BIL wants to use our house to get ready for wedding — WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and wow, I can’t believe how this has taken off.

As I said in the OP, it’s SIX additional people getting ready, with only one other bathroom (unless they use the primary bathroom too, in which case, I won’t have anywhere to get myself and my three kids (3, 6, and 8) ready. We don’t have a “guest” bedroom, we have three bedrooms and they are all used.

Yes, these men are all in their twenties, and they plan on “hanging out” here while getting dressed. Our house is small, just under 1500sf, and it just feels like a lot. We will all be leaving at the same time and thus, will need to get ready at the same time, all 11 of us in two bathrooms, or spread out in my kids’ bedrooms, while the others “hang out” in our common areas. So yes, it feels intrusive, and yes, it feels stressful.

Yes, my husband is officiating, but isn’t a groomsman.

I would say "BIL can use kids' room and our second bathroom. We don't have space for anyone else to get ready here, they won't have any private area. If they can be 99% ready and just need to change into their tux, they can come over at [time by which you and kids will have showered] and hang out for [two hours, or whatever]."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take the kids and enjoy a hotel stay. Let your husband, his brother and all the buddies have the house.

No, don't do that. Stay at your house with your family and get ready there. Surely your husband wants to be involved with getting your kids ready..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and wow, I can’t believe how this has taken off.

As I said in the OP, it’s SIX additional people getting ready, with only one other bathroom (unless they use the primary bathroom too, in which case, I won’t have anywhere to get myself and my three kids (3, 6, and 8) ready. We don’t have a “guest” bedroom, we have three bedrooms and they are all used.

Yes, these men are all in their twenties, and they plan on “hanging out” here while getting dressed. Our house is small, just under 1500sf, and it just feels like a lot. We will all be leaving at the same time and thus, will need to get ready at the same time, all 11 of us in two bathrooms, or spread out in my kids’ bedrooms, while the others “hang out” in our common areas. So yes, it feels intrusive, and yes, it feels stressful.

Yes, my husband is officiating, but isn’t a groomsman.

Time of year? Do you have outside space the groomsmen can use?

[Anonymous]

I had more groomsmen in a just under 1500sqft condo. They ordered food and there was a ton of trash but it all fit in the can and they just needed a place to sit and catch up. I stayed out of it while getting ready. It will be such a quick part of the day and once they're gone, its over on your end. Even if something happens, like a lamp breaks, you'll just have a fun story to share. I think the bigger insult would be to refuse and I am typically a proponent of refusing all inconvenient requests.

[Anonymous]

I’d let them. I have a tiny house with 3 YA children who share one tiny hall bath. We have no spare bedrooms or bathrooms and not even a basement. I feel I am constantly tripping over people and it drives me crazy. Still, for this type of special occasion I would say yes which is saying a lot since I never want to host anybody because of our crowded space. I doubt the men are planning to shower and they will probably arrive shaven aside from possibly your BIL. So it’s just a matter of a place to hang out together, change clothing and comb their hair. Your kids won’t be sleeping most likely so a room can be spared for an hour or two for them change into tuxes. You can always leave the house for a few hours if you feel it’s too many bodies in a tight space. You have your own bedroom/bathroom so you should be able to get ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and wow, I can’t believe how this has taken off.

As I said in the OP, it’s SIX additional people getting ready, with only one other bathroom (unless they use the primary bathroom too, in which case, I won’t have anywhere to get myself and my three kids (3, 6, and 8) ready. We don’t have a “guest” bedroom, we have three bedrooms and they are all used.

Yes, these men are all in their twenties, and they plan on “hanging out” here while getting dressed. Our house is small, just under 1500sf, and it just feels like a lot. We will all be leaving at the same time and thus, will need to get ready at the same time, all 11 of us in two bathrooms, or spread out in my kids’ bedrooms, while the others “hang out” in our common areas. So yes, it feels intrusive, and yes, it feels stressful.

Yes, my husband is officiating, but isn’t a groomsman.

Think ahead, OP. Are you raising your own children to be kind and giving to each other? This is a no brainer. It's a gift. Your BIL didn't ask for his groomsmen to stay at your house for week of the wedding. It's a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Omg, OP. How can you consider saying no to this? Make sure everyone is showered before they arrive, especially your own kids. You need more than a few minutes to dress your kids and yourself? This is not about YOU. Your kids will have a great time and this will be a memory for everyone to treasure. It’s ONCE in a lifetime. A little inconvenience is worth it.

[Anonymous]

Your kids can shower the night before. Just shower yourself and get ready before they get there. This is so easy and you just want to be difficult apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I took that as “I’m fine with this but I’m sure OP will find some kind of issue so I need to leave it up to her.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I took that as “I’m fine with this but I’m sure OP will find some kind of issue so I need to leave it up to her.”

Interesting. I took it as the husband doesn't really want to or he would have been more enthusiastic. He's also not one of the groomsmen, which is interesting.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, op, I think you guys have to do it even though I know it's stressful getting kids your kids ages ready and then the harder part of keeping them from messing up their hair or clothes.

Have your husband tell his brother they need to be showered first since you don't have hot water for all, hopefully they listen. Set them up in the kids bedroom that is most convenient for you and the kids bathroom and then leave it be. If they want pictures or food there are 6 grown men who can figure it out. You focus on your kids and yourself and hopefully it goes smoothly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

I took that as “I’m fine with this but I’m sure OP will find some kind of issue so I need to leave it up to her.”

The woman bashing on this thread is so sad.

[Anonymous]

Are the groomsmen local?

[Anonymous]

My bridesmaids and I all hung out in my regular hotel room before the wedding. Why can't the guys just do that in the groom's room?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bridesmaids and I all hung out in my regular hotel room before the wedding. Why can't the guys just do that in the groom's room?

+1