BIL wants to use our house to get ready for wedding — WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be ok with the BIL but not the group of guys. I assume the guys can all shower and dress in their own rooms though. I would allow BIL to sleep over or come early in the morning to shower and do whatever he has to do, and the friends could come over later in the morning to hang out but would not get a dressing/bathroom area or be traipsing around while I'm undressed.

If that's not acceptable then they can all get ready in one of the groomsmen's hotel room.

This.

But also, why can’t they hang out and get ready in one of the five hotel rooms they will be staying in? I’m assuming at least one of the guys got in the night before, if not all of them? Why your house, with you and your children there?

They don't want the bride and groom to accidentally run into each other. I don't know why people complicate some things so much, or just completely ignore logic.

Brides and grooms can avoid seeing each other the day of the wedding all the time. It's not that complicated.

[Anonymous]

Is the DH even in the wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

Or, she's super controlling. Which might very well be the case for this very odd post.

What's a house for if not to create memories?!?

Or she's not super controlling and the DH isn't super excited about hosting either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One morning for a few hours for someone you “adore”? You say yes.

Yeah, WTAF. Sad. Sad that DH has to defer to you. That tells us everything.

Never miss a chance to tear down a woman you don't know.

That tells us everything about you.

[Anonymous]

This thread is making me super sad. The world is shit and people can't be bothered to have a fun morning with family before a wedding.

What's happened to us?

[Anonymous]

Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

No, it sounds like he knows his wife. No fun of any kind.
Trying to dodge wife's poor outlook on things

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One morning for a few hours for someone you “adore”? You say yes.

Yeah, WTAF. Sad. Sad that DH has to defer to you. That tells us everything.

Never miss a chance to tear down a woman you don't know.

That tells us everything about you.

She's tearing down someone she loves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

Or he knows about the grief he’ll get after hearing about the crumbs, the stray hair on the vanity, a hanger left behind, and oh my god they sat on the couch for a few hours. It’s a massive imposition for someone who never hosts people or family they are supposedly close with.

[Anonymous]

I would say yes but request that they all shower in their hotel rooms before coming over. And then they can get dressed at your place using the guest room and guest bath. I would not want to have to accommodate 6 extra adults showering in my house in a non-emergency situation -- it's going to cause major issues for everyone (in my house after the fourth shower, there would be zero hot water left and it would take 45 minutes before it had recovered).

Having them put on their suits and pin flowers to their lapels or whatever actually sounds fun and festive, and the kids could help and take photos with them and make a memory. It's only the logistics of getting everyone showered that would stress me out in that situation, and it seems obvious that they should do that in their hotel rooms before coming over. Even when I have been a bridesmaid in weddings where we were getting ready in a suite beforehand, I have generally showered in my own room and shown up with damp or damp-dry hair. The expectation of showering in a space shared by a dozen people is silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be ok with the BIL but not the group of guys. I assume the guys can all shower and dress in their own rooms though. I would allow BIL to sleep over or come early in the morning to shower and do whatever he has to do, and the friends could come over later in the morning to hang out but would not get a dressing/bathroom area or be traipsing around while I'm undressed.

If that's not acceptable then they can all get ready in one of the groomsmen's hotel room.

This.

But also, why can’t they hang out and get ready in one of the five hotel rooms they will be staying in? I’m assuming at least one of the guys got in the night before, if not all of them? Why your house, with you and your children there?

They don't want the bride and groom to accidentally run into each other. I don't know why people complicate some things so much, or just completely ignore logic.

Brides and grooms can avoid seeing each other the day of the wedding all the time. It's not that complicated.

This is a good point, the idea that the only way to avoid the bride and groom seeing each other is for the men to leave the hotel makes no sense.

More likely, OP's DH *wants* to host his brother and the groomsmen. Is the DH one of the groomsmen? I would assume, right? This is likely a way for her DH to be more involved and he's trying to do something nice for his brother, but he also realizes it's an imposition on his wife and kids.

If this is what is actually going on, everyone is being a little annoying here. If the DH really wants to host but he's framing it to his wife as "BIL asked, it's up to you" he's being too passive -- if it's something he wants to do, he should tell OP that AND talk through the logistics and figure out a way to make it feasible in their house. If OP realizes her DH wants to do it but her instant reaction is "ugh, no" she could stand to be more flexible.

There are lots of possible solutions for something like this.

[Anonymous]

I would say yes without hesitation. I would suggest they shower at the hotel bit otherwise it sounds like fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the DH said "up to you". Doesn't sound like he's eager to do it.

Or he knows about the grief he’ll get after hearing about the crumbs, the stray hair on the vanity, a hanger left behind, and oh my god they sat on the couch for a few hours. It’s a massive imposition for someone who never hosts people or family they are supposedly close with.

Yikes, sad you make such negative assumptions about a woman you don't know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be ok with the BIL but not the group of guys. I assume the guys can all shower and dress in their own rooms though. I would allow BIL to sleep over or come early in the morning to shower and do whatever he has to do, and the friends could come over later in the morning to hang out but would not get a dressing/bathroom area or be traipsing around while I'm undressed.

If that's not acceptable then they can all get ready in one of the groomsmen's hotel room.

This.

But also, why can’t they hang out and get ready in one of the five hotel rooms they will be staying in? I’m assuming at least one of the guys got in the night before, if not all of them? Why your house, with you and your children there?

They don't want the bride and groom to accidentally run into each other. I don't know why people complicate some things so much, or just completely ignore logic.

Brides and grooms can avoid seeing each other the day of the wedding all the time. It's not that complicated.

This is a good point, the idea that the only way to avoid the bride and groom seeing each other is for the men to leave the hotel makes no sense.

More likely, OP's DH *wants* to host his brother and the groomsmen. Is the DH one of the groomsmen? I would assume, right? This is likely a way for her DH to be more involved and he's trying to do something nice for his brother, but he also realizes it's an imposition on his wife and kids.

If this is what is actually going on, everyone is being a little annoying here. If the DH really wants to host but he's framing it to his wife as "BIL asked, it's up to you" he's being too passive -- if it's something he wants to do, he should tell OP that AND talk through the logistics and figure out a way to make it feasible in their house. If OP realizes her DH wants to do it but her instant reaction is "ugh, no" she could stand to be more flexible.

There are lots of possible solutions for something like this.

Reasonable take. You are going to get slammed here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One morning for a few hours for someone you “adore”? You say yes.

Yeah, WTAF. Sad. Sad that DH has to defer to you. That tells us everything.

Never miss a chance to tear down a woman you don't know.

That tells us everything about you.

She's tearing down someone she loves.

The op? There was no tearing down by the op. She simply is questioning the logistics how hosting 5 extra people while also getting herself and her kids ready for a family wedding. That's hardly a tear down.

[Anonymous]

Depends on several things:

How old are your kids? Are you talking about babies or toddlers that might need naps before the wedding?

How long? A hour or two or half the day? Is this a late wedding?

Is your DH in the wedding?