How to forgive spouse for initiating a gray divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s telling that you are refusing to accept his agency in your relationship…

No.

He’s likely been a selfish @$$ the whole time.

She stayed to do everything and protect the kids.

He did nothing but office work and himself, showed no gratitude ever, didn’t want to deal with the kids at all, so is pulling the plug now.

Moral of the story? Divorce him and earlier or make peace that you had to do everything out of necessity an onsite of him doing nothing, and your kids hopefully are better off for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so angry u can barely talk to him

Don’t forgive him, he’s a narcissist. I bet every decision he made over the last 25 years only had to do about him and was for him. He was never a family man or a true father or true husband.

Take time and process this all.

Take the money, talk with the kids- tell the exactly what happened here, then take a 6 month around the world cruise to celebrate and heal.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter if you forgive him or not but for your own sake you need peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and your soon to be exdh? Is there enough money for retirement? Reasons for the gray divorce?
The answers to these questions has implications for whether forgiveness is possible.

53, 3 kids 18,20,22
Financial issues and not enough for retirement but not dire.
He wants more passion and feels we have grown apart.

[Anonymous]

OP here - married 26 years. I get logically he deserves to be happy, but blowing up my life at this stage at almost 54 is beyond me.

[Anonymous]

How are you not ready to get rid of this old hag? I'd be so happy to be out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are you not ready to get rid of this old hag? I'd be so happy to be out.

What part?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - married 26 years. I get logically he deserves to be happy, but blowing up my life at this stage at almost 54 is beyond me.

Please tell us all the things he did to reignite your marriage, the trips, the intimacy card game, the therapy sessions and the Gottman books he initiated?
Be honest, this didn’t come out of nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - married 26 years. I get logically he deserves to be happy, but blowing up my life at this stage at almost 54 is beyond me.

Please tell us all the things he did to reignite your marriage, the trips, the intimacy card game, the therapy sessions and the Gottman books he initiated?
Be honest, this didn’t come out of nowhere.

Not out of nowhere but doesn’t change much. Never did I say I was perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and your soon to be exdh? Is there enough money for retirement? Reasons for the gray divorce?
The answers to these questions has implications for whether forgiveness is possible.

53, 3 kids 18,20,22
Financial issues and not enough for retirement but not dire.
He wants more passion and feels we have grown apart.

So he used you and now he’s legally moving on.

Did he cheat as well? Family life too boring and time consuming so stayed focus on himself, work and sex elsewhere. ? .

Won’t your kids see through this and think less of him? I can’t imagine anyone wanting this for their daughter in her future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - married 26 years. I get logically he deserves to be happy, but blowing up my life at this stage at almost 54 is beyond me.

Please tell us all the things he did to reignite your marriage, the trips, the intimacy card game, the therapy sessions and the Gottman books he initiated?
Be honest, this didn’t come out of nowhere.

DP

He wanted more passion and attention!

Those pesky three kids and damn 5000 sq house and yard. That just kept wifey too busy and him away more.

[Anonymous]

Me me me me me me me me.

[Anonymous]

Focus on your exit and next chapter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me me me me me me me me.

Accurate - this is op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and your soon to be exdh? Is there enough money for retirement? Reasons for the gray divorce?
The answers to these questions has implications for whether forgiveness is possible.

53, 3 kids 18,20,22
Financial issues and not enough for retirement but not dire.
He wants more passion and feels we have grown apart.

So he used you and now he’s legally moving on.

Did he cheat as well? Family life too boring and time consuming so stayed focus on himself, work and sex elsewhere. ? .

Won’t your kids see through this and think less of him? I can’t imagine anyone wanting this for their daughter in her future.

Didn’t cheat physically maybe a bit emotionally. Yes def wants fun, adventure, passion, excitement, vitality etc. already traveled a lot over the years. Very into self development. Kids i can’t imagine the emotional turmoil. I’m not even engaging with that yet.