So stop being a martyr and trying to do it all. You say that you provide a substantial contribution to the family income and that your DH makes 3.5-4 times more than you so I’m assuming that you make at minimum 100k and 350-400k respectively and likely more. That’s plenty of money for you to either outsource some of the housekeeping/childcare if you truly want to continue to work outside the home or alternately for you to quit your job or scale back to something part time. (I know you said that your job provides the health care for your family but I find it hard to believe that your husband’s job doesn’t provide an alternative option even if it costs a bit more.) |
If he can afford the cost of these trips (drinks aren't cheap at that rate) he can afford to hire you some outside help. Problem solved; case closed. |
My ex-husband would take guy trips and I was totally fine with it. He worked hard and deserved it. Unfortunately he did not like me going on girl trips. He didn't want to watch the kids by himself. I grew resentful of that among other things. |
Glad I’m not married to you, op |
This. Door dash dinners for the first few days after his anticipated return, send laundry out, hire a sitter for a few afternoons. And hire a dog walker permanently. That’s such an easy thing to take off your plate. No reason you should be doing 100 percent of the default parenting and pet care when the both of you are making good money. |
This is the truth. Outsource to help you out, but IMO this is the kind of annoyance you mention to girlfriends but let go. |
This! There is no trophy for being the most exhausted, most overtaxed, “I never get a break! Look at me!” mom. And that dynamic is allll over your post. You have the means to take a lot of stuff off of your plate, including but not limited to work, the dog, probably some kid driving. So do it! You get one life to live; no point in spending it miserable. |
Op, why not make your trips longer? He goes away a long weekend but checks out a few extra days. You just plan a longer trip ans have the same amount of time to relax.
You take your trip but take a longer trip. If your friends can't stay longer you stay solo and rejuvenate even further. You really can't dictate how people have fun. My husband does camping trips with his buddies where they drink non stop and do stupid. |
+1. You make more than enough money. There are dog walkers, meal services, housekeepers, nannies, and more that you could be hiring. I don’t have a lot of sympathy for someone who whines that they have to walk the dog and while making a high HHI because that’s literally a task that you can outsource in a heartbeat for a reasonable price. |
Yeah, same here. Trips are golf, skiing, and most recently, to bourbon country. She pushes me to take trips with friends. |
I think there's a lot of truth to this. If my husband or I come back from a trip with friends tired or worn out, the other one picks up the slack because we're very happy and don't mind helping each other out. It sounds like OP has a lot of resentment towards her husband on a daily basis, so no wonder a trip like this causes her to go over the edge. To me it's not the trip that's the problem here, it's the way their life is structured. I'm sick of guys' trips (or girls' trips) getting a bad rap. They work out great in happy, healthy marriages. |
I'm sure you'll just come up with other things you have to do but - How hard is making breakfast? What on earth are you making every morning? Why can't your kids help? - Why are you making lunch for your kids every day? How old are they and why don't they eat at school? - Why are you making dinner 7 nights a week? Again, why don't your kids help? Why don't you outsource some of it? - Scheduling a dentist appointment should take five minutes. It should also be done at the end of the previous appointment so that it actually doesn't take any time at all... - Why are you doing all the drop offs and pick ups? Are your three kids in all different places? - Why do you not have a dog walker? Why do your kids not help with the dog? - Why are you not hiring help for all of this? - Why did you have three kids and what did you think it would be like? There's no way your husband woke up last week and decided to be useless. Unless you have triplets, it took you some time to pop out three kids. |
+1000 If your job gives you such great healthcare I'm guessing you're maybe a fed? That was the best healthcare I've ever had (and I have always been the one with the family's healthcare because my husband own his own company). So what you are, a GS-14? If so and your husband makes 3.5-4 time that salary, you have plenty of money to outsource. |
I think this is a good point in general beyond just girls/guys trips. I’ve found that anytime DH and I get into a bean counting or resentful place over division of labor it’s because we’re trying to allocate more than 2 people can realistically get done without burn out. Obviously this is a harder situation when there isn’t much disposable income. But when you have a high earner working long hours, then you have to factor in some outsourcing as an expense that allows for the high earner to work those hours. I totally send out laundry, order take out, plan a sitter, etc. when we reach a threshold of feeling unable to keep up. Way cheaper than divorce and better for our mental health than sniping at each other over who is helping with what. That said heavy drinking is a huge turn off for me. My DH is really fit and into healthy eating. We both are light drinkers. An occasional hangover wouldn’t necessarily concern me, but I’m curious is OP’s husband has a history of over imbibing or having unhealthy habits that are annoying. |
I had my sons plead for DW to come along on a late Fall Cub Scout campout. She never mistook those weekends for vacations again after sleeping on the ground and waking up in the high 30's ![]() |