Are you low key about your wealth?

[Anonymous]

Very low key. I live in a cheap $2,000 a month apartment. Drive an old car and I'm not flashy at all.

With that being said, I'd like to buy a place however when I look there are just really, really crappy houses and I would like to spend only about $500,000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would consider us to be wealthy (early 40s, about $10M net worth) and we're probably somewhere in the middle. I think you have to define "flaunt".

We present as UMC for sure - fit, nice clothes and accessories, nice skin/hair/teeth, hobbies like golf and tennis. We go on very nice vacations and often stay in really nice accommodations. But we're not ones to post social media photos of ourselves in first class or staying at the Four Seasons. So in that way, no I don't think we're flashy. Plus, we know people worth triple-digit-million dollars and fly private, so we're well aware of broader context.

But we do drive nice luxury cars and I have nice jewelry and bags. So I'm sure some people would see me getting out of my (white) luxury SUV, wearing a Moncler jacket, and wearing a Love bracelet and think I'm the height of flash.

OP. Funny how everything is so relative. I think I'm wealthy but not compared to you...don't know what a Moncler jacket or a Love bracelet is, and wouldn't recognize those things as expensive, so probably wouldn't consider you flashy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would consider us to be wealthy (early 40s, about $10M net worth) and we're probably somewhere in the middle. I think you have to define "flaunt".

We present as UMC for sure - fit, nice clothes and accessories, nice skin/hair/teeth, hobbies like golf and tennis. We go on very nice vacations and often stay in really nice accommodations. But we're not ones to post social media photos of ourselves in first class or staying at the Four Seasons. So in that way, no I don't think we're flashy. Plus, we know people worth triple-digit-million dollars and fly private, so we're well aware of broader context.

But we do drive nice luxury cars and I have nice jewelry and bags. So I'm sure some people would see me getting out of my (white) luxury SUV, wearing a Moncler jacket, and wearing a Love bracelet and think I'm the height of flash.

This is the evidence that flashy people don't perceive themselves as flashy because they know even flashier people.
I'm the same age, have more than you, and choose not to live like this. This isn't because I'm "better" than you - not at all! - but simply because I am the wealthiest in family and my social circle, so I prefer to fly under the radar, for reasons you can well imagine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is wealthy?

I guess for purposes of my question, I just mean, if you consider yourself wealthy, whatever that level of income/net worth is - are you open with others about it, do you keep it under wraps, do you do showy things (wear expensive clothing, live in a mansion, openly discuss the cost of things you do like travel, home projects, etc.)?

As for us, HHI a bit over $1M, NW about $4M, and I consider us wealthy but mostly low key. Never upgraded our house; still live in the same neighborhood as we did in our 20s when our HHI was 20% of what it is now. Send the kids to public. But...we have done some showy things too, like join an exclusive country club, take nice trips (and I do sometimes post photos), treat the kids' friends to expensive outings (like sporting events/concerts). So maybe we are flaunty, I don't know. The thought came up because a cousin complained to me about another one of our cousins who just planned a $40k trip to Italy. Cousin #1 thought cousin #2 was obnoxious for discussing the trip details. Cousin #1 is just as wealthy as cousin #2 so I'm thinking #2 didn't think anything of discussing price since he knew #1 could easily afford such a trip if he wanted.

I love the idea of being modest and quiet about wealth. But in practice, living large is also pretty fun. Just wondered how other people feel about it, or what they're willing to admit to. Would anyone actually confess that it's fun to appear wealthy, to be envied, to have more than most? I'd say it is part fun, but also part shameful. I'm now looking at cousin #2 like, crap, I don't want #1 or anyone else to think I'm obnoxious/braggy/flaunty.

Not only do you flaunt your wealth, your NW is incredibly low compared to your HHI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is wealthy?

I guess for purposes of my question, I just mean, if you consider yourself wealthy, whatever that level of income/net worth is - are you open with others about it, do you keep it under wraps, do you do showy things (wear expensive clothing, live in a mansion, openly discuss the cost of things you do like travel, home projects, etc.)?

As for us, HHI a bit over $1M, NW about $4M, and I consider us wealthy but mostly low key. Never upgraded our house; still live in the same neighborhood as we did in our 20s when our HHI was 20% of what it is now. Send the kids to public. But...we have done some showy things too, like join an exclusive country club, take nice trips (and I do sometimes post photos), treat the kids' friends to expensive outings (like sporting events/concerts). So maybe we are flaunty, I don't know. The thought came up because a cousin complained to me about another one of our cousins who just planned a $40k trip to Italy. Cousin #1 thought cousin #2 was obnoxious for discussing the trip details. Cousin #1 is just as wealthy as cousin #2 so I'm thinking #2 didn't think anything of discussing price since he knew #1 could easily afford such a trip if he wanted.

I love the idea of being modest and quiet about wealth. But in practice, living large is also pretty fun. Just wondered how other people feel about it, or what they're willing to admit to. Would anyone actually confess that it's fun to appear wealthy, to be envied, to have more than most? I'd say it is part fun, but also part shameful. I'm now looking at cousin #2 like, crap, I don't want #1 or anyone else to think I'm obnoxious/braggy/flaunty.

Not only do you flaunt your wealth, your NW is incredibly low compared to your HHI.

LOL, why thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is wealthy?

I guess for purposes of my question, I just mean, if you consider yourself wealthy, whatever that level of income/net worth is - are you open with others about it, do you keep it under wraps, do you do showy things (wear expensive clothing, live in a mansion, openly discuss the cost of things you do like travel, home projects, etc.)?

As for us, HHI a bit over $1M, NW about $4M, and I consider us wealthy but mostly low key. Never upgraded our house; still live in the same neighborhood as we did in our 20s when our HHI was 20% of what it is now. Send the kids to public. But...we have done some showy things too, like join an exclusive country club, take nice trips (and I do sometimes post photos), treat the kids' friends to expensive outings (like sporting events/concerts). So maybe we are flaunty, I don't know. The thought came up because a cousin complained to me about another one of our cousins who just planned a $40k trip to Italy. Cousin #1 thought cousin #2 was obnoxious for discussing the trip details. Cousin #1 is just as wealthy as cousin #2 so I'm thinking #2 didn't think anything of discussing price since he knew #1 could easily afford such a trip if he wanted.

I love the idea of being modest and quiet about wealth. But in practice, living large is also pretty fun. Just wondered how other people feel about it, or what they're willing to admit to. Would anyone actually confess that it's fun to appear wealthy, to be envied, to have more than most? I'd say it is part fun, but also part shameful. I'm now looking at cousin #2 like, crap, I don't want #1 or anyone else to think I'm obnoxious/braggy/flaunty.

Not only do you flaunt your wealth, your NW is incredibly low compared to your HHI.

They are probably HENRYs. And that’s perfectly ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would consider us to be wealthy (early 40s, about $10M net worth) and we're probably somewhere in the middle. I think you have to define "flaunt".

We present as UMC for sure - fit, nice clothes and accessories, nice skin/hair/teeth, hobbies like golf and tennis. We go on very nice vacations and often stay in really nice accommodations. But we're not ones to post social media photos of ourselves in first class or staying at the Four Seasons. So in that way, no I don't think we're flashy. Plus, we know people worth triple-digit-million dollars and fly private, so we're well aware of broader context.

But we do drive nice luxury cars and I have nice jewelry and bags. So I'm sure some people would see me getting out of my (white) luxury SUV, wearing a Moncler jacket, and wearing a Love bracelet and think I'm the height of flash.

This is the evidence that flashy people don't perceive themselves as flashy because they know even flashier people.
I'm the same age, have more than you, and choose not to live like this. This isn't because I'm "better" than you - not at all! - but simply because I am the wealthiest in family and my social circle, so I prefer to fly under the radar, for reasons you can well imagine.

PP. Yes, I'll admit we worry about family for sure. We're the wealthiest by multiple step functions, and I'm always a bit anxious with how much they know. But the reality is, I also don't want to live my life squirreling things away out of fear. I prided myself on being super low-key for years (when we were paying off our massive student loans, for example), but I also think life is short and if I like something, I should buy it. We're also the wealthiest in our immediate social circle too, but that social circle includes finance, big law, and specialist physician types who are all HENRYs.

And I wouldn't even say the people wealthier than me are flashy, to your first point. I honestly just think many of them are simply living their lives. So if that means flying private to their 20-acre third home in Wyoming, they do it. I think too often we see someone doing something luxe and think they must be doing it to garner envy. They're not spending their money *at* anyone - at least I'm certainly not. Do some people purposely enjoying bragging and creating envy? For sure. But my experience is that people who really have the wealth just go about living their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a big house, take nice (but not over the top) vacations, and don't hesitate to pay for things that make our busy lives easier, but our cars aren't anything special and we're not flashy with clothes/jewelry/accessories. So I'd like to think we're low key about it, but it's not a secret either.

This is us as well.

Unless you came to our home, you would have absolutely no idea that we are anything but middle class. And in this area, where fancy homes cost tens of millions, ours isn't *that* fancy (our home was sort of a distress sale by the previous owners, so we got it for considerably less than market, and paid cash for it, so there is no mortgage).

[Anonymous]

It is interesting how so far everyone seems to feel it's a virtue to live quietly versus flashily. Seems that many people stated pridefully some version of "most people would have no idea how rich we are."

Why is that, I wonder? Because everybody WANTS to be rich, right? So when you get there, why do you then want to appear as though you're not?

Or maybe...you just want people to admire that you are rich, but also modest and loveable at the same time. Worthy of envy, but not hatred.

Not snarking, I'm just as guilty. Just interested in what people think about it.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to think I'm low key about it, but some times you can't hide it. E.g. I own 4 homes. I take vacations to Hawaii, Europe, the Caribbean sometimes all 3 in the same year. I don't care about the cost of anything. In direct contrast to our family that lives pay check to pay check. I'm not stupid with my money, but it's obviously different.

[Anonymous]

I'm very modest about it. My baby was wrapped in a Harvard blanket, so I told people that I got it at a thrift shop.

And we have the smallest yacht of anyone we know b

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would consider us to be wealthy (early 40s, about $10M net worth) and we're probably somewhere in the middle. I think you have to define "flaunt".

We present as UMC for sure - fit, nice clothes and accessories, nice skin/hair/teeth, hobbies like golf and tennis. We go on very nice vacations and often stay in really nice accommodations. But we're not ones to post social media photos of ourselves in first class or staying at the Four Seasons. So in that way, no I don't think we're flashy. Plus, we know people worth triple-digit-million dollars and fly private, so we're well aware of broader context.

But we do drive nice luxury cars and I have nice jewelry and bags. So I'm sure some people would see me getting out of my (white) luxury SUV, wearing a Moncler jacket, and wearing a Love bracelet and think I'm the height of flash.

This is the evidence that flashy people don't perceive themselves as flashy because they know even flashier people.
I'm the same age, have more than you, and choose not to live like this. This isn't because I'm "better" than you - not at all! - but simply because I am the wealthiest in family and my social circle, so I prefer to fly under the radar, for reasons you can well imagine.

PP. Yes, I'll admit we worry about family for sure. We're the wealthiest by multiple step functions, and I'm always a bit anxious with how much they know. But the reality is, I also don't want to live my life squirreling things away out of fear. I prided myself on being super low-key for years (when we were paying off our massive student loans, for example), but I also think life is short and if I like something, I should buy it. We're also the wealthiest in our immediate social circle too, but that social circle includes finance, big law, and specialist physician types who are all HENRYs.

And I wouldn't even say the people wealthier than me are flashy, to your first point. I honestly just think many of them are simply living their lives. So if that means flying private to their 20-acre third home in Wyoming, they do it. I think too often we see someone doing something luxe and think they must be doing it to garner envy. They're not spending their money *at* anyone - at least I'm certainly not. Do some people purposely enjoying bragging and creating envy? For sure. But my experience is that people who really have the wealth just go about living their lives.

PP you replied to. I totally understand your point, about spending money on things we enjoy vs. spending money to impress others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is wealthy?

Just to be clear, NW<$10M isn’t wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is interesting how so far everyone seems to feel it's a virtue to live quietly versus flashily. Seems that many people stated pridefully some version of "most people would have no idea how rich we are."

Why is that, I wonder? Because everybody WANTS to be rich, right? So when you get there, why do you then want to appear as though you're not?

Or maybe...you just want people to admire that you are rich, but also modest and loveable at the same time. Worthy of envy, but not hatred.

Not snarking, I'm just as guilty. Just interested in what people think about it.

It's because there can be significant downsides to showing your wealth. You can get robbed, asked for money all the time, not be sure your friends are really friends because they like you or because they want something, and be perceived in a negative way by your entire community.

This is my point of view as an Old Money European. Europe is not friendly towards the visible signs of wealth. The US fosters a different, more capitalist-friendly environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is wealthy?

Just to be clear, NW<$10M isn’t wealthy.

Woohoo, we made the cut! And still, nobody knows.