Why do people change their mind and want to remarry again?

[Anonymous]

"I am someone who will never remarry who has commented on this thread. I am 48 (f) and have been divorced for 6 years. You don't know what you are talking about. Many people who are divorced don't want to remarry. It (marriage) was bad the first time...only a stupid person would put themselves into a marriage again. You can have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Cohabitating or remarrying is kind of stupid financially and legally past 40. You are not "buliding a life" at that point. You've made those decisions already. Just enjoying time with someone is all that is desirable. Overcomplicating it like you are in your 20s is completely immature and unecessary. Most divorced people I know share my position. There is a reason remarriage rates have gone done. It is just not worth it. Once is enough."

Wow! This discussion clearly touched a nerve.

It's interesting that your arguments in favor of not remarrying consist of nothing more than assertions that it's something only a stupid person would do. Can you articulate even one actual reason that two adults who see one another as "their person" should not join forces in marriage or in a marriage-like situation? Why would that make them stupid?

If you're one of those people who believe the only reason for marriage is to have children, do you also believe that people who are infertile at 25 should never marry? What about married couples who lose their child to some horrible disease or accident? Should they divorce since there's no point to being married unless there are kids?

And as far as not building a life together, are you truly so blind to the fact that many people continue to grow and thrive well after the age of 50?! I know people starting new careers at that age. I know people using those years to actively sock away as much money as possible for retirement, which is much easier to do when you have just one mortgage between the two of you. Most professionals don't retire until their late 60s. The retirement age for full SS benefits is 67. OP has 21 years till he hits 67. Hopefully, he has another 15 years after that do enjoy life with "his person."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"
PP — I’m in my 50s, single and living a life better than anything i thought possible. I’ve had colonoscopy and booked a ride from the hospital. No biggie. 3 kids in the home with college on the horizon, looking and feeling amazing. Just a counterbalance to your doom and gloom. lol."

Try reading. You have 3 kids in the home. You have no idea what it will be like when they are all gone. No clue.

I vacation with single women whose kids are out of the house. . They’re doing great. Try not to be so angry, lol.

[Anonymous]

"I vacation with single women whose kids are out of the house. . They’re doing great. Try not to be so angry, lol."


I too have vacationed with these empty nester/never married women and our single gay guy friends. We have a blast. And thanks to lots of therapy work, not one of us is so emotionally damaged that she'd turn away the love of her life if he showed up. The rest of us would cheer for the lucky duck who found love with a great guy. It's hard to find that at any age or stage in life, and only a fool would throw that away.

[Anonymous]

You believe in the “love of one’s life”. Cool. Not everyone thinks that way. Different strokes…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You believe in the “love of one’s life”. Cool. Not everyone thinks that way. Different strokes…

Oh please. The reason why anyone gets married doesn't matter. OP doesn't want to get married and that's fine. Break up and move on. I wouldn't want to date anyone indefinitely like I'm in HS and that's MY preference. There is no right or wrong answer, only what works for each person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I vacation with single women whose kids are out of the house. . They’re doing great. Try not to be so angry, lol."


I too have vacationed with these empty nester/never married women and our single gay guy friends. We have a blast. And thanks to lots of therapy work, not one of us is so emotionally damaged that she'd turn away the love of her life if he showed up. The rest of us would cheer for the lucky duck who found love with a great guy. It's hard to find that at any age or stage in life, and only a fool would throw that away.

You know sometimes people may choose to marry without specific reasons by choice even if the "ONE" came along. Not every person thinks they must be married.

Geez

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Not that PP but calling an Uber or a friend is not hard. (and not a reason to be married...)"

There is no facility I know of in the DMV that allows you to have an Uber take you home after sedation. Not a single one. I asked for the PP to share that info because it would be fabulous if that does indeed exist around here. They ask you when you check in for the name of the person who brought you there and who will be the one they notify if there's a problem during the procedure. They ask for their cell number in case they can't find them in the waiting room when you're ready to be sent home. I'm guessing that people who think this is NBD aren't at an age when they do these with much frequency and don't have friends who are at that stage of life yet. I happen to be close to someone with a rare condition that requires a colonoscopy annually and our friend circle rotate driving him since he has no spouse, so I'm very famliar with how this works.

And no, you cannot just call a friend. Well, if you happen to know lots of retired people or others who don't have day jobs, you probably won't feel comfortable asking a friend to take off work and use their PTO to drive you there and home. It takes at least half a day of PTO. And I've never worked for an employer (in govt, private, and non-profit sectors) that let me use sick leave to care for someone who is not a family member. So, you'd be asking your friend to use their precious vacation time to help you out.

I'm not saying this is the reason to be remarry. But I think this is a great example of how society and real life are not set up for people who are single, especially as they age.

You are correct. I had to hire somone and pay for their time to take my mom to such small procedures. It takes half a day

But in my view, aging men are even more susceptible to loneliness and require more care early on. I wouldn’t want to be a primary caregiver to my partner if they categorically didn’t want to marry me. Just have your adult kids then arrange for all logistics and cook that chicken broth and tuck your duvet under your toes

My dad is 85 and recently he had surgery and we didn't know. He didn't tell anyone. My parents have been divorced for 30 years and dad never remarried.

He found a service that provided medical escort. He ensured the pain and stress alone. And he had a serious surgery too where they removed a few sections of his colon. I was really upset when I found out. But he just wants to be alone.

Men are stubborn. The degree to which they are happy living in isolation and alone is crazy.

2 weeks later he is back to Hiking.

[Anonymous]

"You believe in the “love of one’s life”. Cool. Not everyone thinks that way. Different strokes…"

Not sure how you concluded this??? I'm saying some people are willing to remarry and that is a perfectly find, normal, acceptable thing. The word remarry implies that the person already married at least one time before. Presumably, everyone loved their first spouse. So, by definition, people who support remarriage don't believe that there's only ONE love of one's life.

But yes, different strokes. People who choose to remarry are not stupid, as PP insists. They just have a different outlook on life and love.

[Anonymous]

Marriage is the ONLY correct way to fulfill your sexual desires. Otherwise you will be living in sin

[Anonymous]

One reason to remarry for some people is Social Security. Maximum benefit is now over $63K per year. Your ex spouse can collect that if you die. How would you feel about your ex taking in $63K annually but “your person” receiving far less?

You need to be married for at least 1 year to be eligible. And your ex spouse won’t be affected by whether you remarry. Btw, the $63K is an inflation-adjusted lifetime annuity — worth close to $1MM depending on your age.

[Anonymous]

"One reason to remarry for some people is Social Security. Maximum benefit is now over $63K per year. Your ex spouse can collect that if you die. How would you feel about your ex taking in $63K annually but “your person” receiving far less?"

I only recently learned that this is how it works and I was shocked. I quickly called my sister to tell her to draw on her ex's SS since she's eligible. She had no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to imagine how you'd finally meet your person after having "lost" in love for all this time and then still not want to spend your time and resources with them. It's instinct to want to protect and care for someone you deeply love. Their well-being becomes of upmost importance to you. Two adults who are madly in love and have fewer than "twenty good summers" left to spend together naturally want to make a home together. That's what couples do, regardless of age. The bonding, nesting, and making one another a part of every moment in your life is the normal progression of a union built between two adults. There's no reason to think that doesn't apply after a certain age.

As I see it, the fact that OP is keeping his GF at arm's length either means he isn't truly convinced that his life is immeasureably better with her in it, or he's got some baggage that he needs help from a therapist to unload before he blows it. Prenups take care of the financial issues that might be a worry for OP; Money is not the reason to not remarry. OP probably knows this in his heart of hearts and it is just an easy excuse he's using to maintain distance. At the very least, OP needs to WANT to live with his GF if the relationship is going to advance. The relationship either grows in its intensity and commitment, or it will wither.

Why are people bothering to put OPs into ChatGPT and then posting the responses? Just to drum up traffic on the site?

[Anonymous]

You fell for the oldest bait and switch in the book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You fell for the oldest bait and switch in the book.

God forbid she changes her mind because she actually cares for him.

My guess is that you and guys like you are not a catch at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One reason to remarry for some people is Social Security. Maximum benefit is now over $63K per year. Your ex spouse can collect that if you die. How would you feel about your ex taking in $63K annually but “your person” receiving far less?

You need to be married for at least 1 year to be eligible. And your ex spouse won’t be affected by whether you remarry. Btw, the $63K is an inflation-adjusted lifetime annuity — worth close to $1MM depending on your age.

Fair, but most of us by midlife have our own SS or a spouse's SS to draw on. I am a woman, and I am rather cynical about why anyone would want to marry later in life - like, what are they trying to take from me? My money? My house? They want me to be their caregiver? They want me to cook or clean for them? I don't want to give or do those things. I don't need a new partner to take me to a hospital, and frankly, many men would bail on me if I got sick anyway. I'm not religious, and I have kids who love me, and I believe will be there for me in my final days, so I don't see any draw to remarriage. I'm with OP on this one, though I wouldn't be mad at my partner for bringing it up. It's fine if other people want it, but I would literally break up over it if it came to that.