I hate “guy trips”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - what frustrates me is that I am 100% the default parent. I typically do all the drop offs, pick ups, make food, do laundry etc.

But I expect him to help around the house with the kids. Instead he is sleeping until 7:30 (on a week day!) and now will rush to get ready to work and be all stressed because he has so much work to do.

I have been up since 6:30 getting myself ready, lunches, dealing with the dog, getting breakfast and all the kid stuff so they are on time for school.

OP is this the day after he got back or three days after he got back? Makes a huge difference.

Yeah, this. If he's dragging on Monday morning and stays in bed an extra hour, OP is being completely unreasonable. If he's still not participating in the family at all on the Wednesday after, then he's either milking it (which would be its own issue) or needs to learn to suck it up and deal with *all* his responsibilities.

Hangovers don't last for 3 days.

And it’s Tuesday not Wednesday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - what frustrates me is that I am 100% the default parent. I typically do all the drop offs, pick ups, make food, do laundry etc.

But I expect him to help around the house with the kids. Instead he is sleeping until 7:30 (on a week day!) and now will rush to get ready to work and be all stressed because he has so much work to do.

I have been up since 6:30 getting myself ready, lunches, dealing with the dog, getting breakfast and all the kid stuff so they are on time for school.

If you're 100% the default parent, then are you doing anything extra on these mornings? If you are I think you should talk to him about that, but if your day looks no different I don't think it's reasonable to be upset about what he's doing/how stressed he is, because it's not actually affecting you materially.

My wife sleeping to 7:30 while I feed the cat, make lunches, and do school drop off is every morning of my life and it has never occurred to me to be angry at her for sleeping rather than getting up and going to work; I do the same amount of work regardless. I'm fine with the arrangement of responsibilities, which is what matters, not what she's doing with time that I'm doing kid stuff.

Do you know what “default parent” means?

DP it’s a phrase invented by disgruntled women who overestimate their role in their children’s life and are dismissive of the role their partners play, usually a circumstance that is self-inflicted by excessive hectoring, criticism, and micromanagement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - what frustrates me is that I am 100% the default parent. I typically do all the drop offs, pick ups, make food, do laundry etc.

But I expect him to help around the house with the kids. Instead he is sleeping until 7:30 (on a week day!) and now will rush to get ready to work and be all stressed because he has so much work to do.

I have been up since 6:30 getting myself ready, lunches, dealing with the dog, getting breakfast and all the kid stuff so they are on time for school.

If you're 100% the default parent, then are you doing anything extra on these mornings? If you are I think you should talk to him about that, but if your day looks no different I don't think it's reasonable to be upset about what he's doing/how stressed he is, because it's not actually affecting you materially.

My wife sleeping to 7:30 while I feed the cat, make lunches, and do school drop off is every morning of my life and it has never occurred to me to be angry at her for sleeping rather than getting up and going to work; I do the same amount of work regardless. I'm fine with the arrangement of responsibilities, which is what matters, not what she's doing with time that I'm doing kid stuff.

Do you know what “default parent” means?

DP it’s a phrase invented by disgruntled women who overestimate their role in their children’s life and are dismissive of the role their partners play, usually a circumstance that is self-inflicted by excessive hectoring, criticism, and micromanagement.

Tell me you’re a lazy parent without telling me you’re a lazy parent.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could offer to plan/review the activities so that the re-entry goes smoother? More hikes and museums and fewer casino nights (for example). I’m sure the other wives aren’t thrilled either and would be happy to help. Yes, more work on the front end, but a better overall result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A woman would be excoriated if she came home from a girls’ trip too hungover and exhausted to deal with the kids. Tell him to suck it up. The trip is fine. But when it is over, it is over.

+1. Schedule your trip the day after he returns

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH goes on one, sometimes two, guy trips a year. Usually just a long weekend. I hate them. They all go and act like they are 21 again and drink way to much, stay up too late and come home feeling hungover and exhausted for the next week.

Meanwhile I am stuck 24/7 taking care of the kids and running the house while he is gone. Then when he gets home he can barely help because he is so tired and he is so behind on work from taking the long weekend off.

I completely know he deserves time to decompress and relax and reconnecting with his friends is very important. I am so glad he still has friends and is close with them! I just dislike these trips.

“He can [/i]barely[/i] help” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in this whole story. It sounds like he *is* helping, just not as much as you want him to. Which is a huge difference from him doing nothing at all. I’m sorry, but this gloss makes you sound like an unreliable narrator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could offer to plan/review the activities so that the re-entry goes smoother? More hikes and museums and fewer casino nights (for example). I’m sure the other wives aren’t thrilled either and would be happy to help. Yes, more work on the front end, but a better overall result.

I'm trying to decide if this is sarcasm.

You are suggesting that the spouse get involved in deciding what types of activities these adults will do on their trip?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH goes on one, sometimes two, guy trips a year. Usually just a long weekend. I hate them. They all go and act like they are 21 again and drink way to much, stay up too late and come home feeling hungover and exhausted for the next week.

Meanwhile I am stuck 24/7 taking care of the kids and running the house while he is gone. Then when he gets home he can barely help because he is so tired and he is so behind on work from taking the long weekend off.

I completely know he deserves time to decompress and relax and reconnecting with his friends is very important. I am so glad he still has friends and is close with them! I just dislike these trips.

I cant stand the guy trips i go 24/7 between the kids and working im burnt out. He comes home and says he is planning a trip to vegas with 3 friends who are not married mind you. Like grow up seriously. I try and tell him i wanna save money and he throws a tantrum. Sorry end of my rant lol.

[Anonymous]

My husband takes guys trips and I genuinely have no vested interest in what they are doing and don’t care.

24-7 bender with no sleep?
Rejuvenating spa?
Skiing all day and partying all night?

Don’t care. Genuinely hope you had fun. Happy to hear about it too. But come home and get back to your life and I don’t want to hear about how you’re tired. I behave the same when I come home even if I might be tired. Suck it up if you’re tired or hungover buttercup.

That’s the conversation to have. Don’t try to control his behavior just communicate expectations that apply to both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who binge drinks to the point of being non-functional the next day after they’ve had children and are a grown adult with responsibilities is so deeply unappealing. How do you have sex with these people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds wonderful for him, particularly if it is only happening one or two times a year.

I suggest thinking about the type of getaway that may be good for you and doing that one or two times a year as well. Could be a girls trip, could be a solo spa getaway, could be a walking trip in France, could be a service trip to help some people somewhere...

Op here - yes I typically also get one girls trip away a year (or I try). But I go and rejuvenate myself and relax. We get spa appointments and have a wine tasting and sleep as much as possible.

Then when I come back home I jump right back into mom mode and take care of the kids. I don’t mope around the house tired and hungover.

Maybe you both need to add a day or two at gage end- him to recover and you to get the same number of days “off.”

[Anonymous]

My husband and I never did 'guy' or 'girl' trips. We are early 50s. We did do a lot of trips with other couples and also trips in larger friend groups.

They were never segregated by gender trips. My parents were the same. My mom and dad never did alone trips. They also traveled a lot by themselves or with their big group of couple friends.

I really have seen some bad sh*t come out of these single gender trips over the years. Cheating, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who binge drinks to the point of being non-functional the next day after they’ve had children and are a grown adult with responsibilities is so deeply unappealing. How do you have sex with these people?

Trust me your spot on having sex is a chore with this kind of behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes on one, sometimes two, guy trips a year. Usually just a long weekend. I hate them. They all go and act like they are 21 again and drink way to much, stay up too late and come home feeling hungover and exhausted for the next week.

Meanwhile I am stuck 24/7 taking care of the kids and running the house while he is gone. Then when he gets home he can barely help because he is so tired and he is so behind on work from taking the long weekend off.

I completely know he deserves time to decompress and relax and reconnecting with his friends is very important. I am so glad he still has friends and is close with them! I just dislike these trips.

I cant stand the guy trips i go 24/7 between the kids and working im burnt out. He comes home and says he is planning a trip to vegas with 3 friends who are not married mind you. Like grow up seriously. I try and tell him i wanna save money and he throws a tantrum. Sorry end of my rant lol.

Really bad. Every guy I know that has done that is cheating on those trips and the single guys egg them on and tell them marriage sucks.

[Anonymous]

With only so many vacation days a year---we are taking trips together.