Vent: Invited to 4 child-free weddings this summer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a sitter or send in your regrets. This is not hard.

No one is saying it’s hard — what a sh!ta$$ and disrespectful response. OP is just frustrated that there are now 4 weddings s/he has to either decline or pay for childcare; it’s not the wedding party’s fault by any means, but it can still suck and OP is allowed to be disappointed.

NP. It seems to me it would be a whole lot easier on OP if she simply felt her feelings, checked the “no” box, and then moved on with her day instead of ruminating and trying to drum up pity on the Internet. Why fuel the bad feelings by picking over them with total strangers? How is that better than simply moving on?

Op doesn’t seem to be ruminating. It was a vent. It helps organize thoughts around tackling a problem.

What is there to “tackle” about ticking “with regrets” on a pre-set RSVP card?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a sitter or send in your regrets. This is not hard.

No one is saying it’s hard — what a sh!ta$$ and disrespectful response. OP is just frustrated that there are now 4 weddings s/he has to either decline or pay for childcare; it’s not the wedding party’s fault by any means, but it can still suck and OP is allowed to be disappointed.

NP. It seems to me it would be a whole lot easier on OP if she simply felt her feelings, checked the “no” box, and then moved on with her day instead of ruminating and trying to drum up pity on the Internet. Why fuel the bad feelings by picking over them with total strangers? How is that better than simply moving on?

Op doesn’t seem to be ruminating. It was a vent. It helps organize thoughts around tackling a problem.

What is there to “tackle” about ticking “with regrets” on a pre-set RSVP card?

Nothing at all. DCUM is filled with anxious hover mothers with raging social anxiety and insecurities. Normal people check the box and move on.

[Anonymous]

Most weddings we’ve been to over the last 10 years have been child free. When our daughters got married we didn’t even consider it.

[Anonymous]

You RSVP for one. Why are none of you going without your spouse? One stays home with the kids. One goes if it matters to them - it's their family or their friend. Don't you ever do anything, go anywhere without your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids take over the dance floor, spill things, cry, etc. Just not cute. IMO weddings are for adults.

lol what?!

Weddings are for FAMILIES

2 families becoming 1

So if a couple and/or singles are childless for whatever reason, are they not considered a family?

[Anonymous]

Kids don’t belong at formal and cocktail weddings. We don’t really have family help so sadly can’t go to most of what we’re invited to as a couple but that’s just our bad luck of the draw

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids take over the dance floor, spill things, cry, etc. Just not cute. IMO weddings are for adults.

lol what?!

Weddings are for FAMILIES

2 families becoming 1

So if a couple and/or singles are childless for whatever reason, are they not considered a family?

They’re seat fillers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You RSVP for one. Why are none of you going without your spouse? One stays home with the kids. One goes if it matters to them - it's their family or their friend. Don't you ever do anything, go anywhere without your spouse?

THIS, times 1,000!

What is with the joined-at-the-hip spouses here? I think some of the parents are just looking to be offended, rather than simply saying, this is a great chance for me to go solo to my friend's wedding, for you to go solo to your cousin's wedding, etc. Grown-ups, yes, even ones with kids, can do things and go places--even overnight!--without the spouse and kids in tow. Whole family invited? Great. No kids, but you got a sitter/made arrangements and you and spouse can go, sans kids? Great. Kids not invited and one of you has to stay home? Great. It's a wedding, a party. Go or don't go but don't whinge about how your family is an all-or-nothing package

But knowing DCUM, the spouse who stays home with kids will likely come along here to post about feeling left out, resenting "babysitting" their own children (gasp!), things aren't perfectly equitable and "fair," blah blah....

[Anonymous]

I have a big family and wanted a child free evening wedding. The kids were invited to come the church and I hired a sitter at the hotel for out of town people. The children who were in the wedding were invited to the reception.

I have no family in the area so there have been times when only one will go or we will decline if children are not invited. People can invite who they want to their event.

[Anonymous]

Just say No. It’s their celebration. They can invite whoever they want. You can choose to go or not. Your kids are not entitled to an invitation. Stop venting. This is stupid.

[Anonymous]

Parents who want to bring their kids make it all about them. Certain types of weddings are very formal, in major cities it costs a huge amount per plate, and most of the reception is after bedtime. You can decline; go without your spouse; or hire a babysitter or ask a family member to watch your kids and enjoy the evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Def a bridezilla thing. Even when it’s your day, still not the center of the world. Kids are a part of the community. Folks have really gotten too precious about their expectations.

I blame social media. Brides these days don’t want to celebrate a wedding, they want to star in a social media event. I genuinely don’t think many of them care much about the meaning of the event.

+1. I would have been to happy to elope and probably should have! Our wedding was low key by today's standards and there is NO WAY I'd want to plan a wedding today. And I have two daughters...

In some ways these events are not unrelated. I firmly believe that the rise of narcissistic brides who ban children from weddings is associated with the rise of badly behaved children. In both cases it’s the result of bad parenting. The terrible brats running around weddings without discipline turn into the grossly self-aborbed brides. They are the same people just twenty years apart.

But at least the first part in rectifying that wrong is banning the younger generation of brats from the weddings. They won't let the bad parenting ruin the next cycle of weddings. Maybe the parents will get a clue. Because the parenting certainly isn't getting better. Ask the teachers how it's going.

No, actually it’s not. The first part in rectifying that situation is inviting kids to events like weddings but letting the rest of the family discipline the kids if they misbehave and openly shame the parents of the parents don’t step up. That’s how kids learn how to behave and how not to need to be the center of attention, and that’s how bad parenting is mitigated.

Part of why these horrifically narcissistic bridezillas exist is precisely because as children they never had the experience of being shamed or disciplined for misbehavior. That doesn’t have to come from parents, if the parents are weak and incapable; in a functioning community, it’s a common goal. This is why children at large religious red state weddings are much better behaved than children at coastal liberal weddings: because in the red state religious weddings, there are community expectations for behavior that are enforced if the parents won’t step in. (And I say this as a coastal atheist.)

The tedious narcissist childfree weddings are an outgrowth of both bad parenting and a weak community and extended family. It’s a generational problem that just compounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been attending weddings for 20 years and this is the 2nd to 5th time I've been invited to child-free weddings. I don't get it. At least for one wedding we know we're one of only 2 people with kids in the family. It's just so off putting. I'd frankly rather not be invited.

Children are a major PITA at weddings. I had a "no child under 16" at my wedding. If it's a hardship for you then RSVP no.

We got married late 30s. If we allowed children the math worked out to about a 100 person wedding with 65 plus kids. That's kinda insane? My family doesn't do kids at wedding so it wasn't a thing but I'm slightly surprised people think kids should be expected, I've always made mine stay home and don't enjoy weddings where it feels like a daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t belong at formal and cocktail weddings. We don’t really have family help so sadly can’t go to most of what we’re invited to as a couple but that’s just our bad luck of the draw

None of these are formal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents who want to bring their kids make it all about them. Certain types of weddings are very formal, in major cities it costs a huge amount per plate, and most of the reception is after bedtime. You can decline; go without your spouse; or hire a babysitter or ask a family member to watch your kids and enjoy the evening.

With 5 weddings this summer it's a burden for 1 spouse to travel alone to every wedding. Some of which are also during the week to save money.