked your job, how important it is for you to work, financial outlook, you and DH's commute and flexibility, your hours and DH's, etc.

You must not have very important work if you have time to type paragraphs on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

If you honestly think that your kids will not benefit from having you home, well then, there you go--if you have that little faith in yourself and your abilities, you are not the type of person who should stay home. So work and benefit your family that way.

But, don't disparage someone who honestly thinks that her staying home will benefit her kids. It's not about this or that study, it's about you personally and your abilities.