BIL wants to use our house to get ready for wedding — WWYD?

[Anonymous]

The temporary inconvenience of saying yes is well worth avoiding the potential for offending your BIL (and likely his soon-to-be-wife, and possibly your husband’s parents) on the day of his wedding.

[Anonymous]

Of course you say yes. x1000 yes. It's your husband's brother... on his wedding day. This is a minor inconvenience. I can't believe saying no is even an option here. It's your house, so you do have a right to say no, but to me that's absurd. This is family. You go out of your way for family. This isn't a big deal, will make great memories. Saying no is just incredibly selfish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say yes but request that they all shower in their hotel rooms before coming over. And then they can get dressed at your place using the guest room and guest bath. I would not want to have to accommodate 6 extra adults showering in my house in a non-emergency situation -- it's going to cause major issues for everyone (in my house after the fourth shower, there would be zero hot water left and it would take 45 minutes before it had recovered).

Having them put on their suits and pin flowers to their lapels or whatever actually sounds fun and festive, and the kids could help and take photos with them and make a memory. It's only the logistics of getting everyone showered that would stress me out in that situation, and it seems obvious that they should do that in their hotel rooms before coming over. Even when I have been a bridesmaid in weddings where we were getting ready in a suite beforehand, I have generally showered in my own room and shown up with damp or damp-dry hair. The expectation of showering in a space shared by a dozen people is silly.

There is no way they all expect to shower there, but sure, just tell them to shower/shave in advance and then come on over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say yes but request that they all shower in their hotel rooms before coming over. And then they can get dressed at your place using the guest room and guest bath. I would not want to have to accommodate 6 extra adults showering in my house in a non-emergency situation -- it's going to cause major issues for everyone (in my house after the fourth shower, there would be zero hot water left and it would take 45 minutes before it had recovered).

Having them put on their suits and pin flowers to their lapels or whatever actually sounds fun and festive, and the kids could help and take photos with them and make a memory. It's only the logistics of getting everyone showered that would stress me out in that situation, and it seems obvious that they should do that in their hotel rooms before coming over. Even when I have been a bridesmaid in weddings where we were getting ready in a suite beforehand, I have generally showered in my own room and shown up with damp or damp-dry hair. The expectation of showering in a space shared by a dozen people is silly.

There is no way they all expect to shower there, but sure, just tell them to shower/shave in advance and then come on over.

They could all expect to shower. Definitely tell them to come showered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say yes but request that they all shower in their hotel rooms before coming over. And then they can get dressed at your place using the guest room and guest bath. I would not want to have to accommodate 6 extra adults showering in my house in a non-emergency situation -- it's going to cause major issues for everyone (in my house after the fourth shower, there would be zero hot water left and it would take 45 minutes before it had recovered).

Having them put on their suits and pin flowers to their lapels or whatever actually sounds fun and festive, and the kids could help and take photos with them and make a memory. It's only the logistics of getting everyone showered that would stress me out in that situation, and it seems obvious that they should do that in their hotel rooms before coming over. Even when I have been a bridesmaid in weddings where we were getting ready in a suite beforehand, I have generally showered in my own room and shown up with damp or damp-dry hair. The expectation of showering in a space shared by a dozen people is silly.

There is no way they all expect to shower there, but sure, just tell them to shower/shave in advance and then come on over.

Agree it seems like a no brainer, but if these are mostly men in their 20s, you never know. Actually even if it's an older group. Some people don't really think. If it's something OP is worried about, easy to just make it very clear that they are hosting the guys for changing into suits/tuxes, maybe some toasts and photos. If there is any concern that these guys are going to show up expecting to shower and shave at her house (or worse -- hung over from the night before and expecting to be rehabilitated with breakfast or anything else), just make sure DH sends around a note that makes it really clear.

Clear communication solves like 95% of issues between friends and family, assuming you aren't dealing with personality disorders or similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband’s younger brother is getting married here in town. My ILs live in a small one-bedroom condo in a retirement community, so they can’t host. We’re the only family locally and live in a modest-size house with kids at home.

The couple has a hotel block, and the bride and bridal party will be doing hair/makeup and getting dressed in their suite the morning of the wedding. The current plan is for my BIL to leave the suite that morning, and since they don’t want to pay for an additional hotel room for the guys, he’s asked if he and his five groomsmen can hang out at our house and get ready.

My husband’s response was basically “it’s up to you.” 🙄

I’m really not comfortable with this. We don’t have a great setup for six adult men to get ready; they’d either be using our primary bedroom/bath, one of our kids’ rooms, or rotating through the guest bath. I have kids here, and we actually live in this space, and we will all be getting ready, too. It feels like a lot to host a group of guys (some I’ve never even met) for hours on a busy wedding morning.

I adore my BIL and want to be supportive, but this feels invasive and stressful. Am I being unreasonable? Would you say yes, or suggest they get another hotel room?

Surely the Groom can rent a suite or come up with an actual plan for his groomsmen the day of the damn wedding.

What is the what man doing?

Who planned this wedding? Can he plan anything?

Dumping a bunch of of grown men at someone’s else’s house to hang out, drink, shower & get ready, get to event on time, etc is ludicrous.

Let me guess, you get to clean up after them the day after the wedding too. Maybe the groomsmen will help you.

What are they, 22 yo? Have they never been to a wedding before?

It's not "someone else's" house ... it's his own brother's house for goodness sake! Totally reasonable to hang out at your brother's house instead of being crammed in a small hotel room. What is wrong with people?

[Anonymous]

Love how OP posted but then slinked away, never to return. Hopefully she's cleaning her house in preparation for hosting her BIL and his best friends for 3 or 4 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love how OP posted but then slinked away, never to return. Hopefully she's cleaning her house in preparation for hosting her BIL and his best friends for 3 or 4 hours.

Why should it clean the house? Why isn't the husband doing it. It's his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow they are cheap. It’s a wedding. They need to rent another hotel room.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like fun to me. This is your BIL so you make it work. It would love 5 men getting ready in my house. Break out the champagne and make it a party.

+1
Maybe ask them all to shower/shave beforehand, but I'd be fine with them hanging out, having lunch, getting dressed, etc. Sounds like it could be fun!

NP and +1. Presumably each of the guys has a hotel room. Just ask that they shower before they come hang out. I can't imagine they want to come shower at your house whole you are all there.

[Anonymous]

OP here and wow, I can’t believe how this has taken off.

As I said in the OP, it’s SIX additional people getting ready, with only one other bathroom (unless they use the primary bathroom too, in which case, I won’t have anywhere to get myself and my three kids (3, 6, and 8) ready. We don’t have a “guest” bedroom, we have three bedrooms and they are all used.

Yes, these men are all in their twenties, and they plan on “hanging out” here while getting dressed. Our house is small, just under 1500sf, and it just feels like a lot. We will all be leaving at the same time and thus, will need to get ready at the same time, all 11 of us in two bathrooms, or spread out in my kids’ bedrooms, while the others “hang out” in our common areas. So yes, it feels intrusive, and yes, it feels stressful.

Yes, my husband is officiating, but isn’t a groomsman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One morning for a few hours for someone you “adore”? You say yes.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and wow, I can’t believe how this has taken off.

As I said in the OP, it’s SIX additional people getting ready, with only one other bathroom (unless they use the primary bathroom too, in which case, I won’t have anywhere to get myself and my three kids (3, 6, and 8) ready. We don’t have a “guest” bedroom, we have three bedrooms and they are all used.

Yes, these men are all in their twenties, and they plan on “hanging out” here while getting dressed. Our house is small, just under 1500sf, and it just feels like a lot. We will all be leaving at the same time and thus, will need to get ready at the same time, all 11 of us in two bathrooms, or spread out in my kids’ bedrooms, while the others “hang out” in our common areas. So yes, it feels intrusive, and yes, it feels stressful.

Yes, my husband is officiating, but isn’t a groomsman.

This makes me feel like this is even more of a no brainer. Two of your kids are at a really easy ages, and the youngest is past toddlerhood. Your house isn't "tiny" it's middle sized. Your husband doesn't get to be a groomsman so you'd think he'd want this bonding experience more.

I was expecting a tiny house and you had infants and/or toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Take the kids and enjoy a hotel stay. Let your husband, his brother and all the buddies have the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and wow, I can’t believe how this has taken off.

As I said in the OP, it’s SIX additional people getting ready, with only one other bathroom (unless they use the primary bathroom too, in which case, I won’t have anywhere to get myself and my three kids (3, 6, and 8) ready. We don’t have a “guest” bedroom, we have three bedrooms and they are all used.

Yes, these men are all in their twenties, and they plan on “hanging out” here while getting dressed. Our house is small, just under 1500sf, and it just feels like a lot. We will all be leaving at the same time and thus, will need to get ready at the same time, all 11 of us in two bathrooms, or spread out in my kids’ bedrooms, while the others “hang out” in our common areas. So yes, it feels intrusive, and yes, it feels stressful.

Yes, my husband is officiating, but isn’t a groomsman.

How long will they be hanging out?