Are you low key about your wealth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a net worth of about $14 million (all earned) and will inherit $10 million or so at some point.

I wear Banana Republic clothes and sometimes Gap or Old Navy. So you can afford to not buy garbage made in sweatshops, but you choose to. Okay. My husband wears $30 t shirts only if I can find them on sale. He did have custom suits made on a trip to Thailand but he is semi retired and works from home so he wears old t shirts and shorts all day. He spends almost nothing on himself.

Our house is worth about $2.2 million but we do a lot of work ourselves (mostly because contractors do shoddy work). [b][i]so you don't put much back into the economy...you hoard it.My husband fixes my 8 year old Mercedes SUV if there are issues.

Our kids are a different story. They go to public school but have private lessons for sports, tutors, expensive clothes and sports equipment. My 17 yr old has a new $45,000 SUV though we also use it sometimes. (Safety was a priority.)

So kids think my kids are rich but our friends don’t suspect we are! And while they are adorable and kind kids who don’t expect these things (or ask), I do think they might not understand how hard it is to earn a decent living. However, my 17 year old did say he feels bad that college costs so much so he wants to find a cheaper school. That made me sad. We’ve never mentioned that college is an issue or source of stress.

I suspect my husband and I will live relatively frugally forever buying used cars, clothes on sale and doing repairs ourselves. It’s just who we are.

My husband wants to leave most of our money to our kids. One has a degenerative illness and might struggle later in life. The other child will be fine but will get his share.

Money has eliminated that specific area of stress (which can be significant). It hasn’t made us happier or changed our friendships. Our friends know we aren’t poor but don’t know how comfortable we are. They were our friends when we earned very little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone feel the need to cosplay as being poor?

It's like the equivalent of a teenage girl acting dumb to meet boys, because she thinks that's what other teenage boys want.

No one cares if you have money, and you're holding your happiness back if you have a scarcity mindset with your millions.

If you have family who need extra aid, I get it. But most people on this board are like, "I can't possibly enjoy jet skis for myself because then my son wouldn't be able to buy jet skis." I think you'll both be able to buy the jet skis. Live bigger.

We would like to believe people don't care, but they do. People can easily become envious if they think you have money. They may start asking you for money, only want to be friends with you because you have money, look to steal from you, etc. There is a lot of danger in flaunting or showing off your money. Hence, why people who are used to having a lot of money are low key. Life is much easier when people don't know you have money.

Let's say instead of living in a 1M house, you decide to move to a 3M house in a neighborhood of 3M houses. Why would your neighbors judge you?

Maybe you decide to go to a Michelin star restaurant. Is the server going to rob you?

No one is telling people to waltz around with a fan made of 100 dollar bills, but I think you can upgrade your clothes from GAP to Theory (if you care about clothes) without getting targeted.

Also, if your best friend isn't going to love you anymore because you are successful in life, you guys aren't really friends.

Finally, you aren't the only rich person in the DMV. If you haven't noticed, every anonymous person on this forum is a millionaire. You can make friends with people who don't want to rob you because they too are rich. You're more likely to meet these people if you do the same rich people things as they do, and they're likely to be as successful and hardworking as you. I think you can let go of the middle class facade and have a happy life.

[Anonymous]

OP -

Months after this thread but maybe still helpful:

Flaunting is practically a bad idea because you will find envy extremely alive; you might think people would be impressed but instead only negative feelings are evoked. So, instead:

We omit a lot of mention in convos. We don’t mention we are in a country club. When the topic of flights come up, we do not mention business class. We do not mention multiple homes, hotel names, a lot of other things. Such convos are constrained, always. If others mention more things giving indicators, we might share a bit more, cautiously.

Meanwhile, we do live our lives. People would call it living it up, we see it as living within our means. My kid is always being advised by me on how to say something; if I can’t trust her (being 8) to not disclose revealing things, I myself will not give her certain information. This is to her peers in her fairly notable private school.

It’s not shame (we earned it and it took time), but that there is zero gain in flaunting. Envy is extremely pervasive, seems a knee-jerk reaction, even to some very educated people.

What we want to do is learn from/befriend those more well-off/successful than us, but they are usually doing the same (hiding), no doubt for the same reason, so there’s no one to have free chats with. The only more free forum is where those present, to be in the social setting, there was a threshold for access. There, still, understating everything, because of habit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -

Months after this thread but maybe still helpful:

Flaunting is practically a bad idea because you will find envy extremely alive; you might think people would be impressed but instead only negative feelings are evoked. So, instead:

We omit a lot of mention in convos. We don’t mention we are in a country club. When the topic of flights come up, we do not mention business class. We do not mention multiple homes, hotel names, a lot of other things. Such convos are constrained, always. If others mention more things giving indicators, we might share a bit more, cautiously.

Meanwhile, we do live our lives. People would call it living it up, we see it as living within our means. My kid is always being advised by me on how to say something; if I can’t trust her (being 8) to not disclose revealing things, I myself will not give her certain information. This is to her peers in her fairly notable private school.

It’s not shame (we earned it and it took time), but that there is zero gain in flaunting. Envy is extremely pervasive, seems a knee-jerk reaction, even to some very educated people.

What we want to do is learn from/befriend those more well-off/successful than us, but they are usually doing the same (hiding), no doubt for the same reason, so there’s no one to have free chats with. The only more free forum is where those present, to be in the social setting, there was a threshold for access. There, still, understating everything, because of habit.

My take is it's impossible. You can dance around trying not to offend and trigger, but ultimately it is triggering to people. It's easier hanging out with people who are about the same socio-economically. I am not rich and find it easier myself.

[Anonymous]

We never talk about it but we can’t hide it as we have two nice homes, have memberships at two nice clubs and travel a fair amount. We don’t spend a lot on cars or clothes because they don’t mean much to us. I think people would be very surprised about how much we do have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -

Months after this thread but maybe still helpful:

Flaunting is practically a bad idea because you will find envy extremely alive; you might think people would be impressed but instead only negative feelings are evoked. So, instead:

We omit a lot of mention in convos. We don’t mention we are in a country club. When the topic of flights come up, we do not mention business class. We do not mention multiple homes, hotel names, a lot of other things. Such convos are constrained, always. If others mention more things giving indicators, we might share a bit more, cautiously.

Meanwhile, we do live our lives. People would call it living it up, we see it as living within our means. My kid is always being advised by me on how to say something; if I can’t trust her (being 8) to not disclose revealing things, I myself will not give her certain information. This is to her peers in her fairly notable private school.

It’s not shame (we earned it and it took time), but that there is zero gain in flaunting. Envy is extremely pervasive, seems a knee-jerk reaction, even to some very educated people.

What we want to do is learn from/befriend those more well-off/successful than us, but they are usually doing the same (hiding), no doubt for the same reason, so there’s no one to have free chats with. The only more free forum is where those present, to be in the social setting, there was a threshold for access. There, still, understating everything, because of habit.

What an excruciatingly cringey read.

You put yourself on quite a pedestal and seem to feel oppressed. You seem to think of yourself as Anne Frank hiding in a rhetorical attic to avoid certain death from the poors.

[Anonymous]

I splurged on a nice car three years ago but otherwise we are low key. Public schools, still in the house we bought 25 years ago, nice but not super expensive vacations. It helps that our friends have 15 or 20 million +, where we have about 9 million. LOL, it's all ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is wealthy?

I guess for purposes of my question, I just mean, if you consider yourself wealthy, whatever that level of income/net worth is - are you open with others about it, do you keep it under wraps, do you do showy things (wear expensive clothing, live in a mansion, openly discuss the cost of things you do like travel, home projects, etc.)?

As for us, HHI a bit over $1M, NW about $4M, and I consider us wealthy but mostly low key. Never upgraded our house; still live in the same neighborhood as we did in our 20s when our HHI was 20% of what it is now. Send the kids to public. But...we have done some showy things too, like join an exclusive country club, take nice trips (and I do sometimes post photos), treat the kids' friends to expensive outings (like sporting events/concerts). So maybe we are flaunty, I don't know. The thought came up because a cousin complained to me about another one of our cousins who just planned a $40k trip to Italy. Cousin #1 thought cousin #2 was obnoxious for discussing the trip details. Cousin #1 is just as wealthy as cousin #2 so I'm thinking #2 didn't think anything of discussing price since he knew #1 could easily afford such a trip if he wanted.

I love the idea of being modest and quiet about wealth. But in practice, living large is also pretty fun. Just wondered how other people feel about it, or what they're willing to admit to. Would anyone actually confess that it's fun to appear wealthy, to be envied, to have more than most? I'd say it is part fun, but also part shameful. I'm now looking at cousin #2 like, crap, I don't want #1 or anyone else to think I'm obnoxious/braggy/flaunty.

To me this isn't wealthy.

What is wealthy to you?

It’s not wealthy. If your HHI is $1M, and your NW is $4M, didn’t upgrade house, kids in public, you are doing something wrong or need a better financial advisor. Your NW should be much higher or you are lying or a troll. You are losing money and don’t even knkw it. Go find it!

My thoughts too. Our HHI is $330 K and our net worth is over 6 million.

[Anonymous]

The fun thing about HHI is you don't know what someone's last 20 years of HHI was shut from knowing this year's number.

[Anonymous]

I can be more general. The rich prefer their houses out of sight, either by an out of the way location or set back behind trees or a high wall of shrubbery. Although a gate or other structural features might be visible, the house will be primarily surrounded by natural features. The house itself will be made of high quality materials (brick, marble, etc) and there is a strong preference for old wood flooring. The house will retain original features, and great care is taken to retain original finishings. The house is built with entertainment in mind, so the larger rooms are for dining and socializing. Since the rich are served, the kitchen is small, spartan, and outdated.

The rich enjoy an occasional elaborate meal, but usually eat sparingly and tend toward healthy comfort food. Lunch may consist of a tomato soup with fresh cream and basil, or a salad. Breakfast is a bowl of oatmeal or eggs. Dinner may be larger but usually classic- a pan seared steak, cooked in butter. Or grilled salmon. Grilled veggies on the side.

Alcohol abounds but is, like food, driven by comfort and familiarity. The table wine tends to be the same at each meal and is a familiar brand of high quality wine (caymus, opus one) or more likely, a boutique wine with qhom the family has developed a client like relationship and from whom the family buys in bulk. No sweet alcohol, no fruity cocktails, and absolutely no wines made from fruits other than grapes.

The rich dress in layers and the layers are colorful. A rich man does not use a white undershirt in his off time, he wears something more striking. He gets extra points with multiple layers. His entire wardrobe is built for xomfort- this is seen mostly in the exceptional quality of the materials, which are natural.

The rich appreciate authenticity in all forms. They want to look a fish in the eye when they eat it, they want their tacos from a truck where all the day laborers eat. They want to learn salsa dancing while in their summer in Colombia and experience the exhilarating humiliation of a Turkish bathhouse. Therefore they do not prefer to interact only with other rich people because that would deprive them of the fullness of the human condition. A Michelin rated restaurant might have more reliable quality, but the rich love neighborhood gems even more.

The rich love hygge. They love fire and candles, water glistening in the moonlight, and music played slightly too softly.

The rich pursue education in order to improve their conversation skills, not to learn a skill. Unless the skill is fun, like being a pilot or an archeologist. Under no circumstances does a rich man adorn his car with a bumper sticker of his alma mater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can be more general. The rich prefer their houses out of sight, either by an out of the way location or set back behind trees or a high wall of shrubbery. Although a gate or other structural features might be visible, the house will be primarily surrounded by natural features. The house itself will be made of high quality materials (brick, marble, etc) and there is a strong preference for old wood flooring. The house will retain original features, and great care is taken to retain original finishings. The house is built with entertainment in mind, so the larger rooms are for dining and socializing. Since the rich are served, the kitchen is small, spartan, and outdated.

The rich enjoy an occasional elaborate meal, but usually eat sparingly and tend toward healthy comfort food. Lunch may consist of a tomato soup with fresh cream and basil, or a salad. Breakfast is a bowl of oatmeal or eggs. Dinner may be larger but usually classic- a pan seared steak, cooked in butter. Or grilled salmon. Grilled veggies on the side.

Alcohol abounds but is, like food, driven by comfort and familiarity. The table wine tends to be the same at each meal and is a familiar brand of high quality wine (caymus, opus one) or more likely, a boutique wine with qhom the family has developed a client like relationship and from whom the family buys in bulk. No sweet alcohol, no fruity cocktails, and absolutely no wines made from fruits other than grapes.

The rich dress in layers and the layers are colorful. A rich man does not use a white undershirt in his off time, he wears something more striking. He gets extra points with multiple layers. His entire wardrobe is built for xomfort- this is seen mostly in the exceptional quality of the materials, which are natural.

The rich appreciate authenticity in all forms. They want to look a fish in the eye when they eat it, they want their tacos from a truck where all the day laborers eat. They want to learn salsa dancing while in their summer in Colombia and experience the exhilarating humiliation of a Turkish bathhouse. Therefore they do not prefer to interact only with other rich people because that would deprive them of the fullness of the human condition. A Michelin rated restaurant might have more reliable quality, but the rich love neighborhood gems even more.

The rich love hygge. They love fire and candles, water glistening in the moonlight, and music played slightly too softly.

The rich pursue education in order to improve their conversation skills, not to learn a skill. Unless the skill is fun, like being a pilot or an archeologist. Under no circumstances does a rich man adorn his car with a bumper sticker of his alma mater.

What in the AI is this drivel?

[Anonymous]

We are rich and eat AllBran. Eggs? Gedouddaheah.

[Anonymous]

I didn't know my parents were wealthy until they cover my entire 4 years of tuition, room and board at Pomona College as an international student from Ivory Coast in West Africa. I knew we had money because we lived in a big mansion with a swimming pool, marbles, basketball court, movie theater etc ...

But my parents were very humble. My dad drove a very old car called Peugeot and it was off to me because people who had less than us were coming to visit us in Mercedes S600. So I always thought they were the rich ones lol.

I credit my parents humbleness for keeping me grounded. I have done really well for myself..and maybe because I already grew up healthy and had everything I ever wanted, material things just don't mean anything to me. My wife comes from a poor family and she is also very humble. Now we are not outrageously rich, but we do better than most Americans with a net worth of $5 million and we are both 33.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -

Months after this thread but maybe still helpful:

Flaunting is practically a bad idea because you will find envy extremely alive; you might think people would be impressed but instead only negative feelings are evoked. So, instead:

We omit a lot of mention in convos. We don’t mention we are in a country club. When the topic of flights come up, we do not mention business class. We do not mention multiple homes, hotel names, a lot of other things. Such convos are constrained, always. If others mention more things giving indicators, we might share a bit more, cautiously.

Meanwhile, we do live our lives. People would call it living it up, we see it as living within our means. My kid is always being advised by me on how to say something; if I can’t trust her (being 8) to not disclose revealing things, I myself will not give her certain information. This is to her peers in her fairly notable private school.

It’s not shame (we earned it and it took time), but that there is zero gain in flaunting. Envy is extremely pervasive, seems a knee-jerk reaction, even to some very educated people.

What we want to do is learn from/befriend those more well-off/successful than us, but they are usually doing the same (hiding), no doubt for the same reason, so there’s no one to have free chats with. The only more free forum is where those present, to be in the social setting, there was a threshold for access. There, still, understating everything, because of habit.

This is such a weird post. I can’t tell if it’s a 50 YO who had a kid in their early 40s and retreated from normal society a decade ago or if it’s a troll or if they’re an aspie. It reads like an old gothic novel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is wealthy?

I guess for purposes of my question, I just mean, if you consider yourself wealthy, whatever that level of income/net worth is - are you open with others about it, do you keep it under wraps, do you do showy things (wear expensive clothing, live in a mansion, openly discuss the cost of things you do like travel, home projects, etc.)?

As for us, HHI a bit over $1M, NW about $4M, and I consider us wealthy but mostly low key. Never upgraded our house; still live in the same neighborhood as we did in our 20s when our HHI was 20% of what it is now. Send the kids to public. But...we have done some showy things too, like join an exclusive country club, take nice trips (and I do sometimes post photos), treat the kids' friends to expensive outings (like sporting events/concerts). So maybe we are flaunty, I don't know. The thought came up because a cousin complained to me about another one of our cousins who just planned a $40k trip to Italy. Cousin #1 thought cousin #2 was obnoxious for discussing the trip details. Cousin #1 is just as wealthy as cousin #2 so I'm thinking #2 didn't think anything of discussing price since he knew #1 could easily afford such a trip if he wanted.

I love the idea of being modest and quiet about wealth. But in practice, living large is also pretty fun. Just wondered how other people feel about it, or what they're willing to admit to. Would anyone actually confess that it's fun to appear wealthy, to be envied, to have more than most? I'd say it is part fun, but also part shameful. I'm now looking at cousin #2 like, crap, I don't want #1 or anyone else to think I'm obnoxious/braggy/flaunty.

You stopped me there. How is your NW so low if you are making 1 mil a year? We only make 1/3 of yours but we were able to save NW of 8 mil. Earned every penny ourselves. We are def low key about it.