How to forgive spouse for initiating a gray divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't get mad, get everything- Ivanka Trump

And she ended up dead (killed??) the day before she was to be deposed and buried in an untended plot on a golf course…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and your soon to be exdh? Is there enough money for retirement? Reasons for the gray divorce?
The answers to these questions has implications for whether forgiveness is possible.

53, 3 kids 18,20,22
Financial issues and not enough for retirement but not dire.
He wants more passion and feels we have grown apart.

Yeah, “passion”. If he isn’t already cheating he has prospects lined up.

HAHAHAHA. How many prospects does a pathetic mid-50s guy have?

Lots of them, I fit your description and life has been great since separation. Bonus was discovering I didn’t need cialis like I did when I was married !

Guess what. If you stay with the same partner long enough you will. It is human biology.

But pretend you are some victorious stud if that image makes you feel better.

Others have more lofty personal ambitions.

Not a stud, this isn’t about conquest. This is about a man leading an examined life, realizing where his limitations are, conveying them to his partners and living purely for the pursuit of joy. I did the hard years now I’m gonna do the fun ones.
I have a good relationship with my children, their mother and I have treated each other fairly and respectfully, I harbor no ill will and have happily stepped in a number of times as she’s needed me.
I may very well die alone, but I will not die hungry for life.

Okay grasshopper.

My point to you is that the first things sex therapists in training learn is that having a new partner (ie, novelty) often cures sexual dysfunction.

It is not some sign of progress on your part or failure on the part of your ex.

Of course it isn’t a sign of progress, it’s merely showing headspace and frame, I’m happy, I am extremely attracted and there is no baggage or even a whiff of resentment in my relationships. This is how I plan to continue on until I can no longer, like I said I may very well die alone but that’s the trade-off.

I may change my mind someday and I may get my heart smashed, but I’m not going to live in neutral, wondering when I’ll need to defend against the next resentment that is finally voiced 20 years after the fact.

My words will be picked apart endlessly but all I’m saying is that OP’s husband wasn’t happy, I’m sure he tried lots of things to get the marriage back on track but she may not have seen the urgency. Men tend to work on things quietly without stating how important they are, OP either missed or didn’t care about the signals and this is the result.

I mean no disrespect to her or her husband but this probably could’ve been prevented. Hopefully this is just the spark that reunited them with a greater level of mutual curiosity but maybe it won’t.

Only a man would write this drivel. The husband was biding his time till the last kid was launched to open his own parachute.

If he is anything like me he was waiting for the last kid to leave the nest, but had been unhappy for decades. I still have a couple of years to go before my gray divorce is filed. My wife was a SAHM for most of our marriage and a good mom, but as spouses we had a difficult road. She felt unfulfilled and lonely in perimenopause and her behaviors during that time created the kind of issues that require building a new relationship.

She is aware of my plans and was given the opportunity to do the work necessary to regain my respect and trust, but she has not done the work to become a person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted my kids to have memories of me and stability at home, so I sacrificed my happiness to give them what I think they deserve.

I have not cheated and have no plans to establish a soft landing, but I am really looking forward to being alone for a while to rebuild myself and my relationship with god. Not sure I will ever love another woman, but I have had enough outside interest that I believe my loneliest times will be during my marriage. Marrying her was the worst decision of my life thus far, but being there for my children feels like the best decision I could have made.

Gray divorce isn’t about living without responsibilities for me, it is about reclaiming my self respect and exploring life with renewed passion, peace and purpose. Unfortunately, she destroyed all 4 of those, so I don’t believe her presence would have a positive impact on the process.

Sorry missed the part where you gave actual examples of what or how you “gave the kids what they needed.”

Caught the part where you admitted your SAHM was a great mom and housekeeper.

Also caught the part where you disclose that you stayed for ego and image purposes, so your kids “had memories of you and a stable home” (with SAHM).

Also caught the part where you blamed your wife for being lonely and unfulfilled, crying out for help, and later bit passing your tests for that behavior.


I sincerely hope she has a good individual trauma therapist.

[Anonymous]

Feel like vomiting after reading how psychologically nasty that guy is to his former loved one, who holds down the entire family mostly single-handedly.

Hope it’s a troll post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, marriage is like nuclear launch — two people need to turn the keys. If he’s not happy, you’ll never be happy. And why spend your waning decades like that? You are avoiding years of taking care of an aging grouchy man — once thy hit 70, men start to decline fast and the woman almost always is the main caretaker and the target for their irritation at their own decline. You get a free pass from this! You can start looking at fun over 55 communities that will help you build new female friends.
So many cranky older couples that just carp at each other and make their adult children miserable. Don’t be that!

I totally agree with this. My dad declined first at 60, and at 70, he's just a grouchy old man who can barely walk up stairs. All the difficult parts of his personality are magnified by age. He would've done my mom a huge favor to get a divorce in his 50s, especially since he's super controlling with money. She could've had full access to half their assets, and she would've been free of caretaking obligations, which are just starting to come her way. I guess I'm glad he didn't leave back then, because he's still my mom's burden and not mine. I do really appreciate that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, marriage is like nuclear launch — two people need to turn the keys. If he’s not happy, you’ll never be happy. And why spend your waning decades like that? You are avoiding years of taking care of an aging grouchy man — once thy hit 70, men start to decline fast and the woman almost always is the main caretaker and the target for their irritation at their own decline. You get a free pass from this! You can start looking at fun over 55 communities that will help you build new female friends.
So many cranky older couples that just carp at each other and make their adult children miserable. Don’t be that!

Amen! He can now become Tiffany-the 27 year old-yoga instructor’s problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't get mad, get everything- Ivanka Trump

And she ended up dead (killed??) the day before she was to be deposed and buried in an untended plot on a golf course…

And there was never even an investigation. They just ruled her falling down her stairs the day before her deposition an accident - no questions asked. Were there not security cameras?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, marriage is like nuclear launch — two people need to turn the keys. If he’s not happy, you’ll never be happy. And why spend your waning decades like that? You are avoiding years of taking care of an aging grouchy man — once thy hit 70, men start to decline fast and the woman almost always is the main caretaker and the target for their irritation at their own decline. You get a free pass from this! You can start looking at fun over 55 communities that will help you build new female friends.
So many cranky older couples that just carp at each other and make their adult children miserable. Don’t be that!

Amen! He can now become Tiffany-the 27 year old-yoga instructor’s problem.

Tiffany's out as soon as she realizes he needs a caretaker. Then he's the state's problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and your soon to be exdh? Is there enough money for retirement? Reasons for the gray divorce?
The answers to these questions has implications for whether forgiveness is possible.

53, 3 kids 18,20,22
Financial issues and not enough for retirement but not dire.
He wants more passion and feels we have grown apart.

Yeah, “passion”. If he isn’t already cheating he has prospects lined up.

HAHAHAHA. How many prospects does a pathetic mid-50s guy have?

Lots of them, I fit your description and life has been great since separation. Bonus was discovering I didn’t need cialis like I did when I was married !

Guess what. If you stay with the same partner long enough you will. It is human biology.

But pretend you are some victorious stud if that image makes you feel better.

Others have more lofty personal ambitions.

Not a stud, this isn’t about conquest. This is about a man leading an examined life, realizing where his limitations are, conveying them to his partners and living purely for the pursuit of joy. I did the hard years now I’m gonna do the fun ones.
I have a good relationship with my children, their mother and I have treated each other fairly and respectfully, I harbor no ill will and have happily stepped in a number of times as she’s needed me.
I may very well die alone, but I will not die hungry for life.

Okay grasshopper.

My point to you is that the first things sex therapists in training learn is that having a new partner (ie, novelty) often cures sexual dysfunction.

It is not some sign of progress on your part or failure on the part of your ex.

Of course it isn’t a sign of progress, it’s merely showing headspace and frame, I’m happy, I am extremely attracted and there is no baggage or even a whiff of resentment in my relationships. This is how I plan to continue on until I can no longer, like I said I may very well die alone but that’s the trade-off.

I may change my mind someday and I may get my heart smashed, but I’m not going to live in neutral, wondering when I’ll need to defend against the next resentment that is finally voiced 20 years after the fact.

My words will be picked apart endlessly but all I’m saying is that OP’s husband wasn’t happy, I’m sure he tried lots of things to get the marriage back on track but she may not have seen the urgency. Men tend to work on things quietly without stating how important they are, OP either missed or didn’t care about the signals and this is the result.

I mean no disrespect to her or her husband but this probably could’ve been prevented. Hopefully this is just the spark that reunited them with a greater level of mutual curiosity but maybe it won’t.

Only a man would write this drivel. The husband was biding his time till the last kid was launched to open his own parachute.

If he is anything like me he was waiting for the last kid to leave the nest, but had been unhappy for decades. I still have a couple of years to go before my gray divorce is filed. My wife was a SAHM for most of our marriage and a good mom, but as spouses we had a difficult road. She felt unfulfilled and lonely in perimenopause and her behaviors during that time created the kind of issues that require building a new relationship.

She is aware of my plans and was given the opportunity to do the work necessary to regain my respect and trust, but she has not done the work to become a person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted my kids to have memories of me and stability at home, so I sacrificed my happiness to give them what I think they deserve.

I have not cheated and have no plans to establish a soft landing, but I am really looking forward to being alone for a while to rebuild myself and my relationship with god. Not sure I will ever love another woman, but I have had enough outside interest that I believe my loneliest times will be during my marriage. Marrying her was the worst decision of my life thus far, but being there for my children feels like the best decision I could have made.

Gray divorce isn’t about living without responsibilities for me, it is about reclaiming my self respect and exploring life with renewed passion, peace and purpose. Unfortunately, she destroyed all 4 of those, so I don’t believe her presence would have a positive impact on the process.

Sorry missed the part where you gave actual examples of what or how you “gave the kids what they needed.”

Caught the part where you admitted your SAHM was a great mom and housekeeper.

Also caught the part where you disclose that you stayed for ego and image purposes, so your kids “had memories of you and a stable home” (with SAHM).

Also caught the part where you blamed your wife for being lonely and unfulfilled, crying out for help, and later bit passing your tests for that behavior.


I sincerely hope she has a good individual trauma therapist.

You are right, I deserve less than what I got for all my faults and failures. She was totally justified in her actions and I should be grateful for any table scraps that a woman would throw down to me from her highest of horses. Thank you for putting me back in my place, may my servitude satisfy my disregarded needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and your soon to be exdh? Is there enough money for retirement? Reasons for the gray divorce?
The answers to these questions has implications for whether forgiveness is possible.

53, 3 kids 18,20,22
Financial issues and not enough for retirement but not dire.
He wants more passion and feels we have grown apart.

Yeah, “passion”. If he isn’t already cheating he has prospects lined up.

HAHAHAHA. How many prospects does a pathetic mid-50s guy have?

Lots of them, I fit your description and life has been great since separation. Bonus was discovering I didn’t need cialis like I did when I was married !

Guess what. If you stay with the same partner long enough you will. It is human biology.

But pretend you are some victorious stud if that image makes you feel better.

Others have more lofty personal ambitions.

Not a stud, this isn’t about conquest. This is about a man leading an examined life, realizing where his limitations are, conveying them to his partners and living purely for the pursuit of joy. I did the hard years now I’m gonna do the fun ones.
I have a good relationship with my children, their mother and I have treated each other fairly and respectfully, I harbor no ill will and have happily stepped in a number of times as she’s needed me.
I may very well die alone, but I will not die hungry for life.

Okay grasshopper.

My point to you is that the first things sex therapists in training learn is that having a new partner (ie, novelty) often cures sexual dysfunction.

It is not some sign of progress on your part or failure on the part of your ex.

Of course it isn’t a sign of progress, it’s merely showing headspace and frame, I’m happy, I am extremely attracted and there is no baggage or even a whiff of resentment in my relationships. This is how I plan to continue on until I can no longer, like I said I may very well die alone but that’s the trade-off.

I may change my mind someday and I may get my heart smashed, but I’m not going to live in neutral, wondering when I’ll need to defend against the next resentment that is finally voiced 20 years after the fact.

My words will be picked apart endlessly but all I’m saying is that OP’s husband wasn’t happy, I’m sure he tried lots of things to get the marriage back on track but she may not have seen the urgency. Men tend to work on things quietly without stating how important they are, OP either missed or didn’t care about the signals and this is the result.

I mean no disrespect to her or her husband but this probably could’ve been prevented. Hopefully this is just the spark that reunited them with a greater level of mutual curiosity but maybe it won’t.

Only a man would write this drivel. The husband was biding his time till the last kid was launched to open his own parachute.

If he is anything like me he was waiting for the last kid to leave the nest, but had been unhappy for decades. I still have a couple of years to go before my gray divorce is filed. My wife was a SAHM for most of our marriage and a good mom, but as spouses we had a difficult road. She felt unfulfilled and lonely in perimenopause and her behaviors during that time created the kind of issues that require building a new relationship.

She is aware of my plans and was given the opportunity to do the work necessary to regain my respect and trust, but she has not done the work to become a person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted my kids to have memories of me and stability at home, so I sacrificed my happiness to give them what I think they deserve.

I have not cheated and have no plans to establish a soft landing, but I am really looking forward to being alone for a while to rebuild myself and my relationship with god. Not sure I will ever love another woman, but I have had enough outside interest that I believe my loneliest times will be during my marriage. Marrying her was the worst decision of my life thus far, but being there for my children feels like the best decision I could have made.

Gray divorce isn’t about living without responsibilities for me, it is about reclaiming my self respect and exploring life with renewed passion, peace and purpose. Unfortunately, she destroyed all 4 of those, so I don’t believe her presence would have a positive impact on the process.

PP, this sounds miserable.Just divorce already!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and your soon to be exdh? Is there enough money for retirement? Reasons for the gray divorce?
The answers to these questions has implications for whether forgiveness is possible.

53, 3 kids 18,20,22
Financial issues and not enough for retirement but not dire.
He wants more passion and feels we have grown apart.

Yeah, “passion”. If he isn’t already cheating he has prospects lined up.

HAHAHAHA. How many prospects does a pathetic mid-50s guy have?

Lots of them, I fit your description and life has been great since separation. Bonus was discovering I didn’t need cialis like I did when I was married !

Guess what. If you stay with the same partner long enough you will. It is human biology.

But pretend you are some victorious stud if that image makes you feel better.

Others have more lofty personal ambitions.

Not a stud, this isn’t about conquest. This is about a man leading an examined life, realizing where his limitations are, conveying them to his partners and living purely for the pursuit of joy. I did the hard years now I’m gonna do the fun ones.
I have a good relationship with my children, their mother and I have treated each other fairly and respectfully, I harbor no ill will and have happily stepped in a number of times as she’s needed me.
I may very well die alone, but I will not die hungry for life.

Okay grasshopper.

My point to you is that the first things sex therapists in training learn is that having a new partner (ie, novelty) often cures sexual dysfunction.

It is not some sign of progress on your part or failure on the part of your ex.

Of course it isn’t a sign of progress, it’s merely showing headspace and frame, I’m happy, I am extremely attracted and there is no baggage or even a whiff of resentment in my relationships. This is how I plan to continue on until I can no longer, like I said I may very well die alone but that’s the trade-off.

I may change my mind someday and I may get my heart smashed, but I’m not going to live in neutral, wondering when I’ll need to defend against the next resentment that is finally voiced 20 years after the fact.

My words will be picked apart endlessly but all I’m saying is that OP’s husband wasn’t happy, I’m sure he tried lots of things to get the marriage back on track but she may not have seen the urgency. Men tend to work on things quietly without stating how important they are, OP either missed or didn’t care about the signals and this is the result.

I mean no disrespect to her or her husband but this probably could’ve been prevented. Hopefully this is just the spark that reunited them with a greater level of mutual curiosity but maybe it won’t.

Only a man would write this drivel. The husband was biding his time till the last kid was launched to open his own parachute.

If he is anything like me he was waiting for the last kid to leave the nest, but had been unhappy for decades. I still have a couple of years to go before my gray divorce is filed. My wife was a SAHM for most of our marriage and a good mom, but as spouses we had a difficult road. She felt unfulfilled and lonely in perimenopause and her behaviors during that time created the kind of issues that require building a new relationship.

She is aware of my plans and was given the opportunity to do the work necessary to regain my respect and trust, but she has not done the work to become a person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted my kids to have memories of me and stability at home, so I sacrificed my happiness to give them what I think they deserve.

I have not cheated and have no plans to establish a soft landing, but I am really looking forward to being alone for a while to rebuild myself and my relationship with god. Not sure I will ever love another woman, but I have had enough outside interest that I believe my loneliest times will be during my marriage. Marrying her was the worst decision of my life thus far, but being there for my children feels like the best decision I could have made.

Gray divorce isn’t about living without responsibilities for me, it is about reclaiming my self respect and exploring life with renewed passion, peace and purpose. Unfortunately, she destroyed all 4 of those, so I don’t believe her presence would have a positive impact on the process.

Sorry missed the part where you gave actual examples of what or how you “gave the kids what they needed.”

Caught the part where you admitted your SAHM was a great mom and housekeeper.

Also caught the part where you disclose that you stayed for ego and image purposes, so your kids “had memories of you and a stable home” (with SAHM).

Also caught the part where you blamed your wife for being lonely and unfulfilled, crying out for help, and later bit passing your tests for that behavior.


I sincerely hope she has a good individual trauma therapist.

My ego and image were sacrificed when I chose to stay, but she did cry out for help to many men at the gym and bars, but not to me unfortunately. I loved her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and your soon to be exdh? Is there enough money for retirement? Reasons for the gray divorce?
The answers to these questions has implications for whether forgiveness is possible.

53, 3 kids 18,20,22
Financial issues and not enough for retirement but not dire.
He wants more passion and feels we have grown apart.

Yeah, “passion”. If he isn’t already cheating he has prospects lined up.

HAHAHAHA. How many prospects does a pathetic mid-50s guy have?

Lots of them, I fit your description and life has been great since separation. Bonus was discovering I didn’t need cialis like I did when I was married !

Guess what. If you stay with the same partner long enough you will. It is human biology.

But pretend you are some victorious stud if that image makes you feel better.

Others have more lofty personal ambitions.

Not a stud, this isn’t about conquest. This is about a man leading an examined life, realizing where his limitations are, conveying them to his partners and living purely for the pursuit of joy. I did the hard years now I’m gonna do the fun ones.
I have a good relationship with my children, their mother and I have treated each other fairly and respectfully, I harbor no ill will and have happily stepped in a number of times as she’s needed me.
I may very well die alone, but I will not die hungry for life.

Okay grasshopper.

My point to you is that the first things sex therapists in training learn is that having a new partner (ie, novelty) often cures sexual dysfunction.

It is not some sign of progress on your part or failure on the part of your ex.

Of course it isn’t a sign of progress, it’s merely showing headspace and frame, I’m happy, I am extremely attracted and there is no baggage or even a whiff of resentment in my relationships. This is how I plan to continue on until I can no longer, like I said I may very well die alone but that’s the trade-off.

I may change my mind someday and I may get my heart smashed, but I’m not going to live in neutral, wondering when I’ll need to defend against the next resentment that is finally voiced 20 years after the fact.

My words will be picked apart endlessly but all I’m saying is that OP’s husband wasn’t happy, I’m sure he tried lots of things to get the marriage back on track but she may not have seen the urgency. Men tend to work on things quietly without stating how important they are, OP either missed or didn’t care about the signals and this is the result.

I mean no disrespect to her or her husband but this probably could’ve been prevented. Hopefully this is just the spark that reunited them with a greater level of mutual curiosity but maybe it won’t.

Only a man would write this drivel. The husband was biding his time till the last kid was launched to open his own parachute.

If he is anything like me he was waiting for the last kid to leave the nest, but had been unhappy for decades. I still have a couple of years to go before my gray divorce is filed. My wife was a SAHM for most of our marriage and a good mom, but as spouses we had a difficult road. She felt unfulfilled and lonely in perimenopause and her behaviors during that time created the kind of issues that require building a new relationship.

She is aware of my plans and was given the opportunity to do the work necessary to regain my respect and trust, but she has not done the work to become a person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted my kids to have memories of me and stability at home, so I sacrificed my happiness to give them what I think they deserve.

I have not cheated and have no plans to establish a soft landing, but I am really looking forward to being alone for a while to rebuild myself and my relationship with god. Not sure I will ever love another woman, but I have had enough outside interest that I believe my loneliest times will be during my marriage. Marrying her was the worst decision of my life thus far, but being there for my children feels like the best decision I could have made.

Gray divorce isn’t about living without responsibilities for me, it is about reclaiming my self respect and exploring life with renewed passion, peace and purpose. Unfortunately, she destroyed all 4 of those, so I don’t believe her presence would have a positive impact on the process.

I wonder what her side of this touching tale might sound like.

It was different back then vs today. It’s really a sad story for everyone involved. She was depressed and unfulfilled, but didn’t want to admit it to me. I was to blame for her emotional state and since men’s desire for her gave her a momentary dopamine hit. She feels different today, but I have never healed because she would rather forget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I will not die hungry for life.

A pp wrote this.
PP, what is being married stopping you from?

What adventures are you -not- able to do?

I really don't understand. Go be whatever you want to be. Go be whatever self you want to be. No one is stopping you. You think you'd be more interesting without her? Go ahead ... go be more interesting. The only detail, ok, may be the act of sex. But you/and others would claim that's not solely it. That it's just so much bigger than that.

So true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, marriage is like nuclear launch — two people need to turn the keys. If he’s not happy, you’ll never be happy. And why spend your waning decades like that? You are avoiding years of taking care of an aging grouchy man — once thy hit 70, men start to decline fast and the woman almost always is the main caretaker and the target for their irritation at their own decline. You get a free pass from this! You can start looking at fun over 55 communities that will help you build new female friends.
So many cranky older couples that just carp at each other and make their adult children miserable. Don’t be that!

I totally agree with this. My dad declined first at 60, and at 70, he's just a grouchy old man who can barely walk up stairs. All the difficult parts of his personality are magnified by age. He would've done my mom a huge favor to get a divorce in his 50s, especially since he's super controlling with money. She could've had full access to half their assets, and she would've been free of caretaking obligations, which are just starting to come her way. I guess I'm glad he didn't leave back then, because he's still my mom's burden and not mine. I do really appreciate that.

$10 to Tuesday she still stays to protect you and your siblings from him and his demands.

Ask her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and your soon to be exdh? Is there enough money for retirement? Reasons for the gray divorce?
The answers to these questions has implications for whether forgiveness is possible.

53, 3 kids 18,20,22
Financial issues and not enough for retirement but not dire.
He wants more passion and feels we have grown apart.

Yeah, “passion”. If he isn’t already cheating he has prospects lined up.

HAHAHAHA. How many prospects does a pathetic mid-50s guy have?

Lots of them, I fit your description and life has been great since separation. Bonus was discovering I didn’t need cialis like I did when I was married !

Guess what. If you stay with the same partner long enough you will. It is human biology.

But pretend you are some victorious stud if that image makes you feel better.

Others have more lofty personal ambitions.

Not a stud, this isn’t about conquest. This is about a man leading an examined life, realizing where his limitations are, conveying them to his partners and living purely for the pursuit of joy. I did the hard years now I’m gonna do the fun ones.
I have a good relationship with my children, their mother and I have treated each other fairly and respectfully, I harbor no ill will and have happily stepped in a number of times as she’s needed me.
I may very well die alone, but I will not die hungry for life.

Okay grasshopper.

My point to you is that the first things sex therapists in training learn is that having a new partner (ie, novelty) often cures sexual dysfunction.

It is not some sign of progress on your part or failure on the part of your ex.

Of course it isn’t a sign of progress, it’s merely showing headspace and frame, I’m happy, I am extremely attracted and there is no baggage or even a whiff of resentment in my relationships. This is how I plan to continue on until I can no longer, like I said I may very well die alone but that’s the trade-off.

I may change my mind someday and I may get my heart smashed, but I’m not going to live in neutral, wondering when I’ll need to defend against the next resentment that is finally voiced 20 years after the fact.

My words will be picked apart endlessly but all I’m saying is that OP’s husband wasn’t happy, I’m sure he tried lots of things to get the marriage back on track but she may not have seen the urgency. Men tend to work on things quietly without stating how important they are, OP either missed or didn’t care about the signals and this is the result.

I mean no disrespect to her or her husband but this probably could’ve been prevented. Hopefully this is just the spark that reunited them with a greater level of mutual curiosity but maybe it won’t.

Only a man would write this drivel. The husband was biding his time till the last kid was launched to open his own parachute.

If he is anything like me he was waiting for the last kid to leave the nest, but had been unhappy for decades. I still have a couple of years to go before my gray divorce is filed. My wife was a SAHM for most of our marriage and a good mom, but as spouses we had a difficult road. She felt unfulfilled and lonely in perimenopause and her behaviors during that time created the kind of issues that require building a new relationship.

She is aware of my plans and was given the opportunity to do the work necessary to regain my respect and trust, but she has not done the work to become a person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted my kids to have memories of me and stability at home, so I sacrificed my happiness to give them what I think they deserve.

I have not cheated and have no plans to establish a soft landing, but I am really looking forward to being alone for a while to rebuild myself and my relationship with god. Not sure I will ever love another woman, but I have had enough outside interest that I believe my loneliest times will be during my marriage. Marrying her was the worst decision of my life thus far, but being there for my children feels like the best decision I could have made.

Gray divorce isn’t about living without responsibilities for me, it is about reclaiming my self respect and exploring life with renewed passion, peace and purpose. Unfortunately, she destroyed all 4 of those, so I don’t believe her presence would have a positive impact on the process.

Sorry missed the part where you gave actual examples of what or how you “gave the kids what they needed.”

Caught the part where you admitted your SAHM was a great mom and housekeeper.

Also caught the part where you disclose that you stayed for ego and image purposes, so your kids “had memories of you and a stable home” (with SAHM).

Also caught the part where you blamed your wife for being lonely and unfulfilled, crying out for help, and later bit passing your tests for that behavior.


I sincerely hope she has a good individual trauma therapist.

You are right, I deserve less than what I got for all my faults and failures. She was totally justified in her actions and I should be grateful for any table scraps that a woman would throw down to me from her highest of horses. Thank you for putting me back in my place, may my servitude satisfy my disregarded needs.

More cliches and platitudes!? Just your style.

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Anonymous wrote:How old are you and your soon to be exdh? Is there enough money for retirement? Reasons for the gray divorce?
The answers to these questions has implications for whether forgiveness is possible.

53, 3 kids 18,20,22
Financial issues and not enough for retirement but not dire.
He wants more passion and feels we have grown apart.

Yeah, “passion”. If he isn’t already cheating he has prospects lined up.

HAHAHAHA. How many prospects does a pathetic mid-50s guy have?

Lots of them, I fit your description and life has been great since separation. Bonus was discovering I didn’t need cialis like I did when I was married !

Guess what. If you stay with the same partner long enough you will. It is human biology.

But pretend you are some victorious stud if that image makes you feel better.

Others have more lofty personal ambitions.

Not a stud, this isn’t about conquest. This is about a man leading an examined life, realizing where his limitations are, conveying them to his partners and living purely for the pursuit of joy. I did the hard years now I’m gonna do the fun ones.
I have a good relationship with my children, their mother and I have treated each other fairly and respectfully, I harbor no ill will and have happily stepped in a number of times as she’s needed me.
I may very well die alone, but I will not die hungry for life.

Okay grasshopper.

My point to you is that the first things sex therapists in training learn is that having a new partner (ie, novelty) often cures sexual dysfunction.

It is not some sign of progress on your part or failure on the part of your ex.

Of course it isn’t a sign of progress, it’s merely showing headspace and frame, I’m happy, I am extremely attracted and there is no baggage or even a whiff of resentment in my relationships. This is how I plan to continue on until I can no longer, like I said I may very well die alone but that’s the trade-off.

I may change my mind someday and I may get my heart smashed, but I’m not going to live in neutral, wondering when I’ll need to defend against the next resentment that is finally voiced 20 years after the fact.

My words will be picked apart endlessly but all I’m saying is that OP’s husband wasn’t happy, I’m sure he tried lots of things to get the marriage back on track but she may not have seen the urgency. Men tend to work on things quietly without stating how important they are, OP either missed or didn’t care about the signals and this is the result.

I mean no disrespect to her or her husband but this probably could’ve been prevented. Hopefully this is just the spark that reunited them with a greater level of mutual curiosity but maybe it won’t.

Only a man would write this drivel. The husband was biding his time till the last kid was launched to open his own parachute.

If he is anything like me he was waiting for the last kid to leave the nest, but had been unhappy for decades. I still have a couple of years to go before my gray divorce is filed. My wife was a SAHM for most of our marriage and a good mom, but as spouses we had a difficult road. She felt unfulfilled and lonely in perimenopause and her behaviors during that time created the kind of issues that require building a new relationship.

She is aware of my plans and was given the opportunity to do the work necessary to regain my respect and trust, but she has not done the work to become a person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted my kids to have memories of me and stability at home, so I sacrificed my happiness to give them what I think they deserve.

I have not cheated and have no plans to establish a soft landing, but I am really looking forward to being alone for a while to rebuild myself and my relationship with god. Not sure I will ever love another woman, but I have had enough outside interest that I believe my loneliest times will be during my marriage. Marrying her was the worst decision of my life thus far, but being there for my children feels like the best decision I could have made.

Gray divorce isn’t about living without responsibilities for me, it is about reclaiming my self respect and exploring life with renewed passion, peace and purpose. Unfortunately, she destroyed all 4 of those, so I don’t believe her presence would have a positive impact on the process.

Sorry missed the part where you gave actual examples of what or how you “gave the kids what they needed.”

Caught the part where you admitted your SAHM was a great mom and housekeeper.

Also caught the part where you disclose that you stayed for ego and image purposes, so your kids “had memories of you and a stable home” (with SAHM).

Also caught the part where you blamed your wife for being lonely and unfulfilled, crying out for help, and later bit passing your tests for that behavior.


I sincerely hope she has a good individual trauma therapist.

My ego and image were sacrificed when I chose to stay, but she did cry out for help to many men at the gym and bars, but not to me unfortunately. I loved her.

Ur troll posts are devolving.