Mother's Day: Am I the a@@hole?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

I was a consultant. When you are a consultant, you dream of home. When you are home everyday surrounded by chaos, you dream of silence and a place you don’t have to clean.

At some point, though, no former consultant wants to go back to that *life.*. But one night? Sounds fine.

Maybe if you’re on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. But otherwise, this is some idea that gets parroted here but nobody actually does.

Huh? I've done it. My friends have done it. And we all travel for work as well. I got spa treatments, laid out by the pool (this was for my birthday, not Mother's Day), ordered room service, slept a ton, binge watched TV, read an entire book. It was delightful. Sure I can relax at home, but there's always something I should be doing (work, laundry, organizing something, etc.). When you're at a hotel you can't do any of these things so it provides an added layer of relaxation.

BTW, no one is staying at a Holiday Inn. I doubt you stayed at the Inn at Perry Cabin or the Salamander for your work trips.

Never has OP said "Good idea!" This isn't something most people want to do no matter how many times it gets repeated in here.

Who cares if OP thinks it's a good idea? The question was if anyone ever does this and the answer is yes. You don't have to do it or even to understand. Do you get that?

Not everyone has to agree with you either. I'd love to see how the kids react when mom says "I'd love nothing better on Mother's Day than to be away from all of you!"

That’s not the intention at all. She’s asking for an unstructured unplanned day with responsibilities handled by the other, incredibly capable grown-up in the house. A day of not having to drive anyone anywhere or make decisions. You would think this is not a large ask.

It also inexplicably means her husband can't see his mom.

The mom that is there for two days beforehand and they’re seeing the following weekend? That mom?

Yeah that mom. OP wants to do nothing, which everyone is fine with, she gets her way. But needing to control her husband's day too is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

I was a consultant. When you are a consultant, you dream of home. When you are home everyday surrounded by chaos, you dream of silence and a place you don’t have to clean.

At some point, though, no former consultant wants to go back to that *life.*. But one night? Sounds fine.

Maybe if you’re on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. But otherwise, this is some idea that gets parroted here but nobody actually does.

Huh? I've done it. My friends have done it. And we all travel for work as well. I got spa treatments, laid out by the pool (this was for my birthday, not Mother's Day), ordered room service, slept a ton, binge watched TV, read an entire book. It was delightful. Sure I can relax at home, but there's always something I should be doing (work, laundry, organizing something, etc.). When you're at a hotel you can't do any of these things so it provides an added layer of relaxation.

BTW, no one is staying at a Holiday Inn. I doubt you stayed at the Inn at Perry Cabin or the Salamander for your work trips.

Never has OP said "Good idea!" This isn't something most people want to do no matter how many times it gets repeated in here.

Who cares if OP thinks it's a good idea? The question was if anyone ever does this and the answer is yes. You don't have to do it or even to understand. Do you get that?

Not everyone has to agree with you either. I'd love to see how the kids react when mom says "I'd love nothing better on Mother's Day than to be away from all of you!"

That’s not the intention at all. She’s asking for an unstructured unplanned day with responsibilities handled by the other, incredibly capable grown-up in the house. A day of not having to drive anyone anywhere or make decisions. You would think this is not a large ask.

It also inexplicably means her husband can't see his mom.

The mom that is there for two days beforehand and they’re seeing the following weekend? That mom?

Yeah that mom. OP wants to do nothing, which everyone is fine with, she gets her way. But needing to control her husband's day too is weird.

This seems like a very extreme interpretation. & not very close to reality.

[Anonymous]

You seem like a drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

I was a consultant. When you are a consultant, you dream of home. When you are home everyday surrounded by chaos, you dream of silence and a place you don’t have to clean.

At some point, though, no former consultant wants to go back to that *life.*. But one night? Sounds fine.

Maybe if you’re on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. But otherwise, this is some idea that gets parroted here but nobody actually does.

Huh? I've done it. My friends have done it. And we all travel for work as well. I got spa treatments, laid out by the pool (this was for my birthday, not Mother's Day), ordered room service, slept a ton, binge watched TV, read an entire book. It was delightful. Sure I can relax at home, but there's always something I should be doing (work, laundry, organizing something, etc.). When you're at a hotel you can't do any of these things so it provides an added layer of relaxation.

BTW, no one is staying at a Holiday Inn. I doubt you stayed at the Inn at Perry Cabin or the Salamander for your work trips.

Never has OP said "Good idea!" This isn't something most people want to do no matter how many times it gets repeated in here.

Who cares if OP thinks it's a good idea? The question was if anyone ever does this and the answer is yes. You don't have to do it or even to understand. Do you get that?

Not everyone has to agree with you either. I'd love to see how the kids react when mom says "I'd love nothing better on Mother's Day than to be away from all of you!"

That’s not the intention at all. She’s asking for an unstructured unplanned day with responsibilities handled by the other, incredibly capable grown-up in the house. A day of not having to drive anyone anywhere or make decisions. You would think this is not a large ask.

It also inexplicably means her husband can't see his mom.

The mom that is there for two days beforehand and they’re seeing the following weekend? That mom?

Yeah that mom. OP wants to do nothing, which everyone is fine with, she gets her way. But needing to control her husband's day too is weird.

This seems like a very extreme interpretation. & not very close to reality.

More than a few people came to the same conclusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

I was a consultant. When you are a consultant, you dream of home. When you are home everyday surrounded by chaos, you dream of silence and a place you don’t have to clean.

At some point, though, no former consultant wants to go back to that *life.*. But one night? Sounds fine.

Maybe if you’re on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. But otherwise, this is some idea that gets parroted here but nobody actually does.

Huh? I've done it. My friends have done it. And we all travel for work as well. I got spa treatments, laid out by the pool (this was for my birthday, not Mother's Day), ordered room service, slept a ton, binge watched TV, read an entire book. It was delightful. Sure I can relax at home, but there's always something I should be doing (work, laundry, organizing something, etc.). When you're at a hotel you can't do any of these things so it provides an added layer of relaxation.

BTW, no one is staying at a Holiday Inn. I doubt you stayed at the Inn at Perry Cabin or the Salamander for your work trips.

Never has OP said "Good idea!" This isn't something most people want to do no matter how many times it gets repeated in here.

Who cares if OP thinks it's a good idea? The question was if anyone ever does this and the answer is yes. You don't have to do it or even to understand. Do you get that?

Not everyone has to agree with you either. I'd love to see how the kids react when mom says "I'd love nothing better on Mother's Day than to be away from all of you!"

That’s not the intention at all. She’s asking for an unstructured unplanned day with responsibilities handled by the other, incredibly capable grown-up in the house. A day of not having to drive anyone anywhere or make decisions. You would think this is not a large ask.

It also inexplicably means her husband can't see his mom.

The mom that is there for two days beforehand and they’re seeing the following weekend? That mom?

Yeah that mom. OP wants to do nothing, which everyone is fine with, she gets her way. But needing to control her husband's day too is weird.

+1

[Anonymous]

I would frame it to your husband more directly, that what you want is specifically a day where your family is all together and there are no plans, and you are not responsible for everyone's experiences and happiness for the day (let your husband handle meal planning, for ex.) That's what it sounds like to me, and that sounds like a lovely day! I totally get why having this one day without plans, guests etc. sounds special. Then when his mom is there on Fri-Sat, make a big deal of it being Mother's Day Eve on Saturday night and take her out to dinner and have your kids give her presents and cards and flowers, and make it really special. Then send her home after dinner and you get to celebrate Mother's Day the way you want it. I do think you're overreacting a bit though, to say you're livid about your DH wanting his mom there for Mother's Day. Be a little gracious and allow that he might want to celebrate her for Mother's Day too... just do it the night before!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH keeps asking what I want to do for mother's day, and I've told him - nothing. A day with no plans. The kids actually have no sports and we have nothing on our calendar, which is so rare. I want to do nothing. Maybe go for a walk or binge-watch something. That is it. He seemed put out that we had "nothing" on our calendar, like somehow I am letting him down.

Meanwhile, his mother is coming to visit on Friday-Saturday. She's very nice. It's no problem. She lives an hour away, so she will stay over Friday and come to some of our kids' games on Saturday, followed by an early dinner. Then, I presumed, she would go home.

Now my husband is put out that she isn't going to stay over Saturday as well, because it would be "easier" for her to stay over Saturday into Sunday as well. I am livid. He asked me what I wanted. I told him - NOTHING. No guests, no plans, no nothing. He told me he can't understand why having his mother there is any sort of extra imposition and I could "just do what I wanted" anyway...Which is not how it works with a MIL as a houseguest even if she is nice.

We're also seeing her the very next weekend for a graduation party.

My mom is deceased.

Am I a horrible person for wanting one day without plans? I feel like he asked what I wanted, I expressed it clearly, and he somehow undermined or disregarded it. I am mad.

It’s his mother, should he tell her to leave on Mother’s Day because you want to be alone? Come on. If you want the day to yourself why don’t you just leave. Everyone is blowing Mother’s Day out of proportion. It’s not a day when you should be treated like a goddess. You still need to show up for your family and do what you always do. That’s why you have this day of acknowledgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

I was a consultant. When you are a consultant, you dream of home. When you are home everyday surrounded by chaos, you dream of silence and a place you don’t have to clean.

At some point, though, no former consultant wants to go back to that *life.*. But one night? Sounds fine.

Maybe if you’re on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. But otherwise, this is some idea that gets parroted here but nobody actually does.

Huh? I've done it. My friends have done it. And we all travel for work as well. I got spa treatments, laid out by the pool (this was for my birthday, not Mother's Day), ordered room service, slept a ton, binge watched TV, read an entire book. It was delightful. Sure I can relax at home, but there's always something I should be doing (work, laundry, organizing something, etc.). When you're at a hotel you can't do any of these things so it provides an added layer of relaxation.

BTW, no one is staying at a Holiday Inn. I doubt you stayed at the Inn at Perry Cabin or the Salamander for your work trips.

Never has OP said "Good idea!" This isn't something most people want to do no matter how many times it gets repeated in here.

Who cares if OP thinks it's a good idea? The question was if anyone ever does this and the answer is yes. You don't have to do it or even to understand. Do you get that?

Not everyone has to agree with you either. I'd love to see how the kids react when mom says "I'd love nothing better on Mother's Day than to be away from all of you!"

I figure you're a single man living in his mother's basement but (1) I never said anyone has to agree with me - OP's opinion is what matters because this is her post - so stop throwing out red herrings and (2) OP said she wanted to do nothing, not that she didn't want to see her children. Just shut up, honestly, you're adding nothing to the conversation and you're just being annoying.

[Anonymous]

OP, yes you are the a@@hole. You aren't your husband's mom, so he doesn't owe you anything on Mother's Day. But he does owe his mom something for that day. He has every right to spend Sunday with his mom on Mother's Day. That's what Mother's Day is really for. Let's not mix up Mother's Day with Wife's Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, yes you are the a@@hole. You aren't your husband's mom, so he doesn't owe you anything on Mother's Day. But he does owe his mom something for that day. He has every right to spend Sunday with his mom on Mother's Day. That's what Mother's Day is really for. Let's not mix up Mother's Day with Wife's Day.

Hey bright spot, he asked her what she wanted.

Shrew elsewhere

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, yes you are the a@@hole. You aren't your husband's mom, so he doesn't owe you anything on Mother's Day. But he does owe his mom something for that day. He has every right to spend Sunday with his mom on Mother's Day. That's what Mother's Day is really for. Let's not mix up Mother's Day with Wife's Day.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH keeps asking what I want to do for mother's day, and I've told him - nothing. A day with no plans. The kids actually have no sports and we have nothing on our calendar, which is so rare. I want to do nothing. Maybe go for a walk or binge-watch something. That is it. He seemed put out that we had "nothing" on our calendar, like somehow I am letting him down.

Meanwhile, his mother is coming to visit on Friday-Saturday. She's very nice. It's no problem. She lives an hour away, so she will stay over Friday and come to some of our kids' games on Saturday, followed by an early dinner. Then, I presumed, she would go home.

Now my husband is put out that she isn't going to stay over Saturday as well, because it would be "easier" for her to stay over Saturday into Sunday as well. I am livid. He asked me what I wanted. I told him - NOTHING. No guests, no plans, no nothing. He told me he can't understand why having his mother there is any sort of extra imposition and I could "just do what I wanted" anyway...Which is not how it works with a MIL as a houseguest even if she is nice.

We're also seeing her the very next weekend for a graduation party.

My mom is deceased.

Am I a horrible person for wanting one day without plans? I feel like he asked what I wanted, I expressed it clearly, and he somehow undermined or disregarded it. I am mad.

It’s his mother, should he tell her to leave on Mother’s Day because you want to be alone? Come on. If you want the day to yourself why don’t you just leave. Everyone is blowing Mother’s Day out of proportion. It’s not a day when you should be treated like a goddess. You still need to show up for your family and do what you always do. That’s why you have this day of acknowledgment.

Except that is exactly the day you should be treated like a goddess, if any.

[Anonymous]

Op it’s a MOTHER’S DAY NOT A WIFE’S DAY.
Your husband has a mother to Celebrate your kids could do something to celebrate for you you are their mother but, NOT your husband. Your husband has to celebrate HIS MOTHER. No the mother of his children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH keeps asking what I want to do for mother's day, and I've told him - nothing. A day with no plans. The kids actually have no sports and we have nothing on our calendar, which is so rare. I want to do nothing. Maybe go for a walk or binge-watch something. That is it. He seemed put out that we had "nothing" on our calendar, like somehow I am letting him down.

Meanwhile, his mother is coming to visit on Friday-Saturday. She's very nice. It's no problem. She lives an hour away, so she will stay over Friday and come to some of our kids' games on Saturday, followed by an early dinner. Then, I presumed, she would go home.

Now my husband is put out that she isn't going to stay over Saturday as well, because it would be "easier" for her to stay over Saturday into Sunday as well. I am livid. He asked me what I wanted. I told him - NOTHING. No guests, no plans, no nothing. He told me he can't understand why having his mother there is any sort of extra imposition and I could "just do what I wanted" anyway...Which is not how it works with a MIL as a houseguest even if she is nice.

We're also seeing her the very next weekend for a graduation party.

My mom is deceased.

Am I a horrible person for wanting one day without plans? I feel like he asked what I wanted, I expressed it clearly, and he somehow undermined or disregarded it. I am mad.

It’s his mother, should he tell her to leave on Mother’s Day because you want to be alone? Come on. If you want the day to yourself why don’t you just leave. Everyone is blowing Mother’s Day out of proportion. It’s not a day when you should be treated like a goddess. You still need to show up for your family and do what you always do. That’s why you have this day of acknowledgment.

Except that is exactly the day you should be treated like a goddess, if any.

Okay, by her children, and the DH have his own mom.

[Anonymous]

I’m glad my DH isn’t as dumb as OP’s.