Vent: Invited to 4 child-free weddings this summer

[Anonymous]

I just love the lack of self-awareness when people who insisted upon having a child-free wedding themselves then kvetch about such absurdity once they have children of their own.

FTR, we hade upwards of 20 kids at our wedding. Why? Because weddings should be a celebration with family and friends, and we realized most parents can’t participate if they are forced to find alternative plans for their kids.

I’m 50 now, and I detest black tie weddings or any event where the alleged hosts attempt to dictate attire; and I detest child free weddings (where everyone spends months hearing about how unreasonable the hosts are for not letting cousin Amanda bring the baby she is nursing or whatever).

To the pp in the wedding along with her husband and kids who are flower girls yet not invited to the party - I can’t believe you agreed to this. I would have said our family is happy to celebrate with you and shoulder the significant financial aspects of travel, special outfits, etc. but I hope you understand that all of us need to attend as we can’t easily find care for the kids.” A normal host would have invited the other grandparents to attend so they could help with the kids and duck out early to put them to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just love the lack of self-awareness when people who insisted upon having a child-free wedding themselves then kvetch about such absurdity once they have children of their own.

FTR, we hade upwards of 20 kids at our wedding. Why? Because weddings should be a celebration with family and friends, and we realized most parents can’t participate if they are forced to find alternative plans for their kids.

I’m 50 now, and I detest black tie weddings or any event where the alleged hosts attempt to dictate attire; and I detest child free weddings (where everyone spends months hearing about how unreasonable the hosts are for not letting cousin Amanda bring the baby she is nursing or whatever).

To the pp in the wedding along with her husband and kids who are flower girls yet not invited to the party - I can’t believe you agreed to this. I would have said our family is happy to celebrate with you and shoulder the significant financial aspects of travel, special outfits, etc. but I hope you understand that all of us need to attend as we can’t easily find care for the kids.” A normal host would have invited the other grandparents to attend so they could help with the kids and duck out early to put them to bed.

It’s just their profound narcissist at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who want to bring their kids make it all about them. Certain types of weddings are very formal, in major cities it costs a huge amount per plate, and most of the reception is after bedtime. You can decline; go without your spouse; or hire a babysitter or ask a family member to watch your kids and enjoy the evening.

With 5 weddings this summer it's a burden for 1 spouse to travel alone to every wedding. Some of which are also during the week to save money.

DP. So pick and choose. The most "important" wedding (of a sibling or very close friend, or where one of you is IN the wedding) might merit finding overnight help with the kids at home. Another wedding might be a case of "This is your friend/relative, so you attend solo" and yet another, "This is my friend/relative, so I'll go solo." And some weddings, you just RSVP with "no" and good wishes.

No one is saying anyone MUST go to all five weddings. Adults know how to choose priorities and say no to some things. Preferably without whining about it or holding grudges.

[Anonymous]

When we got married it was not stated as child free but our friends didn't even want their kids to come hah!!! It was more or less agreed upon that the adults have a much better time sans their kids and a good reason for a babysitter. I mean we declined weddings as we didn't want to bring our kids never mind if it were stated we couldn't or not! Who wants to manage a 3 yr old at a party with booze dancing and mostly all adults?!

Not sure the prob OP just say no but your friends were kind enough to invite you.

As for PP whose flower girls were disinvited now that us cruel strange and mean. My kids when asked to be flower girl and ring bearer get to be in wedding party and attend. We get a sitter however for support as we really want to enjoy time there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just love the lack of self-awareness when people who insisted upon having a child-free wedding themselves then kvetch about such absurdity once they have children of their own.

FTR, we hade upwards of 20 kids at our wedding. Why? Because weddings should be a celebration with family and friends, and we realized most parents can’t participate if they are forced to find alternative plans for their kids.

I’m 50 now, and I detest black tie weddings or any event where the alleged hosts attempt to dictate attire; and I detest child free weddings (where everyone spends months hearing about how unreasonable the hosts are for not letting cousin Amanda bring the baby she is nursing or whatever).

To the pp in the wedding along with her husband and kids who are flower girls yet not invited to the party - I can’t believe you agreed to this. I would have said our family is happy to celebrate with you and shoulder the significant financial aspects of travel, special outfits, etc. but I hope you understand that all of us need to attend as we can’t easily find care for the kids.” A normal host would have invited the other grandparents to attend so they could help with the kids and duck out early to put them to bed.

I didn’t have such an egregious situation but I did have kids in the wedding party of a child free wedding and found it awkward. I would say that when we were to be in the wedding party and agreed I had no idea the wedding would be child free and no one provided a schedule or anything. It was only months later that we actually saw on the real invitation that it was no kids please. And then even later that they sent us the schedule (and I privately went “oh good lord pictures are scheduled right in the middle of naptime and ceremony is RIGHT when we usually eat dinner how can I start shift schedules so my children aren’t melting down in every memory everyone has of this event”). If I had wanted to bow out there wasn’t a time it would really have felt possible. I feel for PP — she’s been placed in an impossible situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just love the lack of self-awareness when people who insisted upon having a child-free wedding themselves then kvetch about such absurdity once they have children of their own.

FTR, we hade upwards of 20 kids at our wedding. Why? Because weddings should be a celebration with family and friends, and we realized most parents can’t participate if they are forced to find alternative plans for their kids.

I’m 50 now, and I detest black tie weddings or any event where the alleged hosts attempt to dictate attire; and I detest child free weddings (where everyone spends months hearing about how unreasonable the hosts are for not letting cousin Amanda bring the baby she is nursing or whatever).

To the pp in the wedding along with her husband and kids who are flower girls yet not invited to the party - I can’t believe you agreed to this. I would have said our family is happy to celebrate with you and shoulder the significant financial aspects of travel, special outfits, etc. but I hope you understand that all of us need to attend as we can’t easily find care for the kids.” A normal host would have invited the other grandparents to attend so they could help with the kids and duck out early to put them to bed.

I didn’t have such an egregious situation but I did have kids in the wedding party of a child free wedding and found it awkward. I would say that when we were to be in the wedding party and agreed I had no idea the wedding would be child free and no one provided a schedule or anything. It was only months later that we actually saw on the real invitation that it was no kids please. And then even later that they sent us the schedule (and I privately went “oh good lord pictures are scheduled right in the middle of naptime and ceremony is RIGHT when we usually eat dinner how can I start shift schedules so my children aren’t melting down in every memory everyone has of this event”). If I had wanted to bow out there wasn’t a time it would really have felt possible. I feel for PP — she’s been placed in an impossible situation.

It is always possible to back out. If you got sick or there were a death in the family, you wouldn't go, right? So it's possible.

What there are are better and worse times to back out. Any time before the final headcount for the caterer is fine. Be politely apologetic but straightforward: "I'd thought we could make this work, but the logistics are just a nightmare, so [whatever your decision is]. We'll be thinking of you!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just love the lack of self-awareness when people who insisted upon having a child-free wedding themselves then kvetch about such absurdity once they have children of their own.

FTR, we hade upwards of 20 kids at our wedding. Why? Because weddings should be a celebration with family and friends, and we realized most parents can’t participate if they are forced to find alternative plans for their kids.

I’m 50 now, and I detest black tie weddings or any event where the alleged hosts attempt to dictate attire; and I detest child free weddings (where everyone spends months hearing about how unreasonable the hosts are for not letting cousin Amanda bring the baby she is nursing or whatever).

To the pp in the wedding along with her husband and kids who are flower girls yet not invited to the party - I can’t believe you agreed to this. I would have said our family is happy to celebrate with you and shoulder the significant financial aspects of travel, special outfits, etc. but I hope you understand that all of us need to attend as we can’t easily find care for the kids.” A normal host would have invited the other grandparents to attend so they could help with the kids and duck out early to put them to bed.

I would truly feel my kids were just being used for a photo op (to be put on Instagram obviously) and not valued. I wouldn't have agreed.

[Anonymous]

Sound like they want to have a drunken hoedown. No situational awareness whatsoever of the hoops their guests are required to jump through.

[Anonymous]

I am ok with a child-free wedding if the bride/groom pay for childcare.

For what its worth we had children at our wedding (including two babies) and the adults made more disturbances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am ok with a child-free wedding if the bride/groom pay for childcare.

For what its worth we had children at our wedding (including two babies) and the adults made more disturbances.

In college I was paid $150 to babysit for like 10 kids in a room adjacent to the wedding. It's totally doable and not that expensive.

[Anonymous]

Our child was the flower girl at a wedding last weekend and it was immediately evident that weddings aren’t child-friendly. There is a lot of waiting around, pictures, fancy dresses and booze. It would be more fun without kids tbh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been attending weddings for 20 years and this is the 2nd to 5th time I've been invited to child-free weddings. I don't get it. At least for one wedding we know we're one of only 2 people with kids in the family. It's just so off putting. I'd frankly rather not be invited.

Who is holding a gun to your head?
As been noted many times, just RSVP NO and stop whining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am ok with a child-free wedding if the bride/groom pay for childcare.

For what its worth we had children at our wedding (including two babies) and the adults made more disturbances.

In college I was paid $150 to babysit for like 10 kids in a room adjacent to the wedding. It's totally doable and not that expensive.

Only $150? You should have charged $150 for each kid.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t say I detest child free/adults only weddings but I don’t get them either. I was also raised that weddings were for family and I loved seeing all the little kids at my wedding. And I loved weddings when I was a kid too!

Only one of the adults only weddings that I’ve been to was what I would say was too nice/formal for a child. That was a late night wedding and reception in a museum. The others were all your basic receptions in large reception halls. There was no particular reason kids couldn’t be there.

[Anonymous]

I've been to a couple of weddings where childcare was provided. They had their own kid friendly meal, too.