How to forgive spouse for initiating a gray divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, you arent alone. My husband just told me that he wants a divorce. He is literally in a midlife crisis and cannot take responsibility for his contributions, or lack thereof, to our marriage. I’d work to rebuild. I wanted to. He says he loves me and cares deeply for me and has no animosity - but doesn’t have romantic feelings. Unbelievable.

I am devastated and angry. One in college, the other in high school. I put my career in the back burner for him. I never in a million years believed he would do this. I thought he would come around and try to work it out.

Sit back and see if he files and you get a letter or email from his lawyer.

If he met someone else already, he’ll do the paperwork.

If he didn’t yet, he won’t and hope you do.

Watch and learn.

So true. This happened to me and mine made things so miserable that I filled.

How are you separated without paperwork?

Fascinating…I’m separated due to my ex wanting a divorce. He’s not filed anything, nor have I. He keeps saying he wants it done, but hasn’t done anything.

He’s not greedy and still carries me on his insurance so I have no motivation to act and have just focused on my own future planning.

I hadn’t realized this is common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, you arent alone. My husband just told me that he wants a divorce. He is literally in a midlife crisis and cannot take responsibility for his contributions, or lack thereof, to our marriage. I’d work to rebuild. I wanted to. He says he loves me and cares deeply for me and has no animosity - but doesn’t have romantic feelings. Unbelievable.

I am devastated and angry. One in college, the other in high school. I put my career in the back burner for him. I never in a million years believed he would do this. I thought he would come around and try to work it out.

Sit back and see if he files and you get a letter or email from his lawyer.

If he met someone else already, he’ll do the paperwork.

If he didn’t yet, he won’t and hope you do.

Watch and learn.

So true. This happened to me and mine made things so miserable that I filled.

How are you separated without paperwork?
How are you separated without paperwork?

Fascinating…I’m separated due to my ex wanting a divorce. He’s not filed anything, nor have I. He keeps saying he wants it done, but hasn’t done anything.

He’s not greedy and still carries me on his insurance so I have no motivation to act and have just focused on my own future planning.

I hadn’t realized this is common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, you arent alone. My husband just told me that he wants a divorce. He is literally in a midlife crisis and cannot take responsibility for his contributions, or lack thereof, to our marriage. I’d work to rebuild. I wanted to. He says he loves me and cares deeply for me and has no animosity - but doesn’t have romantic feelings. Unbelievable.

I am devastated and angry. One in college, the other in high school. I put my career in the back burner for him. I never in a million years believed he would do this. I thought he would come around and try to work it out.

Sit back and see if he files and you get a letter or email from his lawyer.

If he met someone else already, he’ll do the paperwork.

If he didn’t yet, he won’t and hope you do.

Watch and learn.

So true. This happened to me and mine made things so miserable that I filled.

How are you separated without paperwork?

Fascinating…I’m separated due to my ex wanting a divorce. He’s not filed anything, nor have I. He keeps saying he wants it done, but hasn’t done anything.

He’s not greedy and still carries me on his insurance so I have no motivation to act and have just focused on my own future planning.

I hadn’t realized this is common.

Sorry-my message did not appear properly before. I would love to know how you are separated without paperwork?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a few guys who did well after a late in life divorce- they married younger women who didn't want kids, traveled, had all kinds of fun adventures. They were quite wealthy, but I'm sure that had *nothing* to do with it.

I love my DH57, and while his introversion, high cholesterol, CPAP, 9:30 bedtime, and increasingly rigid disposition are perfect for me, I'm not sure a hot thirty year old is down for all of that fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, you arent alone. My husband just told me that he wants a divorce. He is literally in a midlife crisis and cannot take responsibility for his contributions, or lack thereof, to our marriage. I’d work to rebuild. I wanted to. He says he loves me and cares deeply for me and has no animosity - but doesn’t have romantic feelings. Unbelievable.

I am devastated and angry. One in college, the other in high school. I put my career in the back burner for him. I never in a million years believed he would do this. I thought he would come around and try to work it out.

Sit back and see if he files and you get a letter or email from his lawyer.

If he met someone else already, he’ll do the paperwork.

If he didn’t yet, he won’t and hope you do.

Watch and learn.

So true. This happened to me and mine made things so miserable that I filled.

Fascinating…I’m separated due to my ex wanting a divorce. He’s not filed anything, nor have I. He keeps saying he wants it done, but hasn’t done anything.

He’s not greedy and still carries me on his insurance so I have no motivation to act and have just focused on my own future planning.

I hadn’t realized this is common.

I hope all you people playing the waiting game have used this time to gain a complete and thorough understanding of all finances and to consult with a lawyer. It's fine to wait for him to file if that's your lawyer's advice, but doing nothing is dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s telling that you are refusing to accept his agency in your relationship…

No.

He’s likely been a selfish @$$ the whole time.

She stayed to do everything and protect the kids.

He did nothing but office work and himself, showed no gratitude ever, didn’t want to deal with the kids at all, so is pulling the plug now.

Moral of the story? Divorce him and earlier or make peace that you had to do everything out of necessity an onsite of him doing nothing, and your kids hopefully are better off for it.

she likely got fat and out of shape and started rejecting all sex.

anger builds up over time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, you arent alone. My husband just told me that he wants a divorce. He is literally in a midlife crisis and cannot take responsibility for his contributions, or lack thereof, to our marriage. I’d work to rebuild. I wanted to. He says he loves me and cares deeply for me and has no animosity - but doesn’t have romantic feelings. Unbelievable.

I am devastated and angry. One in college, the other in high school. I put my career in the back burner for him. I never in a million years believed he would do this. I thought he would come around and try to work it out.

you didnt put your career on the back burner.

women are transactional and do whatever they can to get out of the stress of a real job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, you arent alone. My husband just told me that he wants a divorce. He is literally in a midlife crisis and cannot take responsibility for his contributions, or lack thereof, to our marriage. I’d work to rebuild. I wanted to. He says he loves me and cares deeply for me and has no animosity - but doesn’t have romantic feelings. Unbelievable.

I am devastated and angry. One in college, the other in high school. I put my career in the back burner for him. I never in a million years believed he would do this. I thought he would come around and try to work it out.

you didnt put your career on the back burner.

women are transactional and do whatever they can to get out of the stress of a real job.

Get off the computer, remember mommy said no screen time today.