SIL plotted to inherit estates from childless aunts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

I would hope that if I decided to do something stupid by arbitrarily disinheriting some family members, a close friend or family member would discuss the matter with me and make sure I'm aware of the consequences. If I have good reasons, that's fine and can be elucidated in such a conversation. Sometimes we all need a gentle reminder to reconsider our actions.

Arbitrarily? Disinherit?

How do you know how much time these grown women put into making these decisions?

Why are you calling them stupid? Because they are older? Because they are women?

Why do you assume the OP or anyone was disinherited? They have no right to someone else’s money. They may not have been in these wills in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

I would hope that if I decided to do something stupid by arbitrarily disinheriting some family members, a close friend or family member would discuss the matter with me and make sure I'm aware of the consequences. If I have good reasons, that's fine and can be elucidated in such a conversation. Sometimes we all need a gentle reminder to reconsider our actions.

This doesn’t seem like it was arbitrary.

Aunt sick and dying in the hospital changing her will to a wife of a nephew!?! lol.
Then hospital divorce was probably mainly to not bankrupt the healthy spouse and get on Medicaid and free hospice asap.

Dying? Who was dying?

[Anonymous]

Wills that aren’t equitable amongst heirs will always cause issues.
Wills that aren’t equitable amongst heirs and kept a secret most definitely will.

Do you all know how many siblings or nieces no longer talk because of an inequitable will reveal!? Pretty many.
Some recipients go back and redistribute to keep the relationship, the ones who don’t keep the rift going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wills that aren’t equitable amongst heirs will always cause issues.
Wills that aren’t equitable amongst heirs and kept a secret most definitely will.

Do you all know how many siblings or nieces no longer talk because of an inequitable will reveal!? Pretty many.
Some recipients go back and redistribute to keep the relationship, the ones who don’t keep the rift going.

These are aunts, not parents, and this is obviously not a close family. After receiving medical care for years, there might not be much left anyway. If you’re more concerned about how much money your childless elderly relatives are leaving you than how they are faring, don’t be surprised if they don’t follow your rules for inheritance. They can and should do what they like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recency bias is real OP. Forget the last 50 years, all that matters is the last few.

Unfortunately this ended up as a First Come, First Served situation and the relatives didn’t care that it was a spouse of a relative nor to ask around.

Bear in mind, the executioner of a will can, in reality, do whatever s/he wants with the house, money, art, vehicles, or even body. That’s the prize. That’s why an aunt would want the most truthworthy non-family member following the orders— surely an out of state schmoozing spouse of a nephew…

Sorry Op, you’ve all been had. That’s why it’s a secret.

Yeah, no! I’ve been the executor of two estates. I had to follow the wishes of the deceased as stated in the wills. I got 0% more than anyone else.

Great, sounds like here when an old aunt was ill plus divorcing the new deal got negotiated with the SIL as executor and only beneficiary. So don’t bother saying she will follow the wills directions, which she helped re-write.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Always keep tabs on your sickly old relatives, always.

Also don’t let anyone from your family manage your property.

Two life lessons for me

Agree

Would extend the first one to include having a Direct Line of communications with them.
Do not assume you are getting the true update from your parents or sibling or cousin. Lots of politics could be in play unfortunately.

Group comms mitigate that. But most families don’t have the balls to be transparent, especially if one or two members are trying to get power and control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I are each married with kids, to our respective spouses, and live in various states away from our hometown. My spouse and I work, my brother’s wife does not.

I just found out that several years ago my brother’s wife secretly positioned herself as each of my 2 married childless aunt’s estate administrators. In one case she and my brother are now set to inherit 100% of everything. In the other case, she will get a hefty 6 figure “admin fee” and the rest will be donated.

The first set was having health issues and divorced; she swept in with emails, letters and feigned concerned and got an ill aunt to change things. The second set she pitched something and who knows what the will says now.

I guess my brother went along with it and never told anyone, even our parents or me.

The divorced uncle informed me recently as they moved. The other aunt told a family member who told me. Ironically I work in investing and with deal lawyers, estate attorneys and tax attorneys all the time.

I’m really disgusted by this all. The lack of communication, transparency and omissions.

I dunno OP.
I come from a small family where everyone had one sibling so if one of us was having an annual BBQ catch up and were asked to be executor we’d say Yes. But then tell the other.

If we were asked do we want to inherit everything and cut out the other sibling, we’d ask Why. And probably still share whatever there could be.

Also, wills can change and change again. So as an elder I’d try to avoid that butt kissing game. But I can see how manipulative people do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious eye roll to you, op. This is a “my brother” issue not a “my sil” issue.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wills that aren’t equitable amongst heirs will always cause issues.
Wills that aren’t equitable amongst heirs and kept a secret most definitely will.

Do you all know how many siblings or nieces no longer talk because of an inequitable will reveal!? Pretty many.
Some recipients go back and redistribute to keep the relationship, the ones who don’t keep the rift going.

These are aunts, not parents, and this is obviously not a close family. After receiving medical care for years, there might not be much left anyway. If you’re more concerned about how much money your childless elderly relatives are leaving you than how they are faring, don’t be surprised if they don’t follow your rules for inheritance. They can and should do what they like.

This is the crux of it. OP saw these people when she was in town, a/k/a when it was convenient. No mention of phone calls, holiday cards, birthday visits. She mentions that one aunt had health issues and SIL reached out - but no evidence that OP did the same.

It's fine not to be particularly close with your aunts and uncles, but it's gross to spend no time with someone and then act aggrieved that you're not their heir. Keep in mind that OP is bothered by the aunt leaving her money to charity as well -- this is not about SIL abusing anyone or working the system but about OP feeling entitled to money that had nothing to do with her and pouting when her expectations are thwarted.

[Anonymous]

I don’t sense the money for either side is the issue.
It’s the secrets and back channeling that obviously happened and continue to happen.
That also can lead to more cuts in the will, so “Early ButtKisser Gets the Worm.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your brother is just as much to blame as his wife. He could have stopped her, but he didn't.

I'm sorry, OP. At least you can refuse to help this family with equanimity now that you know they will inherit a significant sum. Focus on your own life. The best revenge is living well!

PS: You could also inform your parents and explain that it's only fair that they compensate for this unfairness by weighing each of your inheritances accordingly. Depends what kind of parents they are.

Karma may take care of it all.
Trust is no longer strong so just focus on doing well and those you can trust. I bet the aunts feel bad at some level unless they like games like this. I watched one grandmother play off her 6 kids her whole life and from the grave when one got 80% of everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t sense the money for either side is the issue.
It’s the secrets and back channeling that obviously happened and continue to happen.
That also can lead to more cuts in the will, so “Early ButtKisser Gets the Worm.”

From OP’s original post:
“In one case she and my brother are now set to inherit 100% of everything. In the other case, she will get a hefty 6 figure “admin fee” and the rest will be donated.“

If it’s not about the money, then what are you implying about “buttkissing” and “worms”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t sense the money for either side is the issue.
It’s the secrets and back channeling that obviously happened and continue to happen.
That also can lead to more cuts in the will, so “Early ButtKisser Gets the Worm.”

From OP’s original post:
“In one case she and my brother are now set to inherit 100% of everything. In the other case, she will get a hefty 6 figure “admin fee” and the rest will be donated.“

If it’s not about the money, then what are you implying about “buttkissing” and “worms”?

If it’s not about the money, how or why did SIL & Aunt change one will to exclude the only other niece?

If the brother and SIL are so caring and altruistic then they could have done everything above board: hey family update, we’re the executors and whatever’s left gets split 50/50 to heirs per the usual probate law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t sense the money for either side is the issue.
It’s the secrets and back channeling that obviously happened and continue to happen.
That also can lead to more cuts in the will, so “Early ButtKisser Gets the Worm.”

Agree, as time goes by no one wants to fix it back to normal because that’s messy and includes admitting they have bad form. So early bird gets all and it sticks.

Go ugly early folks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t sense the money for either side is the issue.
It’s the secrets and back channeling that obviously happened and continue to happen.
That also can lead to more cuts in the will, so “Early ButtKisser Gets the Worm.”

From OP’s original post:
“In one case she and my brother are now set to inherit 100% of everything. In the other case, she will get a hefty 6 figure “admin fee” and the rest will be donated.“

If it’s not about the money, then what are you implying about “buttkissing” and “worms”?

If it’s not about the money, how or why did SIL & Aunt change one will to exclude the only other niece?

If the brother and SIL are so caring and altruistic then they could have done everything above board: hey family update, we’re the executors and whatever’s left gets split 50/50 to heirs per the usual probate law.

This doesn't make any sense. For the will that names SIL executor, the money goes to charity. But you think that unless the executor breaks the law and distributes the money as though the estate is intestate, she's a scammer?

There's no evidence that the will that gives the money to brother and SIL was changed "to exclude" OP, either. We have no way of knowing whether OP was ever considered or named as an heir by that aunt. I have 9 aunts and don't think I'm a named heir in any of their wills, that's not particularly common.