The helicopter parents won - a look back

[Anonymous]

School sports should be just for fun, serious athletes should go to sports clubs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:School sports should be just for fun, serious athletes should go to sports clubs.

My kid is a freshmen and trying out for the tennis team. There are 16 slots for all the boys in his high school. It is very hard to get on this team. I believe there are only 2 available spots. Even if you make the team, there is a strong chance, a new freshman or sophomore can take your place and you will get cut as an upperclassmen since there are only 16 spots.

My friend’s daughter played freshman and JV volleyball. She did not make varsity and got cut for JV as a junior.

Kids can’t just play for fun anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted once about my friend who was pushing her daughters to play travel when her kids didn’t even want to go to rec. The parents themselves are not very athletic but wanted their kids to be athletes. Kids got cut from travel teams in elementary. You can push all you want but if your kid doesn’t like it or want to do it, s/he will not excel.

But it takes both. If the super talented kid doesn't have a ride to the tournament or practice, he's not going to get far.

This is true. I posted above that my kid likes basketball. It isn’t like in the movies where some kid just plays street ball and becomes some NBA player. Maybe this can happen somewhere with some 7 ft talented basketball kid who somehow manages to train himself.

From what I see, the talented players often have a parent or parents who were athletes themselves. They may have been high school, college or pro but the parents were some type of athlete. These kids start early. They may do some switching of sports but they all play sports from young ages. By the time they are 10-12, they are already on competitive teams whether it is basketball, soccer, tennis, baseball or lacrosse. The days of just walking on a team in high school are gone.

To use Simone Biles as an example (because my daughter is into gymnastics) her family was deep in debt before the Olympics, behind on their gym fees. A lot of families can't or won't take a second mortgage to let their kids fulfill their fantasies. It's not just raw talent. It's very much pay to play.

[Anonymous]

Whatever happened to just letting kids be kids. All of these high level classes and activities, the sheer amount of activities really. When do kids just have time to have fun anymore, for free time or to in person, organically play/hang out with friends? People are saying kids are missing out by not being pushed harder, but they're really missing out by being pushed so hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted once about my friend who was pushing her daughters to play travel when her kids didn’t even want to go to rec. The parents themselves are not very athletic but wanted their kids to be athletes. Kids got cut from travel teams in elementary. You can push all you want but if your kid doesn’t like it or want to do it, s/he will not excel.

But it takes both. If the super talented kid doesn't have a ride to the tournament or practice, he's not going to get far.

This is true. I posted above that my kid likes basketball. It isn’t like in the movies where some kid just plays street ball and becomes some NBA player. Maybe this can happen somewhere with some 7 ft talented basketball kid who somehow manages to train himself.

From what I see, the talented players often have a parent or parents who were athletes themselves. They may have been high school, college or pro but the parents were some type of athlete. These kids start early. They may do some switching of sports but they all play sports from young ages. By the time they are 10-12, they are already on competitive teams whether it is basketball, soccer, tennis, baseball or lacrosse. The days of just walking on a team in high school are gone.

To use Simone Biles as an example (because my daughter is into gymnastics) her family was deep in debt before the Olympics, behind on their gym fees. A lot of families can't or won't take a second mortgage to let their kids fulfill their fantasies. It's not just raw talent. It's very much pay to play.

Absolutely. I just posted above that my kid plays tennis. He is athletic but we have spent thousands and thousands of dollars on tennis. I know tennis is an expensive sport.

My friend has a daughter who is really good at gymnastics. I know they have to travel often for tournaments. Even without the training and gym costs, just the time and money to travel to these meets and tournaments will cost you thousands. You need parents with the time, money and dedication to do this.

I recently saw that tiger woods’ parents had to take a second mortgage to support his golf playing. It sure paid off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is giving me anxiety, my kids are in elementary. So are you saying that we should invest in math tutors?

Unless you can do it yourself YES

DH and I both majored in STEM and are very strong in math. My kids always did well in math in elementary. We never did math tutoring for them. When my oldest took Algebra in 7th grade, he struggled. He had a B and just couldn’t get an A. He lacked math foundation despite always getting good grades in math. Granted he just came out of covid. We got him a math tutor and he pulled his grade up to an A.

Now my second kid is in 7th grade and also getting Bs in Algebra. I think there was a learning gap between elementary and algebra. We got him a math tutor and now he is getting A pluses on his tests.

We have a third child in elementary. She is also doing well in math. We are considering putting her in some sort of math problem so she gets strong math fundamentals.

I thinj there is a problem with how math is taught in elementary. I went to a school meeting recently and my 7 year old does most math on the computer. I asked the teacher about paper and she said they do small group math centers. My friend has a 9 year old daughter who was also getting good grades in math. Recently she had a bad assessment and upon doing some more digging, my friend was really upset to learn that her daughter does not have basic math fundamentals. They play math games at school. Parents don’t see paper quizzes. Our school has a no homework policy. It is a real problem.

My kid started 7th grade at age 11 so there was no way I would let him take algebra. His math teacher said that her own kids will take algebra in eighth grade because of brain development and the way they understand abstract concepts (less important for algebra but for the higher courses). My son is getting an a in pre-algebra honors and that's just fine by us. He of course plays three instruments and does a travel sport

Mine started in 6th and it’s never been an issue. But, mine only does two instruments and a club sport. The track only matters if they are going into a math or cs track.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever happened to just letting kids be kids. All of these high level classes and activities, the sheer amount of activities really. When do kids just have time to have fun anymore, for free time or to in person, organically play/hang out with friends? People are saying kids are missing out by not being pushed harder, but they're really missing out by being pushed so hard.

Agreed.

It used to be being a good person was good enough. Now you have to win some contrived life game attached to a dollar sign. We opt out! Being a good happy person is good enough!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever happened to just letting kids be kids. All of these high level classes and activities, the sheer amount of activities really. When do kids just have time to have fun anymore, for free time or to in person, organically play/hang out with friends? People are saying kids are missing out by not being pushed harder, but they're really missing out by being pushed so hard.

My kids hang out plenty. The nerds hang out. The jocks hang out. My boys hang out with their smart athletic friends. My daughter does dance and scouts. Her activities are like one giant play date for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted once about my friend who was pushing her daughters to play travel when her kids didn’t even want to go to rec. The parents themselves are not very athletic but wanted their kids to be athletes. Kids got cut from travel teams in elementary. You can push all you want but if your kid doesn’t like it or want to do it, s/he will not excel.

But it takes both. If the super talented kid doesn't have a ride to the tournament or practice, he's not going to get far.

This is true. I posted above that my kid likes basketball. It isn’t like in the movies where some kid just plays street ball and becomes some NBA player. Maybe this can happen somewhere with some 7 ft talented basketball kid who somehow manages to train himself.

From what I see, the talented players often have a parent or parents who were athletes themselves. They may have been high school, college or pro but the parents were some type of athlete. These kids start early. They may do some switching of sports but they all play sports from young ages. By the time they are 10-12, they are already on competitive teams whether it is basketball, soccer, tennis, baseball or lacrosse. The days of just walking on a team in high school are gone.

To use Simone Biles as an example (because my daughter is into gymnastics) her family was deep in debt before the Olympics, behind on their gym fees. A lot of families can't or won't take a second mortgage to let their kids fulfill their fantasies. It's not just raw talent. It's very much pay to play.

Absolutely. I just posted above that my kid plays tennis. He is athletic but we have spent thousands and thousands of dollars on tennis. I know tennis is an expensive sport.

My friend has a daughter who is really good at gymnastics. I know they have to travel often for tournaments. Even without the training and gym costs, just the time and money to travel to these meets and tournaments will cost you thousands. You need parents with the time, money and dedication to do this.

I recently saw that tiger woods’ parents had to take a second mortgage to support his golf playing. It sure paid off.

It’s about priorities. We live in a lesser house and don’t travel to afford all the activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is giving me anxiety, my kids are in elementary. So are you saying that we should invest in math tutors?

Unless you can do it yourself YES

DH and I both majored in STEM and are very strong in math. My kids always did well in math in elementary. We never did math tutoring for them. When my oldest took Algebra in 7th grade, he struggled. He had a B and just couldn’t get an A. He lacked math foundation despite always getting good grades in math. Granted he just came out of covid. We got him a math tutor and he pulled his grade up to an A.

Now my second kid is in 7th grade and also getting Bs in Algebra. I think there was a learning gap between elementary and algebra. We got him a math tutor and now he is getting A pluses on his tests.

We have a third child in elementary. She is also doing well in math. We are considering putting her in some sort of math problem so she gets strong math fundamentals.

I thinj there is a problem with how math is taught in elementary. I went to a school meeting recently and my 7 year old does most math on the computer. I asked the teacher about paper and she said they do small group math centers. My friend has a 9 year old daughter who was also getting good grades in math. Recently she had a bad assessment and upon doing some more digging, my friend was really upset to learn that her daughter does not have basic math fundamentals. They play math games at school. Parents don’t see paper quizzes. Our school has a no homework policy. It is a real problem.

My kid started 7th grade at age 11 so there was no way I would let him take algebra. His math teacher said that her own kids will take algebra in eighth grade because of brain development and the way they understand abstract concepts (less important for algebra but for the higher courses). My son is getting an a in pre-algebra honors and that's just fine by us. He of course plays three instruments and does a travel sport

Mine started in 6th and it’s never been an issue. But, mine only does two instruments and a club sport. The track only matters if they are going into a math or cs track.

If your kid started algebra in 6th, he had to have taken some sort of outside math enrichment. I’m not criticizing you for doing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever happened to just letting kids be kids. All of these high level classes and activities, the sheer amount of activities really. When do kids just have time to have fun anymore, for free time or to in person, organically play/hang out with friends? People are saying kids are missing out by not being pushed harder, but they're really missing out by being pushed so hard.

They are being kids. Mine loves all the activities and would do more if we could fit them in. Same with the higher level classes. Why do you think they aren’t being kids? Mine would be devastated not to do the things they enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted once about my friend who was pushing her daughters to play travel when her kids didn’t even want to go to rec. The parents themselves are not very athletic but wanted their kids to be athletes. Kids got cut from travel teams in elementary. You can push all you want but if your kid doesn’t like it or want to do it, s/he will not excel.

But it takes both. If the super talented kid doesn't have a ride to the tournament or practice, he's not going to get far.

This is true. I posted above that my kid likes basketball. It isn’t like in the movies where some kid just plays street ball and becomes some NBA player. Maybe this can happen somewhere with some 7 ft talented basketball kid who somehow manages to train himself.

From what I see, the talented players often have a parent or parents who were athletes themselves. They may have been high school, college or pro but the parents were some type of athlete. These kids start early. They may do some switching of sports but they all play sports from young ages. By the time they are 10-12, they are already on competitive teams whether it is basketball, soccer, tennis, baseball or lacrosse. The days of just walking on a team in high school are gone.

To use Simone Biles as an example (because my daughter is into gymnastics) her family was deep in debt before the Olympics, behind on their gym fees. A lot of families can't or won't take a second mortgage to let their kids fulfill their fantasies. It's not just raw talent. It's very much pay to play.

Absolutely. I just posted above that my kid plays tennis. He is athletic but we have spent thousands and thousands of dollars on tennis. I know tennis is an expensive sport.

My friend has a daughter who is really good at gymnastics. I know they have to travel often for tournaments. Even without the training and gym costs, just the time and money to travel to these meets and tournaments will cost you thousands. You need parents with the time, money and dedication to do this.

I recently saw that tiger woods’ parents had to take a second mortgage to support his golf playing. It sure paid off.

It’s about priorities. We live in a lesser house and don’t travel to afford all the activities.

But can you say your kid is living up to their full potential?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is giving me anxiety, my kids are in elementary. So are you saying that we should invest in math tutors?

Unless you can do it yourself YES

DH and I both majored in STEM and are very strong in math. My kids always did well in math in elementary. We never did math tutoring for them. When my oldest took Algebra in 7th grade, he struggled. He had a B and just couldn’t get an A. He lacked math foundation despite always getting good grades in math. Granted he just came out of covid. We got him a math tutor and he pulled his grade up to an A.

Now my second kid is in 7th grade and also getting Bs in Algebra. I think there was a learning gap between elementary and algebra. We got him a math tutor and now he is getting A pluses on his tests.

We have a third child in elementary. She is also doing well in math. We are considering putting her in some sort of math problem so she gets strong math fundamentals.

I thinj there is a problem with how math is taught in elementary. I went to a school meeting recently and my 7 year old does most math on the computer. I asked the teacher about paper and she said they do small group math centers. My friend has a 9 year old daughter who was also getting good grades in math. Recently she had a bad assessment and upon doing some more digging, my friend was really upset to learn that her daughter does not have basic math fundamentals. They play math games at school. Parents don’t see paper quizzes. Our school has a no homework policy. It is a real problem.

My kid started 7th grade at age 11 so there was no way I would let him take algebra. His math teacher said that her own kids will take algebra in eighth grade because of brain development and the way they understand abstract concepts (less important for algebra but for the higher courses). My son is getting an a in pre-algebra honors and that's just fine by us. He of course plays three instruments and does a travel sport

Mine started in 6th and it’s never been an issue. But, mine only does two instruments and a club sport. The track only matters if they are going into a math or cs track.

If your kid started algebra in 6th, he had to have taken some sort of outside math enrichment. I’m not criticizing you for doing this.

No, we just did workbooks at home but mainly for things like math facts as they don’t teach them at school. Later we did do a prep class for algebra and geometry but only after they started on that track and more to fill up the summer. Some kids are just good at math. Some kids are good at other things. Mine insisted on it. I thought it was a bit young but it’s been fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever happened to just letting kids be kids. All of these high level classes and activities, the sheer amount of activities really. When do kids just have time to have fun anymore, for free time or to in person, organically play/hang out with friends? People are saying kids are missing out by not being pushed harder, but they're really missing out by being pushed so hard.

They are being kids. Mine loves all the activities and would do more if we could fit them in. Same with the higher level classes. Why do you think they aren’t being kids? Mine would be devastated not to do the things they enjoy.

I posted above about my basketball kid. He is the one who asks for MORE basketball. His friends also like basketball and play basketball together in our driveway even when hanging out. He is only 12 and not that elite of a basketball player. He likely won’t make the high school basketball team.

We know boys who played basketball their entire lives and got cut from the basketball team. Heck, Michael Jordan got cut from his basketball team in 9th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted once about my friend who was pushing her daughters to play travel when her kids didn’t even want to go to rec. The parents themselves are not very athletic but wanted their kids to be athletes. Kids got cut from travel teams in elementary. You can push all you want but if your kid doesn’t like it or want to do it, s/he will not excel.

But it takes both. If the super talented kid doesn't have a ride to the tournament or practice, he's not going to get far.

This is true. I posted above that my kid likes basketball. It isn’t like in the movies where some kid just plays street ball and becomes some NBA player. Maybe this can happen somewhere with some 7 ft talented basketball kid who somehow manages to train himself.

From what I see, the talented players often have a parent or parents who were athletes themselves. They may have been high school, college or pro but the parents were some type of athlete. These kids start early. They may do some switching of sports but they all play sports from young ages. By the time they are 10-12, they are already on competitive teams whether it is basketball, soccer, tennis, baseball or lacrosse. The days of just walking on a team in high school are gone.

To use Simone Biles as an example (because my daughter is into gymnastics) her family was deep in debt before the Olympics, behind on their gym fees. A lot of families can't or won't take a second mortgage to let their kids fulfill their fantasies. It's not just raw talent. It's very much pay to play.

Absolutely. I just posted above that my kid plays tennis. He is athletic but we have spent thousands and thousands of dollars on tennis. I know tennis is an expensive sport.

My friend has a daughter who is really good at gymnastics. I know they have to travel often for tournaments. Even without the training and gym costs, just the time and money to travel to these meets and tournaments will cost you thousands. You need parents with the time, money and dedication to do this.

I recently saw that tiger woods’ parents had to take a second mortgage to support his golf playing. It sure paid off.

It’s about priorities. We live in a lesser house and don’t travel to afford all the activities.

But can you say your kid is living up to their full potential?

It depends on your priorities. For one thing, yes, for another, sports we do it for exercise not competition so it’s worth it for the life long health benefits. I doubt they’d do it in college. Not everything is to be a superstar or professional later on but just because they enjoy it. Better that than video games. I am pushing mine not to focus on any of it later in college but they love their instrument so they may minor or dual major. I get joy out of seeing my kids get joy in doing what they love.